Lainey - On location influences

New Lainey riddle today -

On location influences

Serious actor with a more serious actor friend, even though their friendship isn’t as public as some of the others. No pictures, but still, their names will appear together on party reports, and it’s always the kind of parties that feature douchebags leering at young models. They’ve come together again on a new project, working away on location. While on location, away from the media, away from the paparazzi, one influences the other. Which would be fine, because that’s his lifestyle, famously it’s his lifestyle, but his friend happens to be married. And it’s not his wife he’s taking back to his hotel room every night. The side piece works at the casino and that’s probably not a good place to be around for someone with his history. You just replace one addiction with the other.
This isn’t the first time we’ve run into some out of bounds play with him though. All of us were wondering if he’d paused on his long term relationship a couple of years ago with another co-star. That ended up fading, he got married, and now…well… now he has a temporary waiting in bed for him until he gets to go home.

Top suspects:Tom Hardy and Leonardo DiCaprio

Lainey - His drunken proposition

New Lainey riddle yesterday -

His drunken proposition

Maybe this is what the girlfriends are for. He expects them to look great. And to just…look?
A few weeks ago at a Hollywood bar, playboy was partying without his bonafide. He had two of his crew with him. He’d been drinking. Or something. He seemed very …accessible and uninhibited. Once he found his target, he made his approach, with his friends as backup. After spending some time flirting with the dude, a very cute, young gay dude, he made a special request:
He asked him if he would be into a three-way situation, but the third participant would be a woman. The woman would be watching as the two of them got down. In his line of work, it’s all about variety. After so many years of anything at any time, he needs as many flavours as possible. 

Top suspect: Leonardo DiCaprio

Lainey - 2 days and 20 years

1 of 3 Lainey riddles from Dec 31:

2 Days and 20 Years

She’s married and they have a child. And these days she’s much more visible -- all over -- than he is. There have been rumours, since they seem to be apart so often, that their relationship has been unstable. Though they’ve recently been seen together, and appear to be happy, he might not feel so secure if he were to find out who she’s sleeping with behind his back, and so indiscriminately.

My sources confirm that there was a boy, a very young, very famous, pop boy with his own fragile love situation who she f-cked for sh-ts and giggles. Just 2 nights later, it was another very famous former pop boy (of sorts) 20 years older who, obviously, specifically targets her small demographic. One night only. Those would be her more famous indiscretions. But they say she’s been cheating all over the place and all the time.

Top suspects: Miranda Kerr, Justin Bieber, Leonardo DiCaprio

Blind Vice: During Awards Season, the King Forgets His Queen Days

New BV from Ted today.  Schlong returns...

Blind Vice: During Awards Season, the King Forgets His Queen Days


Some dudes like Crotch Uh-Lastic and Toothy Tile, we really feel for. These are movie stars who truly do only like other guys, even though they also (just as much) want to be renowned film actors. So they play the game (well, Toothy does).
But then there's mischievous bisexual King Schlong, who can take boys—or go without them.
So, what's King's current sexual bent? And could the dog-eat-dog awards season have something to do with King's choice?
Girls, girls, girls and yes, yes, yes.

You see, truth be known, King's always fooled around with both sexes (as recently as this year, too!). But it's really not what drives King ultimately romantically—and certainly not come the career-defining months from Emmys to Oscars.
"That boy will no sooner go around boys when these awards are still out than Alec Baldwin will apologize to American Airlines," said one of King's myriad Biz colleagues, who knows full well that Schlong has long been a free spirit and doesn't want to be tied down to either sex, in any capacity.
But this maverick sensibility, we're told, is wholly heterosexually infused, at this time of the year because what King wants more than domestic happiness is...big ol' trophy-time recognition. "Like, bad," is how it was put to us.
Jeez. Kinda sounds like that old stereotype people are always applying to women only in this town, like, she slept her way to the top.
Apparently, King's desperately trying it out, too.
But will it work?
And It Ain't: Alex Pettyfer, Kellan Lutz, Alec Baldwin

Please refer to the label below for a link to our posts on the previous King Schlong BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: still Leo. 

