Saturday, July 2, 2011

Blind Vice: King Schlong Is a Texter Molester Behind His Girlfriend's Back

Happy 4th of July weekend!  Here was Ted's new BV yesterday -

Blind Vice: King Schlong Is a Texter Molester Behind His Girlfriend's Back

King Schlong is at it again, folks.
Same old cheating crap, new gorgeous gal-pal getting duped by his charming ways.
Leonardo Dicaprio Triple FeatureSee, K.S. swapped one chick for another (as he does so often), but this time he actually seemed to be into his gal of the moment. And stupidly, we thought the King may have turned over a new leaf for a hot second there. But turns out this Hollywood playboy can't change his spots.
Like at all...
‘Cause the gal this dude is publicly romancing ain't the only chick he's getting down and dirty with.
We hear firsthand that the Schlong is not only wooing the ladies while his sorta-GF is out of town working on some swanky project or another, but he is texting numerous girls even when they're in the same city!
At a recent dinner in Los Angeles, a buxom brunette model (totally King's type) couldn't get her plastic-surgery-perfected nose out of her smart phone, where she spent the evening swapping skanky texts with the super schlong and giggling at everything he sent her.
Totally déjà vu, huh? Doesn't King know that no one in this town keeps their trap shut?
Turns out the two have been sexting since like forevs, but at least this gal knows she ain't the only lady on the side.
As the dark-haired beauty bragged to her dinner dates, "We talk all the time and hang out, but it's nothing serious."
Um, maybe someone should tell K.S.'s GF to take on a similar ‘tude?
AND IT AIN'T: Jason Statham, Kris Humphries, Michael Sheen

Please refer to our label below for a link to our previous King Schlong BVs.

Top suspect: Leonardo DiCaprio

23 comments:

James said...

I think we can give up on Leo for this one. Ted has given enough clues that it's not him. For example, when asked if KS has done TV, Ted said that he had only done a little work on cable. But Leo was a regular on Facts of Life (network TV). Also, when asked if KS attended the 2011 Oscars ceremony, Ted said yes he attended. Leo (apparently) did not. Not to mention the fact that Ted said that Leo already had a BV!

I'll go off the board and try Michael Bay. Tons of clues fit - "I'm all that" attitude, eternal bachelor, dates leggy models, has groupies, side role in the Bernadine Couch-Butt BV, did a little cable (MTV videos) back in the day, and so on. Can anyone find a clue that doesn't fit him?

pomme said...

@James: KS is a bachelor actor never married with no kid snubbed by the Academy Award this year
Dicaprio was in the video on Inception during the ceremony ( Ted C yet ruled out every actor who was at the ceremony this year) and Ted C yet says that a person can have several BV
Dicaprio always had an official girlfriend and other sex-friend/girlfriends

James said...

Good, so it's agreed Leo did not attend the ceremony. Only appeared in a video. And the cable TV thing clinches it!

James said...

Sorry I meant to say Growing Pains not Facts of Life.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Life is getting in the way of living lately, and your blog is my daily distraction. I was wondering if we could play a round of my new game, Blind Vice

Hookups, where your loyal readers try to pair two B.V. players together and give them a nickname. Fun, right? First question: Have Veronica Bee-Stings and

King Schlong ever hooked up? And if so, would you call them King Bee or...?
—AMM

Dear Moniker Mania:
I'll bite, babe. Personally, just from names alone I would go with Schlong Sting, but when it comes to this twosome—who do know each other (it's Hollywood

after all)—I wouldn't even bother giving them a cutesy joint name at all.

Dear Ted:
So King Schlong spends most his day sexting. What are the odds that we're gonna eventually get some juicy photos out of this one? Or his he too savvy to send

anything more than words?
—Mike

Dear Sext Star:
While I'm a wee bit surprised none of his many babes have leaked a few of his racy texts to the tabloids (yet). I don't think you'll get the crotch shot

you're so hoping for. The King knows what a big star he is and how much peeps in the tabloid biz would pay to see his junk, so he's not stupid enough to

tempt one of his many temptresses with that offer.

blurry vice said...

I'm aware not all the clues add up. But this is Ted, not an exact science, remember? We aren't holding him to every detail since he doesn't stick by his own word. For the most part, I think most clues and hints are for Leo. Even though he was a BV before this. AAHH. Who TF knows.

salinax said...

