Lainey - Warning signs

I know, we missed this from a week ago.  There has been a lot going on!  Here is Lainey's riddle from April 15 -

Warning signs

They hooked up real fast. And everything has been at top speed ever since. From initial attraction to exclusivity to super, super serious, they’ve been inseparable, and she’s totally in love and he’s definitely into her too but he’s also really, really into partying. They were both recently at a private event. Everyone was happy, everyone was celebrating, and then he starts making out with another guy. He was also totally f-cked up when it happened. He gets f-cked up a lot. It’s definitely a problem – one that he won’t acknowledge and that she doesn’t want to see because she’s too blissed out. Eventually though it’ll catch up with him and them. For years there have been warning signs with this guy. And it’s affected all of his past relationships. She can’t seem to avoid the dark ones.

Top suspects: Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom

Lainey - 2 days and 20 years

1 of 3 Lainey riddles from Dec 31:

2 Days and 20 Years

She’s married and they have a child. And these days she’s much more visible -- all over -- than he is. There have been rumours, since they seem to be apart so often, that their relationship has been unstable. Though they’ve recently been seen together, and appear to be happy, he might not feel so secure if he were to find out who she’s sleeping with behind his back, and so indiscriminately.

My sources confirm that there was a boy, a very young, very famous, pop boy with his own fragile love situation who she f-cked for sh-ts and giggles. Just 2 nights later, it was another very famous former pop boy (of sorts) 20 years older who, obviously, specifically targets her small demographic. One night only. Those would be her more famous indiscretions. But they say she’s been cheating all over the place and all the time.

Top suspects: Miranda Kerr, Justin Bieber, Leonardo DiCaprio

Blind Vice: Harland Fuss' Triumphant Return!

And oldie but goodie returns!  New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Harland Fuss' Triumphant Return!


How interesting how low our Toothy-Tile-era, wildly talked about bisexual Blind boy Harland Fuss chose to lay for several years. So much so, he decided to go and get married! Gosh, do you think Harland really isn't into the boys, anymore?
Well, you know, certain habits die hard:
See, Harland just decided—based on his continued ho-hum career performance—that he needed to amp things up a bit. And if he couldn't haul out any more blockbuster projects, he'd simply try the get-married-and-procreate path. After all, that sometimes works for fading, closeted gay stars who are looking for a tabloid leg-up with their popularity, right?
Uh, not always, as poor Fey Oiled-Tush has discovered. But, we digress.
Harland just hasn't been able to quash his man-on-man desires (hard as he's tried, poor thing). And what with his career hitting the back-burner 'n' all, he decided not that long ago that he'd do the domestic dance, find a chick to fake-tango with and see if he could muster back up that ol' bedroom eyes thing. Onscreen, mind you.
Because the deal is (and, trust, there is a deal here, folks) that Harland's beard was promised a career-boost herself, in the arrangement. And she, like a lot of desperate wannabes in this business, bit. In fact, she chomped on the behind-the-scenes opportunity so fast, Mr. Fuss, always a more thoughtful dude than Tinseltown's used to, wondered what the hell he'd gotten himself into.
But it was far too late to go back on his devil-dealing scenario.
And It Ain't: John Krasinski, Ryan Reynolds, Jerry O'Connell

Here is the link to our discussion on the old Harland Fuss BV from Oct 2004, including a list of who has been eliminated.

* Top suspect: Orlando Bloom

Vintage BV: Pete Poked, Charmaine Chuck-Up

Since Ted mentioned Pete Poked in his column recently, we're bringing back another one of his oldies...

One Reserved-Parking Blind Vice - Sept 7, 2006

Another Hollywood bustup. Boo-freakin'-hoo. Excuse me if I'm not exactly cryin' into my hanky. In this town, where relationships last about as long as lunchtime Botox sessions, peeps who manage to stay together are the real newsworthy ones, don't you all think? Anyhow, I never really thought Pete Poked and Charmaine Chuck-Up were such hot 'n' heavy lovebirds in the first place.

I mean, you can't place your Prius in a spot that's already taken, can you? 'Course not! Kinda like how Char-love couldn't possibly be the stylish ride of choice for Petey's daredevil desires, 'cause he's already had a serious shotgun boyfriend for quite sometime. Yes, that's right: Just like Toothy and so many of the friggin' rest of 'em, P2 likes the boys, not the girls--no matter how thin or pretty or pouty they may be.

I'm told this par-tick tight boyish twosome enjoys sportin' weekend jaunts to the mountains, where they can hit the slopes and canoodle by candlelight far, far away from those pesky papa-Nazis. Wonder if Charmaine recently found out about these little snowy va-cays and went berserk, hence their recent bustup?

Or maybe she knew about them all along and is just dumping him now that her face has become so gaunt, she can't even fake the fake no more? Note to snitty types: Eat! Or your emoting capabilities nosedive, as it were.

And it ain't: Jennifer Aniston/Vince Vaughn, Tori Spelling/Dean McDermott, or Jessica Simpson/John Mayer

Also eliminated - Tobey Maguire, Charlize Theron/Stuart Townsend, Joel Madden/Hillary Duff

Top suspects - Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth, Jude Law/Sienna Miller, Leonardo DiCaprio, Gisele Bundchen

Here is the other vintage BV in which Pete Poked is mentioned.

