Friday, July 23, 2010

Blind Vice: Cruella Cashes in While Pawning Her Kids

Sorry for the delay gossip freaks.  Here's Ted's new BV from today:


NICOLE KIDMAN 24X36 POSTER PRINT SEXY POSE FROM NINEBlind Vice: Cruella Cashes in While Pawning Her Kids


While Cruella was busy buying herself new boobs, two things happened: 1) She knew she'd never have to worry about the bill, and, 2) she knew it would help her in her life-long mission numero uno: to stay vital, sexy and—most importantly—ahead of the game in the press.
See, media coverage is so important to Cruella, she'll do anything to be portrayed as the sympathetic sexy muffin she most certainly ain't.
She's even stooped low enough to...
Barter her own children!
Yep, absolute fact: Cruella's offspring have not only complained that they will "go to the press" if they get used for any more press (mainly photo ops), but, the mom who makes Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest look like June Friggin' Cleaver also trades information on her kiddies out to journalists, just so they'll write nicer, more wholesome copy about her.
I'm sorry, but, maybe we could give a little breather to the outrage we all feel towards gay actors who intentionally lie about their sexuality, in order to get ahead. 'Cause whoring out your children (ya know, involving others in your hunger for stardom who arguably have no choice in the matter) is just as bad, if not far worse.
Oh, and if you're wondering why one of the many men in Cruella's storied life doesn't swoop in and do something about how she uses her kiddos like magazine-copy currency, well, let's say the one who's best able to (as he's got the deepest pockets and the most fame) is already pretty legally encumbered, and busy, as it is.
Getting those Titanic-sized monthly checks to Cruella is pretty much a Herculean effort in itself, you know. And, girlfriends, does she ever cash them—can't wait to see what St. Shackles' next set of knockers look like!

And It Ain't: Tatum O'Neal, Jada Pinkett Smith, Melanie Griffith

This is the 4th Cruella St. Shackles BV.  Here are the links to the previous Cruella Blind Vices:
The 1st, on 2/26/10 including a full list of who has been eliminated; alsothe 2nd 4/2/10 and the 3rd, more recent on 7/2/10.

Top suspect: Nicole Kidman

56 comments:

blurry vice said...

So are we considering "offspring" to include her 2 adopted kids? Or is that a hint from Ted that Cruella has biological children old enough to complain?

Other than that issue, Nicole Kidman fits, with Tom Cruise as the ex.

Kimber said...

I think this one almost "nots" Nicole.

She doesn't really have much of a history with "the many men in her storied life", does she? And she isn't waiting on Tom's checks -- she and her hubby are both still successful.

Could it be James Cameron's ex, who starred in Terminator? I'm thinking of the reference to the Titanic.

Team S said...

What about Kathie Lee Gifford? She sure whored out her kids (not sure if she still does) and I saw her on TV recently with some WAY bigger boobs.

Stricken said...

I agree with Kimber. I think this ones proves it's NOT Nicole K. I mean what have we EVER heard really about Conner and (I forgot the other kids name)? It would have to be someone who's kids are in the rags. ALSO, Tom has custody and she is remarried so there would be no reason for her to be getting checks from him either.

The Spie said...

Remember, if you're putting out alternative guesses, please don't ignore the fact that there's Marky Sweet-Puss to factor in. Whoever Cruella is has to have a current husband who's a successful celebrity and likes the guys. Kathryn Bigelow and Kathie Lee Gifford do not have current husbands.

STINA1300 said...

@ The Spie: Kathie Lee Gifford is married to Frank Gifford.

linnea said...

New big hooters? Using kids as a pawn for fame? Worried about good press? Sounds just like Kate Gosselin.

pomme said...

IS Gosselin an actress?

Gina said...

I used to think it was Nicole Kidman too--maybe this is J-Lo?

Caz1310 said...

If we're assuming the kids are Isabella & Connor, Nic doesn't spend ANY time with them let alone be photographed with them. Sunday is sometimes photographed with her n Keith. More than happy to be converted by facts I'm not considering... I don't see this as Nic at all. Am stumped as to who it could be.

