One Gay 'n' Straight Blind Vice - March 30, 2005
Okay, we're doin' a little mixin' and matchin' here, my do-me detectives. Got one superhot-hot-hot hunkerator, whose name happens to be Rust Puss, and a rather more slick, leading-man version of studhood named Jake Fake.
One's pretending to be straight so he can keep that hugely successful boob-tube he-man status he just got stamped 'n' steamed with, the other's acting like his girlie girlfriend is the only honey for him. Hardly!
First, Russ, I fear, has a thang or two in common with last week's Toothy Tile: He's getting a little too public--for his diverting ways, that is. No, not with pedal-to-the-metal smooching, just in gossiping about his same-sex love life with like-minded boy-lovin' boys. Jeez, doesn't ol' Rust know how the dudes talk! (More than any gal on the planet, promise.)
Then there's the supposedly über-mannered Jake, who's off on location filming When the Low Rose Knows. Very romantic setting, this film locale. So much so that a local gal with whom the supposedly attached J.F. hooked up attended a proper (but slightly rainy) garden party. Said local babe overheard another dame talking about how she had had the succulently lipped Mr. F.
Local lass busted in that she had him first--but then, quicker than you could say, Put an umbrella on that pig-in-a-blanket, yet another woman chimed in how she made nooky galore with the gorgeous guy before any of 'em!
Needless to say, Jake's unknowing intended is going to be just as friggin' jaded as Jake's current (and official) ex. Mark my transmitted words.
And it ain't: Josh Hartnett/Josh Brolin, Wilmer Valdarrama/Will Smith, Tom Cruise/Tom Welling
For Rust Puss:
Eliminated - Josh Hartnett, Wilmer Valderrama, Tom Cruise, Josh Duhamel, Tom Welling, Ben McKenzie
Top suspect -
For Jake Fake:
Eliminated - Josh Brolin, Will Smith, Tom Welling, Josh Hartnett
Ted semi-revealed to be: Jude Law