Saturday, August 21, 2010

Blind Vice: Harland Fuss' Triumphant Return!

And oldie but goodie returns!  New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Harland Fuss' Triumphant Return!


PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN ORLANDO BLOOM NEW MOVIE POSTER(Size 27"x39")How interesting how low our Toothy-Tile-era, wildly talked about bisexual Blind boy Harland Fuss chose to lay for several years. So much so, he decided to go and get married! Gosh, do you think Harland really isn't into the boys, anymore?
Well, you know, certain habits die hard:
See, Harland just decided—based on his continued ho-hum career performance—that he needed to amp things up a bit. And if he couldn't haul out any more blockbuster projects, he'd simply try the get-married-and-procreate path. After all, that sometimes works for fading, closeted gay stars who are looking for a tabloid leg-up with their popularity, right?
Uh, not always, as poor Fey Oiled-Tush has discovered. But, we digress.
Harland just hasn't been able to quash his man-on-man desires (hard as he's tried, poor thing). And what with his career hitting the back-burner 'n' all, he decided not that long ago that he'd do the domestic dance, find a chick to fake-tango with and see if he could muster back up that ol' bedroom eyes thing. Onscreen, mind you.
Because the deal is (and, trust, there is a deal here, folks) that Harland's beard was promised a career-boost herself, in the arrangement. And she, like a lot of desperate wannabes in this business, bit. In fact, she chomped on the behind-the-scenes opportunity so fast, Mr. Fuss, always a more thoughtful dude than Tinseltown's used to, wondered what the hell he'd gotten himself into.
But it was far too late to go back on his devil-dealing scenario.
And It Ain't: John Krasinski, Ryan Reynolds, Jerry O'Connell

Here is the link to our discussion on the old Harland Fuss BV from Oct 2004, including a list of who has been eliminated.

* Top suspect: Orlando Bloom

100 comments:

blurry vice said...

Top suspect in Oct 2004 was Orlando Bloom... looks like he is still the top suspect.

Tara said...

Yes, with him being recently engaged and her pregnant now, it does point to him. So who could be Grimy Gus? I know Viggo Mortensen was suspected, but did anyone ever talk about the possibility of Johnny Depp as well (for GG not HF)?

The Spie said...

Ted said that Depp wasn't a BV last July, then reiterated it in May. So Gus isn't Depp.

But, remember that weird mail printed by Ted with someone asking whether one of the Hobbits was a BV? That was printed a couple of weeks prior to the surprise Bloom/Kerr marriage, so it has nothing to do with this, but it does give us three possible candidates for Grimy Gus: Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, and Billy Boyd (if you believe Dominic Monaghan is Teddy O'Bong).

blurry vice said...

I love all the thinking Spie does for the rest of us!

There is still the dilemma of Pete Poked and Charmaine Chuck-Up. I really thought they were Orlando and KaBos. We are wrong on either Harland or Pete. :(

blurry vice said...

BTW - Regardless of Teddy O'Bong, Dominic Monaghan we are pretty sure wasn't a BV back then so he can't be Grimy Gus from 2004... Ted had said that no Lost cast member was ever a BV as of Aug 2009, but then by June 2010 at least one Lost cast member was a BV.

The Spie said...

That Lost cast member was almost certainly Matthew Fox as Dougy Dry-Hump, just to close the circle. Ted's statement from 2009 eliminates Monaghan (which, admittedly, I forgot about, having never seen an episode of Lost nor cared about it).

I think we're taking it as a given that Harland is Bloom. The original blind is from 2004, which means LOTR and Pirates are both in play here as per Gus. Depp's out. So, that leaves a list of candidates as follows:

Viggo Mortensen, the early favorite. I really, really don't want this to be him. The Viggorli tinhats, back in the day, were almost as bad as the J2 crowd is today, and I don't want them to be right.

Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, and Billy Boyd: One of them is a BV according to Ted. None of them have been good candidates for anything over the years.

Geoffrey Rush: The "grimy" part would certainly fit Barbossa.

Hugo Weaving: Quite straight, but maybe Priscilla instilled a bit of bi-curious in him.

Any other good candidates you can think of for Gussie?

Tara said...

Eeeew. Geoffrey Rush?! Thx for the elim on Johnny. If it is true about Viggo having hygiene issues, that may be the kicker. But I really like the thought of Wood for this. That would be believable for sure.

Tara said...

Oh Good Lord. Could Grimy Gus be Heath Ledger? Ned Kelly was filmed in 2003, released in March
'04.

Tara said...

Last post in a row, I swear. Heath was known for his method acting. That coupled with the idea that GG may be bisexual, according to Ted.....maybe he was getting into character for what was to come, with Brokeback Mountain on the horizon?

The Spie said...

Tara: According to Ted, Heath's blind involved both sex and drugs. There's no drug component to Fussy and Gussie, so that leaves him out for this.

Given Ted's penchant for the hip and popular, I'd be more willing to bet on this being related to LOTR, given the eleven-Oscar win for ROTK six months earlier and the successful DVD releases at the time of the blind. The blind happened about fifteen months after the release of Pirates. Given Ted's Hobbits e-mail, I, like you, am going for Elijah Wood as Gussie. He seems like the best candidate of the bunch.

talia said...

it can't be viggo according to ted's list here:

Those who have NEVER been a BV:
Viggo Mortensen (as of 9/19/09, perhaps soon though)

Tara said...