Blind Vice: King Schlong Is a Texter Molester Behind His Girlfriend's Back

Happy 4th of July weekend!  Here was Ted's new BV yesterday -

Blind Vice: King Schlong Is a Texter Molester Behind His Girlfriend's Back

King Schlong is at it again, folks.
Same old cheating crap, new gorgeous gal-pal getting duped by his charming ways.
See, K.S. swapped one chick for another (as he does so often), but this time he actually seemed to be into his gal of the moment. And stupidly, we thought the King may have turned over a new leaf for a hot second there. But turns out this Hollywood playboy can't change his spots.
Like at all...
‘Cause the gal this dude is publicly romancing ain't the only chick he's getting down and dirty with.
We hear firsthand that the Schlong is not only wooing the ladies while his sorta-GF is out of town working on some swanky project or another, but he is texting numerous girls even when they're in the same city!
At a recent dinner in Los Angeles, a buxom brunette model (totally King's type) couldn't get her plastic-surgery-perfected nose out of her smart phone, where she spent the evening swapping skanky texts with the super schlong and giggling at everything he sent her.
Totally déjà vu, huh? Doesn't King know that no one in this town keeps their trap shut?
Turns out the two have been sexting since like forevs, but at least this gal knows she ain't the only lady on the side.
As the dark-haired beauty bragged to her dinner dates, "We talk all the time and hang out, but it's nothing serious."
Um, maybe someone should tell K.S.'s GF to take on a similar ‘tude?
AND IT AIN'T: Jason Statham, Kris Humphries, Michael Sheen

Please refer to our label below for a link to our previous King Schlong BVs.

Top suspect: Leonardo DiCaprio

Blind Vice: Sorry Girls, King Schlong Isn't All Yours

New from Ted 3/18/11 -

Blind Vice: Sorry Girls, King Schlong Isn't All Yours

Totally lovable (but totally slutty) King Schlong is a heartbreaker on so many levels, certain Hollywood women are now discovering. Not only has King stepped out on his current super-hot GF (many times), turns out he's also been rather adept at stepping out on the whole female race!
Here's what went down just this week:
Schlong's never been any good at keeping that extremely popular salami of his zipped up, this is a well-known, barely kept Hollywood secret. No surprise there.
But what was a shocker for one of King's avid, young and lusting female fans was the following:
Gorgeous Hollywood insider babe was talking to veteran Hollywood producer gal. "I just love King," she breathlessly confessed to the older woman, "and he's all man. That's what I love about him the most. Such a stud."
"Uh, honey," replied the more seasoned broad, who has worked with King in the past on one of his many A-list projects, "he's not exactly the man you think he is."
"What...what do you mean?" asked the younger T-town gal, who feared the worst (she considered), and pretty much got it.
"A few years ago, I walked in on King and [fellow A-list movie heartthrob], and they were just going at it in bed. So, look, he may be all man, but he doesn't mind sharing it with another man, get it?"
"No!" screamed the frightened woman, as if a man who sleeps with other men in Tinseltown is some kind of anomaly, far from it! "He's not...not gay, is he?"
"No, he's not gay gay," answered the producer-type, who was almost pitifully laughing at her dejected colleague. "But he sleeps with guys when he feels like it. Just don't think he's felt like in a while!"
The broken King fan was feeling a little better after hearing this news but, we gotta say we just don't get this hypocritical BS.
Why is it when women like Angelina Jolie say they've slept with other women, men think it's hot as hell, but when women hear it about men who have done the same with their own sex, they get all grossed out?
Totally sexist. Aren't women supposed to be the more evolved sex, anyway?
It Ain't: Chris O'Donnell, Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey

See Labels for previous King Schlong Blind Item, including list of Ted's eliminations.
Top Suspect: Leo DiCaprio

