Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Vintage BV - Rust Puss & Jake Fake

This one's got two in one.  One of them, Rust Puss, is still up in the air. One of them, Jake Fake, Ted semi-revealed (see comments).

One Gay 'n' Straight Blind Vice - March 30, 2005


JUDE LAW 24X36 COLOUR POSTER PRINTOkay, we're doin' a little mixin' and matchin' here, my do-me detectives. Got one superhot-hot-hot hunkerator, whose name happens to be Rust Puss, and a rather more slick, leading-man version of studhood named Jake Fake.
One's pretending to be straight so he can keep that hugely successful boob-tube he-man status he just got stamped 'n' steamed with, the other's acting like his girlie girlfriend is the only honey for him. Hardly!
First, Russ, I fear, has a thang or two in common with last week's Toothy Tile: He's getting a little too public--for his diverting ways, that is. No, not with pedal-to-the-metal smooching, just in gossiping about his same-sex love life with like-minded boy-lovin' boys. Jeez, doesn't ol' Rust know how the dudes talk! (More than any gal on the planet, promise.)
Then there's the supposedly ├╝ber-mannered Jake, who's off on location filming When the Low Rose Knows. Very romantic setting, this film locale. So much so that a local gal with whom the supposedly attached J.F. hooked up attended a proper (but slightly rainy) garden party. Said local babe overheard another dame talking about how she had had the succulently lipped Mr. F.
Local lass busted in that she had him first--but then, quicker than you could say, Put an umbrella on that pig-in-a-blanket, yet another woman chimed in how she made nooky galore with the gorgeous guy before any of 'em!
Needless to say, Jake's unknowing intended is going to be just as friggin' jaded as Jake's current (and official) ex. Mark my transmitted words.


And it ain't: Josh Hartnett/Josh Brolin, Wilmer Valdarrama/Will Smith, Tom Cruise/Tom Welling


For Rust Puss:
Eliminated - Josh Hartnett, Wilmer Valderrama, Tom Cruise, Josh Duhamel, Tom Welling, Ben McKenzie
Top suspect -

For Jake Fake:
Eliminated - Josh Brolin, Will Smith, Tom Welling, Josh Hartnett
Ted semi-revealed to be: Jude Law

9 comments:

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think last week's One Gay 'n' Straight Blind Vice is Josh Duhamel for the hunky boob-tube actor and Josh Hartnett for the guy on location. I noticed in the pictures you showed, each pair shared the same first name, and even though Hartnett was shown, I took that to mean he was not the boob-tube actor but could be the guy on location with the girlie-girl girlfriend. Am I right?
Karen R.
Boston

Dear Joshing:
Doll-cup, I'm often sneaky, just not that sneaky. No and no. Very good stabs, though. Think a different shade of brunet for the first, a more sophisticated modus operandi of mushiness for the second.

Dear Ted:
How's it hanging? Is Rust Puss from One Gay 'n' Straight Blind Vice the very talented, very good-looking Tom Welling?
Carlos Prats
Maracaibo, Venezuela

Dear Super-Sniffer:
(1) To the right, and (2) no, Rust isn't quite to that level of success yet--though he has made it infinitely clear he thinks he'll be there lickety split.

Dear Ted:
I have it! I think Rust Puss is Ben McKenzie from The O.C. From the show's beginning, people have noted that Ben looks a lot like Russell Crowe, so "Rusty" Crowe = Rust Puss = Ben. What do I win?
Karen Frazer
Brussels

Dear Poor:
Nada. Sometimes you Vice dicks think too much. It ain't always that complicated. In fact, it rarely is. Think more celebrated but less successful, if that makes any sense."

blurry vice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
blurry vice said...

From Awful Truth July 24, 2005 -

""Damn, that could have been my five minutes of fame."
----New Orleans knockout who claims she was approached by Jude Law for less than pure purposes

I've gotta fess up here. Back when the recently repentant Law was in New Orleans filming All the King's Men, I chose to break only the news that his lithe honey, Sienna Miller, was wearing an engagement ring. ('Course, I'm sure that pre-nuptial credit went to Poople, or whatever that rag's called, as these things so often do, the little heathens).

What I chose to file away for future Blind Vice fodder was the fact that more than one New Orleans hottie was telling me they'd been approached by Mr. L., who just lived to flirt. Often with his eyes. And then some.

Hold the phone, here, nasty-ass E! Attorney! I hear that speaker-call, already, and, yes, these gals have told me they'd be more than happy to attest to the above info--so shud-up, ya hear?"

-- Semi-reveal for Jude Law as Jake Fake

cassandra said...

for rust puss, i would guess wentworth miller but i checked wikipedia and prison break didnt come out until late 2005. otherwise maybe topher grace or someone from entourage

cassandra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
andrea said...

Not sure why but I'm thinking may be George Eadsd for Rust Puss.

BROOKE said...

"Jake's current GF is going to be as jaded as his last GF or wife and official (meaning ex wife)"..Could that of meant Sienna was going to be as jaded as Sadie? I mean why say official unless he was talking about someone Jake was married to and now that we kind of are sure that this was Jude it makes a lot of sense.

axbatwilo said...

Just an alternate guess to the JJO/DDD debate, Rust Puss could be either Jensen Ackles or Jared Padalecki? It's not a very interesting blind, to be fair... Anywho, in '05, neither of them was at the same level of success as Tom Welling yet, and both names start with a "j".

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Any updates on past vicer Rust Puss? Did he become as oh-so-famous as he thought he would? Still closeted?
—Krackrjacq

Dear Outdated:
Still closeted, still not as famous as he wishes he was."

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