Friday, February 26, 2010

Blind Vice: Another Straight Star Bites the Dust

New from Ted today ...

Blind Vice: Another Straight Star Bites the Dust

Love, Pain & the whole crazy thingAre there any straight straight people left in Hollywood? Apparently not.
Marky Sweet-Puss is a sweet enough dude, dog though he may have been at one time. He cleaned up his act a bit once he hooked up with chilly actress type Cruella St. Shackles, who miraculously started Marky off on a far more domesticated diet of monogamous sex and healthier living. Many a star watcher was amazed to see this go down, as—let's be honest—Cruella isn't exactly known for her conservative lifestyle. If the hinterland-types who watch her only knew half the hell-raising crap this broad creates in a mere 24 hours!
But this Vice is really more about Marky's shenanigans than Cruella's.
Here's what went down: Marky's very concerned pals brought to Cruella's attention the disturbing fact that Marky's personal assistant was preparing to go to the press, saying that he and Marky had...
...been getting it on pretty regularly. Probably would have been fun to watch, too, as Marky's not exactly hard to look at!
Horribly, the nasty-mouthed assistant was prepared to tell the press unless he was paid off. Pretty simple, everyday blackmail, which goes on in Hollywood a helluva lot more than women eating, I'll tell ya that much.
So, Cruella didn't know what the ef to do. She had suspected her hubby might have desires that way, but she'd never really talked about it, pretty much hoping it would go away. As if!
Cruella decided to bite the big one (not her hubby) and pay the damn bill. After all, she decided, she's been involved in other unseemly goings-down—as far as her career goes—so this wasn't exactly new dirty-works territory for her.
She just thought she'd never have to participate in that kind of crap in her personal life.
Funny, if you look at Cruella lately, you can tell something's just not right. Could it be that being blackmailed doesn't do anything for her complexion?
* As of 8/21/11: 

Eliminated for Cruella St. Shackles:  Eva Longoria Parker, Kristen Stewart, Fergie, Jennifer Garner, Melanie Griffith, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Courtney Cox Arquette, Michelle Obama, Calista Flockhart, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Rachael Ray, Sarah Palin, Sarah Jessica Parker, Victoria Beckham, Naomi Campbell, Joan Rivers, Tatum O'Neal, Jada Pinkett Smith, Reese Witherspoon, Renee Zellweger, Jennifer Lopez, Sharon Stone, Oprah Winfrey, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johansson, Demi Moore, Nicole Richie, Vanessa Minnillo, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sienna Miller.

Eliminated for Marky Sweet-Puss:  Tony Parker, Robert Pattinson, Josh Duhamel, Ben Affleck, Antonio Banderas, Freddie Prinze Jr., David Arquette, Barack Obama, Harrison Ford, Michael Douglas, Ryan Phillippe, Tom Sturridge, Ashton Kutcher
(also Todd Palin, Matthew Broderick, David Beckham, Will Smith, Antonio Banderas, Marc Anthony, Stedman Graham, Chris Martin, Brad Pitt, Nick Lachey, - eliminated by way of not being Cruella's spouse)

* Please refer to the labels below for links to the many more Cruella and Marky BVs.

* Top suspects: Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban


Leanne said...

My guess is SMG and Freddie P. Ted uses the phrase "As if!" in today's BB reply to the ? about her and the word "biting" could be an allusion to Buffy.

Brittany said...

SMG is already a BV.

What about Johnny Depp and Vanessa P.?

blurry vice said...

I was thinking Brad Pitt and Angelina but they are already BVs. How about Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck? Or... Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony?

Unknown said...

i looked up hinderland on wikipedia and it said its a German word that literally means the land behind (a city, a port or similar[1]). In English (UK) it means countryside/wilderness and is used in British politics
It also refers to The Bush of Alaskan and The Outback of Australian usage.
I think this is referring to the Outback though, and i think its Nicole kidman & Keith Urban.
NK is definitely a chilly actress type, was just in Nine with Fergie and is playing a transsexual in 2010 (same as Kristen Stewart) and was a former soap actress like ELP and JD. NK and KU are a singer/actor relationship like J.D and Fergie. and their relationship is an actress dating/married to a foreigner (ELP & TP, KS &RP; Keith Urban is originally from New Zealand)
But the reasons I think that this isn’t them: Even though neither NK nor KU are on Ted’s BV list, I really thought they were another couple from a previous BV. And the line, “She just thought she'd never have to participate in that kind of crap in her personal life.” seems a little off because she was married to Tom Cruise and I thought that was supposedly some sort of a set-up?
Other guesses: Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Jewel and Ty Murray

Unknown said...

i only read it once but sean penn and robin wright penn maybe

Brittany said...

