Friday, January 9, 2009

One Spoonful of Spice Blind Vice

Here is the latest Blind Vice from Ted Casablanca, eonline's Awful Truth...


One Spoonful of Spice Blind Vice

Crescent Kumquat sure has many swooning ladies—and drooling gents—wondering which way this young hunk swings. His precious looks seem far too well-groomed to be that of a sports-watchin', belch-providin', crotch-grabbin' hetero fella (well, his crotch, at least).
We've heard many stories of Cres' femme conquests, raunchy, watery and fairly athletic hookups to be exact. But even Toothy Tile's been known to dabble in dames from time to time, if that says anything about Cres-Cres' not-so-straight ways. And if Mr. Kumquat's more frequent nightly habits are at all telling, we've got bad news for the horny-for-Crescent gals out there:
See, Cres loves to go out and party. Yeah, so what, who doesn't at his age? A few drinks turn into a lot more, and before ya know it, dude's libido leads him every which way—par-tick to the bedroom, or whatever comfy surface he can park his luscious, long...limbs on.
Often with a bunch of like-minded (and beautifully skinned) boys 'n' girls. But guess what? Despite C.K.'s female kiss capades with other gals of his status, Kumquat's often found after these debauched nights out waking up in the arms of his "very close" guy friends. Spooning. Friggin' entwined, folks. In front of the gals he was supposedly getting all debauched with the night before.
This certainly is as telling and de-lish a plot development as Crescent's day job churns out, I'll tell ya that much.
And It Ain't: Adrien Grenier, Penn Bladgley, Kellan Lutz

* Complete list of those eliminated as of 11/18/11: Adrien Grenier, Penn Badgley, Kellan Lutz, Robert Pattinson, Cam Gigandet, Jackson Rathbone, Zac Efron, Adam Levine, John Mayer, Corbin Bleu, Taylor Kitsch, Jensen Ackles, Paul Wesley, Justin Beiber, Nick Jonas, James Van Der Beek, Alexander Skarsgard, Matt Lanter, Michael C. Hall, Matthew Bomer, Ryan Kwanten, Kiefer Sutherland, 50 Cent, Alexander Skarsgard, John Goodman, Colton Haynes, Kellan Lutz, Tom Sturridge, Charlie Sheen


*** Our top guess: Chace Crawford.

* Here is a link to the second Crescent Kumquat blind vice from May '09. And here is the third CK BV from January '10. And here and here are the CK BVs from April 2010.  Here is the newest CK BV from May 2010.

51 comments:

Anonymous said...

Snore....why the obsession with Ted Casablanca on this site?? He's so boring.

blurry vice said...

There is no obsession. We read his column among others. The fact is, this is a BLIND ITEMS blog. Ted writes a new blind item ever week and we find them interesting, as we have for many years now since before this blog was started. If you don't care, then don't read it! Start your own blog about the things you like to talk/read about.

ANYWAY - I was thinking Zac Efron, except for the long limbs and athletic girlfriends. ??

Anonymous said...

Taylor Kitsch?

Anonymous said...

Zac Efron also came to mind for me. Chase Crawford seems to be the top guess on Ted's blog.

Stevie said...

I think Chase Crawford over Zac because of the last line - "This certainly is as telling and de-lish a plot development as Crescent's day job churns out, I'll tell ya that much." Sounds a lot more like Gossip Girl than High School Musical!

mandy said...

yep, sounds like chase crawford.

Anonymous said...

Totally Chace Crawford. Love it!

MrsO said...

First time commenter, so sorry if I'm not doing this right, but...

I am going to say Michael Phelps... Here is why...

A Kumquat is a fruit grown in China - where the Olympics were.

"luscious, long...limbs" i.e. his body, which I don't think Chace has.

"Cres loves to go out and party" Phelps is ALWAYS in vegas.

I don't know if I'm going tooooo deep, but that's just my thought! :-)

Sara Bellum said...

Mrs. O, That's exactly what I thought when I read this Blind Vice - Michael Phelps.

Hmm.

MrsO said...

OH!!

and for the "Cres' femme conquests, raunchy, watery and fairly athletic hookups to be exact" Phelps was linked to a female swimmer during/for a little while after the Olympics.

Momfixit said...

Mrs. O, I think you're onto something! For the raunchy conquest, he was rumored to be dating a waitress last Thanksgiving whose photos were all over the internet!

blurry vice said...

I had thought of Michael Phelps but I thought we were pretty sure he was the herpes BV. (see search bar)

Momfixit said...

Ah, yes, the herpes BV. You're right. "Precious looks..far too well-groomed" point to either Chace or Zac.

Scarlett Pumpkin said...

Not only that but this part "This certainly is as telling and de-lish a plot development as Crescent's day job churns out, I'll tell ya that much." hints towards someone on TV.

sarahmariecole said...

Jesse Metcalf.....for sure

Anonymous said...