I haven't read any of the previous KS items, but this just doesn't much like Leo to me:

"See, K.S. swapped one chick for another (as he does so often), but this time he actually seemed to be into his gal of the moment."

Wasn't he in a relationship with Bar Rafaeli for the past 5-6 years? I know that they were on and off again for a while, but still that certainly doesn't sound like swapping to me.

Also, did anyone really think that he was being overly serious with Blake? And more so than with Bar?

Rita said...

So Leo for this one! it proves also the fact that he has a new girl in his life, not his long-term on/off gf.

Am tooting my own horn, did you guys notice that Ted took my moniker for Leo and Blake, he had posted in the Bitch Backs and is using it on the regular? DiLively was what I had suggested!

No more tooting. sorry.

Rita said...

To the sisters: blind item reveals on CDAN for all day July 4th. Happy Independence Day to all our American Friends!
http://www.crazydaysandnights.net/

jp101389 said...

@salinax: I'm actually convinced Leo and Blake Lively are a complete publicity stunt. Photos of her are leaked right before her movie (which everyone predicted would bomb) and then all of a sudden her and Leo pop up everywhere? And then immediately after all that blew over, you suddenly don't see them out and about anymore? Sounds mighty suspicious to me.

I'm inclined to believe this isn't Leo just because he already had a vice moniker prior to this and though Ted likes to be tricky sometimes about the moniker rule, he has stated several times it's one moniker per person. So unless Leo only had a small supporting role before, no way is this him. He's probably just the red herring.

Tab said...

Spotte a rather interesting story regarding Michael Bay on a website, which is an interview with porn star Rebecca bardoux regarding Michael Bay. She notes that he goes through a lot of women (mostly Playboy models and porn stars) and the two of them had phone sex back when he was filming The Rock. Oh, and she says he's rather well-endowed - 14 to 15 inches she says... which matches the King Schlong description way back when: "King Schlong has his moniker for a reason. He's quite royally equipped."

Story can be read here:

http://adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=49483

pomme said...

OT: i would like more BV about famous directors because Brad Pitt wouldn't be Brad Pitt without David Fincher for example and many directors are more "crazier" than some actors

kristin said...

But isnt King Schlong and actor... ?

For me I am sold on Leo, I was hesitant at firsts but a lot of clues point to him. After reading the Harry Tuchas blind and the hints Ted said about Bradley Cooper leads me to suspect that just because someone has and old blind doesn't mean Ted wont give them an updated moniker, like King Schlong.

Although I am interested in reading that article on Michael Bay...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Interesting Blind Vice item regarding King Schlong. Does his significant other know about his wandering eye (and schlong)? But more importantly, is his

girlfriend the kind of woman who would turn a blind eye, or would she dump him?
—Cheaty McCheaterson

Dear Queen Schlong:
She should know more than anyone that K.S. isn't exactly the most faithful fellow. But funnily enough, she probably thinks she's the buxom apple of his eyes

and had exactly the goodies to end his wandering ways—so no, she wouldn't be too pleased to hear he's got gals on the side.

Dear Ted:
In reference to your latest King Schlong B.V., do you think Schlong will end things with his sexting partners, or is this perennial cheater going to keep on

doing the naughty behind his girlfriend's back?
—Dazed&Confused

Dear Schlong-a-Long:
If he hasn't stopped his sexalicious ways yet, I doubt he has any plans of doing it any time soon—he's a H'wood A-lister, after all. I'm sure he has an

unlimited text plan. Why bother stopping when his not-so-bright broad will still schtupe him?"

Kit Kat said...

Am I the only one who thinks it could be Justin T? I'm actually not sure he has a GF at the moment... But doesn't it always come out after breakups that he's two-faced?

Rita said...

To the sisters: sorry about the CDAN suggestion, forgot about the non-grata-persona veto. :)

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How do you know King Schlong had sex with another man? By himself or the man whom he had sex with?
—H

Dear B.V. Curious:
Perhaps both?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's going on with our beloved King Schlong? We haven't heard about him for quite a while. Any news? Give us an update what our favorite King is up to

these days!
—JRon

Dear Royal Pains:
Not too much, unfortunately. The King got himself into a sticky sitch with one par-tick chick he was fooling around with, and it's seriously limiting his

Vice time. We say it's time Schlongy tell the broad what's what and gets back to his humpy ways.