I think hinterland is a clue that Cruella is from another country. Or rather she resides in the countryside.

sistah2 said...

Is it clear whether this couple is married or not?

Unknown said...

yeah calls him her hubby

The Spie said...

I think we missed the "complexion" clue in the last sentence. Chilly actress who's a cosmetics shill, maybe? Unfortunately, cosmetics is a subject I know nothing about, so I'll have to defer. But that may open up possibilities for the more-knowing among us.

Rinna said...

My first thought was Ben Affleck and Jen Garner, especially because Wednesday's BB mentioned how gaunt she's looking.
I also really like the Sarah Michelle Gellar/Freddie Prinze Jr. Guess, but there seems to be a 24 reference and Freddie is on the show this season. I think SMG has been a BV before though, no? Maybe her old vice has expired?

Haley said...

I totally think this is Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. She is notoriously a cold bitch, and Ted has referred to her as such in the past. I don't think she's been a BV before, either. Sarah Michelle Gellar would fit too, but Ted has definitely said she's already been a BV. I think the connection with the and-it-aints are: Eva/Tony- straight woman with gay man. Kristen/Rob- American woman with British man. Fergie/Josh- actor with musician.

duffgrl said...

My first thought was Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban as someone else also mentioned.

Anonymous said...

Initially when I read this, for some reason Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz came to my mind. Cruella is referred to as an "actress type", which Ashlee does do but she's also a singer right? I consider her more of an actress than a singer (albeit, she's awful at both). She had a pretty regular role on 7th Heaven when she first started out, she had the reality show with MTV, and wasn't she on Melrose or the new 90210? I'm thinking if this were Ashlee and Pete though, that Ted would have added in the musical aspect of their careers somewhere in this bv?

Anonymous said...

Just read through it again, and when I read the line about "Cruella decided to bite the big one (not her hubby)" it made me think maybe Marky is a larger guy? Maybe he's taller than the average male or carries a bit of extra weight?

giovanealex said...

Could it be Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson? I guess they fit on some of the clues. Ryan is quite a straight man and Ted states he is surprised with the man on the blind vice going gay. Besides, according to a friend of mine, Scarlett was very bitchy before marrying Ryan, and that also fits to Ted's statement that everybody was surprised that she had cooled down after marrying him.
But has Ryan got a male assistant?

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else get the impression that Cruella is the bigger celebrity and higher paid of the two? There's no mention of Marky's profession, or any sort of real celebrity status level. Plus the blind states that she pays the bill. You would think if he was a celebrity, he could afford to pay it himself without his wife finding out about the gay affair.

Unknown said...

I totally agree with everything you've spotted, literal_chaos. I don't think we've hit on the right answer yet. I'm guessing that based on the husband being bigger/weightier and possibly being less famous that he's more of a behind the scenes type. I'm not certain that the husband is a total unknown, since it seems like he stands to lose something in his personal life coming to light and his habits as a bachelor might be public knowledge, but he's obviously not making enough money to pay off his own blackmailers. Julia Roberts is a confirmed BI, but her and her husband seem to fit pretty well...I can't think of any other couples like them off the top of my head though.

Unknown said...

ok so i definitely think this one is giselle and tom brady from what people said above she is from a different country and also the much bigger star

duffgrl said...

The reason I think that this is Nicole/Keith is the clues in the first sentence or 2...Keith was an addict and slept around; and after rehab which was right after(or before) he got married he credits Nicole for saving him.("miraculously started marky off on a far more domesticated diet of monogomaous sex and healthier living")
"After all, she decided, she's been involved in other unseemly goings-down -as far as her career goes"
I think this refers to her sham marriage w/ Tom Cruise.

duffgrl said...

as far as that comment about not having to participate in that crap w/ personal life...I think that the NK/TC marriage was purely a business arrangement whereas her amrriage to KU is real.

Haley said...

Heidi Klum and Seal? She's from Germany = Hinterland.

jittacatgirl said...

i agree with the nicole kidman/keith urban guess, i think.

gisele is not an actress type. heidi is not an actress type.

Unknown said...

I have read this blind so many times, and each time place a different guess and they all fit - Aaah!!!