Blind Vice: King Schlong Can't Keep It in His Pants

New from Ted -

Blind Vice: King Schlong Can't Keep It in His Pants



Oh King Schlong! How happy you're about to make many of your groupies all over the world, when they find out that high profile relationship you're in don't mean a thang.
See, King is king for a reason. He's charming, knows how to command a room, and is good looking in that yeah, I know I'm the s--t kind of way.
So, it only makes sense he found an equally yummy counterpart whom he has flaunted all over the world.
But does she know where her man's penis plays when she's away?
Lots of places, really, but one girl she might be super pissed about her man shagging is a well-known L.A. party chick who has bedded the likes of one Shafterella Shoshtein's boy bitches, Super Duper-Cooper, and the bisexual star who gave Crescent Kumquat herpes.
Don't you just love the one degree of Blind Vice separation in this town?
Anyhoo, party honey was pulling her phone out and showing all kinds of dirty texts that King Schlong was sending her while he was supposedly with his pretty babe.
"She's so stupid," quipped the preening slut about King's main gal. "He cheats on her all the time. But he's good in bed and hot, so I don't feel bad about it."
It's true, King Schlong has his moniker for a reason. He's quite royally equipped.
And it's only a matter of time before that gorgeous babe of his catches him putting his jewels where they don't belong—and calls it off.
Clearly, it's what the eternal bachelor is aiming for.
And It Ain't: Joel Madden, Kanye West, Johnny Depp

Update 3/24/12 - Ted has eliminated Joel Madden, Kanye West, Johnny Depp, Caleb Followhill, Prince William, George Clooney, Darren DeGallo, Jared Leto, Robert Pattinson, 50 Cent, Joe Jonas, Channing Tatum, Mark Wahlberg, P Diddy, Matthew McConaughey, Justin Timberlake, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bruce Willis, Dwayne Johnson, Jon Hamm, Ryan Gosling, Alexander Skarsgard, Bradley Cooper, Christian Bale, Jason Statham, Kevin Connolly, Brad Pitt, Chris O'Donnell, Matthew McConaughey, Anderson Cooper, James Franco, Ryan Reynolds, Chris Pine, Ashton Kutcher, Tao Ruspoli, Morgan Freeman, Tom Hardy, Aaron Eckhart, Chord Overstreet, Taylor Lautner, Jamie Foxx, Alex Pettyfer, Kellan Lutz, Alec Baldwin, Jonah Hill, Michael Fassbender.

Clues: Not an athlete; has not done voice-over work; has been a side character in a BV before, but never a starring role until now.Was at the 2011 Academy Award ceremony. Think more movies than television.  Does not have kids.  Much younger than Morgan Freeman.

Top suspect -Leonardo DiCaprio (even though he has already been a BV "ages ago" per Ted in 2010. Yes... Ted says KS has been in a BV before, as a side character. He is now saying people can have two names. See our discussion in comments!)

Vintage BV: Pete Poked, Charmaine Chuck-Up

Since Ted mentioned Pete Poked in his column recently, we're bringing back another one of his oldies...

One Reserved-Parking Blind Vice - Sept 7, 2006

Another Hollywood bustup. Boo-freakin'-hoo. Excuse me if I'm not exactly cryin' into my hanky. In this town, where relationships last about as long as lunchtime Botox sessions, peeps who manage to stay together are the real newsworthy ones, don't you all think? Anyhow, I never really thought Pete Poked and Charmaine Chuck-Up were such hot 'n' heavy lovebirds in the first place.

I mean, you can't place your Prius in a spot that's already taken, can you? 'Course not! Kinda like how Char-love couldn't possibly be the stylish ride of choice for Petey's daredevil desires, 'cause he's already had a serious shotgun boyfriend for quite sometime. Yes, that's right: Just like Toothy and so many of the friggin' rest of 'em, P2 likes the boys, not the girls--no matter how thin or pretty or pouty they may be.

I'm told this par-tick tight boyish twosome enjoys sportin' weekend jaunts to the mountains, where they can hit the slopes and canoodle by candlelight far, far away from those pesky papa-Nazis. Wonder if Charmaine recently found out about these little snowy va-cays and went berserk, hence their recent bustup?

