Our First Weekly Vintage Blind Vice! - Sass But No Class

We and our readers love to go back and rehash old blind items.  And since Ted Casablanca has told us that the subjects of his Blind Vices are only given one name each, we especially love trying to figure out who is who.  Hence, digging up old Blind Vices to discuss!  Since every celeb gets his/her own nickname, they each deserve a mention here with an analysis of who is who. And thanks to our reader Brittany's idea, we are going to try and make the "vintage blind vice" a weekly post.

So... here is an old one, dug up from way back - August 14, 2003.

Uh-oh. Looks like a certain sex-ay 'n' sassy spitfire has been rubbing some of the more giving people the wrong way.You see, Ms. Sass but No Class loves to get her luscious curves exfoliated, massaged and moistened at a pricey Hell-Ay day spa. You know the routine: facials, waxes, mud wraps, salt baths, all the necessary pampering to keep her A-list assets primed to perfection. It's quite the treat for us normal folk but merely routine for the likes of S.B.N.C. What a pain, huh? Well, I'll tell ya, it certainly is, especially for peeps whose job it is to pluck and plump her sorry (but simply sublime) puss. While most spa-goers relax and enjoy the treatment, Sassy is all spit 'n' spat. In fact, she's downright mean. A masseuse, an esthetician, no matter--she has berated them all to tears. No one can do it good enough for this demanding diva. "She's made all the girls cry," revealed one rub-dub type. "No one likes her around here." Snippy evil bitch? Who knew? Such the surprise, considering Sassy's sweeter-than-sugar act. Guess she deserves an Oscar after all. 

Top suspect was: Salma Hayek

When guessing, remember this is from 2003!

Lainey reveal - Salma Hayek

Again Lainey has had a mini-reveal... Remember A Bitch To Work For? Well today Lainey confirmed that she is Salma Hayek just as we suspected...

What's up with the Baby Daddy?

Salma Hayek, an improvement on her meh appearance at the Globes, looking gorgeous and unusually UNbusty (relatively speaking) last night at the National Board of Review awards in New York. Maybe she dialed it up a notch for her baby daddy Francois Henri-Pinault? They had dinner last night Salma but did not seem like she wanted to be seen with him.
Like, he’s the father of your child. What’s with the discomfort?
And what’s with the giant block of humourless up her ass?
Her face at the Globes during Sacha Baron Cohen's presentation – oh please. It was funny. Even Madonna would have found it funny. And for sure Guy Ritchie. And whatever with your sanctimony, Salma. It’s one thing to deliver a joke, it’s another to cut corners and cheap out on staff, treat people like sh-t, but pretend in the open to be kind and evolved and supportive. I’ll take Sacha’s “inappropriate comments” over that kind of hypocrisy any day.
PS. Sandra Bullock has a great sense of humour. You know she loved it!

Another one exposed...

Lainey - A Bitch to Work For

New from Lainey today...

Successful multi-hyphenate, super well connected personally and professionally with a reputation for being kind and compassionate and evolved.

Wrong.

Maybe for the media and maybe her fashionable celebrity friends, maybe for investors, maybe for executives, but some of her employees would vehemently disagree.

Turns out she’s a little bit of a Miranda Priestly when she comes in to the office. Starts snapping her fingers right away, never remembers anyone’s name, everyone is treated like a personal assistant, dispatched to do her bidding instead of actually getting down to work, recently held up a creative meeting because she wanted whole milk and not cream with her coffen, then 20 minutes into the meeting, she held it up again when her cell phone rang, proceeded to keep everyone waiting another 15 minutes while she discussed measurements on a dress she was having made, did not apologise when she clicked off the line, and instead embarrassed a staffer who returned to the room after having excused himself to take an urgent phone call when she was taking hers.

But all that is rather pedestrian. There are no shortage of bitches in Hollywood. In the grand scheme of things, all that is pretty harmless.

Until you get into job security.

A pregnant member of her staff was scheduled to give birth around crunch time. Her boss’s convenient remedy for the situation was to not hire her back when everyone else returned to work. At the very least she was honest. She told her straight up – your due date doesn’t work for me. I don’t think you’ll be able to contribute in the same way you did before.

So the employee hired a lawyer, a lawsuit loomed, and the boss bitch had to backpedal to the tune of a handsome pay-off (confidential, of course) and several seminars on employee rights although it apparently hasn’t helped.

She’s still super stingy, to the point where she complains about the quality of craft services (it’s too good) and even supplies, haggles over offering vacation pay, and will not foot the bill for staff celebrations and events, even though she regularly hosts lavish affairs at her own mansion for those privileged enough to be invited.

Crazier still, she seems to be clueless when it comes to tact. The other day she said to one of her producers – if you need something to do this weekend, my assistant could use some help planning our reception. You could stay for dinner if you want.

When he declined, she looked at him like he was closing the door to the opportunity of a lifetime.

Before you ask, it’s not the Mighty Opes.

Update 4/29/08 - Lainey has said it is not: Oprah Winfrey, Tyra Banks, Martha Stewart, Vera Wang, Sarah Jessica Parker, Courteney Cox Arquette, Kimora Lee Simmons, Victoria Beckham, Rachael Ray, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Beyonce Knowles, Heidi Klum, Gwen Stefani.

*Top Suspect: Salma Hayek

***Update 1/15/09 - Lainey has hinted that this is Salma Hayek as we have suspected.