Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Bonus Blind - More Details from Kumquat's Kinky Crypt


New from Ted today... a continuation from Friday's Blind Vice

Bonus Blind - More Details from Kumquat's Kinky Crypt
Everyone was apparently so into Crescent Kumquat's homo-lution in last Friday's Blind Vice that we've decided to share more deets with you from that fateful night of online lust.
One thing that everyone forgets is how these closeted stars affect those they get up close and personal with in secret.
Set of 10 CHACE CRAWFORD Pinback Buttons 1.25" Pins Nate ArchibaldCrescent, we know you're new at this (or supposedly a virgin never having "gone all the way" with a guy), so let us introduce you to rule No. 1: Don't leave your nookie partner burned after you use him for anonymous sex...
When talking to our source, who was lucky enough to fool around with studalicious Kumquat, we felt totally bad for the dude, who was not expecting to get ditched postcoital.
Says Crescent's conquest:
"I am a bit sour of the fact he fake-numbered me and disappeared off the site. Call me naïve, but before he came over, the chat we shared was actually good."
Apparently Kumquat's talk and action vary just a smidge.
As we told you Friday, Crescent totally liked it rough (hair pulling, dirty talk and being very loud "while getting pleased"), but from what we hear leading up to the inevitable hookup, C.K. was more the mushy and lovey-dovey type.
How, exactly, do we mean?
Well, lots of hand-holding (pre-, during and postsexing), Robert Pattinson-type mooning and total eye contact with the fellow studmuffin he was hooking up with. Kumquat even supposedly tucked in his conquest and kissed the guy goodbye—only to never be heard from again.
Remember, Cres' profile was deleted and the number he gave was a fake, which doesn't shock us but totally did the guy.
As the unsuspecting fella puts it:
"We talked about our hobbies and interests. I had told him that I was new to the area and he had made some remarks about showing me around town one night. He really sounded like a guy that I could be cool with."
Is this sad or what?
Crescent, you must be careful with how you treat your special friends. Especially considering the fact you don't even make them sign confidentiality agreements (though we assume now that you're speeding up your gay tendencies at a rapid pace these agreements may not be far behind).
Be glad your onetime cyberbuddy doesn't wanna sell you down the river here. With your audience, In Touch would be jumping at the chance to run this tell-all exclusive.
Just sayin', babe, you won't get away with this kinda behavior for too much longer. Your good hair and charming smile only get you (and anonymity) so far!
And it ain't: Matt Lanter, Michael C. Hall, Matthew Bomer

Links to the previous CK BV's:
January 9, 2009 (including a full list of those eliminated), May 1, 2009, January 15, 2010, April 23, 2010

Our top guess: Chace Crawford

9 comments:

Jissell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bobo said...

Well, Matt Lanter clearly points to Chace Crawford. And both Crawford and Matthew Bomer are from Texas. Michael C. Hall is throwing me off though since the only connection I can come up with is the C. And I kind of get the feeling all three names starting with the letter M is significant somehow.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Considering that Dashed Dingle-Dream is now free from the coward Judas Jack-Off and that Crescent Kumquat is actively looking for some stud to introduce him to the joys of gay sex, wouldn't these two lovely boys be great together? I'm sure they have a lot of things in common to start with...
—lola

Dear Matchmaker:
Why, yes, I think they do!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've got two questions: First, are there secret cabals of gay powerful Hollywood types who sit around deciding the futures of up-and-coming gay/bi actors? Second, do you think/know if the likes of Toothy, Crescent or Nevis go to the same private parties? I can picture them sitting around comparing notes on the latest Awful Truth. Thanks for making my workday less painful.
—J

Dear Two-For:
Toothy, Crescent and Nevis definitely run into each other during certain Hollywood to-do's, but they don't exactly run in the same crowd. And yes, people actually get paid to decide when and when not (which is usually the case) their stars will be permitted to join the human race and declare their sexuality."

Heymama said...

Agree with Bobo-something going on with the "M"s. Matt Dallas?

Desiree said...

Matt Michael Matthew = Christopher Chace Crawford

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Do Crescent Cumquat and Jackie Bouffant resemble each other, and if you won't answer that, can you tell me if they've ever hooked up or if this will remain forever my unfulfilled mano-a-mano fantasy?
—Curious Cat

Dear Blind Boys:
These two dudes are more likely to swap shampoo—ya know, for their equally gorgeous locks—than spit, though what a hot little couple they would make—the kind teen (and adult?) day dreams are made of."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So what location should I set my Manhunt/Adam4Adam profile to catch some Crescent Kumquat? NYC or L.A.?
—S

Dear Location Scout:
Like most big name celebs, C.K. is a jet setter—who says he doesn't need loving on both coasts?"

Samm said...

I just read this quote from Chace Crawford in star magazine: "I was chatting to a friend about speed dating and JDate.com...I have a bunch of different accounts that no one even knows about." All signs point to him as CK

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