Saturday, January 31, 2009

One Straight Little Pr*ck Blind Vice

New BV from Ted from yesterday....

One Straight Little Prick Blind Vice
Crawley McNugget is a quasi-pint-size playboy in the fickle and lust-filled town of Hell-Ay, even though he may not look the part. Like, at all. Regardless, Crawley's somewhat public womanizing track record shows he's gotten to bed many notorious (for nothing) ladies even though scores of coke-snorting bystanders manage to marvel at McNugget's success—through the haze of blow-filled highs, no less.
But look, the really ridic thing about the dude is that his real-life sex manners are not at all like the nice TV character he plays. Here's how:
As one would suspect of his unimaginative type, Crawly frequents the Hollywood club scene, a lot of the time with other famous pals, looking to score some ass. And he does too, tons. C.M. takes the babes back to his Hills home with the assumption that they're sure gonna do the dirty, and most of the time they sure do. Jeez, you straight chicks can be as easy as us gay slutty ones, I swear! I digress.
But for any gal who prefers to just fool around without closing the deal, be prepared for McNugget to scream louder than a Desperate Housewife with bad lighting. "Get out, then!" he will squeal with high-pitched yelping not dissimilar from the zealous Chihuahua he resembles. He then calls a cab for the discarded dame.
Gentlemanly? Hardly. Why, the last babe who got kicked to the curb dished to us that when the cabbie picked her up, the driver snarked, "What is this place?" She proceeded to tell him the name of the nonlikely hunk that lived there. "I'm here nightly," the cabby said. "Sometimes a couple times a night."
Guess you get cab fare whether you seal the deal or not. One thing's for certain: You don't get to spend the night. Ever. Why? Because the last honey Crawley tried to make it work with burned him for life. No joke. Life. Now, he treats his women as badly as she did him.
And It Ain't: John Mayer, Matt Dillon, Verne Troyer


Here is the link to the new Crawley McNugget blind vice from July 2009.


* Update July 29: Ted has eliminated John Mayer, Matt Dillon, Verne Troyer, David Spade, Jeremy Piven, Johnny Galecki, Penn Badgley, Tony Romo, Bradley Cooper, Chace Crawford.

* Top suspect: Kevin Connolly


30 comments:

blurry vice said...

I was thinking DAvid Spade (hurt by Heather Locklear maybe?), but saw on eonline people were also guessing Kevin Connoly. And based on the Matt Dillon AIA I think that is a hint for Entourage. The ex for him could be Nicky Hilton.

Anonymous said...

My first thought was Kevin Conolley.

Anonymous said...

I totally think it's Kevin Connolly. Lainey said he was the only jerk at Cannes when they were there.

it's me said...

I think this a slam dunk Kevin Connolly. FRom the previously mentioned Matt Dillon AIA to the Irish moniker Crawley McNugget. His TV character is a really nice, does the right thing kind of guy.

Nicky Hilton can definitely be described as famour (for nothing).

David Spade isn't on a show right now and when he was Finch wasn't an especially nice guy.

Anonymous said...

I hate to admit I think its KC too... but i don't think he fits the "doesn't looks the part. Like, AT ALL." I think he's cute! ... And I don't think he resembles a "zealous Chihuahua," whatever that's supposed to mean... Is there any chance it could be Jerry Ferrara (Turtle)? I know he's dating Jamie Lynn but he seems more like the undesirable type...

Anonymous said...

Seth Green? Peter Jacobson (Taub on House)?

Gigi said...

And that guy who plays Malcolm in Malcolm in the Middle?

Anonymous said...

what about Chuy from Chelsea Lately? he doesn't look the part at all, resembles a chihuahua, etc.

P.M. said...

Yea, I'm pretty sure it's chuy bravo. McNugget, "nightly" italicized....And he makes a big deal about him being a pint sized playboy with famous people and saying he doesn't look at ALL like someone women would fawn all over. So many people are saying Kevin Connelly, but he's not THAT bad. Chuy on the other hand....

Anonymous said...

I was thinking of John Stamos. Dumped by Rebecca Romjin and looks a lot like John Mayer.

Anonymous said...

Has anyone noticed that when it's a Ted straight blind item people just go ahead and guess but any gay item you get people saying Ted "must" be telling crap. Grrr, maybe they don't want to face some facts.

For the record, I think this could be Kevin Connelly too. I was never convinced John Stamos didn't have some skeletons in his closet. :)

Anonymous said...

it needs to be someone totally burned by wife/partner... I don't think John Stamos was burned for life by RR, do you? don't think it's KC for that reason either.

Anonymous said...

It couldn't be Jeremy Piven, right? He's too obvious... right?

Anonymous said...

