One So-Straight, Way-Cheap Blind Vice
OK, you sexual preachers, it's been quite the week for preferences and politics, all zeroing in on just what we do in the privacy of our bedrooms. Are some actors gay but pretending to be straight? Vice versa? And how much leaning one way or the other then negates one's true sexual calling?
Forget all that. 'Cause here we got one majorly obvious hetero dude and his skanky actions with chicks. No, not in between the sheets, hons. We're goin' for where it counts: the wallet. And the schmuck-wad factor. Listen...
Henry Skank hasn't always been in the lauded limelight. It's been a slow crawl upwards from his hole-in-the-wall comedy days to makin' sweet paydays like he is now, just secs into the big-green club. But what he lacked in his bank account mere moments ago, he made up for with tons of babes.
Back when he was just a struggling funnyguy instead of the nascent success job he is now, H.S. was dating three babes all at the same time, and not one of 'em knew about the other. He even had the audacity to gift each gal the same exact present recently. Even more unfortunate, the prezzies were from not Tiffany's but Walgreens, painfully proving the dude wasn't rolling in dough—or class.
Cheap goodies can be found, darling, but not there. At least not when orgasms are involved. Who knew this somewhat handsome man—who's still with one of these honeys (apparently the one who doesn't mind drugstore romance)—was once such a cretin Casanova? Guess women aren't lying when they say they like a guy who makes 'em laugh. But they probably prefer a man who's monogamous.
And it ain't: Tony Rock, James Marsden, Seth Green
* Update 1/23/09 - Ted has eliminated Chris Kattan, David Spade, Paul Rudd, Dane Cook.