Lainey says Chace is gay, so he could fit. And calling out two other CW actors (Penn-GG and Kellan-90210) seems like a hint...

sistah2 said...

my first thought was M Phelps - and I dont care if he had another BV cuz I dont believe Ted that he does not re-name.
The line about day job throws it off a bit.

Anonymous said...

My first thought was Michael Phelps also. but the precious looks & far too well groomed - doesn't fit him at all. and yes, Phelps is supposed to be the Herpes blind. the last sentence - "plot development on Crescents day job" sounds like he's on TV, A regular show.

Anonymous said...

This is either Chace Crawford or Ed Westwick. :>

duffgrl said...

I like the Phelps guess. Definitely thought of him right away. Also thought of Robert Pattinson.

Anonymous said...

SO NOT Phelps. Please...the guy is not even pleasant to look at and is definitely the herpes Blind Vice anyway. Chase C. all the way.

cath said...

phelps is not cute at all let alone precious. this is a boring blind. hate all the other guys mentioned so i don't care but think it could be the twilight guy/.

Anonymous said...

i thought robert pattison, cresant is a type of moon, aka twilight reference?

Anonymous said...

Robert Pattinson is definitely out there partying and hooking up (we hope - what else are you supposed to do at that age?), but he seems way too unshowered and scruffy for this description. Though I guess deliberately being greasy and disheveled with your trademark hair "just so" could be considered a type of grooming?

Chace Crawford seems like the best bet - but who has he dated or hooked up with other than Carrie Underwood? Maybe that's there to misdirect us to Phelps ...

duffgrl said...

Re-reading the last line makes me think it's definitely someone on a soap-ish show. if not Chace then Ed Westwick, or some other pretty actor on one of the CB shows.

Anonymous said...

Ditto, Chase Crawford.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Crescent Kumquat's (from One Spoonful of Spice Blind Vice) behavior sounds a lot like the activities you've been reporting on Robert Pattinson, although I'm really hoping it's not. Love to you and your A.T. team!
—Lacey

Dear Say It Ain't So:
Fear not, Rob isn't C.K., but right chiseled jaw and freshly shampooed idea."

Anonymous said...

Zac isn't tall enough to have "long legs"......and he's only linked to his "beard"....so he doesn't fit. I think Chace...he's a pretty boy.

Anonymous said...

Phelps doesn't party enough to be considered for this one, he's a tool.

I'm thinking Ed Westwick or Chace Crawford.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Crescent Kumquat from One Spoonful of Spice Blind Vice American or British?
—Patti Chicago

Dear Across the Pond Thirst:
Kumquat is very all-American."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Bush is going back to Crawford, but I'm still frustrated with your shot of gossip regarding Crescent Kumquat. Could he be Jackson Rathbone or Cam Gigandet?
—singlemg

Dear Chasing Twilight Rumors:
C.K.'s fangs aren't quite so sharp."

Anonymous said...

Okay, seriously ... "Bush is going back to CRAWFORD." I'm not the sharpest at guessing these things, but wouldn't we think this is a pretty strong hint?

Cute little Chace!

Anonymous said...

Yes, the Crawford comment, placed right next to the reference to "CK" make it relatively obviously this is Chace.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Crescent Kumquat Zac Efron? If it's not him then can you please tell me whether Crescent Kumquat has a famous sibling?
—Edge

Dear Crescent Cringe:
Not Zac-y Poo. But yes, I guess you could say Kumquat has a somewhat famous sibling. But not really."

Anonymous said...

From IMDB: Chace also has a younger sister, Candice, who is studying broadcast journalism at the University of Missouri-Columbia. Candice is also involved in pageants, winning the Miss Missouri USA title in 2008.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Crescent Kumquat Adam Levine? God I hope not. Love your blog!
—Whatever

Dear It'll Be Long Before Soon:
Fear not, Kumquat isn't a musician. But he sure sings a pretty tune when he's naked."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm a newbie, so pardon me for not knowing the slang. But what is a Crescent Kumquat? Where do I go for your lingo?
—Sandysmom

Dear Virginal:
Crescent Kumquat would be the pseudonym for a certain young actor who is doing naughty things, but we cannot legally tell you about his indiscretions. They're with a another guy. They both have terrific hair and careers."

Matan4il said...

Things that make me unsure this is Chace C despite the fact that it partly fits -

1. To quote: "Chace Crawford seems like the best bet - but who has he dated or hooked up with other than Carrie Underwood?"

2. And also, I find it really hard to believe he hasn't done anything with another guy that goes beyond kissing. I mean... I don't know, he just always pinged my gaydar too hard to be able to hide quietly in any closet, not to mention all the sightings together with JC Chasez. Didn't they even go on a holiday together?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's Crescent Kumquat been up to these days? Any new projects coming up for him? Also, If I guessed correctly who it is, would you let me know or just not reply?
—Cutiepie32

Dear Cres-Impressed:
Depends if glamorous C.K. pisses me off or not. Outing him would only be fun if the bitch did something interesting to deserve it. He's just basking in his prettiness right now, but he has some projects up his sleeve. "

blurry vice said...