But the one I like most is Nicole and Keith. Especially since I believe that people are reading the "non-conservative past" as if she was wild. But I like to think that Ted is hinting that nothing in her past has been ordinary/conservative or by the book. Her involvment with Tom Cruise and Scientology, especially the way she handles it today - its suspicious how she refuses to even say one bad thing, all roses. Nothing was normal there, and the children they adopted that she doesnt seem to even be that involved with them, Tom basically has them all the time, to pump his image more.

Plus all those rumors about her feather bump - that she didnt carry her own daughter, her sister did.

Ted couldn't have described her better then all the icy and distant qualities about her.

And that's just her, Keith was a dog - and she is the bigger star of the two. So he would probably have to rely on her to pay the bill.

Unknown said...

I also wanted to add the Ted has not been kind to Nicole in the past about how her career's trajectory is related to how stiff her face is - which explains the comment "actress type". She is an actress, but with limitations, which he has stated may be the reason for all her box office failures.

SuzanneT said...

What about Courteney Cox and David Arquette?

Big Pimpess said...

I was more sure of this before I read the Nicole+Keith guesses, but....

Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden. [He could've been considered a dog for dating Hilary Duff when she was like 12; her real life vs. reality show...]

Let's guess said...

I think it's Nicole and keith as well

Brittany said...

Nicole Kidman & Keith seem to be the best guess so far, but I have to wonder, if it is them, why did Ted wait so long to make her a BV.

Unknown said...

i think keith was one years ago

Unknown said...

Ted eliminated 3 people for this today. Antonio Banderas, Freddie Prince Jr. and Ben Affleck.

Rinse_and_Repeat said...

Eva, Josh have soap operas in their acting histories and Rob/Kris are involved in a movie franchise that has soap opera like qualities. I think that when Ted says that Cruella didn't think things like this would happen in her personal life, I think it refers to soap operas. So Cruella must be a part of a soap opera type show/movie. The only one I can think of is Desperate Housewives but because Eva is an "ain't", I doubt it's that one. So who's married that use to be on a soap or is involved in a drama filled show/movie series.

Saleant said...

Hmmm... Love y'all dearly but don't think we have it, like Megan said above. Given the rumours re Nicole & Tom she's always had that sort of crap in her personal life, and Nic ain't a hell raiser, and having seen him I think KU is str8. Have to think outside the box...

So she's chilly, much wealthier, way more successful, was/is wild but discrete, can afford hush money. She's possibly had work done recently and is looking different. Sweetheart with a middle America or foreign audiences, and a lot to lose. She's been involved in dirty works in her career, a scandal? a movie about blackmail? Refs to hell raising, taking a bite, unseemly goings on, or the series 24.

He's cute-ish, may have been a dog as a character or on a 'dog' team, or a hound-dog in relationships, is lower profile, big enough to have an assistant, but not big enough to pay the hush money - is he kept?

E.g. Is it someone like Julia Roberts.

duffgrl said...

I am not saying 100% it's NK/KU.....but, Julia Roberts' husband wasn't a womanizer/drug addict before she married him; the BV insinuates both. And I wouldn't call JR a "chilly" actress.

Also thought of mariah carey but she wouldn't be described as a "chilly actress type" either.

mo said...

"Dear Ted:
I think this is the first B.V. I've nailed right off the bat! Marky Sweet-Puss and Cruella are Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner! Please tell me I'm right, so I can treat myself to a cupcake.
Dear Cupcake:
Sorry, dollface, the obvious answer is never the right one! Treat yourself to that cupcake anyways—A for effort.

Dear Ted:
I have to try for you last Blind Vice: Is Marky Sweet-Puss the again hunkalicious Antonio Banderas? Keep up the great job! The mucho gray hair makes you look like a sexy beast. Obviously, singledom is treating you right.
Dear Butter Cups:
Flattery will get you an answer at least. And that answer would be no.

Dear Ted:
Is Marky Sweet-Puss Freddie Prinze Jr.? If you don't get back to me I'll know the answer.
Dear Calling Your Bluff:
Well, I'm getting back to you."

Unknown said...

I was also thinking that this could be Jessica Alba and Cash Warren? she was mentioned today in teds column. and FPJ & SMG definetely make me think of that couple. and she was just in Valentines Day with Jennifer Gardner. But i really did think this BV was hinting at an Aussie/Brit

Aline said...

I think the comment about her complexion looking different has to do with Nicole showing up on the red carpet with powder all over her face.

mo said...

"Dear Ted:
You know some people think Cruella St. Shackles used to play a girl named Buffy, but you said a long time ago that Sarah Michelle Gellar was already a Blind Vice, so if she's Cruella, it's her second nom de guerre. So which is it? Or did someone steal the G pages out of your little black book?

