Friday, February 12, 2010

Blind Vice: Naive Housewife Gets Played!

New from Ted!

Blind Vice: Naive Housewife Gets Played!

Oh, Roxy Couture! Don't you know a cheating, horny, impossibly sexy tiger can't change its stripes?
Sorry all, how rude of us not to properly introduce you to today's BV first! Meet Roxy—a gorg gal who likes everything in life to be of the highest and utmost class. Mainly when it comes to men.
Perky yet shy, vampy yet motherly, Roxy appears as if she's got the perfect life: cute kids, successful career, A-list friends, and the most hunky husband, to boot.
Only problem is, that hubby o' hers has eyes for everyone but her. Don't you remember? As you've already met him. Remember... Stud-Bucket LeBeouf? The insanely doable womanizer who likes to whip out confidentiality agreements whenever he steps out on that pixie-perfect wife of his?
Sure, that's pretty standard in this sleazy town, but remember...Stud literally carries around these typed babies everywhere he goes. Yes—LeBeouf gets that much action on the side.
We were always unsure whether or not Rox knew what her man was up to whenever he left her (and the kids) at home. We assumed she just turned a blind eye, like so many of these H'wood women do, but as of late, friends to both Roxy and Stud who know about S-B.L.'s extracurricular activities cannot stop talking about "poor" Ms. Couture because she truly is that clueless!
See, R.C. has been recently offering up advice to select members of the Cheated-On Wives Club in Hollywood. She furrows her plucked brow and likes to sit down for a heart-to-heart about exactly what to do when husbands go looking for those much sluttier, younger girls.
And the advice isn't to call your lawyer, in case you're wondering, it's to stay put and stick it out. Roxy uses her husband as an example of reformed redemption, which is preposterous, as the dog's still stepping out on Roxy left and right, unbeknownst to her.
All these babes who Roxy's preaching to want so badly to tell her to look at her own sham-filled marriage, but they can't. No one has enough guts to shatter Couture's whole world! Because, trust, if she knew the kinds of moves Stud-Bucket was putting on all of L.A. (and beyond), she would surely die of humiliation.
Ah, love really is blind, eh? Or demented, take your pick.
But Happy Valentine's Day, anyway, everybody!


And it Ain't: Katie Holmes, Angelina Jolie, Felicity Huffman


Our link to previous SBLB BV from October '08 including a full list of men eliminated is here.  Also, here is a link to the most recent RC BV from October 2010.



* Update 10/19/10 -
Ted has eliminated Katie Holmes, Angelina Jolie, Felicity Huffman, Kelly Ripa, Sarah Jessica Parker, Kimora Lee Simmons, Sandra Bullock, Eva Longoria Parker, Luciana Barroso, Courteney Cox.
Women eliminated as Roxy by way of NOT being SBLB's wife (see his eliminations): Vanessa Bryant, Gwen Stefani, Heidi Klum, Jennifer Garner, Demi Moore, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lopez


Top suspects:
Stud-Bucket LeBeouf = David Beckham
Roxy Couture = Victoria Beckham

42 comments:

duffgrl said...

This so Posh/Becks

Megan said...

This doesn't even feel blind to me, the top guess for Stud Bucket was Becks and nothing in this item seems contrary to Posh.

Megley said...

Yep, I'll go with the Beckhams. Vicky is such an inspiration to women everywhere.

Shellee said...

I agree, Posh and Becks

Olivia said...

Yes, this hardly felt "blind." Even the name was a giveaway...Roxy, because she'd be rumored to want part in Chicago, Couture for her obvious love & ambitions in the fashion world.

AB said...

LOL at it ain't Felicity Huffman. While I like her husband he certainly is no hunk.

blurry vice said...

Yep Stud Bucket LEbeouf was Bex so Roxy is Posh.

duffgrl said...

According to laineygossip, Becks is rumoring to be partying it up w/ Jude Law right now in Vancouver. Wonder if he has a separate suitcase for the agreements for trips like these!!

literal_chaos said...

I don't see how anyone can read this and not see David & Victoria Beckham splashed all over it lol. The line about liking things to be the "highest and utmost class" seems like a clear jab at her old Posh Spice nickname. And the last part about him womanizing all over Los Angeles "(and beyond!)" looks like a big hint about his soccer team being called The L.A. Galaxy.

~*~Leanne~*~ said...

I didn't even look back/ remember who SBL was and I immediately though Posh and Becks.

michelle said...

OH yes definitely them takes away my theory for last week or is it too obvious maybe ted wants to throw us off and last week was them and this week is completely different people

The Spie said...

No, Michelle, we definitely eliminated everyone other than Beckham when Stud-Bucket LeBoeuf came out. And, yeah, sometimes Ted is very, very obvious, like this time. Look at the first AIA. Who's the Beckhams' bestest best buddies? The Cruises. And the "Los Angeles (and beyond)" hint is Beckham playing for the Galaxy and being loaned out to AC Milan during the Galaxy's off-season.

