Saturday, April 17, 2010

Vintage BV: Pete Poked, Charmaine Chuck-Up

Since Ted mentioned Pete Poked in his column recently, we're bringing back another one of his oldies...

One Reserved-Parking Blind Vice - Sept 7, 2006

Another Hollywood bustup. Boo-freakin'-hoo. Excuse me if I'm not exactly cryin' into my hanky. In this town, where relationships last about as long as lunchtime Botox sessions, peeps who manage to stay together are the real newsworthy ones, don't you all think? Anyhow, I never really thought Pete Poked and Charmaine Chuck-Up were such hot 'n' heavy lovebirds in the first place.

I mean, you can't place your Prius in a spot that's already taken, can you? 'Course not! Kinda like how Char-love couldn't possibly be the stylish ride of choice for Petey's daredevil desires, 'cause he's already had a serious shotgun boyfriend for quite sometime. Yes, that's right: Just like Toothy and so many of the friggin' rest of 'em, P2 likes the boys, not the girls--no matter how thin or pretty or pouty they may be.

I'm told this par-tick tight boyish twosome enjoys sportin' weekend jaunts to the mountains, where they can hit the slopes and canoodle by candlelight far, far away from those pesky papa-Nazis. Wonder if Charmaine recently found out about these little snowy va-cays and went berserk, hence their recent bustup?

Or maybe she knew about them all along and is just dumping him now that her face has become so gaunt, she can't even fake the fake no more? Note to snitty types: Eat! Or your emoting capabilities nosedive, as it were.

And it ain't: Jennifer Aniston/Vince Vaughn, Tori Spelling/Dean McDermott, or Jessica Simpson/John Mayer


Also eliminated - Tobey Maguire, Charlize Theron/Stuart Townsend, Joel Madden/Hillary Duff

Top suspects - Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth, Jude Law/Sienna Miller, Leonardo DiCaprio, Gisele Bundchen

Here is the other vintage BV in which Pete Poked is mentioned.

32 comments:

mo-mo said...

What did Ted say about Pete Poked recently?

p.s. seems like Orlando Bloom isn't in many movies these days!

mo-mo said...

Oops forget that... I see now where PP was just mentioned in the other BVs recently

blurry vice said...

momo - he was mentioned in a bitch-back question by a reader. I put it in quotes under the other pete poked post. (see link)

The Spie said...

Bloom is a great candidate for this blind, and I wouldn't argue against him.

That being said, I wonder about something. Ted said that Jonathan Rhys-Meyers was a "Blind Vice regular". I presume Ted meant that Rhys-Meyers' blind identity has made multiple appearances. The problem is that there aren't that many unsolved male blinds of that type that fit him. There are only two that I can think of off the top of my head: Slick Brick (which would be a real stretch considering the leading candidate for Slick is the Cloondog) and Pete Poked. Anyone else think that Rhys-Meyers might fit Pete? Or maybe we can make him the subject of the next Blind Vice Scavenger Hunt.

blurry vice said...

Spie - I also wonder about the Jonathan Rhys Meyers BV. We'll have to make a post for it. I think though that he was suspected for one of the drug use ones... it was around the time he was busted at the airport for drugs and all clues pointed towards him. I'll try and find it at some point.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So how much longer do I have to wait until my future boyfriend Orlando Bloom is single again? Give me hope! Thanks.
—C

Dear Waiting Game:
When Orly eventually does become single, you better work your magic quickly, because that boy does not like to stay solo for too long."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I really love Orlando Bloom, he is funny, low-key and likable. Do you like Orlando? How pretty is he in person? I think you crush on him like I do.
—C

Dear Full Bloom:
Darling, how can you not be a fan of someone with that bod and face? But the question is: Would you still be crushing on him if you knew what skeletons were in Orly's closet?"

BROOKE said...

