Saturday, April 3, 2010

Blind Vice: Cruella's Getting Nervous! (She Should)

From Ted yesterday 4/2-


Blind Vice: Cruella's Getting Nervous! (She Should)

NICOLE KIDMAN 24X36 COLOUR POSTER PRINTIsn't is just awful when the once-loyal employees of overly demanding celebs decide to spill the dirt they're asked to keep quiet? Yes, just terrible. Not!
At least not for us, right? You bet, baby. And last time we checked in on Cruella St. Shackles, the poor broad was in a tizzy about what to do with her hubby's druggin' and dude-diggin' ways. And as if that's not enough to keep a celebrity housewife in a tizzy, now Cruella's got more to fret about:
Just as Angelina Jolie must contend with that former bodyguard reportedly spilling about what a bitch she really is (such the shocker, huh?), now Ms. St. Shackles is concerned that one (or more) of her underpaid and overworked staffers is going to blab, too. With good reason.
"She is horrible to people who work for her," seethed a source deep inside Camp Cruella. "And she's always threatening them with lawsuits if they talk."
Indeed, Marky Sweet-Puss' bossy other half asks that her employees sign confidentiality agreements, but we know how often people pay attention to those babies in this town. Not always, thank heaven. And we're told C.S. is trembling right now because she knows she's pushed the overbearing card way too far.
"She really is overdoing it with the diva behavior," blabs the Cruella know-it-all. "She's a monster."
Jeez, a heathen who makes Angelina Jolie look like a be-yotch wannabe, is that what we've got goin' on here?
"And how," came the reply.
Oh, mercy, mercy, these Mommie Dearest types are just like Jesse James and Tiger Woods. They think nobody will ever know.
How wrong they are.

It Ain't: Barack and Michelle Obama, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr.


The link to the first Cruella and Marky BV from 2/26/10 is here including a full list of who has been eliminated.  The link to the third Cruella/Marky BV from 7/2/10 is here.  And the fourth, most recent from 7/23/10 is here.

* Top suspects: Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban


34 comments:

duffgrl said...

Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban are the top guesses from the last Cruella BV...

Scarlett Pumpkin said...

But isn't Keith Urban straight? Remember before Keith and Nicole got married? Ted said that Keith would hook up with all sorts of girls, and that he was still sort of seeing an ex-girlfriend. Ted made it sound like Keith was a dog - but a straight one.

125records said...

Kelly Ripa & Mark Consuelos?

The Spie said...

Kelly Ripa has long been a Blind Vice. You can check out people who aren't candidates for this by clicking on the List of Ted's BV Reveals link on the right-hand side of the page.

blurry vice said...

Yep the guesses for the first Cruella/Marky BV were all over the place, but the top guess was Nicole and Keith.
Other gueses were Heidi Klum and Seal, Julia Roberts/Danny Moder, Courteney Cox/David Arquette, a few others.
But Ted hinted that if we have heard anything about them in the press it would be praise recently. He also said around that time that they donated money to charity and deserve props for that. So that was a big hint for Nicole and Keith.

Sophie S. said...

He's been answering questions lately about Nicole's parenting of her children with Tom Cruise. I think that's what the "mommie dearest" refers to, but I would have expected Nicole to be a BV prior to this.

Brittany said...

I agree with Sophie. If this is Nicole how come Ted has never made her a BV before this. Although I do think she (not him) fits this very well you do have to wonder what took Ted so long.

Megan said...

I buy that this is an accurate description of Nicole Kidman, but I was of the same impression as Scarlett Pumpkin, wasn't Keith screwing pretty much every female groupie last we heard? I've seen Jessica Alba and Cash Warren tossed around on other sites. They hadn't occurred to me last time, but they seem like they might fit?

duffgrl said...

To the posters who are arguing that Keith Urban is straight: re-read the last cruella BV- it's called "another straight star bites the dust"-meaning he is straight; now going both ways. The beginning of the last blind REALLY sounds like Keith Urban...the "far more domesticated diet of monogamous sex and healthier living" comment sounds like him, with his history of drug and alcohol abuse and womanizing.