I'm just happy Victoria now has a BV nickname. Anything she's been a major guess for in the past (and there have been many) can be narrowed down with her now eliminated.

michelle said...

yeah i just went back to the previous one he was in guess i an just disappointed its that easy like them to stimulate the brain more atleast if i have to wait a week before the next one

Jacqueline said...

Wow, this was sad reading, because the second I read the "Couture" name, Posh was the 1st one in mind.

Pretty slam dunk vice. Its sucks that Beckham is in the same boat as Tiger Woods, so gross. If his ballon popped like Tiger's, can you say massive backlash! He has so many endorsments and is always such a family man! Nasty and heartless, I love Posh, no one deserves this.

Megan said...

Vancouver huh? I live about an hour away. Maybe I'll have to head up there for a chance at my own confidentiality agreement!!

duffgrl said...

Right, get it, I guessed it before I read the old BV too. Not difficult. And yes, Ted does post obvious BVs (remember Death-Mynt Myrtle????)But as someone above mentioned, that is great because we can then rule them out for other ones.

Beth said...

I say definitely Posh& Becks.. someone just asked Ted on Bitch-back if they are Chester& Secretia, and he said that BV is not them..they have another BV "all their own". SAD

Elizabeth said...

so..i know all the obvious clues are David and Posh..but im trying to think of other couples that this could be... "just in case"

How bout...
Kobe and Vanessa
Giselle and Tom?

I sent Ted an email asking if its Kobe and Vanessa...I hope he answers =)!

L said...

Nw that Ted notted Posh and Becks i am really at a loss here.. :(

The Spie said...

L: Ted AIAed Becks and Posh as Chester Shorts-Off and Secretia Ohio, not this BV. Yet another hint as to who this BV is supposed to be, as if we didn't already know.

Jacqueline said...

Elizabeth -
I can see how Kobe and his wife would be a good guess from the cheating past, but the vice states that Couture has A-list friends and has a successful career herself, something that is a stretch for Kobe's wife (whose name I can't even remember). Posh was part of the Spice Girls, does lots of appearences and has her own line of dresses.
As for Tom Brady and Gisele, I dont even think they were married when the 1st vice for Stud came out, and nonetheless, I wouldnt describe Gisele as pixie-perfect.

The only couple that I could think of that this might be is Gwen and Gavin, who did cheat on her in the past, they have the kids, she has a career and she is a designer herself

Jacqueline said...

Both Gavin and Kobe were AIA's from Stud-Bucket LeBeof vice.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm intrigued by your new Blind Vice. Could Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off possibly be David and Victoria Beckham? I think so. In fact, I think I know so. A question though: Did Victo...oops, "Secretia" know about this when she married him?
—Sugar

Dear Overconfident:
Hate to burst your detective bubble, but the former Spice Girl and soccer star aren't the swinging couple you think they are. Though that's not to say the sexy couple you mentioned doesn't have a Blind Vice all their own."

michelle said...

i know this is a no no but my phone wont let me post on chester shorts off i have a new guess how about arnold and maria shriver i reread it and he is not gorgeous but at one time he was pretty hot and she is steely not to mention he did start out as a gladiator i think makes me think of arenas and also he mentioned gloria allred makes me think california his career as the governor probably gives good checks

michelle said...

ok so i asked him on face book about my arnold guess he said to think more glam and thats not for this one for chester shorts off but i cant post on that one too many comments my little phone cant handle so please sisters do not yell at me figured it would be alright since this one appears to be solved not much more to talk about

blurry vice said...

michelle - it would help us to understand what you are trying to say if you write in sentences.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Roxy Couture Kelly Ripa and her hubby Marc? She seems like she's pretty trusting.
—L.C.

Dear Courting Couture:
No, think less chatty and even more fashionable."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Saying Ms. Couture gives it away. Have some compassion and make it a little more ambiguous. There's a reason her BFFs are not telling her. Whether you agree or not, she needs to find out on her own.
—Sonya

Dear Smarty Pants:
One word does not a woman make. There are plenty of stylish ladies in Hollywood...OK, maybe a dozen."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Either you've lost your edge or Hollywood has gone soft (which I doubt). Last week's Blind Vice was totally lame—recycling an already pretty obvious B.V. but making the wife the subject this time does not a juicy story make. Are we beginning to see one of the negative side effects of our celeb gossip obsession—eventually the rumors run dry? I, for one, refuse to believe it. Try to take it up a notch for those of us who want to read about something other than Robsten. Pretty please?
—Cooper

Dear Hollywood Insider:
Not so fast, you may think you know all the dish, but how come you haven't been able to out my good friends Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Mrs. Roxy Couture Vanessa Bryant? I know Vanessa isn't A-list—or even a celeb for that matter—but I have a hard time believing Kobe cleaned up his "extracurricular activities."
—Lizee