I love OB! I have been a huge fan of his since he first arrived on the Hollywood scene but sadly I must admit that PP sounds like him and Kate. What I don't understand is why get rid of KB and move on to a somewhat less famous though just as gorgeous MK? Did KB get wise about his same sex escapades and dump him? To me it seemed reported that he dumped her. The only indications I can see are that Kate was his beard and possibly got tired of it and the fact she was supposedly approached before Katie Holmes to be TC's beard could be one of those indications but If that were the case and she did it 4 the fame then when a better known and vastly more famous star came knocking why not do it? Was she sick of having a fake relationship and not want 2 do that again or more logically fitting did she not realize she was being used? The thing that gets me is if that's the case why link yourself with Alex S who has been suspected of being gay too? What about Miranda K, does she know her role or does she think it's all real? Like someone else mentioned Orly isn't or doesn't appear 2 be working as much. He has some flicks lined up but mostly small ones in fact he pulled out of the new POTC movie. What is going on with him? It seems like he wouldn't be worried that coming out would ruin his career since it's at a stand still anyways. The sad thing is he has talent but seems intent on blowing his career with the roles he is choosing and frankly I'd rather him come out and stop using these girls. I would still be his fan regardless. It's also a possibility that this isn't him. In fact A few ppl think he is another BV. The main thing I dont understand is why has he been laying so low lately? I think I liked him with Kate more than with MK at least back then you heard more about him. You can't tell me that he isn't getting film offers after LOTR's. Unless he's trying to pull a Johnny D or Leo being in small films to try to stop from being typecast and later have a huge breakout film. Maybe it's a plan 2 be seen more seriously as an actor and not a teen heart throb. I hope that's it, it would be a shame to see him disapear. Also who was his boyfriend if this is in fact him?

BROOKE said...

Another thing I just thought of, do u think if this is OB that this is a well known thing in Hwood? Maybe that's the reason KB was approached 2 play TC's girlfriend, because they knew she'd done it before? If that is true do u think the other girl's that were approached had done the same thing as well? Wasn't ScarJo and Kate Hudson the ones that were approached? KH has been linked 2 suspected gay guys b4 and ScarJo has 2 or at least I think she has.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What do you think of Orlando Bloom's engagement?
—Meg

Dear Shoulda Put a Ring on It:
I think it, and his decision to drop out of Pirates 4, is very Orlando Bloom."

Caz1310 said...

Hi everyone, what are your thoughts now that Orlando is engaged to Miranda Kerr? By all accounts she's a nice and genuine person (yes I'm a little biased because I'm Australian) and I'd be suprised she'd go to the extent of being Orly's beard in an official capacity. Their relationship seems to be real. Ted's silly answer to this question doesn't say anything at all.

The Spie said...

Well, we know Pete ain't Bloom, because Ted just essentially outed him as Harland Fuss. Let's do another brainstorm on this one, folks.

talia said...

how about rhys-meyers? (mentioned above... by you spie...)
;D

blurry vice said...

Yep we thought this was Orlando. Still could be but now it looks like Orlando Bloom is HArland Fuss... see our links.

chibbs said...

could this be Justin Timberlake & Cameron Diaz? Diaz and Timberlake split up around the time of this vice, and she is super famous for driving a Prius. Also, Timberlake and Biel were seen snowboarding soon after his split with Diaz. Maybe fits with the weekend ski-getaway from this vice? Also his relationship with Biel is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... maybe she's his new beard??

chibbs said...

nevermind. I remember now that Diaz is Prius crotch-catch.
boo.

talia said...

could it be leo dicaprio? has he ever been a blind?

The Spie said...

chibbs: Less so that Diaz is Prius Crotch-Catch, more so that Timberlake is Jerry Rock-Butt. Prius is still rather in doubt, but Timberlake is without a doubt Jerry. Look up the Jerry Rock-Butt blind in the cloud column on the main page.

talia: Ted said that Leo's blind is very old, so that would fit in with the time scale of this one. However, would he be Fussy or Gussie? And who are the other parties?

talia said...

spie:
i thought of him being pete poked... wasn't he one of the first driving a prius as well? he's known for thin girlfriends as well...
but i have no idea for charmaine... i looked at who dated whom but none really fits...

talia said...

ok, didn't look at the right page... he broke up with gisele 2005... could be?!? she doesn't need do be an actress...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Just watched tonight's True Blood. Is it true? Please tell me it's not true! Is Alexander Skarsgård really leaving True Blood? Is this why he is with that awful Kate Bosworth? Trying to get involved in another series?
—Doli

Dear North by Eric Northman:
Rest assured, babe, Alex isn't going anywhere. Sorry if that spoils anyone, but do you really think Alan Ball and the HBO honchos would let this sexy Swede ditch his fangs so easily? Plus, we chatted with Kristin Bauer van Straten (aka, the deliciously bitchy Pam), and she confirmed that A.Skars is definitely back next season.

Dear Ted:
Whatever happened to Charmaine Chuck-Up? I was certain I knew who she was, but now it seems I've gone and mixed her up with Eartha Bertha! So many beards, who can keep them all straight?
—Kate

Dear Big Bertha:
You accidentally just did yourself a favor, K, because, forget Char, Eartha is the beard to watch these days, trust."

