Thursday, January 1, 2009

Vintage: One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice

Someone asked for the old BV that was suspected to be about Ashton and Demi. Here it is from October of '06.

One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice

‘Kay, it’s the first one outta the redesign bag, so for that celebratory reason, I’ll give ya a fairly easy one--like I’ve haven’t done that with you folks already, as of late. But whatev.

Pussy Gabor is known for his cut-rate artistic talents, as well as his hefty, more Gawd-gifted talents below. He’s also a good dad--of that, I must profess.

But yo, doesn’t a good hubby also stand up and make himself heard, instead of doing every damn thing his wife-unit tells him to do? Well, I guess being an equally vibrant marriage partner is an idea that belongs to a diff century than the one Mr. G. has his supple tush ‘n’ hairdo buried in. At least it appears that way.

‘Cause guess who P.G. is asking permission from to attend all (and I mean all) his pro gigs? Uh-huh, the old lady from hell, I mean, heaven!

Pussy wanted to attend a movie premiere recently (in which he was friggin’ involved!), for ince, but Missus Pussy said no way, religious services come first.

End of discussion.

Didn’t matter, as P.’s press has never been overly kind to him, anyway. Just woulda fried the dude on the carpet, anyway.

(An unfortunate factoid to which Missus P. is no doubt hip.)

And it's not: Al Reynolds, Tom Hanks, James Brolin
Also eliminated: Ryan Phillipe, John Travolta, Guy Ritchie, Will Smith, Michael C. Hall

Here is the letter in which he basically reveals it is them:

Dear Ted:
You are the first thing I read every morning, and I miss you on the weekend. Now, for my guess—I think
Ashton Kutcher is Pussy Gabor in One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice. Am I right?
Belmar, New Jersey

Dear N-Femme:
Closer than I care to admit, can I say that much?

Top suspect: Ashton Kutcher


kanonymous said...

I think Ashton can't be given a new nickname, but Demi can definitely be the subject of a new blind vice with a nickname.

sistah2 said...

If Ted re-uses a nickname like this one, he basically outs the BV immediately. If everyone knows this was AK, then Ted cant do another one on them with any suspense at all? It seems like he would make up a new name, unless he does not care if we all know instantly who it is.

Anonymous said...

If it's not Ashton, it could be Jerry O'Connell. Rebecca Romijn has him on a VERY short lease.

blurry vice said...

To the above - this BV was in Oct 2006. Jerry O'Connell did not have kids then.

Anonymous said...

Hmm.. if its an old one: Madonna and Guy...???

Anonymous said...

Shoot, how I see, Guy was eliminated...

Anonymous said...

This sure does not seem to be Demi/Ashton. He is NOT a dad. He is barely a step-dad since he is so close in age to his "daughter's". And Ted does not say it is him...says it is close. Sorry...I do not see this as a reveal at all.

Unknown said...

My guess was Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones.

blurry vice said...

Well, this is tough. Ted had pretty much said that this one was Ashton back in the day. But now, he is clearly the subject of the new BV about he and Demi. So I guess now Ashton is eliminated for this one? Or is Ted not giving him his correct nickname? I think I will write to him and ask.

Anonymous said...

David Beckham would also fit but then again he was already the subject of another BV. It said 'known for his cut-rate artistic talents' so Pussy does not have to be an actor. And he said this was easy!

Anonymous said...

Maybe what Ted meant about Ashton being close is Mr. and Mrs. Pussy G are also doing Kabbalah

blurry vice said...

With the new loophole about using a new name for a revealed BV, I am wondering if Ashton is both Pussy Gabor and Smokey Shooter. He didn't 100% confirm Pussy Gabor, but hinted it. Thoughts?

blurry vice said...

Ashton in the BV superstar gallery -

Ashton Kutcher

The king of TMI, Ash tweets us much more than we need to know about what the hell he does all day. So why doesn't he ever get into the good, salacious stuff that we so know he so loves to indulge in?

Anonymous said...

I think this is Madonna and Guy Ritchie. He directs movies, she is a controlling Kabbalah devotee, and they were still married at this point.

Charctine said...

On today's Bitch Back, someone asks if Kevin Bacon & Kyra Segwick are the Fun-Tanks, if Ashton Kutcher is Smokey Shooter and Hugh Jackman is Judas Jack Off. Ted said no to the Fun-Tanks, no to JJO, and said absolutely nothing about Kutcher being Smokey Shooter. His way of confirming?

Gemini850 said...

I think back in the day, Ted use to use different monikers for different people. Cause I believe Ashton is P**** Gabor, Smokey Shooter and Bill Bisexual. And maybe that was he's way to confirm that Ashton is Gabor. So if he confirm it, than he has to give Ashton a new moniker.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was just wondering what Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are like behind closed doors? They seem to have a very healthy, functional private life, which is surprising considering all the baggage Demi brought with her. What's their secret?

Dear Chiller Couple:
Actually, I've heard great things about Demi and Ashton as a married unit. Their Blind Vices certainly bond them together."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Demi Moore used to be a hell raiser but I haven't heard much about her recently. By any chance has she been a Blind Vice within the last 6 months?

Dear Ashton:
No, as you very well should know."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You said in a Bitch-Back! that my personal favorites, David Beckham and Ashton Kutcher, have been Blind Vices, but a long time ago. Does that mean that they are no longer participating in said Vices?

Dear Bad Boy Syndrome:
That would be a big no, Andie. Just because I haven't reported about them in a while doesn't mean said Vices don't exist. But I'll tell ya one thing, you may be off when trying to figure out their BV's."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Did Demi Moore pay off the FTC so they wouldn't do an investigation of her hubby's shady business deals? They need to investigate her! But anyway, whose Vice

would damage their career more: Demi's or Ashton Kutcher's?

Dear Conspiracy Cougar:
Sorry, doll, but I don't think Demi has that kind of power. At least not anymore. Ash got out of this bind the good old fashion way: by being upfront about his investments in the first place. Not everything in Hollywood has to be so shady, baby. That said, Ashton is far more set on keeping his Vice a secret."

blurry vice said...