Blind Vice: Ballsy Crescent Kumquat Surfs for Sex!
From cuddling to kissing to...well, hold your horny horses for a second.
You remember, Crescent Kumquat, we're sure. You know, that adorable B.V. star who can't quite seem to figure out his sexuality, but is having plenty of fun in the process.
Well, C.K. has taken another, more serious (as we predicted) step in his nighttime adventures with the fellows—isn't it just touching to watch him grow up? And by touching, we so mean in the crotch-grabbin' way that Cres loves.
So what's the down-low dude up to now?
We told you that Cres had taken a page from Topher Hairy-Tuchas' book and is using the Internet to pick out unknowing cyber-studs for some one-on-one fun. And Crescent has found the method quite rewarding.
Recently, C.K. chatted up a guy on a men-only website—according to the chattee—for an hour before the two finally decided to meet at the unsuspecting stranger's place. To say Crescent's potential conquest was surprised to see our hottie heartthrob is an understatement, but the online lover knew the code and pretended he didn't recognize Cres's so-famous face.
So what gets Cressy all hot 'n' bothered and ready to get down to action? Bourbon (tho our unprepared hookup had to substitute good old fashion H2O for the brown liquor) and a few puffs on a joint. Then it's time to hit the bedroom.
The action started innocently enough, with C.K.'s signature makeout session—which, at this point, he has down to a work of art—but things quickly picked up. Cres admitted to still being a virgin when it comes to going all the guy-on-guy way (which, we're so not surprised by) but there was still plenty more the two good-lookin' dudes could do to pass the time until C.K. skipped out in the wee hours of the morning.
And with all that spooning and cute-as-hell necking we're accustomed to, Cres has to be quite the gentle lover, no? More like, hell no—the dude is definitely into the rough stuff—hair pulling and member-slapping, included free of charge.
And then Crescent was gone. His e-profile was deleted and the number he left after his late-night rendezvous turned out to be a faker—as if he would leave his actual digits. Why not his publicist's cell, too, while he was at it, right?
What did titillate us is that C.K. told his hunky hookup that he was bisexual and the two had to be discreet because Cres has a GF (which is so not true). Looks like Crescent still has plenty of exploring left to do—tho we're sure it will be with more fellas than ladies, as we've seen C.K. in full-on party mode and he never seems to have any intention of heading home with a chica.
Hey, as long as we keep getting the dirty details, explore away—so much more exciting than Lewis and Clarke, don't you think?
And It Ain't: Nick Jonas, James Van Der Beek, Alexander Skarsgard
Top suspect: Still Chace Crawford.