Vintage Ted - Trent Spent, Divella Sniffella, Pete Poked

OK here are two BV's about Trent Spent. These were also suspected to be about Brad Pitt, and there are two of them which fits with what Ted said today.
 (Divella Sniffella = Jennifer Ansiton? See comments for discussion on how Ted has contradicted himself on whether or not she is a BV.)

One Luxurious Blind Vice - April 2005

For those of you out there who are sick of the same-sex Vices, hey, just write me an extra-vitriolic email (I can take it) and wait for next week's installment, 'kay? Otherwise, read room-service-ready on.

Trent Spent is rich as he is horny. He's also as talented as he is successful in love. T.S. recently busted up with his significant other, Divella Sniffella, a heterosexual woman who was tired of dealing with Trent's sexual preferences, which didn't always happen to include her.

Funny. While Spent's friends are busy amongst themselves with gossipy gab trying to figure out just which babely honey has replaced Divella, Trent's been down south laughing at them all.

No, not down in Mexico. Not that far. Maybe halfway or so. At a luxury spot frequented by stars who like to let it all hang out--and then some.

You see, this red-hot enclave has developed such a reputation for protecting the percolating peccadilloes of movie stars that those salty celebs have become something close to lax once they arrive. Like, maybe, for ince, Trent not hiding the fact that he regularly romps around on those down duvets with other dudes. Down, boys! Those delish manly meetings are makin' the maids talk. A lot!

And it ain't: George Clooney, John Stamos, Jamie Foxx

Also this one

One Secret Suck-Face Blind Vice - June 2005

Trent Spent should stop by to the following friskiness (as he likes a roll in the homo hay, from time to time), but alas, word might get out that he's not actually as
superhetero as the box-office-supporting public likes to think. Bummer.

Because these private get-downs up in the Hollywood Hills are becoming the place to hitch a ride on the same-sex bus to bonk heaven! Translation: orgies. For men only. Got it, Gracie? Good. Get out a couple of Trojans and trudge on:

Up until recently, these semi-private poof-poundings have been harder to get into than Katie Holmes' privates. But that appears to be changing, as certain regular guests (all of whom must be big-ish in the Biz, to insure privacy) have begun inviting lesser mortals.

Pete Poked is not happy to learn of these dangerous circumstances. As he and those of his in front of the camera have far more to lose--should the newbie commoners run screaming about their sweaty discoveries.

And it ain't: Harrison Ford & Josh Brolin, Will Smith & Josh Hartnett, Paul Newman & Josh Lucas

More people eliminated as Trent Spent were: Charlie Sheen, Tom Cruise, Usher, Colin Farrell, Josh Duhamel.

For Divella Sniffella, the only people eliminated that we know were Naomi Campbell and Chilli from TLC.

Also for Pete Poked the following were also eliminated: Josh Duhamel, Tobey Maguire, Vince Vaughn, John Mayer, Dean McDermott, Stuart Townsend, Joel Madden.
Here is the other Pete Poked BV.


* Top suspects:
Pete Poked: Orlando Bloom, Leonardo DiCaprio
Trent Spent: Brad Pitt
Divella Sniffella: Jennifer Aniston

Comment with your thoughts... I think this is all too confusing.

Vintage: Harland Fuss & Grimy Gus

Ted mentioned a few old Blind Vices in his column today and a reader request we dig them up. Here you go!

OCT 2004 - One Boyishly Beyond Blind Vice

Oh, you thought we were done with the puerile penis set, didja? Hardly.

No, we still need to zero in on Grimy Gus and Harland Fuss (or as they're known to their most secretive of buds, Gussy 'n' Fussy). G. 'n' F. have been on location recently. Well, one of them has, at least. Don't think too many folks know that Fuss has joined his good bud Gus for a little mattress messin'.

But I do! (And now you vicarious folks do, too--how fab!)

Look, I'm the first to give a hearty shout-out to two guys who want to do what they want, sexually speaking. But when both--all right, make that one--of these men go to great lengths to make the public believe he's bedding down with rising supersweet starlet Eartha Bertha, well then, I get a little pissy.

Although it sure was romantic when Gus 'n' Fuss went to such a Secret Service-defying to-do while Gus was out of the States (in a film-friendly environment) making his latest butch-it-up celluloid job.

Public lobby and elevator trips at the sumptuous Springtime Suites hotel with Fuss 'n' Eartha were arranged. Photographers just happened to be around, sorta the same way Rock Hudson lived his whole fake life. But I'm getting terribly off the point here, aren't I?

Back to the boys: It really is a modern-day Romeo + Romeo + Juliet story, if ya think about it.

Only the gullible public's the one taking the poison...

And it ain't: Ben Affleck & Matt Damon, Robin Williams & Dustin Hoffman (dressed as Tootsie and Mrs. Doubtfire in the picture), George Clooney &  Mark Wahlberg

 * Also excluded as of 8/30/10 - Tobey Maguire, Leonardo DiCaprio, Gisele Bunchen, Joaquin Phoenix, John Krasinski, Ryan Reynolds, Jerry O'Connell, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki.


* Top Suspects in 2004 were: Orlando Bloom/Viggo Mortensen/Kate Bosworth

* Here is the link to the new Harland Fuss BV from August 2010.