Savannah said...

What about Demi Moore?
That would make Marky Sweet-Puss Ashton Kutcher and The Ex Bruce Willis.

J said...

Savannah - Demi has kids old enough for the tabloids to care about too (ahem, Rumer).

hordac said...

New here! Love your sight and want to join in on the discussions! Thought for sure this was Nic but this one has thrown me off big time. She is never photographed with the two older, adopted kids. Sunday is too young to know better. Sorry, haven't gone to the AIA list but has Jennifer Garner been eliminated?

hordac said...

Me bad, I see that Jen Garner has been eliminated. Hmmmm....

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Let's say Marky Sweet-Puss wants out from his "marriage" to Cruella St. Shackles and perhaps expressed this thought. Would it be below Cruella to let the truth out about Marky's sexuality to keep him in the marriage?
—Tara

Dear Divorced From Reality:
Absolutely nothing is below Cruella, T. Didn't you figure that out from yesterday's Vice?"

The Spie said...

Savannah: Kutcher has long been a Blind Vice. Check out the List of Ted's BVs link on the right-hand side of the main page. That eliminates Demi Moore from this.

blurry vice said...

Caz - Ted has said though that the only time Nicole sees her kids is for photo ops. He has said that the kids prefer to be with Tom because whenever they are with mom, the paparazzi shows up. I remember him writing that. So I do think Nicole fits.

Also I wanted to say that my J-Lo guess doesn't fit anymore because her kids are too young to complain about photo ops.

Nicole Kidman still the top guess for sure!

Caz1310 said...

What about Kris Kardashian?. Not photo-worthy without the kids, seems to have truckloads of money already, has certainly pimped out her family for fame n fortune (apparently Kim didn't want to do Playboy for starters) and has certainly had a boob job of late as well as a lot of work on her face. I don't know anything about her newer husband but suspect he'd be nothing without the Kardashian connection (wasn't he a film actor from the 70's?). Her older kids love the camera (understatement of the century) but now the younger ones are being thrust in the media... laugh at me if you want (I can take it) but worth a thought....a change from the usual suspects.

hordac said...

Isn't Kris married to Bruce Jenner? He was an Olympic athlete in the 70's. I think I'm being swayed back to Nicole as I'm remembeing Ted's comments about the kids not being happy spending time with her. She sure is pimping out Sunday though. Sad, what happened to Nic? I used to think she was a class act. Maybe aging is not sitting well. One look at that fembot face and its pretty obvious that it is not.

sistah2 said...

i see that NK would like to be papped with the older kids - but would those kids really threaten to go to the press? With what? It seems that they are press-shy and want a normal life. this could fit NK in some ways, but not completely. I dont think that the older kids are going to do a tell-all in STAR on their mom's photo ops. Plus, I really do not see them more than twice a year in the mags with NK so the whole theory does not make sense.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted;
Cruella St. Shackles is all kinds of evil. What does Marky Sweet-Puss think of her mothering? We already know on the wife front he's not too interested in what she has to offer, but if he's not into her in that way, thinks he might have married the devil and sees how bad of a mother she is, why does he stay? It can't be worse out there than in this faux marriage.
—Frankie

Dear Cruella de Bitch:
Cruella and Marky's story is not just one of two famous people entering into a marriage they both knew would help their careers. It's also a tale of two very needy artists who think they need the other to keep moving on, not just professionally, but emotionally. How wrong they are."

blurry vice said...

sistah2 - I swear I remember TEd saying it and I will try to find it if I have time. He was asked why Isabella and Connor are never with their mom, only their dad. And Ted replied that the kids find it fishy that whenever they are with mom, that the paparazzi mysteriously shows up (called by Nicole). And that the kids were sick of it and preferred to hang with Tom and Katie instead bc their mom always tries to pimp them out. Yes they aren't with their mom for much time at all. But when they are, they are sick and tired of the paparazzi being called for a photo op. I will try and find where Ted said this... it was a few months ago.

blurry vice said...