Dear Ted:
Leonardo DiCaprio seems to only date women under the age or 25 and Blake Lively is 24. How much longer will Leo keep her around? Will she get pass the 25

mark?
—Just Wondering

Dear Expiration Date:
Please, Bar Refaeil has an edge on Blake age-wise, and she stuck around for a while. And while Leo definitely likes ‘em young and pretty, Blake's crafty

enough to make her man truly think that age is just a number. Well, until she gets in her late twenties, at least."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How did our beloved King Schlong get himself in a troublesome Vice situation? Is one of his secret sexting friends blackmailing him? But more importantly,

should we be expecting a sex tape any time soon?
—Ellie

Dear Anarchy:
No and no, Ellie. The babes he's been swapping naughty messages (and whatever else) with just can't help but brag about their technological conquest—no

blackmail involved. They only want to please King."

blurry vice said...

"
Dear Ted:
Ever since Leonardo Dicaprio got involved with Blake Lively he has become a permanent tabloid fixture. He was never in the tabloids to this extent before. I
don't like it and I wonder how he feels about it. Lively likes and attracts attention, so I guess he knew it was coming, but it kind of cheapens him, don't
you think? Is she worth it?
—J

Dear Incepted:
Blake Lively loves herself some Blake Lively. And Leo is loving his time with Blake in the lime light. Don't be fooled: He's well aware what linking up with
the Gossip Girl means, and he does not mind it one bit. In fact, he might just be craftier than Blake herself when it comes to this sitch."

"Dear Ted:
What has mischievous King Schlong been up to recently? You haven't mentioned him in a while and I'm gossip hungry. Is he still a regular Vicer or not? Also,
does King have another pseudonym, or is the player only known as Schlong on your site? I'm curious 'bout this one...
—Callie Girl

Dear One Name Fits All:
He's always been and always will be King Schlong. As for what he's been up to these days, the same old sexting shenanigans. He's (reluctantly) cut back on
the extracurricular bedroom play though, as he's being watched mighty closely these days."

- big time clues right there

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/news/the_awful_truth
/new_pissed_list_video_lets_
get_leonardo/269229

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What really happened between Leonardo DiCaprio and Blake Lively? Is it true that Lively did the dumping? I'm reading different things everywhere I go, and

need your almighty answer. Also, is Blake Lively Carmelita Salami-Climber (the girl does love shoes).
—A

Dear So Over Leggy Lively:
Whatever really happened between Lively and Leo certainly didn't have either party ailing for long. Leo's already moved onto his next leggy broad and Blake

has been spotted with Ryan Reynolds. As for Lively doing the dumping? Doubtful, since rumors swirled Mama DiCaprio didn't approve of the twosome—and you

cannot underestimate the importance of that dynamic in Leo's life. And while Blake does indeed love shoes, she's not Carmelita. Not a bad guess, though."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What is going on with King Schlong? You used to give us regular updates about him, but, it's so quiet around him recently. Have you heard anything? What is

he up to these days?
—J.R.

Dear Misinformed:
Babe, we must have very different ideas of who exactly King Schlong is. Because King's hardly been quiet, as of late—in fact, he's been pretty busy living

his big, Hollywood life!

Dear Ted:
I have a funny feeling that now since Blake Lively is gone, Leonardo DiCaprio is going to get back together with boring Bar Refaeli. Only god knows how many

times they've been on and off. I actually wished Gisele Bündchen wasn't married with children because I think Leo seemed the happiest with her. They were hot

together and she is the only girl he walked the red carpet with and was affectionate with since his Titanic days. What happened between them? Was it the ol'

she wanted to get married and start a family?
—Forever stuck in 2005

Dear On-Again:
Leo certainly loves his models, there is no doubt about that. Gisele certainly settled down after she and Leo ended their relaysh, so maybe that had to do

with the breakup. Since Blake, Leo has been having some fun with his usual type Down Under and no one is shocked. I suspect Leo will keep bedding models, and

who knows, Bar could be one of them soon. "

ad