Saturday, January 31, 2009

One Straight Little Pr*ck Blind Vice

New BV from Ted from yesterday....

One Straight Little Prick Blind Vice
Crawley McNugget is a quasi-pint-size playboy in the fickle and lust-filled town of Hell-Ay, even though he may not look the part. Like, at all. Regardless, Crawley's somewhat public womanizing track record shows he's gotten to bed many notorious (for nothing) ladies even though scores of coke-snorting bystanders manage to marvel at McNugget's success—through the haze of blow-filled highs, no less.
But look, the really ridic thing about the dude is that his real-life sex manners are not at all like the nice TV character he plays. Here's how:
As one would suspect of his unimaginative type, Crawly frequents the Hollywood club scene, a lot of the time with other famous pals, looking to score some ass. And he does too, tons. C.M. takes the babes back to his Hills home with the assumption that they're sure gonna do the dirty, and most of the time they sure do. Jeez, you straight chicks can be as easy as us gay slutty ones, I swear! I digress.
But for any gal who prefers to just fool around without closing the deal, be prepared for McNugget to scream louder than a Desperate Housewife with bad lighting. "Get out, then!" he will squeal with high-pitched yelping not dissimilar from the zealous Chihuahua he resembles. He then calls a cab for the discarded dame.
Gentlemanly? Hardly. Why, the last babe who got kicked to the curb dished to us that when the cabbie picked her up, the driver snarked, "What is this place?" She proceeded to tell him the name of the nonlikely hunk that lived there. "I'm here nightly," the cabby said. "Sometimes a couple times a night."
Guess you get cab fare whether you seal the deal or not. One thing's for certain: You don't get to spend the night. Ever. Why? Because the last honey Crawley tried to make it work with burned him for life. No joke. Life. Now, he treats his women as badly as she did him.
And It Ain't: John Mayer, Matt Dillon, Verne Troyer

Here is the link to the new Crawley McNugget blind vice from July 2009.

* Update July 29: Ted has eliminated John Mayer, Matt Dillon, Verne Troyer, David Spade, Jeremy Piven, Johnny Galecki, Penn Badgley, Tony Romo, Bradley Cooper, Chace Crawford.

* Top suspect: Kevin Connolly

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

NYDN - Gatecrasher 1.27.09

Wicked Whispers: Which aging rock star attempted to have a rhinoplasty — but was deemed an unsuitable candidate because he’s still frequently using Colombia’s finest?

NY Post - Page Six - 1.27.09


WHICH magazine writer who's known in the office as a shameless self-promoter tried to sell her life story as a series? During a meeting with a cable channel, the woman told salacious details about her life to all in the room - including the fact that she's been cheating on her long-suffering husband (whom she married only because of his social connections and money) with a well-known actor. The gossipy meeting was all for naught, as the scribe was turned down. Now she'll just have to find other ways to get on TV.

Hollywood Whodunit - 1.18.09

New from Janet Charlton's Hollywood - Hollywood Whodunit from Jan 18

This actor is the kind of guy that every single woman over thirty wants to meet. He's tall, dark, and handsome and successful on TV as well as the big screen. He's carved out a career playing "the boyfriend" to leading ladies. But this down to earth guy is freakier than he looks- he never goes out without a jar of mayonnaise in his backpack. He cheats on his famous girlfriend with frisky gals willing to spread the mayo all over his body.

Friday, January 23, 2009

One Black Boys are Delicious Blind Vice

New from the Awful Truth today...

One Black Boys are Delicious Blind Vice

Prius Crotch-Catch is so famous, so gorgeous, so down with everything cool
in T-town: from always dating the hippest dude, to starring in the latest hit.
She’s also politically aware! And she’s so full of enviable girl power, so pure!
Surely she doesn’t snort evil drugs or sleep around! Everyone loves and wants to
be Prius! Oh, and even though PC-C’s fallen in love from time to time, lately,
she’s been on her own—but now appears to be settling sweetly down again.
Everyone’s breathing a sigh of belated relief. So fab that Prius has met her
latest BF, a fine and steady dude who knows nothing of his girl’s immediate and
shocking past, which includes:
Many, many cocaine-powered nights of hot, endless and very loud sex that white chick Prius just stopped having with Wally Wallup, an African-American dude who’s as studly as he is rich and infamous. No one knew Prius and Wally were dating—and they liked it that way, too, as they
were wholly hooking up just for the wild nooky. Jeez, thought it was just the
gays who went for the meaningless, sweaty hot sex, but what the ef do I know?
Just that the hipster hotel where Wallup and Crotch-Catch always did it became
even more infamous than it already is when the gorgeous twosome’s screams,
snorts and clandestine meetings became so...well, vocal. Indeed, Mr. Wallup had
to start posting his bodyguards outside their suite doors just to keep folks
from breaking in and calling 911, or joining in, take your pick.
Doesn’t matter anymore, as Prius C-C only has eyes for her just-snagged,
far-less-athletic nooky partner. Won’t last. Uh-uh, no friggin’ wild-sex-starved
way. Mark my snoopy (and wise) words.