It's that little prick Kevin Connell. Based on a previous blind item, John Stamos left Rebecca Romjin because of her coke habit.

mo-mo said...

I can't believe people were guessing Chuy - that is ridiculous! ha!
This has got to be Kevin Connelly. Btw, I HATE him. He is the worst actor on the planet. I can't stand his voice!

Anonymous said...

i'm sorry, what part about that is ridiculous? because he's a little person, he doesn't have sex? it's a perfectly logical guess based on the clues, and based on the fact that little people are PEOPLE, and not emotionless sideshow oddities.

Anonymous said...

He makes too many hints for Chuy. I'm serious, the first person I thought of was Verne Troyer, because of the emphasis on size. Then when Troyer was tossed out as a possibility, I immediately thought Chuy. It also makes sense since he calls him a Chihuahua, and chihuahuas are Mexican, and isn't Chuy Mexican? too much makes sense. Kevin Connolly isnt THAT bad looking as Ted makes THIS guy out to be. Chuy however, is. Ted has done blind vices about people far uglier than Kevin, and never been this badgering about the looks. Sorry guys....my votes with Chuy. Though still might be KEvin, who knows. But I think the clues lean more toward someone smaller and far less visually appealing.

its me said...

I don't think Chuy has bedded anyone who was notorious (for nothing) though. Someone like Nicky Hilton, let's say...

Anonymous said...

OK it's not Chuy for these 3 reasons: 1. "Crawley's somewhat public womanizing track record shows he's gotten to bed many notorious (for nothing) ladies" Umm Chuy is not even famous enough to have the women he has hooked up with be public knowledge. Kevin Connelly on the other hand is known to party and hook up with famous women like Nicky Hilton.
2. "As one would suspect of his unimaginative type, Crawly frequents the Hollywood club scene, a lot of the time with other famous pals, looking to score some ass." Is Chuy known for hitting the hollywood scene? No. KC is known to go out and party with friends like Leo DiCaprio.
3. "the really ridic thing about the dude is that his real-life sex manners are not at all like the nice TV character he plays." Chuy doesn't play any character on TV and I wouldn't say he's all that nice, whereas KC's character E is known to be the nicest to the ladies out of all the guys on Entourage.
So this was one long way of saying I think its KC for sure!

blurry vice said...

People, please read the "and it aints". Ted eliminated Verne Troyer off the bat.

sistah2 said...

blurry no one guessed VT. they were guessing Chuy. Its not the same person is it?

mo-mo said...

No, Chuy and VT are different people. Blurry, the person who mentioned VT said that they thought VT at first (before they read the AIAs).
To the "Anonymous" who thought I was being judgmental of little people: that is not the reason I thought it was ridic. If VT hadn't been eliminated, I would've thought it could be him. I thought it was ridic because of the 3 reasons the other "Anonymous" kindly pointed out. Plus, I could never picture Chuy being mean! Geez, lighten up!

Mary said...

It's not David Spade! Ted just eliminated him today.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Crawley McNugget has got to be David Spade! For him to score with as many hot babes as he seems to have, his sense of humor must make up for his troll-like appearance. But he got burned by the Playboy Bunny, which he fathered a kid with!
—KB

Dear Wrong Suit:
Sorry darling, Spade isn't our booty culprit. Fab guess though."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
One Straight Little Prick Blind Vice—I'm thinking Jeremy Piven for this one. He makes me think slimy, nasty and worse.
—Momma Kris

Dear Prickle:
Dead-on doll, but not for this vice."

sistah2 said...

Wow that means J Piven has been a BV< I knew it! I swear I guess him all the time. Just gotta figure out which one.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Could Crawley McNugget possibly be The Big Bang Theory's Johnny Galecki? He plays a nice guy, and I can imagine him being a terror off camera. After all, he did work with Roseanne.
—S

Dear Creeper:
Sorry, nope. Creative guess though. Think, uh, less cute."

blurry vice said...

repeat elim:

"Dear Ted:
I swear I'm right! please tell me that Crawley McNugget from One Straight Little Prick Blind Vice is David Spade.
—Curious as a Cat

Dear Purrty Close:
But not that chicken McNugget."

crila16 said...

This was on eonline today...

"One No-Shame Same-Sex Blind Vice: I'd like to clear Robert Pattinson's good name. Is it Kevin Connolly?"
—Coraline

"Dear Not Clearing Kev:
Wrong Vice for Connolly, so sorry! His is a diff one."
--------------------------

I think Ted is referring to this blind vice and that Kevin is Crawley McNugget.

Novia said...

From Ted's Twitter: #Crawley wishes more famous, used to date #Slurpa Pop-Off's sister -- well, Slurpa = Paris Hilton and Kevin Connolly used to date Nicky Hilton.

ad