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b198197_bitch-back_dianna_agron_serial_dater.html#ixzz0yIsrIKUG

Michelle said...

I really feel like I want to find out who all these beards are!! I think we are all reasonably convinced that Kate Bosworth is Eartha Bertha, right??

Is there any chance that Rachel Bilson is Charmaine or one of the other beards? I'm new around here, so sorry if I've missed something. I've poked around on the site (no pun intended! Ha) and I can't find anything on Rachel. She's gotta be in there somewhere right?? Hayden, rumors of Jake G, and now being spotted with Chace Crawford..?

I also really want to match up Keanu Reeves and Hayden Chrisenson with their BVs. I know having an answer BEFORE finding the proof is not always the best way to go about detective work, but this is where I'm starting from today.. :)

The Spie said...

Michelle: Charmaine isn't Bilson. This was written in September 2006. She was still going with Adam Brody at the time; they wouldn't break up until a few months later. Nice thought, though.

Michelle said...

Thanks Spie! I wrote Ted to ask if Rachel Bilson has a Blind and I'm hoping I phrased it in a way that he can come up with a fun answer. She may not be a good fit for this one, but maybe another? I like your method of elimination best as I think actively trying to find a BV for somebody can make you convince yourself of facts that aren't actually there to make it fit. In her case, though, I feel like she's going for some kind of bearding championship and I can't imagine that she's escaped Ted's notice. If I can plug her in somewhere I'm hoping it can help eliminate others.

I am completely stumped on Pete and Charmaine, so that is why I want the info on ALL the beards and their respective closet cases! :)

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Can't have dogs at my apartment, so I can't satisfy your needs on that count. But maybe you'll still satisfy mine with an answer to these queries: Is Pepper Harthman currently involved with another Blind Vice? If so, could it be Charmaine Chuck-Up?
—X

Dear Feeling Peppy:
Interesting guess. Care to share why you think Char has anything to do with our horny athlete? But no, Pepp is into girls outside the limelight. Totally a Tiger Woods move, dontcha think?"

The Spie said...

Michelle: One more thing: Ted said in 2009 that Bilson wasn't a BV, but that she was by association. I think she'd be an unnamed supporting player in Hayden's BV. So, look for a bearding BV prior to 2009 with an male with a BV name and a female without one. That should help a little in finding Haychel.

Ian said...

I thought Orlando Bloom is Harland Fuss?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was wondering if Cameron Diaz shares her vice with Leonardo DiCaprio. I remember seeing pictures of them promoting Gangs of New York back in the day. And you know, both of them like to have their share of fun. Am I close?
—Gi

Dear Hotness Alert:
Such a fab guess, babe! And while we're on the subject, I would totally approve of those two dating (or at least sexing). But no, Cammy shares her Vice with someone so random I doubt any of you would guess the mystery fella."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Does Nelly Fang's beard have a Blind Vice of her own, or has she appeared as a guest star in someone else's?
—Amanda F., NYC


Dear What's in a Name:
Again, beard (as we typically use it here in the A.T.) isn't so much the right term since they certainly get it on—unlike Topher, above. Still, Nelly is getting it from everyone on the side, and we have a feeling she isn't lonely at night, either. Nelly's lady has appeared in another B.V., but she doesn't have her own."

blurry vice said...

So, since King Schlong has had a "side character" BV before, could this shared BV count? Pete Poked as Leonardo DiCaprio. King Schlong as Leo also.

I wish Ted would stick to his own rules.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am all about my hunky honey Alexander Skarsgård, but does his ex, Kate Bosworth have a Blind Vice?
—jsuppa94

Dear I'm Bored Already:
Only as a fairly insignificant supporting character."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's the real dish behind the Skarsworth breakup? They said they broke up "a while ago" when it was announced, and she was seen out with her new guy

immediately, making it seem like they couldn't announce it until she had another man on her arm. But what's the reason for it? I've heard everything from she

was stalking him after he ended it, tired with her famewhoring ways, to him being heartbroken because she ended it while he wanted marriage. He certainly

seems to be enjoying the single life, though...so what's your take? And did his Vice have anything to do with it?
—B

Dear Publicity Stunted:
This couple has been over for a while, where have you been? Kate's quick to jump ship and this costar relaysh is nothing new for her. Was it just last month

she was dishing to some mag about Orlando Bloom? She needs to get over it. And yes, both stars' Vices factor considerably in the breakup. Well, at least one

does, for sure."

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