And It Aint: Rachel McAdams, Scarlett Johansson, Hayden Panettiere

Update 3/5/09 - Ted has also eliminated Lucy Liu, Carrie Underwood, Sienna Miller, Jennifer Aniston, Hilary Duff, Megan Fox, Paris Hilton with P-Diddy (but close on this pair)., Natalie Portman, Nick Cannon.

* Our top guess: Cameron Diaz and ?.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Desperate Housewives Bonus Blind Vice

Ted posted this yesterday -
Desperate Housewives Bonus Blind Vice
This one's too stoopid to wait until Friday. So as a special double Blind Vice week in honor of Barack Obama's inauguration (about which I am very happy, contrary to popular belief), I'm filling you all in on a super scandal over at Marc Cherry's ABC hit, Desperate Housewives. Now, it's no secret that those broads get along about as well as Palin and Biden fans do, but something new is making things even worse:
Shilah Schtup Me, let's call her (a virgin to our naughty Blind Vice annals, I must say), has made it quite clear she feels her TV gig is, well, just not A-List enough.
Therefore, she's had certain members of her representation make discreet—or so she thought—inquiries about gradually getting her some primo movie gigs, with the hope of one day being able to ditch the boob-tube stuff altogether.
Trouble is, the rest of Shilah's representatives, not to mention practically every agency in town at this point, found out about it and read SSM the riot act for being such a damn ingrate, as she's incredibly lucky to have landed the D.H. gig in the first place—as the fool had no career to speak of prior. None. Zilcho. In other words, fierce and scolding word came back:
Be happy where you are, 'cause you ain't no movie star.
It Ain't: Lily Tomlin, Dana Delaney, Andrea Bowen


Friday, January 16, 2009

One Fabulous Fagola Run-In Blind Vice!

New from Ted today...
One Fabulous Fagola Run-In Blind Vice

It was so delicious. Better than Angie getting her gal-flirt on at the Globes. Far better than whatever Mickey Rourke did with all those easy chicks at the after-parties. Call it showdown of the down-low dudes! (You do know what down-low means, right? Uh, it's when superficially macho guys, often in the black and Latino cultures, but not always, like to screw with guys on the side while they've got the babes out in front.) So here we go: Like the good little showman he is, Toothy Tile went to the Golden Globes this past weekend. And where was a camera when you needed one 'cause boyfriend ran into Lloyd Boy-Toyed, one of our other closeted Hollywood actors, just not as famous. Jeez, wanna hear what happened? They met. For the first time, I do not know, but I'm pretty sure it was. And even though both stars live to get their boy-flirt on, big-time, these guys are nearly a generation apart, so I highly doubt they mingle at the same gay gatherings. But what's really interesting is how very sad Lloyd acted with Toothy, almost as if he saw before him the chance he'll never have: the possibility to come out of the closet and still have a career. Boy-Toyed never will out himself (although others sure as hell keep trying), not just because of his age, but because of his family, trust me on that one. But Toothy? Everybody knows he could still have it both ways; he's sure young enough. So what did Lloyd and Tooth discuss? "The awards, the show, politics—it was a total come-on," insists my Toothy/Lloyd interloper. Am I quoting myself here, I wonder, and being very sneaky? Hmm. "It's how Lloyd operates. It's all in the eyes." Yes, that much is true. Very true. I know firsthand. But let's get the point, already: Did Lloyd and Toothy hook up? Not there, they didn't, although I do believe digital info was exchanged, a dynamic that never would have gone down had T.T.'s standard chick date been around, which she wasn't, at least not then. Where could she have been? Stitching up Kate Beckinsale's dress in the ladies room? Oh, and Lloyd. You might as well throw that number away. Toothy so is not calling. Sorry. (He's taken, a few times over.)
And it ain't: (no one)
Here is the link to the original Lloyd Boy-Toyed Blind Vice from September '08, including a full list of who has been eliminated.
And here is the link to the most recent LBT BV from October '09.