HERE IS THE LETTER I WAS TALKING ABOUT -- From March 29

"Dear Ted:
Can you clarify what you mean by Isabella and Connor Cruise loving the TomKat life? Do they "hate" Nicole and Keith/love the attention they get being with Cruise and Holmes or are they so firmly entrenched in the ways of Scientology that they are not encouraged to be with their mother?
—AHJC

Dear Great Question:
Let’s just put it this way: Isabella and Connor finally noticed the majority of times they had outings with their mom, leagues of paparazzi just happened to be hanging out of every tree branch within sight. How did that happen? No idea myself, but they say kids are more intuitive than adults, right?"

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b173756_Bitch_Back__Are_Nicole_
amp_rsquo_s_Kids_Onto_Her_.html
#ixzz0v4vsXqFo

blurry vice said...

And this was the letter from MArch 24 -

"Dear Ted:
Whatever happened to Nicole Kidman's relationship with Connor and Isabella? They seem to be with TomKat 24/7...does Nicole even see them anymore?
—Curious

Dear Case of the Disappearing Kids:
Ah yes, fabola question. Let's just say that Nicole's house isn't exactly Connor and Isabella's favorite place to be. I hear they adore the TomKat life."

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b173092_Bitch_Back__Where_Should_
Sandra_Go_From_Here_.html
#ixzz0v4wUPwpn

Caz1310 said...

Hi everyone on Awful Truth today someone blogged that they think Ted's fibbing and that Ange is really Cruella. Brad as Marky??

Caz1310 said...

Apologies - just googled KK and found out that Robert Kardashian passed away a few years ago. Counts her out. Just looked at the Awful Truth again...big blog list is favouring Demi, Sharon Osbourne, Denise Richards & still Nicole. As quite a few have noted, Ange doesn't get alimony from anyone. Problem with this one is that we can't quite get all the clues to fit one person.....

The Spie said...

Caz: Can't be Demi because Ashton is already a BV, thus eliminating him as Marky. Can't be AJ because Brad is already a BV (see Ashton), not to mention that we have to come up with a more solid candidate for Fake-a-la. Sharon Osbourne is an agent and grew up the daughter of a super-agent; she'd know when to push and when not to push (and can anyone imagine Ozzy as Marky?). And Denise Richards isn't married right now, right?

It just seems that everyone is using this as an opportunity to disqualify Granny Freeze, just like a lot of people were using the latest Nevis blind to disqualify RPattz. The problem is that every other candidate has much greater weaknesses than Nicole for all aspects of Cruella.

There's one other factor that enters into this: Ted obviously hates Cruella with a passion. He's made it clear that he hates Nicole Kidman. Normally, he's pretty neutral when it comes to most people, so that hatred really stands out.

blurry vice said...

Angelina Jolie was already a BV as of March of 2009 so Cruella CAN NOT BE HER.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What are your thoughts on the relationship between Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise's older children? Is there genuine affection there or is it all one big PR show?
—Caroline

Dear Mommie Nearest:
Better than with their other mother, let's put it that way. I mean that wholly without irony—which is a very good thing for these kids."

Savannah said...

"Dear Ted:
Has Nicole Kidman ever been the subject of a Blind Vice, either solo or as part of one?
—Fleming

Dear Are You Kid-ing?
Duh! She's a solo offender. And it's quite the naughty little piece of goss, too!"

Solo offender... Does that mean she appears in the vice by herself (as opposed to with another Vicer) or that her Vice has only been written about once? Either way, Ted seems to be not-ing her as Cruella (because Cruella has been accompanied by Marky Sweet Puss and Ted has written about her multiple times.) I still think Cruella is Demi Moore.

Suzanne said...

