Thursday, April 15, 2010

Vintage BV: Fudgy Poof and Diandra Dope

Sept 28, 2005

One Fake-Ass Blind Vice

All across America, celeb watchers are wishin' and hopin' that Fudgy Poof and Diandra Dope are an item. Oh, how cute they would be! Folks can hardly talk 'bout these two without damned exclamation marks!!! He's so real--how has he remained unattached for so many years? And she's so...well, she's Diandra, and that's good enough for most.

True, I'm starting to feel like all the world's an all-boys theater camp in the Catskills and I'm the one hiding in the bushes with the binoculars. Yep, here we go again.

Fudgy does go a-courtin'. But not for ladies. Not even if they're all hot 'n' taut like Diandra.

Oh sure, there have been whispers about Fudge-stud. But this week, he propositioned one of the manliest men I know. In public. Why so bold? Well, he's had that mopey Ms. Dope hangin' all over him. Now she's off his back, and it's his turn to do the mounting.


Too bad he's not my type. But really, he's, um, not. At all. Even a little bit.


And it ain't: Nicky Hilton/Kevin Connolly, Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth, Jermaine Dupri/Janet Jackson.
Also eliminated: Kirstin Dunst/Jake Gyllenhaal, Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban

We really thought at the time this was Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Ansiton. But Ted has said that JA was never a BV. Throwing this out there in case it is Sandra Bullock's? Perhaps Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney?  *Update - Ted now says Jennifer Aniston is attached to a BV - she and Vince Vaughn top suspects again!

*Top suspects: Renee Zellweger/Kenny Chesney  ~OR~ Vince Vaughn/Jennifer Aniston

20 comments:

blurry vice said...

Anyone? Sandra Bullock and Jesse JAmes? Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney? RZ and KC divorced in Oct 2005 ... they have both been in a BV.

The Spie said...

Yeah, Squinty and Chesney. The timing's right, the gossip's right, and that was one damn quick annulment they got.

mo-mo said...

Yeah, def not Sandra and JJ. I could see this being Kenny and Renee.

Karen said...

Mmm...the one thing that makes me think this couldn't be RZ and KC is the first line about people "wishin' and hopin'" they're an item. If I recall correctly, they hardly gave anyone a chance to know they were a couple before they hitched, and then as quickly dissolved. But this makes it sound as though they were never married, that their dalliance was less serious than that.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Every pet I've ever had I have adopted or, like the sweet kitty I have now, found on my doorstep. My question is about Kenny Chesney. Can you give us any hint as to what really went down for him and Renée to break up so quickly? Has he ever been a Blind?
—Laura

Dear Wedding Woes:
Probably had something to do with the subzero heat between the two. You know, like what R.W. has going on now with Bradley Cooper. (And don't forget the ginormous tequila bill right after the quickie wedding, not a good omen of things to come.)"

Caz1310 said...

Why is Renee a beard for quite a few high profile fellas (George C included). Am I missing something obvious about her?

Ellie said...

The wishin and hopin (and courtin? possibly) refer, I think, to lyrics in one of Chesney's country songs. When I read the beginning of this vice, I thought it was them immediately because those words sounded so country-song-ish. Also, Renee Zellweger cited her reason for divorcing him as "fraud," which already had people guessing that he was gay. Why else would you cite "fraud" instead of "irreconcilable differences"? I'm sure there are reasons, but they aren't likely ones.

Also Ted has hinted that Bradley Cooper is gay (Topher Hairy Tuchas, maybe? But don't quote me on that, because all the names run together) so I think Caz1310 is right and RZ is one of those "serial bearders" I think I've seen Ted reference.

Josiepops said...

So is George C really gay? rumours galore but what evidence is there? I don't care either way but it would be interesting.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've heard some things about Kenny Chesney that make me think he definitely has a few secrets to keep. Am I right?
—Country Curious

Dead Knocking Cowboy Boots:
Oh yeah, babe! I've told you before that these country folks have as many (if not more) skanky secrets than their T-town equivalents, and Kenny is near the top of that list. Boy, does he have some doozies hidden under that ten-gallon hat."

blurry vice said...

renee z ?

