Thursday, April 15, 2010

Vintage BV: Beef Slurp-a-Pop

From 8/3/06 -


One Gossip-Column Blind Vice

Intro: Seems that Beef Slurp-a-Pop is more into his kinky sex toys than his male mattress mate. But is his battery-operated addiction gonna end up rubbing his boy-toy the wrong way?
BV:
Lordy, you Awful Truth readers are ever proud 'n' pissy, and oh honeys, I do love ya so!
And just for your super-duper votes of lurve as of late, I'm shooting a humpy humdinger your way:
There's a fairly talented (not as gifted as he is muscly, that's fer sure) guy who performs in front of the camera. Folks are high-gear gossin' about the boy right now, wondering if he's not having some kind of thing with a big-deal hush-hush homo. Only because, well, let's just say, Beef Slurp-a-Pop (no relation to Slurpa Pop-Off), which is his name, really isn't all that into this guy-on-guy overheated thang he's supposedly having with said celeb dude.
Ted-translation: Beef's more into his plastic play-toys than his current boy-toy.
Yep, ol' Beef's into the kinda adult playthings that would make even Kim Cattrall wince in painful imagination. And that's sayin' somethin'.
Hey, slow down there, Mr. Supersize Stimulator! Don't forget us humans aren't nearly as raunchy and rechargeable (well, at least, not some of us).


And it ain't - Keanu Reeves, Ted Casablanca, Will Smith


Also eliminated: Matthew McConaughey, Vin Diesel, Brandon Routh

Top guesses were: Lance Armstrong, Ty Pennington, Perez Hilton 

Our new top suspect: Wentworth Miller

8 comments:

The Spie said...

How about Vin Diesel? He'd definitely be the type, and would probably consider the sex toy to be a challenge of some sort.

Megan said...

It says Vin Deisel has been eliminated or else I'd agree. Perez Hilton is not muscular so why would he be a top guess? And I'd hardly call him "in front of the camera" in 2006. I am almost think Brenden Frasier???

cassandra said...

i always thought this one was wentworth miller. ted had him on his list of people who were previous BVs

Samm said...

Cassandra may be right! Apparently his ex's have said he was pretty...crazy? If you know what I mean :D

The Spie said...

Megan: the eliminations weren't listed when I posted. I'm not surprised that people jumped on Vin Diesel at the time, though.

I'm starting to get converted to the Wentworth Miller guess. No one's been able to come up with a satisfactory BV for him, but we know he's been one. This seems like a good candidate.

cassandra said...

omg since I saw lance armstrong as a possibility for this one I have a BV that fits him and sheryl crowe perfectly. Puissant Phillipe and See-Through Sheila from 08/05. its saying that the male in the relationship is more into guys than girls and its filled with space references

blurry vice said...

Great brainstorming everyone. I added Wentworth Miller to the post as our new top suspect.

cassandra - I remember them. I'll make a post for that one asap. :)

Samm said...

Wentworth seems to be the best guess right now. Would that celebrity boy-toy be Luke Macfarlane from brothers and sisters?

ad