Woo-hoo!!! I'm so glad she was not-ed for this. When I first read it, then everyone's guesses, I couldn't believe it because I've met both her and Keith Urban (I work someplace they frequently shop). They are very sweet together, discreet, and pour the love on little Sunday. Now I'm glad Ted's put it all out there with today's post. But now I'm wondering what her naughty Vice is... Hmmm... Someone should ask him if it's recent or old.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Has Nicole Kidman ever been the subject of a Blind Vice, either solo or as part of one?
—Fleming

Dear Are You Kid-ing?
Duh! She's a solo offender. And it's quite the naughty little piece of goss, too!"

- to the above, Ted is NOT eliminating NK for this BV. There are FOUR Cruella BVs. Marky Sweet Puss is really only in the first two. The last two are solely featuring Cruella. In that case she is a solo offender. I do not believe that what Ted said in this letter clearly eliminates her because Marky Sweet Puss was featured in two of her BVs.

blurry vice said...

Again, no this can not be Demi Moore because Ashton Kutcher already had a BV nickname before the Marky Sweet Puus BV came out. Marky is Cruella's husband and can not be AShton so Cruella can not be Demi.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Regarding Nicole Kidman. As a solo offender, has she only been the subject of one B.V. or is she the only Vicer mentioned in any of her B.V.s?
—SusieQ

Dear In the Nic of Time:
She's got her own Vice moniker and a vault of not exactly glowing antics. In fact, Nic is so notorious in the Blind Vice world, I think she deserves a place in the Blind Vice Superstars gallery—along with some other folks, of course. Check back later this week!"

- not a straight answer

Suzanne said...

Okay, so I was excited because he answered my question. Except...he didn't, really. :-/ *sigh*

Suzanne said...

Today on Ted's BB! -

"Dear Ted:
Since Cruella St. Shackles is now with Marky Sweet-Puss, wouldn't the alimony payments from her ex have stopped? Surely, she wouldn't be using child support to buy herself a pair of fake tits.
—Amanda F., NYC

Dear Money Woes:
Alimony generally stops when the ex is remarried. So, in this case, it most likely wasn't cash flow from her ex-hubby (who's not exactly as filthy rich as he once was, either) that paid for her new chest and other fun parts. This was deal making determined by the parties involved, not just the judge."

So....Tom Cruise's offer for M:I4 has been discussed, because he's supposed to be taking a "pay cut," BUT on Forbes 2009 Celebrity 100 list...he ranked #20! Making $33 million...which to us is filthy rich, but maybe not them!?!?!?

I'm confused, though, because Ted flat out says in this case it mostly likely WASN'T cash flow from the ex...yet his last sentence insinuates that it was a secret deal with the former hubby that covered it???

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's up with all the celebs who carry their children around? I can't help but wonder...could it be that when the paps take their pictures, the celeb in question is making sure that their face ends up on the picture and not fall into total oblivion (Katie Holmes, Jen Garner, Gwen Stefani etc.). I just get an eerie feeling every time a celeb starts pimping their children out. Not saying they should hide their offspring or have nannies, not at all. But carrying, showing fashion (what is up with that, Katie?) and keeping them in the spotlight? There is a fine line, and I do think some celebs are handling their children's upbringing out of the spotlight very well and some seem to have more of a challenge with it. What do you think?
—Sugarsnap

Dear Play Nicely:
Sure, some celebs have no qualms pimping out their pint-size mini mes for some good press, à la the ridiculous balcony photos of Ms. Jolie and her beautiful brood (which is on the tamer side even from, say, what Cruella St. Shackles does). But give the rest of these babes a break! Yes, they may get that mommy attention from the media, but it's not like they can just lock their kids in the house forever. I've heard kids actually do like to go to the park, ya know."

Suzanne said...

Did I miss Nicole Kidman pimping out pics of her and Sunday??

