One Helpful Blind Vice - December 16, 2004
Slick Nick has it all: career, great hair, looks, chicks everywhere he burps and winks. Damn, he's got everything a full-blooded, babe-beddin' straight stud could ever wet-dream of, right? Well...
You see, ol' naughty Nick---who has made the rep for himself these days tackling every kinda acting role under the eclectic sun--isn't all that his female fans hope and pant for him to be. Old story, really.
It's just that Mr. Nick, who's downright dedicated to appearing as hetero as possible whenever cameras are present (dead giveaway most times), did a little homo research in his early emoting days. And it wasn't for a movie.
Let's say it was more for any film job, as in the ol' casting couch-a-roonie. But with a guy. A very unpleasant man, I might add. Not too cute, either, but oh, was this lascivious geezer ever connected: right to the Hollywood machinery that then proceeded to whir and purr and kick and spurt, all for Slick Nick's glorious unfolding career.
Was it worth it, Nick?
Of course it was! You've just learned to be more discriminating in your same-sex gigs now. The non nine-to-five ones. Or so I hear.
And it ain't: Ben Affleck, Orlando Bloom, Cuba Gooding Jr.
Also eliminated - Jude Law, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn
Top guess - Colin Farrell