Dear Detective:
It's somebody different entirely, darling, much more glam."

Unknown said...

i think that this could be Jessica Alba and Cash Warren because of all the Sara Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr references ted has been making. SMJ and Jessica Alba both started out starring on supernatural tv shows and Cash Warren and FPJ both have dads in the acting business.

blurry vice said...

I concur with the Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban top guess... esp with the "complexion not looking right" thing. However my second choice is Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. He says Cruella is more glam than Sarah Michelle Gellar. When I think of someone glam I think J Lo fits.

Anonymous said...

What about Madonna?? actress type a reference to her failed movie career, and she is chilly?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I heard that Marky had a similar situation only with a woman. Could it be that he flies both ways?
—Pocketbook Pammy

Dear Gossip:
Who exactly are we talking about?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Okay, here's my guess for Cruella St. Shackles and Marky Sweet-Puss, is it Courteney Cox and her hubby David Arquette? I so hope not! They have always seemed like a sweet and genuine couple, her yin to his yang. So am I hot?

Dear Way Cold:
Cruella doesn't have the knack for comedy that Court does (not at all), so rest easy—C.C. and her hubby aren't the BV duo."

sistah2 said...

I think its Madonna/Jesus - it fits sooo much more that Keith Urban. come on now, no way he's gay. He was supposed to be another BV - so was NK!

Curious, Wondering, Hoping said...

Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban! This is what Ted posted in today's BB:

"Dear Ted:
You have been awfully quiet about Marky Sweet-Puss and Cruella St. Shackles can we get an update on the twosome? Thanks, honey bunch!

Dear Couple Canoodling:
Marky and Cruella are still up to their super kinky ways, but that's not what you'll hear about them. Actually, if you've heard about them at all lately it was probably praising the duo."

Here was yesterday's BB:

"Dear Ted:
So, why is it when "Saint Angelina" donates even just a tad of money (like she just did for the girls school in Afghanistan) that it spreads all over the news like a bad rash, but when two stars do the same thing under the radar (Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban who donated to a school in Haiti), it appears nowhere? Truly frustrating for many reason! So, make my day and give two true stars a shout-out—yes, meaning Keith and Nicole, will ya?

Dear Receiving Recognition:
N.K. and her hubby's donation obviously made the news—how would we know about it? But Ange is the bigger star, so it makes sense she gets more press. Either way, kudos to both for helping."

I think this just confirms it.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You have been awfully quiet about Marky Sweet-Puss and Cruella St. Shackles can we get an update on the twosome? Thanks, honey bunch!

Dear Couple Canoodling:
Marky and Cruella are still up to their super kinky ways, but that's not what you'll hear about them. Actually, if you've heard about them at all lately it was probably praising the duo."


drama2mama said...

Keith Urban makes PLENTY enough to hand out hush money. I really don't see that being an issue if this blind is about KU/NK. She may be the "bigger star" but Keith Urban has a crazy big country fanbase, sold out concerts, etc.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Cruella St. Shackles Catherine Zeta-Jones? She seems like a diva to me.

Dear Snit Sniffer:
Great guess, but ain't her. Besides, Mikey likes 'em tough and domineering, so no complaints from him!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Any new dirt on Rachael Ray? Is she Cruella St. Shackles?

Dear Daytime Diva:
Cruella, Rachael Ray is not. But what a fabulously great guess! But Cruella throws up much more than Rach does, clearly."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Why is Cruella St. Shackles husband still with her? He doesn't seem to be as driven by fame as she is as his fan base doesn't seem to like her that much either? Can't he break away and find happiness keeping his fans and career in tact? After all, it's Cruella's career that hit rock bottom, not his right?

Dear Right On:
Don't forget Marky Sweet-Puss's day job has seen better days, too—only to be somewhat reinvigorated by his hook up with Cruella, something Marky has a hard time letting go of. But, don't worry, he will. He's beginning to see what a devil he took on at the altar."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am the proud rescue mother of three homeless dogs, one of which is a neurotic pit-bull. You mentioned in a recent Bitch-Back that Cruella St. Shackles used to only hang with Fey Oiled Tush. However, in your initial Blind Vice about Cruella you said that she had never dealt with such scandal in her personal life, only in her professional life. It would seem that a woman involved with Fey would be used to scandals, no? Are we to believe that Cruella's relationship with Fey was only professional?
—Pit Bull Lover

Dear Looking Back:
Oh, it was definitely professional."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am one of your older (67) male followers, so I'm never really gonna know who Toothy Tile is (damn), but Cruella St. Shackles has got to be Joan Rivers. She's had so much plastic surgery, if there ever is a resurrection, she'll show up with two bodies.