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Now that I'm an expat housefrau with time on my hands, I've discovered your site and love it and you! Your latest additions to the Blind Vice Hall of Fame were interesting indeed, though I don't think anyone could be surprised to see Nicole Kidman's name there...but what did surprise me was your mention that she was a (repeat) solo offender. As the saying goes, What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, and I would have thought surely Keith Urban is a saucy kind of guy who is as Vice-worthy as his other half. Should I trust my instincts?
—J

Dear In the Nic of Time:
Oh, of course anyone who's dealt with Vice queen Nicole Kidman has dirty little secrets of their own—Keith included. In fact, his are quite juicy. Good instincts, J."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've been reading your column for years, but this is my first time writing in (which I'm hoping will bring me luck!). I had a question about Nicole Kidman. You don't seem to be a fan...and frankly her kids don't seem to be fans either. So my question is, was she always like this? Or did her divorce from Tom Cruise lead to her turning in to an ice queen. I remember during their divorce Tom said that "Nic knows what she did," so that leads me to believe the former. Hugs and kisses from me and rescue puppy Bridgit!
—Kylee

Dear Bridgit's Mom:
Always. Unless you're a member of the press."

Jamee said...

Did anybody notice the letter in the BB today about Cruella/Marky that mentions NASHVILLE?? Ted didn't dispute. In my opinion that is without a doubt a pretty obvious confirmation!

Jamee said...

PS This is a great tactic for letters to Ted...make an obvious reference to the top guess and see if he says anything. Just sayin

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am going through a very nasty divorce right now and looking to you to cheer me up. How about an update on Cruella St. Shackles and Marky Sweet-Puss? Any chance that Marky is about to send Cruella back to the North Pole? Or is he a least thinking about finding some "outside recreation" to help him through? If so, I'll shimmy on my hottest outfit and hightail it down to Nashville.
—I love me some Marky!

Dear Marky Maniac:
They're still (surprisingly) together. Stupidly, Sweet-Puss is still not ready to send that be-yotch to the icebergs where she belongs, but you got one thing right: Some hanky-panky habits never die."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Are Maribeth Bush and Cruella St. Shackles good friends? My 15-pound rescue cat wants to know!
—Leslie

Dear Blind BFFs:
Uh, no, Leslie. What a bizarro pairing. These two would be pulling each other's hair out. Way too much diva ‘tude for one room. Hell, maybe even for all of Hollywood."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm wondering which Blind Vice you would most like to be exposed? Is it someone who is nasty on a daily basis, someone who is tomcatting around or someone outing themselves?
—Mell

Dear Interesting One:
That's a toughie. I think someone like Toothy, Nevis or Crotch-Uh-Lastic would do wonders for the LGBT community, but deciding to come out as gay or bi is a personal decision. I wouldn't want them to do it if they weren't ready. So I guess I'd want someone's vice exposed who's just a plain ol' bad person. Maybe Cruella St. Shackles?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I couldn't believe that a reputable gossip source is claiming that Cruella St. Shackle's sham marriage is the real deal? Please, Ted, we need you. What's the real story these days? Latest goss on them?
—VMG

Dear Give It to You Bi:
They're desperately trying to make it work. That is the truth."

blurry vice said...

""Dear Ted:
Since you'd like to out Cruella St. Shackles as much as I'd like to know who she is, I have two guesses. My first guess is Renée Zellweger, and my second is Jennifer Lopez.
—Suzanne

Dear Cruella Da-No:
Truly fab guess on Renée. But it isn't her, sorry hon!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
With Cruella St. Shackles being mentioned in the last few columns, I have a question: Why are Cruella and Marky so desperate to making their marriage work? Is it because of the offspring or because Marky needs Cruella's financial help with his current career issues? Or could it actually be that they are in love? Something tells me the reasons aren't quite so romantic.
—Romance or Fiction?

