Saturday, April 17, 2010

Vintage BV: Prucella Tight-Tush & Butchy Billfold

As requested by a reader snickersmom81, here is an oldie which she thinks may be Sandra Bullock and Jesse James...

One Frigid Fete Blind Vice - January 24, 2006

It's not surprising that Prucella Tight-Tush and Butchy Billfold threw a big bash recently. Hell, this dynamo duo's got a zillion reasons to pop open the bubbly--not to mention a fancy, preened and photographed manse.

No, what's really whack is that anyone showed up to their prissy shindig at all. After all, amigos de Butchy know he's more of a, shall we say, daytime partier. Butchy's bashes tend to be more exclusive, as in...

Only. Hookers. Allowed.

Yep, B. Billfold's idea of a soiree favor is prolly a bottle of Johnny Walker and a dental dam. I'm certain he's safe with the prostitutes he entertains on an alarmingly regular basis. Heaven knows if he got any goo on the gardening tools, Prucella would have his head, fast, damn straight .

Which is what makes Missus Tight-Tush's fiasco of a party so damn amusing, if you ask moi. Picture it: five girls on one side of the room; five boys crammed on the other--including an orgasm-inducing actor who's hot on his comeback. No boy-girl mingling. Radio blasting. Radio! Even during the commercials, dear gawd.

Of course, everyone humored the missus and stayed for the obligatory post-meal chitchat time, wondering how long Prucella and Butchy plan on torturing their guests at these sorry soiress in the future. And the second that socially conscious hour struck, the posh place was deserted.

Hmmm. Will these two famous (and handsome) folks ever combine forces and throw a bring-your-own-vaseline-themed tea party, I wonder? I doubt it. She's way too busy working.

And it ain't: Tom Hanks/Rita Wilson, Gwen Stefani/Gavin Rossdale, Jada Pinkett Smith/Will Smith

Also eliminated: Madonna/Guy Ritchie, Jennifer Lopez/Marc Anthony

Top suspects: Reese Witherspoon/Ryan Phillippe, Sarah Jessica Parker/Matthew Broderick, Jennifer Garner/Ben Affleck


blurry vice said...

I remember thinking this was Reese/Ryan.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Are Prucella Tight-Tush and Butchy Billfold from One Frigid Fete Blind Vice Madonna and Guy Ritchie?
Judi Frazier

Dear Det. Overseas:
Very good hunch you got there, Ms. J., but alas, an incorrect one. Think, uh, a bit less superstar status on the gal and less beefy thighs on the guy (but just as doable, to be sure).

Dear Ted:
I was wondering if Prucella Tight-Tush and Butchy Billfold are Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. Seems to me he could be into the naughty girls. Love your column--it's the highlight of my diaper-changing day!

Dear Midwest Mom:
How do you do it? My cat Cleo pukes on my carpet more often than clothes fall off Nicole Richie--and it drives me nuts cleanin' up that crap! And you wipe up how many times a day? Sheesh. Oh, ain't Jen 'n' Marc, not even that close, really. Think, uh, considerably closer to the life you lead, my dear."

sistah2 said...

I dont think its SB and JJ. I dont see JJ as 'handsome'. I think we need to keep looking

mo said...

It could be SB and JJ, but for JJ it doesn't really fit. He would have said that his thighs were beefier than Guy Ritchie's, plus JJ is busy working too.

I remember thinking it was Reese & Ryan too.

duffgrl said...

I think that "tight-tush" sounds more like RW than SB, definitely.

The Spie said...

I think there's something we need to ask Ted: was his Only One Name policy always in place, or did he establish it at some point in time and has stuck to it since then? Because, yeah, this does sound like Reese and Ryan, but if the policy was always in place, who's Shafterella? This is going to get almost as bad as the situation surrounding Ashton Kutcher's blinds if we don't get clarification from Ted on this.

The Spie said...

Okay, Ted sort of answered my question above in Bitch-Back yesterday: One Name Only has always been in place. Therefore, I don't think this is Reese and Ryan, since Shafterella is obviously Reese.

We seem to be looking for a domestic-oriented couple with young kids here. I just can't think of any good fits from the time period.