Dear Say It Ain't Joan!
It ain't Joan. And how dare you think that Joan Rivers getting plastic surgery is Blind Vice worthy!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Cruella St. Shackles Sarah Palin? If so, not sure why you'd have to disguise her identity, as it's pretty clear for most people with a few working brain cells to realize that she redefines the word ignorant.

Dear Cruella de Palin:
Surprisingly, no! Crucru isn't from Alaska, though her iciness would certainly suggest otherwise."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Cruella St. Shackles Reese Witherspoon and Marky Sweet-Puss Ryan Phillippe? Please tell me I'm getting warmer?

Dear Warmish:
Not a bad guess, but Reese and Ryan were actually way more functional (and likable) when they were together. R and R already have their own Vices, so sorry, doll, it ain't them!"

-- Does this person realize that Reese and Ryan have been divorced for a few years now? Where do these people come up with the bizarre guesses???

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Has Nicole Kidman ever been the subject of a Blind Vice, either solo or as part of one?

Dear Are You Kid-ing?
Duh! She's a solo offender. And it's quite the naughty little piece of goss, too!"

blurry vice said...

""Dear Ted:
Now that I'm an expat housefrau with time on my hands, I've discovered your site and love it and you! Your latest additions to the Blind Vice Hall of Fame were interesting indeed, though I don't think anyone could be surprised to see Nicole Kidman's name there...but what did surprise me was your mention that she was a (repeat) solo offender. As the saying goes, What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, and I would have thought surely Keith Urban is a saucy kind of guy who is as Vice-worthy as his other half. Should I trust my instincts?

Dear In the Nic of Time:
Oh, of course anyone who's dealt with Vice queen Nicole Kidman has dirty little secrets of their own—Keith included. In fact, his are quite juicy. Good instincts, J."

pikespeak said...

Ted has been hinting Marky is Keith Urban a lot in column lately.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I know you think it's an act, and a pretty good one, but seriously—why would Marky Sweet Puss continue to make a complete idiot of himself by singing the praises of his horrible wife if he didn't mean it. Why else would anyone deliberately choose to make themselves look p*ssy-whipped and needy?

Dear Simple:
Because, Marky feels like he owes all of his success to Cruella St. Shackles. He's an idiot. He attributes his fame, career and health to her, so loyal he will be in the press and (for the most part) at home."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My rescue puppy Neve (who we found on the side of a snowy road two miles away from any civilization) and I would love to know if Marky Sweet-Puss and Super-

Duper Cooper have any sort of special relationship?

Dear Matchmaker:
They are acquaintances, yes, but not like that. Think Super is into guys who aren't famous. In fact, we're sure of it."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In all your years doing the gossip when a couple is all lovey-dovey with one another in public, it's quite a different story in private. For example Nicole

Kidman and Keith Urban. They are nauseating on the red carpets. Would it be a different story in private?

Dear Gag Me:
It's almost always a different story in private, as it certainly is with these two."

Anonymous said...


DO you people know how to READ?

Ted wrote that Cruella has a older son who has his own career AND legal troubles?

Ted also mentions she can't pay for her own surgery and relies on monthly checks.

Kidman is worth over 80 Million and makes millions every year.

A boob job is 10 k, her chanel gowns are over 100k. She does't receive alimiony or child support.

Def, NOT Kidman, who also doesn't not have implants, she has a collection of corsets and padded bras which she wears in L.A. during awards season if the dress calls for cleavage.

When walking around Nashville she is a chatty a-cup, non-diva, with no make-up, no driver, and no bodyguard.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Did Marky Sweet-Puss really know what he was getting in to when he married his wife? Also, do his peers know about his penchant for men?

Dear Suspicious:
No and yes. Sad."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I saw on Keith Urban's Facebook page that he and John Mayer played together in Vegas this past weekend. Any chance there's more to it than a possible respect

for each other's musical talents? Rumors have had it for years that both Keith and John both like to play the same type of instruments...
—Bridget F

Dear Whuh?
What are you implying, that Keith and John set up their own private nude-bongo session together while in Vegas? Don't quite understand, but I'm certain

Nicole does. Why don't you ask her about it?"

pikespeak said...

Ted is so full of it. He completely understands what Bridget is asking and yes, Bridget, they both like to play with the same type of instruments.