Friday, April 23, 2010

Blind Vice: Ballsy Crescent Kumquat Surfs for Sex!

New from Ted today...

Gossip Girl (Chase Crawford) TV Poster Print - 24x36Blind Vice: Ballsy Crescent Kumquat Surfs for Sex!

From cuddling to kissing to...well, hold your horny horses for a second.
You remember, Crescent Kumquat, we're sure. You know, that adorable B.V. star who can't quite seem to figure out his sexuality, but is having plenty of fun in the process.
Well, C.K. has taken another, more serious (as we predicted) step in his nighttime adventures with the fellows—isn't it just touching to watch him grow up? And by touching, we so mean in the crotch-grabbin' way that Cres loves.
So what's the down-low dude up to now?
We told you that Cres had taken a page from Topher Hairy-Tuchas' book and is using the Internet to pick out unknowing cyber-studs for some one-on-one fun. And Crescent has found the method quite rewarding.
Recently, C.K. chatted up a guy on a men-only website—according to the chattee—for an hour before the two finally decided to meet at the unsuspecting stranger's place. To say Crescent's potential conquest was surprised to see our hottie heartthrob is an understatement, but the online lover knew the code and pretended he didn't recognize Cres's so-famous face.
So what gets Cressy all hot 'n' bothered and ready to get down to action? Bourbon (tho our unprepared hookup had to substitute good old fashion H2O for the brown liquor) and a few puffs on a joint. Then it's time to hit the bedroom.
The action started innocently enough, with C.K.'s signature makeout session—which, at this point, he has down to a work of art—but things quickly picked up. Cres admitted to still being a virgin when it comes to going all the guy-on-guy way (which, we're so not surprised by) but there was still plenty more the two good-lookin' dudes could do to pass the time until C.K. skipped out in the wee hours of the morning.
And with all that spooning and cute-as-hell necking we're accustomed to, Cres has to be quite the gentle lover, no? More like, hell no—the dude is definitely into the rough stuff—hair pulling and member-slapping, included free of charge.
And then Crescent was gone. His e-profile was deleted and the number he left after his late-night rendezvous turned out to be a fakeras if he would leave his actual digits. Why not his publicist's cell, too, while he was at it, right?
What did titillate us is that C.K. told his hunky hookup that he was bisexual and the two had to be discreet because Cres has a GF (which is so not true). Looks like Crescent still has plenty of exploring left to do—tho we're sure it will be with more fellas than ladies, as we've seen C.K. in full-on party mode and he never seems to have any intention of heading home with a chica.
Hey, as long as we keep getting the dirty details, explore away—so much more exciting than Lewis and Clarke, don't you think?

And It Ain't: Nick Jonas, James Van Der Beek, Alexander Skarsgard

Top suspect: Still Chace Crawford.


Ross Family Five said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Crescent Kumquat from One Spoonful of Spice Blind Vice American or British?
—Patti Chicago

Dear Across the Pond Thirst:
Kumquat is very all-American."

Could this be a hint towards Ian Somerhalder? He was in the short-lived WB series "Young Americans."

Ross Family Five said...

Oh, and the AIAs also point to that...Ian's character on Young Americans was the same one he played on Dawson's Creek (ref Van Der Beek) and he is now on Vampire Diaries (ref ASkars, also in a Vampire series.) Also, ASkars is "with" Kate Bosworth, who played "Bella" on Young Americans. Not sure about the Nick Jonas reference, though. Just some thoughts...

Sophie S. said...

This BV was already out when Ted said that Ian was not yet a BV, plus, Ian Somerhalder has had a girlfriend for three years. Man oh man, people really want Ian to be a blind vice, but from what I've heard he's not that scandalous.

Ross Family Five said...

Oh man! I thought I was FINALLY onto one. Didn't catch Ted saying Ian doesn't have a BV yet. Thanks!

Unknown said...

Man, @Ross Family Five, I think you might be a bigger Young Americans fan than I was!

This vice doesn't really give any more clues as to the identity of CK, just stuff we already know (heartthrob = he's young, etc). Still sounds like Chace Crawford to me. Or his alter-ego, Nate Vanderbilt. They're pretty interchangeable, right?

Jolie said...

I also thought a lot of the clues pointed to Ian but I wasn't sure if he had a girlfriend or not. I've never seen pictures of him with a girl. I was really hopiing it's not him. Do u know when Ted said Ian was never a B.V.? I'd like to find that.

Jolie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jolie said...

Posted 11/3/2009

Dear Ted:
Love you much. So since True Blood hasn't started up again and we are all anxiously awaiting New Moon, I have been forced to get my vamp fill from The Vampire Diaries. Never really watched Lost, but I am loving Ian Somerhalder. What's the deal with him?

Dear Supernatural Lover:
Mr. Somerhalder is one hot piece of ass, and as with all gorgeous types, he's got the bad-boy stories to boot, right along with the bad-boy looks. But he hasn't been a Vice'r...yet. Soon, very soon.

Ok I finally found it.

Crescent Kumquat's first B.V. was 1/2009. So it can't be Ian. Thank god.
But Ted did say he would be one very soon so i'm gonna check some out after 11/2009.

blurry vice said...

In the future, check our post listing who TEd has said is and is not a BV. Find the label on the right "List of TEd's BV reveals" for easy access to that info.

Ross Family Five said...

Wow, that list of BV reveals is amazing. Nice job keeping up with it all!

But, since Ian has been disproven...any idea how Nick Jonas can be linked to Chace (since he is your "top suspect" on this one?)


OwlFace said...

weren't nick and chace both up for the lead in the remake of footloose? and both rumored to be up for the new spider-man?

...or maybe just because they're the heartthrobbiest?

mo said...

"Dear Ted:
Has the adorably confused Crescent Kumquat ever been caught kissing one of your very own female Blind Vicers (off-set, of course)? I would love an answer to this one, doll!

Dear Cootie Patrol:
Cres isn't exactly picky about who he puckers up too, so I'm sure you've seen him smooching some gals, and knowing C.K.'s naughty ways, I'm sure he likes both his boys and occasional babes to be quite naughty, too. The answer is yes."

blurry vice said...

I believe he is pertaining to Ashley Greene above?

blurry vice said...

Ross Family - Ted's AIAs do not always necessarily give a hint. Ted has said that sometimes they do, sometimes they do not. So don't overanalyze the AIAs.
Regardless, Nick Jonas is a teen heartthrob. So is Crescent Kumquat according to Ted.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Which Blind Vice just got arrested for a little herbal? I have made it a mission for over the last 10 years to rescue and find homes for animals of elderly people who have moved into nursing homes. I have a Facebook for my three legged cat Callie, and I am a hopeless animal lover and a hardcore Gleek. Cried like a baby watching the season finale.

Dear Weeding 'Em Out:
Great work with the pets, K! As for your Q, let's just say that the marijuana was just a very minor guest star in his much skankier B.V. Is that enough to whet your appetite?"

"a few puffs on a joint" is part of this BV. Chace Crawford!