"Dear Ted:
My question is about Topher Hairy Tuchas. He currently has a beard with some baggage of her own. Is she a Blind Vice, and could you give some details on their relationship? Are they just good friends, or is he actually having a sexual relationship with her? She is always with him even while he is filming on location.
—Phreezing in Philly

Dear Cold Front:
Someone seems pretty confident over there. Topher's beard hasn't starred in her own Vice, but she's certainly been a sidekick in a few. Believe you me, their bed is icier than Tuchas' lady."

blurry vice said...

OMG. After repeatedly saying Jennifer Aniston was never a BV, he is now saying that she didn't "star" in one, but that she was associated with one. I think she could be Diandra Dope.

blurry vice said...

I always thought Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Ansiton fit for this ... now that Ted has said this, I have put Vince and Jen back as top suspects for this. Still could be Renee and Kenny but as long as Jen Aniston is attached to a BV, this could be hers.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Did you see the Funny or Die clip with Jennifer Aniston on Between Two Ferns? I love how cool and down-to-earth she is, which is one of the many reasons I

like her. Does she have a Vice? I hope it has nothing to do with her 'tude.
—yorkie bearsh

Dear Flying Solo:
Talk about the perfect poster child for singles V Day! I absolutely adore her, her hair and whatever the frick she does—save maybe a few of movies, though,

must say. This cool chick doesn't technically have her own Vice (she has a cameo in a couple of others'), and I personally hope it stays that way. She

deserves some normal dude. Crossing my fingers she has a stand-up secret admirer for today."

ttownelizabeth said...

Dear Ted:
Regarding Jennifer Aniston's supporting role in a few Blind Vices: Was she given a nickname? Was it the same nickname for all of these supporting roles, or more than one since it wasn't a starring role?
—C.L.

Dear Friendly Friend:
In order you asked, yes, yes, two.

blurry vice said...

I KNEW IT! TED ANSWERED MY QUESTION. SHE IS BOTH DIANDRA DOPE AND DIVELLA SNIFFELLA!!!

"Dear Ted:
Regarding Jennifer Aniston's supporting role in a few Blind Vices: Was she given a nickname? Was it the same nickname for all of these supporting roles, or more than one since it wasn't a starring role?
—C.L.

Dear Friendly Friend:
In order you asked, yes, yes, two."

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b226718_bitch-back_whos_courting_jennifer.html#ixzz1ELjPBRvn

talia said...

i think ted felt the heat and decided to make it clear for longtime readers who still want to take him serious.
though i do think that it was at first a mistake on his part (giving her two nicknames). glad he "corrected" himself!
but we should ask if he would give jenifer (when she would become blind worthy) a new nickname or go back to one of the two side charakters... he should "eliminate" those two old ones, but can't or he would reveal vince and brad...

Jack Ford said...

Hi Blurry

First time poster here but I've been reading this and Ted's site for a couple of years (almost every day - sad I know).

Anyway I think Ted was saying that JA has only one nickname as a side character if the answers in order are yes/yes/no:

1) Was she given a nickname? yes

2) Was it the same nickname for all of these supporting roles? yes

3) ...or [was it] more than one since it wasn't a starring role? no

If we have to chose, I think she fits Divella Snifella better than Diandra Dope as Trent Spent screams Brad Pitt to me.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Can you please clarify something for the readers? Based on the revelation that Jennifer Aniston has been a supporting character in a couple of Blinds, can you please tell us, did she or did she not have two separate Blind Vice names for each of the two roles? Or do the rules of starring role B.V.s (i.e., one moniker per person, not per Blind) not apply to supportive roles? This is creating an uproar among your most loyal fans!
—Ella

Dear OCD:
Jennifer Aniston has never had more than one name, supporting or otherwise, in the Blind Vice annals, does that help?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is it possible that LeAnn Rimes was just a beard for Dean Sheremet? I've always thought he was gay.
—C

Dear Stop Making Sense:
Anything is possible with LeAnn. The marriage was so bizarre, very Kenny Chesney and Renée Zellweger, know what I mean?"

Rita said...

So Jennifer Aniston has a blind vice but no moniker??
http://ca.eonline.com/news/the_awful_truth/morning_mail_thanksgiving_blind_vice/276735

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