Top suspect for LBT: Alec Baldwin

(For Toothy, follow the label link for our many posts about him!!!)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Janet Charlton - Hollywood Whodunit - 12.21.08

Here is the latest from Janet Charlton's Hollywood - "Hollywood Whodunit?" .. this is actually from Dec 21. Yes we are delayed but we don't usually post from that site! But since a reader asked us to... enjoy!

This troubled actor is admired for his work, but he can't conquer his numerous personal demons. Not only does he have a fiery temper, but his rages are fueled by huge quantities of drugs, resulting in legal problems. In addition, he has another addiction that isn't so apparent yet. He's a raging sex addict. He talks about women and sex nonstop. People who visit his house are shocked to see that he worships the female anatomy - he has huge and expensive pieces of artwork all over his house depicting female genitalia.

Comments welcome...

Lainey reveal - Salma Hayek

Again Lainey has had a mini-reveal... Remember A Bitch To Work For? Well today Lainey confirmed that she is Salma Hayek just as we suspected...

What's up with the Baby Daddy?

Salma Hayek, an improvement on her meh appearance at the Globes, looking gorgeous and unusually UNbusty (relatively speaking) last night at the National Board of Review awards in New York. Maybe she dialed it up a notch for her baby daddy Francois Henri-Pinault? They had dinner last night Salma but did not seem like she wanted to be seen with him.
Like, he’s the father of your child. What’s with the discomfort?
And what’s with the giant block of humourless up her ass?
Her face at the Globes during Sacha Baron Cohen's presentation – oh please. It was funny. Even Madonna would have found it funny. And for sure Guy Ritchie. And whatever with your sanctimony, Salma. It’s one thing to deliver a joke, it’s another to cut corners and cheap out on staff, treat people like sh-t, but pretend in the open to be kind and evolved and supportive. I’ll take Sacha’s “inappropriate comments” over that kind of hypocrisy any day.
PS. Sandra Bullock has a great sense of humour. You know she loved it!

Another one exposed...

Four Sisters Blind Item #1

Drum roll please... for our very first blind item of our own. We don't have THAT much access to secret hot gossip... so there won't be many more. But when we do, we'll call them the "Four Sisters" blinds! Here you go, #1 -

She is very talented, with a successful career. She is well known from a reality show. A staffer at one of the glossy mags tells us that they completed a whole article about her homosexuality this past fall. But they pulled the plug on the article because she is not ready to come out... yet. They do not want to be the ones that out her, but have the article ready to go when she does.

It ain't..Fantasia, Jordan Sparks, Leona Lewis

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Perez Not-So-Blind - 1.13.09

From Perez Hilton yesterday -

Yes, that douchebag is leaving the TV show. But, wanna know the real reason? He's back on the drugs and alcohol, showing up late to work and being very unpleasant to work with. Is his homewrecking girlfriend gonna support him now???

Gotta be Balthazar Getty.

Update: Lainey- How He Holds Her (3/25/08)

Lainey confirmed for us today what our guess was for "How He Holds Her": Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green.

Here is the link to Lainey's blurb today along with a video clip of the Globes.
Here is the link to the riddle here on our blog for those who missed it.

Here's the article :

Is this a man?

His name is
Brian Austin Green. You know him better as David Silver. He spent most of the 90s making out with Tori Spelling…remember him?
Oh yeah…him.
Brian Austin Green is engaged to
Megan Fox, a man in his 30s desperately hanging on to his young break out girl who is trying to cope with outgrowing him. So, like a whiny little bitch, Brian opted not to attend the Golden Globes the other night with his prize.
As she told the emaciated Giuliana Rancic on the red carpet that night:
"Brian doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to be my date. He's a man. He has an ego. I think he's probably working on music. I don't think he cares."

Oh honey…
Is that what he told you? Is that how he holds you? Is that how he controls you?
Through guilt?
Because you spent the entire time feeling it, didn’t you? Feeling badly that he didn’t come, feeling upset because he was upset, unable to enjoy your first Golden Globes.
It’s textbook manipulation.
And for a girl who claims to have such progressive views on female imagery in Hollywood, on women and sex, it’s also really pathetic. Because in explaining his absence by justifying his “manhood” she has actually upheld the most traditional, most man-centric perspectives: that a man is less of a man if he’s not the primary focus. That a man should always be #1. That a man should never accept NOT being #1.
Way to go Megan. How very enlightened of you.
Brian Austin Green attended the Fox TV Winter Party last night in LA. Megan was told to stay home and keep the bed warm.