JA/Cash Warren or Katherine Heigl/Josh Kelley are good guesses too but there is nothing documented about a seedy past for either of these 2 hubbys?

Megan said...

What about J-Lo and Marc Anthony? She's known to be a diva. He seems like he may have gay tendencies.

cassandra said...

i still think this could be jessica alba and cash warren. It seems like BV is making the husband out to be not famous at all

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was this close to feeling sorry for Cruella. I really thought she was finally done with bad boys and I felt bad she had to pay for her hubby's slipup, but now that I hear she is still up to her bossy diva ways, will Marky ever say he's had enough and split?
—Ash

Dear Marriage Crisis:
Don't count on Marky kicking Cru to the curb. He's got a pretty sweet situation going on—you know, getting to nail dudes on the DL while seeming so happily in love with his significant other. Plus, he totally knew what kind of lady CSS was when he got involved."

literal_chaos said...

Saying that Marky knew what kinda lady CSS was when he got involved sounds like a big clue for Kidman. By the time they started dating, practically everyone was suspicious of her "marriage" to Cruise, so I'm sure Urban would be too. The only thing that's bothering me is the new Bitch-Back response Ted gave today. Someone asked if CSS was on the big screen or small screen and his answer was "Big. Very." I'm having a hard time linking that to Kidman, especially since Ted constantly talks about her being a practical "has been" in Hollywood terms. I can't even remember the last movie she made that did remotely well at the box office. But I guess this could still apply to her, since she's only linked to movies instead of television.

Megan said...

Ted said Cruella used to hang solely with Fey Oiled Tush. Basically outed Nicole.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Cruella St. Shackles is with Marky Sweet-Puss now, but was she ever involved with another Blind Vicer? You should do a post one day and call it six degrees of Blind Vices. I would like to see how they are all connected.
—Scornedsunshine

Dear Fab Idea:
Think you're onto something, sweetheart, as Cruella used to hang only with Fey Oiled-Tush; how did you ever know?"

Riss! said...

definitely think it is J.Lo and Marc Anthony. Why has only one person guessed that?

Scarlett Pumpkin said...

But wasn't the top suspect for Glistening Gunther Tom Cruise?

Scarlett Pumpkin said...

I think the thing that doesn't sit with me the most about this blind is that very little is made of Marky's career. If this is Keith Urban, I would think Ted might hint to the fact that his DL activities might negatively harm his career. I'm not sure how country fans would take to that news. But nothing in these blinds really points to that. Or maybe that would make it too obvious? I don't know.

misswendy said...

I know this is not the right place for this comment, but I can't find the old post I am looking for (maybe it doesn't exist?) When Anna Paquin came out as bi this week-I was thinking she matched up with all those blinds that were going around from vampire shows a few months ago. Am I totally off base? Were they all about the Twilight cast? I can't find any other ones.

The Spie said...

Miss Wendy: The BV you're looking for is Terry Tush-Trade, and he/she/it (Ted's used both masculine and feminine pronouns for Terry) is specifically mentioned as a Twilight star. The other Twilight female blinds are Twyla Babe-Sucker and Julie Bone-Jumper. You can look for links to their BVs on the right-hand side of the main page.

Kat said...

I'm totally thinking it's Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban. Ted just said that Cruella used to hang with Fey-Oiled Tush (who I'm pretty sure is Tom Cruise). As for the clues from the first Cruella article: Nicole's icy...but we're told she's been up to some dirty antics behind the scenes. I know peeps were getting caught up on the "actress type" phrase but what if it's meant like "chilly roles" that the actress plays? Keith Urban was a bad boy now reformed. I had no idea what hinterland meant so I wikied it: "Hinterland" means a rural area surrounding the urban catchment of large cities or agglomeration... Notice the "urban" reference?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I just wanted to address one thing you said in this post about Nicole Kidman. I live in Nashville and I have seen Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban together at the movies on more than one occasion. They stand in line like everyone else at the concession stand and sit with us normals in the theater. The last time I saw them was at Amelia and they seemed comfortable and happy. No one bothered them at all. Not a huge fan, but still. Give her a break. Love ya!
—Mother of rat dog

Dear Nashville Cutie:
I could believe that in Nashville. Not in Hollywood. And are you sure she looked happy? That's one word I haven't associated with Kidman in a long time. It was probably just dark."

blurry vice said...

misswendy - Ted has said this past week that Anna Paquin was never a BV. Check our list "List of Ted's BV reveals" for a master list of who has been and hasn't.

blurry vice said...