Dear Play Ball:
Do any of these scumbags really ever change? But Vanessa isn't the pitied wife in Roxy's sad tale. Way to think outside the typical Hollywood box, though."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Regarding Roxy Couture, could it be Sarah Jessica Parker? She is insanely fashionable and very quiet. Am I even close?
—N

Dear Swinging Sex in the City:
SJP definitely fits the mold for Roxy, but would you consider Matthew Broderick "impossibly sexy"? Sarah can rest safe that her hubby isn't Stud-Bucket LeBeouf."

if6was9 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love you! My guess for Roxy Couture is Gwen Stefani. Am I right? Love and kisses from the Windy City.
—Laura

Dear No Doubt About It:
Nope, this done-wrong diva isn't Gwenny. Miss Roxy isn't quite so hard-core."

we already knew it wasn't Gwen.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Oi Ted! That's Portuguese for Hi! I am new at this Blind Vice guessing, but I am obsessed with Roxy Couture and I had a dream last night who could be the deluded diva. Kimora Lee Simmons?
—Amanda

Dear Nightmare More Like It:
Dreaming of Blind Vices? Impressive! But alas, you're detective skills are still only half awake. Think thinner."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Are Roxy Couture and Stud-Bucket LeBeouf Sandra and Jesse?
—Jennifer

Dear Perfect Timing:
Nope, but you're not the only one who linked the Oscar winner to this B.V. post-Bombshellgate. And really, do you think I would qualify Jesse as a totally doable studbucket? Gross."

blurry vice said...

REPEAT ELIM

"Dear Ted:
Is Roxy Couture and Stud-Bucket LeBeouf actually Sandra Bullock and Jessie James? The BV post had "blind" mentioned several times and I've recently read that Sandra had given advice (through an interview) to Elin regarding Tiger Woods.
—Priestc

Dear Unblinded:
Darling, I’m obvious, sometimes, but, I never write clues in neon. Nope, though as perfect as an answer that may appear to be, Sandy’s just not into skanky like her husband is."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I started thinking about what that sweetie B.V. Roxy Couture was up to these days. Are she and her hubby still together, or are they parting ways? I know that in most cases her well-meaning advice would be appropriate, but with some of the Hollywood tales out there, it would be hard to turn a blind eye once you found out the truth.
—Kitty

Dear Splitsville?
Roxy and her dude are definitely still together, so either the chic chick hasn't figured out her horny hubby's ways (which we can totally believe, as she'd just love to think her man is monogamous), or she knows and is just burying herself in work."

Caz1310 said...

There's an article in one of the Aussie celeb mags this week with Posh claiming that more new claims of women cheating with Becks are all lies. Can't believe how deluded she is....staggering.

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b201849_poll_whos_really_skank_here.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Cass Stimulatia Victoria Beckham? You said she wasn't famous for her acting/movie career, and you wouldn't say she's mostly known for her singing either. She's a "relatively" small lady. Some thinks she's attractive and some really, really don't. How about it?
—Sugarsnap


Dear Cass-strated:
Sorry, babe. Nice try, but Vic already has a Vice and it's got nothing to do with her baby-making abilities. Plus, way to be harsh on the Posh! People don't bash her looks that much, Sugarsnap!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Your comment on you being raised by a Republican mother in Texas, who valued her hair and church more than you was a moving insight in the whole A.T.-Ted phenomenon that is you. It was personal, precise and very touching. Now I feel like I understand how you are able to, very gracefully, see both sides in a story, the way you do (annoying as it is, sometimes). PS: You really, really picked up my nicely discussed dislike of Posh's looks, last time. You are funny and make me smile. Have a very nice day, babe!
—Sugarsnap

Dear Sweet Stuff:
Glad to hear my story made someone refocus their Awful glasses. I am all about sharing as long as everyone gets that I am actually caring. On a lighter note, literally, Posh needs a piece of pie to go with that cheater platter. Hasn't she heard carbs do the wounded heart good? Stay sweet and not too light, Sugarsnap."

blurry vice said...

"
Dear Ted:
I have a few guesses on Blind Vices. I am thinking that Priscilla and Parrish are Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas. Also thinking that Stud Bucket and Roxy are

the Smiths...Will and Jada to be exact. Still thinking Nicholas Cage is Toothy Tile. I am way tired. Had a rough day with my 15 year old mutt baby who is not

doing so hot. Thought I would make a few guesses before I sign off for the night! Thanks for your time and attention.
—LCM

Dear Kinda Hot, Kinda Not:
Sorry about your pup, babe! Hope things get better soon. As for your guesses, one is very good, the rest are completely wrong. Like way wrong—but creative, I

guess. Margo and Charlie send wet kisses to your sweetie."

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