Friday Fun! One Fine-Print Prick Blind Vice
Chalk another one up for the hets! When Stud-Bucket LeBeouf (no relation to the errant driving one) gets a woody for somebody other than his wife, he gets it in writing—always. But let's back up; wouldn't want to shoot our Blind Vice wad too soon, ya know!
Oh, and also: Look, for those of you out there who so (naively) think these jokers in H'town don't hook up with their attorneys looking over their erections at the same time, hey, you got another think comin', babes.
So, back to Stud:
Guess not everyone in H'wood is gay, but many in this town are pretty damn slimy. Mr. LeBeouf, for example. He's a megastar, by all standards, no doubt about that. S-B is mediocre-talented at his nonthespian career, but there's nothing mediocre about his looks—I mean, if I weren't married, I'd drool over him with the rest of the starry-eyed lot, fer sure; the dude's totally doable. He's got the bod, the hair, the style and the equipment down below, to boot (something I swear every one of my chick friends tells me they care more about than do gay men, and sisters, that is so saying a lot).
S-B.L.'s equally famous wife is just the topping to his sweet-ass life. He's pretty much the dude every guy wants to be and every gal wants to nail. Howev, lucky enough for the femmes, this is damn feasible. S2 has no problem stepping out on his honey and fam. He's just careful as hell when he does it: "He makes you sign one gnarly confidentiality contract beforehand," dished a recent and fresh Stud screw. "He uses them as customary procedure whenever he cheats," oozed the female, and this is quite often, trust.
Want details? Which kind? The inky ones first: Yes, we're literally talking a typed-up and ready-to-go piece of paper Stud-Bucket carries around with him, ya know, just in case. Like a condom! What, is this the newer safer sex? And there are no exceptions. Ever. Every lady Mr. L. has is required to sign on the dotted line before she's allowed between the sheets, which brings us directly to the second set of details. "Nothing kinky," blabbed our first-genital source, "but very nice ride"; most excellent tools, she added. Jeez, we're pretty surprised S-B.L. hasn't gotten caught by his wife-unit more often; we hear she's dumb in more ways than one.
And it ain't: Kobe Bryant, Gavin Rossdale, Seal
* Update 10/19/10-
Ted has eliminated Kobe Bryant, Gavin Rossdale, Seal, Tony Parker, Ben Affleck, Ashton Kutcher, Antonio Banderas, Keith Urban, Ryan Seacrest, Nigel Barker, Javier Bardem, Gael Garcia Bernal, Marc Anthony, anyone of Hispanic heritage, Jesse James, David Boreanaz, David Arquette, Matt Damon.
Men eliminated by way of NOT being Roxy Couture's spouse - Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, William H. Macy, Mark Consuelos, Kobe Bryant, Matthew Broderick.
*** Our top guess: David Beckham ***
Here is the link to the SBLB BV from February 2010, which includes a list of who has been eliminated as his wife, Roxy Couture. And here is a link to the most recent Roxy Couture BV.