Keep them coming Lainey!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Page Six- Just Asking

January 12, 2009 --
WHICH pop star/reality-TV hostess and her husband tried to lure a hottie publicist into their Atlantic City hotel suite for a threesome? When the singer suddenly stripped naked and got into bed, the terrified flack made her excuses and fled . . . WHICH petite screen actress isn't as intelligent as her college degree would imply? She refuses to read the scripts her agents send her and then throws a fit when plum roles go to her harder-working peers.

Friday, January 9, 2009

One Spoonful of Spice Blind Vice

Here is the latest Blind Vice from Ted Casablanca, eonline's Awful Truth...

One Spoonful of Spice Blind Vice

Crescent Kumquat sure has many swooning ladies—and drooling gents—wondering which way this young hunk swings. His precious looks seem far too well-groomed to be that of a sports-watchin', belch-providin', crotch-grabbin' hetero fella (well, his crotch, at least).
We've heard many stories of Cres' femme conquests, raunchy, watery and fairly athletic hookups to be exact. But even Toothy Tile's been known to dabble in dames from time to time, if that says anything about Cres-Cres' not-so-straight ways. And if Mr. Kumquat's more frequent nightly habits are at all telling, we've got bad news for the horny-for-Crescent gals out there:
See, Cres loves to go out and party. Yeah, so what, who doesn't at his age? A few drinks turn into a lot more, and before ya know it, dude's libido leads him every which way—par-tick to the bedroom, or whatever comfy surface he can park his luscious, long...limbs on.
Often with a bunch of like-minded (and beautifully skinned) boys 'n' girls. But guess what? Despite C.K.'s female kiss capades with other gals of his status, Kumquat's often found after these debauched nights out waking up in the arms of his "very close" guy friends. Spooning. Friggin' entwined, folks. In front of the gals he was supposedly getting all debauched with the night before.
This certainly is as telling and de-lish a plot development as Crescent's day job churns out, I'll tell ya that much.
And It Ain't: Adrien Grenier, Penn Bladgley, Kellan Lutz

* Complete list of those eliminated as of 11/18/11: Adrien Grenier, Penn Badgley, Kellan Lutz, Robert Pattinson, Cam Gigandet, Jackson Rathbone, Zac Efron, Adam Levine, John Mayer, Corbin Bleu, Taylor Kitsch, Jensen Ackles, Paul Wesley, Justin Beiber, Nick Jonas, James Van Der Beek, Alexander Skarsgard, Matt Lanter, Michael C. Hall, Matthew Bomer, Ryan Kwanten, Kiefer Sutherland, 50 Cent, Alexander Skarsgard, John Goodman, Colton Haynes, Kellan Lutz, Tom Sturridge, Charlie Sheen

*** Our top guess: Chace Crawford.

* Here is a link to the second Crescent Kumquat blind vice from May '09. And here is the third CK BV from January '10. And here and here are the CK BVs from April 2010.  Here is the newest CK BV from May 2010.

Awful Truth: Ted calls out Toothy

Today in Awful Truth, Ted called out Toothy Tile:

Pigs in Blankets for Toothy?

When we announced that Toothy Tile won our user-voted year-end awards, the Prop 88s (88 celebrity propositions we want passed, including T. Tile coming out of his very dusty closet), we suggested a lovely ceremony at the Beverly Hilton to make it official. You know, award him with an actual trophy instead of a trophy girlfriend, that sort of sensible thing.

We chose Oct. 11, National Coming Out Day, can't think why. Next thing you know, the senior catering manger from the damn Hilton emails us and wants to know if we really are booking the joint? I said I'd ask.

Toothy? Is it a date?


Thursday, January 8, 2009

Page Six- Just Asking

January 8, 2009 --
WHICH married-with-children cable TV honcho has been so helpful to an ambitious reporter who works for him, everyone thinks they're having an affair - including her boyfriend? Her beau dumped her flat after reading some incriminating e-mails . . . WHICH media mogul has been hitting on the flight attendant on his corporate jet - and her girlfriend? He offered the hotties an all-expenses-paid trip to Mexico City, but they laughingly declined.