Chace made the BV superstar gallery -

"Chace Crawford

Slobbering all over Ashley Greene isn't the only deliciously naughty thing this Gossip guy's done in a not-so-private place. C2's def got a bunch hiding behind those crystal clear eyes."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Jensen Ackles Crescent Kumquat?
—I Think I'm Right

Dear Wrongo:
Think younger. And less attached."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm sure the Gossip Girl "threesome" is going to be as lame as the man-on-man kiss, but it did get me wondering. Just how many G.G. stars have been Blind Vices?
—Curious

Dear Badass Gossip:
There have been a few actually."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So first, I wanted to congratulate you for your column, I check it every day. I don't know if this has been asked before but is Toothy Tile Chace Crawford? Because he kinda has the gay vibe going on, doesn't he?
—M_adriana

Dear Chace-ing for T.T.:
Wrong vice for Chacey!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Now that Chace Crawford is rumored to be in the running for the role of Captain America, should we expect another CW, very heterosexual coupling? Or does Chace have more balls then his network buddies and will climb the H.W. ladder without a woman to hide behind?
—A

Dear Captain Obvious:
The best way to generate buzz in H'wood is with a hot new relaysh, so I wouldn't expect C.C.—should he get the part, what with so much competition to wear Captain A's red, white and blue tights—to be a single superhero. No word yet on who's up for female role, but if she's young and hot, expect to see them on the cover of your weekly tabs."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Are two of your favorite gay B.V.s, Crescent Kumquat and Judas Jack-Off, native of the same geographical area? And why do Toothy Tile and Grey Goose have couples issues? Toothy dropped/was dropped by his beard and seems happy about it; Grey only use his fag-hag for red carpet events and very rare paparazzi pictures. They're both working as usual, so it should be like their second honeymoon phase instead of the "Is it your CD or mine?" moment.
—A

Dear Blinded by the Slight:
Just like with straight couples, gay couples suffer from competitive careeritis, too. As is the case with Tooth 'n' Grey. And no to the geo query."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Since there has been all this talk about 50 Cent being gay or hetero, he will be my guess on Crescent Kumquat.
—Blondie

Dear That's a Rap:
50 Cent's B.V. isn't our cutie Cres. The two have certainly bumped into each other, though."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
People think they have your Blinds solved, but somethin' isn't right...So tell me, just between you, me and my three legged-rescue dog, Tres, is Alexander SkarsgÄrd also known as Crescent Kumquat?
—Sass

Dear Be Original:
Good guess, but Cres isn't as comfortable talking about sexuality as Skars. Like, way less comfortable. And what a cute name for your sweet pooch!"

blurry vice said...

""Dear Ted:
My beloved rescue kitty, Burt, is sick, and we are awaiting test results. I'm trying to take my mind of off the situation (like I could ever do that) by surfing the Internet. I saw some recent photos of John Goodman. Any Vice material here?
—Sad Susan

Dear Susie's Q:
I'm so sorry to hear about poor Burt—feel better, love. I'll give you a few freebies about the newly slim John: He's not Nevis Divine, Crescent Cumquat, Tobey Yum-Yum or Toothy Tile. Does that help? My thoughts and prayers are with your puss!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My family has been a long time rescuer of post-hurricane kittens, and my little 18-year-old kitty, Ashley, loves your juicy B.V.s. But she's got a question: Her beloved Colton Haynes isn't Crescent Kumquat , right? She thinks he's a cutie, and isn't sure his out-of-this-world friend(s) would appreciate C.K.'s particular flavor of ding-dong-ditch. Colton seems much more relaxed, right? The type who'd enjoy mimosas in the morning.
—Chendrix

Dear Kum 'n' Go:
Tell your kitty sorry for me but her celeb crush isn't our Cres. Colton is indeed a cutie but many more people think that Cresent is one too—that's just be because he's a lot more famous that noobie Haynes, though."

lollapopalooza said...

Oooh, who is the other Gossip Girl star(stars?) who have been blind vices? [From the Q&A posted on November 9th]

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Kellan Lutz has got to be Nelly Fang, right? I mean, the roommates, Craig's List....I'm mixing up my Vices. I just read this and it rang all sorts of bells

in my head. The Vice with the guy that looked up another guy online, showed up...I can't remember. But Lutz is a big-time Vicer, right? The very idea that

Lutz is getting a little boy-on-boy action on the side is so effing hot my mind is sweating.
—Wanda

Dear Scatterbrained:
You're definitely mixing up your monikers, W, ‘cause you're thinking of our dear friend Crescent Kumquat, not old Nell. That said, you're right and you're

wrong. Kell is no stranger to the Vice vault but he isn't Cres. Or Nelly for that matter."

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