Rissi - J Lo and Marc Anthony were guessed by me back in the previous post (the original Cruella BV) - see that one also besides this.

I wanted to add that yes, J-Lo is anoher top guess for this. And someone she used to hang with is Ben Affleck - he hasn't been eliminated as Fey Oiled-Tush. So let's keep our options open as far as Cruella/Marky/Fey connections.

I am sure there are more connections like this that we can figure out.

angela4402003 said...

I really think this is Katherine Heigle

literal_chaos said...

Wow, Angela... I can't believe that hadn't occurred to me yet! I think you're exactly right, something tells me this is Katherine Heigle. I'm going to try and figure out some exact connections, but just from giving this a quick re-read, I'm definitely on board with that guess!

The Spie said...

Here's why I don't think it's J-Ho: that would make Marc Anthony Marky Sweet-Puss. Have we ever known Ted to use a variant of someone's real name as his or her Blind Vice name (Schlong Fenn doesn't count, because I'm certain he's not Sean Penn). Syllable counts and repeated initials, yes, but never this.

blurry vice said...

The Spie - Morgan Mayhem (Lindsay's middle name is Morgan).

And who's to say there are certain rules for Ted's nicknames? No one should be ruled out because of how we think Ted gives his nicknames.

The Spie said...

Blurry: Point taken with LiLo, but it just doesn't seem like Ted to be this...well, lazy when it comes to a BV name, doesn't it? Otherwise, we'd have blinds about Tomasso Oiled-Tush, Ivan Plow-Me-More, and Christine Babe-Sucker. It just seems weird that he'd use someone's real first name as the first name of his BV. Maybe he's throwing us a curveball this time, though. Now that would definitely be like Ted.

I'm not counting Lopez out as this one. I'm just a little skeptical about the naming.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
This is a rather a random question, but I think I'm on to her! Has Cruella St. Shackles ever been rumored to be pregnant and then nothing ever materialized? Also does she have any strange hobbies/diets (stupid question, most of Hollywood do but never mind)?
—Bettie

Dear Vague:
As you said, what Hollywood starlet doesn't have weird diets? But yes, Cruella most certainly does. As for the preggers stuff, something usually materializes. Then again, there are always false rumors, right? Hope that was helpful!"

blurry vice said...

I know Gwyneth Paltrow was already a BV, but I just thought of her and Chris Martin when I read that BB.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How did Nicole Kidman go from one of the most stunning women in Hollywood to a desperate housewife? Have you see what she's been wearing lately? While other women at award shows wear gowns, she wears a micromini that screamed "Look at Me. Please!" Enough is enough. I'm beginning to think that Tom Cruise is the sane member of that former couple.
—DR

Dear All in the Family:
Both N.K. and Tom have plenty of issues (or Vices...as it may be), but they differ in how they handle them. Between Tom's Scientology and whatever the heck Nicole is doing to that forehead, you know they've got plenty o' stuff to deal with, not the least of which involves still moving on from each other."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Those are some pretty bold statements you've made about Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban recently, Ted! And to think I had actually begun to believe the over-the-top and nauseating declarations of adoration from Keith. Very interesting...Thanks muchly for your always insightful column, from me and my two airport hanger cats.
—Kate

Dear Speak Up:
Yep, it's always the ones who blab about the sex life the loudest that have the lousiest, huh? I call it Will Smith complex."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Cruella St. Shackles has been lying low. Is this because she's working overtime in her personal life, sorting out her husband's lover's blackmail threats? Does her husband want to leave her?
—Vgualy

Dear Wrong Direction:
Cruella, our conniving, dusty diva, is indeed lying low, but it's not because she's so busy sorting out her hubby's bisexuality. It's because nobody's really that interested in hearing from her. Big diff."

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