Comments please!!!!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Vintage Ted - Trent Spent, Divella Sniffella, Pete Poked

OK here are two BV's about Trent Spent. These were also suspected to be about Brad Pitt, and there are two of them which fits with what Ted said today.
 (Divella Sniffella = Jennifer Ansiton? See comments for discussion on how Ted has contradicted himself on whether or not she is a BV.)

One Luxurious Blind Vice - April 2005

BRAD PITT 24X36 COLOR POSTER PRINTFor those of you out there who are sick of the same-sex Vices, hey, just write me an extra-vitriolic email (I can take it) and wait for next week's installment, 'kay? Otherwise, read room-service-ready on.

Trent Spent is rich as he is horny. He's also as talented as he is successful in love. T.S. recently busted up with his significant other, Divella Sniffella, a heterosexual woman who was tired of dealing with Trent's sexual preferences, which didn't always happen to include her.

Funny. While Spent's friends are busy amongst themselves with gossipy gab trying to figure out just which babely honey has replaced Divella, Trent's been down south laughing at them all.

No, not down in Mexico. Not that far. Maybe halfway or so. At a luxury spot frequented by stars who like to let it all hang out--and then some.

You see, this red-hot enclave has developed such a reputation for protecting the percolating peccadilloes of movie stars that those salty celebs have become something close to lax once they arrive. Like, maybe, for ince, Trent not hiding the fact that he regularly romps around on those down duvets with other dudes. Down, boys! Those delish manly meetings are makin' the maids talk. A lot!

And it ain't: George Clooney, John Stamos, Jamie Foxx

Also this one

One Secret Suck-Face Blind Vice - June 2005

Trent Spent should stop by to the following friskiness (as he likes a roll in the homo hay, from time to time), but alas, word might get out that he's not actually as
superhetero as the box-office-supporting public likes to think. Bummer.

Because these private get-downs up in the Hollywood Hills are becoming the place to hitch a ride on the same-sex bus to bonk heaven! Translation: orgies. For men only. Got it, Gracie? Good. Get out a couple of Trojans and trudge on:

Up until recently, these semi-private poof-poundings have been harder to get into than Katie Holmes' privates. But that appears to be changing, as certain regular guests (all of whom must be big-ish in the Biz, to insure privacy) have begun inviting lesser mortals.

Pete Poked is not happy to learn of these dangerous circumstances. As he and those of his in front of the camera have far more to lose--should the newbie commoners run screaming about their sweaty discoveries.
And it ain't: Harrison Ford & Josh Brolin, Will Smith & Josh Hartnett, Paul Newman & Josh Lucas

More people eliminated as Trent Spent were: Charlie Sheen, Tom Cruise, Usher, Colin Farrell, Josh Duhamel.

For Divella Sniffella, the only people eliminated that we know were Naomi Campbell and Chilli from TLC.

Also for Pete Poked the following were also eliminated: Josh Duhamel, Tobey Maguire, Vince Vaughn, John Mayer, Dean McDermott, Stuart Townsend, Joel Madden.
Here is the other Pete Poked BV.

* Top suspects:
Pete Poked: Orlando Bloom, Leonardo DiCaprio
Trent Spent: Brad Pitt
Divella Sniffella: Jennifer Aniston

Comment with your thoughts... I think this is all too confusing.

Vintage Ted - Buzz Thrill

Today, Ted mentioned that yes, Brad Pitt was the subject of a past blind vice - twice. Now, we know that Ted says he doesn't give the same person more than one nickname. At least that's what he says. So we wonder, was it ONE nickname that was featured in two blind vices? Or was it two separate nicknames??
Regardless, here is one oldie BV in which I personally believed Buzz Thrill was clearly Brad Pitt.
However, that would make Angelina Jolie be Bored Broomhilda.... and we think she is Fake A La Ferocity. She can't be both according to Ted's recent revelation. Ahh.... this is all too confusing. Anyhow -

One Anchovies on the Side Blind Vice - Sept 2007

Yeah, Hollywood's full of finagling femmes (and dudes), fer sure, but Bored Broomhilda sure takes the conniving cake. Not only has she used men in the past the way I go through adjectives, but now, Broomy's sweet guy has no idea she's, like, totally ready to dump him out with last night's leftover Caesar salad.

And after all this tawk that B.B. was done with her man-mangling ways, what bosh!

Thing is, Bored's babe, an okay honey by the mattress-movin' name of
Buzz Thrill, really doesn't have any idea whatsoever he's 'bout to get a stiletto right where he used to get far more supple attention from Ms. B, a pro at the ersatz nooky thang if ever there was one. See, B.B. really does, in the end (as it were), prefer the romantic type o' partner with less protruding genitalia. Hmmm. Does Buzz know he's just been a pawn in B2's masterminding machinations, all along?