Dear Shacking Up:
Definitely not true love here, babe. Money and headlines are the only things that keep these two together, trust. And that's why they're the perfect pair—they bring a new (and awful) meaning to marital bliss."

blurry vice said...

kidman

"Dear Ted:
I recently borrowed Australia from the library and my question has to do with Nicole Kidman. I thought her acting was terrible in this movie. She used to be

a good actress, what happened? Has she lost her chops, or is her face so jacked up it's messing with her facial expressions? On a side note, I'd like to

encourage people to support their local libraries. They're a wonderful resource, where you can check out a DVD or CD for free or for a small fee.
—Michelle

Dear Out Back Blunder:
As much as I'd like to say the reason Australia sucked was solely Nic's fault, the movie was a bust for many reasons. That said, her acting did not help the

film suck less, and that frozen forehead was a big factor in that. She's still got the chops though, just look at Rabbit Hole."


"Dear Ted:
I've been reading an awful lot of Nicole Kidman hate lately. I get it: Her face is frozen. She can be a diva. But don't you think some of her moments of

self-deprecating honesty make up for things? She admitted her kids don't call her mom. She was visibly brokenhearted during her divorce. She admitted she

sucked in Australia. Why is Nicole Kidman so high on everyone's dislike list?
—Martha in Chicago

Dear Are You Kidding Me:
Because she doesn't mean anything you just mentioned? And that's just for starters."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm a newcomer to your wonderful blolumn, and I have to say I was pretty disappointed to learn that Nicole Kidman is such an ice queen as I have been a huge

fan of hers since Moulin Rouge. So maybe you can help me salvage a little respect for her: Does she have any redeeming qualities in your eyes?
—C

Dear Frozen in Time:
Australia aside, the babe can act. Take a look at the trailer for her award-hyped flicked Rabbit Hole. That crap brought a tear to our bitchy eyes in under

three minutes!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So what do you think: Is Marky Sweet-Puss actually a pretty good actor? Or is he for real?
—Kate

Dear Puss Plaster:
You mean when it comes to looking happy in his home life? Sure, he's a damn good actor. But not professionally—who ever said he's an actor at all, 'K?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Were Cruella St. Shackles and Marky Sweet-Puss ever in love or was their relationship a business deal from the start?
—Michelle

Dear Shackled Up:
Strictly biz from the get-go. Which is all Cruella is about these days, haven't you realized that yet?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's the scoop with Cruella St. Shackles and Marky Sweet-Puss lately?
—Mia

Dear Bandwagon:
They're pretty much copying the rest of the Industry with their personal lives, if you know what I mean. Oh, and being too wild. Though they're pretending they're doing just the opposite."

Duskyjewel said...

I counted today and there are about 22 celebrities who are pregnant!! 22! I would say a surprise surrogate baby of which even your publicist was unaware screams of jumping on a bandwagon.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was just thinking about Nicole Kidman. I too had one successful pregnancy and then had a surrogate carry boy-girl twins, when I couldn't carry again. I

remember she miscarried while with Tom Cruise. I am happy for her and Keith Urban and I wish them well. But my gripe is, what about Isabella and Connor? Is

she in their lives at all? Last photos I saw of them together were at the AFI award show years ago. She has stated that they wanted to be in L.A. and Tom is

a great dad, but give me a break. She brought them home from the hospital and she is their mom. How can she bear to be out of their lives? Any thoughts or

answers on this one?
—TL

Dear Parenting Skills:
Maybe by staying out of their lives she is being the better parent? Look, very happy for Nicole and Keith and baby No. 2, but it's no secret Isabella and

Connor prefer Tom. There's a reason for that. Trust, it's a two-way street there."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In light of The New Yorker article on Scientology, when you said that Nicole Kidman was maybe a good mother by staying away from her kids with Tom Cruise, did you have their "disconnect" policy in mind? I get that there is more to your dislike of her, just had to ask. Can't stop thinking about the article, I am so deeply upset.
—Jas

Dear Sinful Synergy:
Those two def did not have the best of relaysh mergers. Never went too deep into Tom's Scientology crap. Nicole simply isn't as warm a parent to Connor and Isabella as Tom is. Example: Nicole likes photographers to be around when she's parenting them; Tom, not so much. The article is chilling, and I totally get where you're coming from. Just wish Tom did, too."

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