Or maybe she knew about them all along and is just dumping him now that her face has become so gaunt, she can't even fake the fake no more? Note to snitty types: Eat! Or your emoting capabilities nosedive, as it were.

And it ain't: Jennifer Aniston/Vince Vaughn, Tori Spelling/Dean McDermott, or Jessica Simpson/John Mayer

Also eliminated - Tobey Maguire, Charlize Theron/Stuart Townsend, Joel Madden/Hillary Duff

Top suspects - Orlando Bloom/Kate Bosworth, Jude Law/Sienna Miller, Leonardo DiCaprio, Gisele Bundchen

Here is the other vintage BV in which Pete Poked is mentioned.

Vintage Ted - Trent Spent, Divella Sniffella, Pete Poked

OK here are two BV's about Trent Spent. These were also suspected to be about Brad Pitt, and there are two of them which fits with what Ted said today.
 (Divella Sniffella = Jennifer Ansiton? See comments for discussion on how Ted has contradicted himself on whether or not she is a BV.)

One Luxurious Blind Vice - April 2005

For those of you out there who are sick of the same-sex Vices, hey, just write me an extra-vitriolic email (I can take it) and wait for next week's installment, 'kay? Otherwise, read room-service-ready on.

Trent Spent is rich as he is horny. He's also as talented as he is successful in love. T.S. recently busted up with his significant other, Divella Sniffella, a heterosexual woman who was tired of dealing with Trent's sexual preferences, which didn't always happen to include her.

Funny. While Spent's friends are busy amongst themselves with gossipy gab trying to figure out just which babely honey has replaced Divella, Trent's been down south laughing at them all.

No, not down in Mexico. Not that far. Maybe halfway or so. At a luxury spot frequented by stars who like to let it all hang out--and then some.

You see, this red-hot enclave has developed such a reputation for protecting the percolating peccadilloes of movie stars that those salty celebs have become something close to lax once they arrive. Like, maybe, for ince, Trent not hiding the fact that he regularly romps around on those down duvets with other dudes. Down, boys! Those delish manly meetings are makin' the maids talk. A lot!

And it ain't: George Clooney, John Stamos, Jamie Foxx

Also this one

One Secret Suck-Face Blind Vice - June 2005

Trent Spent should stop by to the following friskiness (as he likes a roll in the homo hay, from time to time), but alas, word might get out that he's not actually as
superhetero as the box-office-supporting public likes to think. Bummer.

Because these private get-downs up in the Hollywood Hills are becoming the place to hitch a ride on the same-sex bus to bonk heaven! Translation: orgies. For men only. Got it, Gracie? Good. Get out a couple of Trojans and trudge on:

Up until recently, these semi-private poof-poundings have been harder to get into than Katie Holmes' privates. But that appears to be changing, as certain regular guests (all of whom must be big-ish in the Biz, to insure privacy) have begun inviting lesser mortals.

Pete Poked is not happy to learn of these dangerous circumstances. As he and those of his in front of the camera have far more to lose--should the newbie commoners run screaming about their sweaty discoveries.

And it ain't: Harrison Ford & Josh Brolin, Will Smith & Josh Hartnett, Paul Newman & Josh Lucas

More people eliminated as Trent Spent were: Charlie Sheen, Tom Cruise, Usher, Colin Farrell, Josh Duhamel.

For Divella Sniffella, the only people eliminated that we know were Naomi Campbell and Chilli from TLC.

Also for Pete Poked the following were also eliminated: Josh Duhamel, Tobey Maguire, Vince Vaughn, John Mayer, Dean McDermott, Stuart Townsend, Joel Madden.
Here is the other Pete Poked BV.


* Top suspects:
Pete Poked: Orlando Bloom, Leonardo DiCaprio
Trent Spent: Brad Pitt
Divella Sniffella: Jennifer Aniston

Comment with your thoughts... I think this is all too confusing.