Of course he does—he's not that much of a doofus, contrary to popular gab. It's just that, eh, how shall I put this? Like so many women say about gay men, B.T. thought he could change Broomhilda's ways.

What a fool.

And it ain't: Dax Sheperd/Kate Hudson, Bill Clinton/Hilary Clinton, Elizabeth Hasselbeck/Tim Hasselbeck.
Also eliminated: Gwyneth Paltrow, Anne Heche/James Tupper, Drew Barrymore, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Sandra Bullock

Please comment!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Page Six - Just Asking: 1.2.09

Belated... This was in NY Post Jan 2:

WHICH newly married starlet gave a guy she trysted with a nasty STD right before her wedding . . .
WHICH on-the-rocks couple have been headed for divorce for a while? The rock star was cheating on his actress wife immediately after they got hitched and has been carrying on with his comely female sound technician . . .
WHICH television actor should ask his new fling for her secret photo album? While she was in college, she took some nude pictures that are floating around the hard drives of local frat houses. Somehow, we don't think the actor will be turned off.


Toothy Tile kiss

Yesterday, Ted published a photo of Jake G grabbing Reese's face and planting a kiss on her at a Lakers game. Looks as if she was caught off guard and he just grabbed her cheeks. This is the first kiss I have seen of them. Here is what Ted said about it:
Jake and Reese Make Out - Gee, Such Passion

Wow, if these photos are any indication, looks like Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have upgraded their relationship from hand-holding to kissing. The boring babes were actually caught smooching courtside at a Lakers game this weekend. Did they finally realize they need to one-up their tepid friend-like relaysh with something a little saucier?

Nothing works better than being on display in the front row at a basketball game—that's the equivalent of a People cover nowadays. Just ask Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, who use courtside seats for publicity between High School Musical press tours—truly smoldering stuff there, babes.

Now, gotta say, this Lakers biz is a serious step-up from J&R's predictable dates—Starbucks runs and walking, yawn. Tell ya what, Jakey, we'll start to believe how in love you are with Wither-hon when we catch her entertaining you in the bathroom at Coco Deville à la Paris.


Saturday, January 3, 2009

NYDN Gatecrasher - 12.31.08

WICKED WHISPERS: Which quiet TV starlet proclaims to the world that she's a teensy-weensy size when, in fact, she's actually an average-sized 6?

- This is exactly the same as another blind item recently. Snooze!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Vintage: One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice

Someone asked for the old BV that was suspected to be about Ashton and Demi. Here it is from October of '06.

One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice

‘Kay, it’s the first one outta the redesign bag, so for that celebratory reason, I’ll give ya a fairly easy one--like I’ve haven’t done that with you folks already, as of late. But whatev.

Pussy Gabor is known for his cut-rate artistic talents, as well as his hefty, more Gawd-gifted talents below. He’s also a good dad--of that, I must profess.

But yo, doesn’t a good hubby also stand up and make himself heard, instead of doing every damn thing his wife-unit tells him to do? Well, I guess being an equally vibrant marriage partner is an idea that belongs to a diff century than the one Mr. G. has his supple tush ‘n’ hairdo buried in. At least it appears that way.

‘Cause guess who P.G. is asking permission from to attend all (and I mean all) his pro gigs? Uh-huh, the old lady from hell, I mean, heaven!

Pussy wanted to attend a movie premiere recently (in which he was friggin’ involved!), for ince, but Missus Pussy said no way, religious services come first.

End of discussion.

Didn’t matter, as P.’s press has never been overly kind to him, anyway. Just woulda fried the dude on the carpet, anyway.

(An unfortunate factoid to which Missus P. is no doubt hip.)

And it's not: Al Reynolds, Tom Hanks, James Brolin
Also eliminated: Ryan Phillipe, John Travolta, Guy Ritchie, Will Smith, Michael C. Hall

Here is the letter in which he basically reveals it is them:

Dear Ted:
You are the first thing I read every morning, and I miss you on the weekend. Now, for my guess—I think
Ashton Kutcher is Pussy Gabor in One Spouse-Whipped Blind Vice. Am I right?
Belmar, New Jersey

Dear N-Femme:
Closer than I care to admit, can I say that much?

Top suspect: Ashton Kutcher