Ack, Spie! But it would have been a crazy revelation if it were:( We don't have any idea who Heath could have been? I'd like to take a trip back to the archives for that one. Elijah is definitely my fave if the focus is leaning towards LOTR. He is cute and looks like my lesbian sister. Sin City was being filmed around this time, I just can't find where it was filmed yet.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What is it with the media cooing about Miranda Kerr's pregnancy and no one mentioning that its quite obvious she pulled the oldest trick in the book. Seriously, all it takes is an attention span longer than a goldfish, first grade math and a calendar. Can no one in Hollywood do simple math? You still give them two years? I think Orlando Bloom could have done way better than some underwear model, don't you agree?
—Penguin

Dear Jaded:
Don't tell me you don't believe in true love? Shame on you! Give Orlando—who's simply adorable, onscreen and off—a bit more credit. Now, as far as Miranda goes, can't really vouch for the dame."

Jackie said...

but haven't Miranda and Orly been dating for a few years? The blind says "he decided not that long ago that he'd do the domestic dance, find a chick to fake-tango with and see if he could muster back up that ol' bedroom eyes thing."

talia said...

jackie:
maybe the "domestic dance" ment "marriage and child", that's at least what i thought...

Jackie said...

talia:
what about the "find a chick" bit? hmmmm

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Harland Fuss Jensen Ackles? He is recently married, and Danneel Harris has had a career boost with her new TV show. Am I right?
—Chaz

Dear Fussy:
Nope, but great guess. Harland and Jensen aren't too different from each other, if you think about it. Oh, no, don't think about that!"

MysticLady said...

Though it does point to Orlando I don't think it is. First, all I have heard is that he is gay not bisexual. He has a long term man and this blind doesn't mention one. Like Jackie mentioned this blind alludes that Harland decided not that long ago to go the domestic route. Orlando and Miranda have been "together" since late 2007 and I don't see that as "not that long ago."

funbettina said...

Mysticlady, you make me laugh! Just because Viggo has never been a BV you now change your mind, you were 100% sure that the 1st harland fuss BV WAS Orlando.

Few things people need to remember, this BV was apparently about when Orlando would have been at the Toronto film fest, so the person- grimy gus, could be anyone, not related to anyone he has worked with.

I think this fits Orlando, and someone guessed Tom Cruise. Unfortunately we dont know how accurate or real these BV's are, added to that I am surprised we havent heard more about orlando and his man on man exploits outside of tinhatters fantasies which is odd in this business.

Heather_P said...

There was a B Back question about Eartha today, followed by a question about ASkars and Kate, that basically confirms Kate as Eartha and, therefore, Orlando as Fuss. I think this one's solved.

The only question now is... who is Gus? I know Ted said Viggo hadn't been a vice at that time but he was filming 'A History of Violence' right near Toronto in Sept '04 when Kate and Orlando were there for the Toronto film festival. It just fits too good. Maybe Ted made a mistake? Though I don't want to open that can of worms because what does that mean for all the other nots and confirmations? *sigh*

Heather_P said...

Oops. I didn't realize people had already discussed this in the original blind. My bad.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Harland Fuss closer in age to Kevin Costner or Colin Farrell?
—K

Dear Fussy Puppy:
Way, way, way closer to Colin Farrell."

Caz1310 said...

I'm increasingly suss about Ted's obsession with who's gay in tinseltown. If Orlando and indeed Taylor L are gay surely there would be many sources willing to spill the beans for the right $$ for the gossip mags and they'd be out in the open (as another blogger has said in either this or Taylor's blog) also wondered about. Am I naive in thinking that Orly and Miranda make a nice couple and that they seem really happy?

The Spie said...

Kevin Costner's birth date: January 18th, 1955

Colin Farrell's birth date: May 31st, 1976

Orlando Bloom's birth date: January 13th, 1977

Because someone was going to ask, you just know it.

And, Caz: the gossip mags can offer far less to someone than the Powers That Be in Hollywood, especially if that someone is "in the business" or wants to be in it. Who would take a pittance from the mags in comparison to the possibility of a career boost, especially if taking the cash from the mags puts you on everyone's blacklist?

Tara said...

Becoming domesticated alludes to marriage and children, not just dating/supposed exclusivity. Both have happened for Orly very recently.

MamaMouse said...

What about Tobey McGuire for this?? It mentions, the Leo gang, and they are supposedly BFFs.

The Spie said...

Tobey Maguire was AIAed for this a long time ago. Consult the first Harland thread for details.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In a Bitch-Back, you answered that Jensen Ackles was a close guess to Harland Fuss, so I gotta ask. Is Harland Jared Padalecki? Aside from the close association to Jensen, the time frame from Jared meting, dating, getting engaged to and then marrying Genevieve Cortese was really short.
—L

Dear Close, But Not Close Enough:
Sorry, darling, that's a no. Let's just say Jensen and Harland both have adorable dimples."

J said...

Ted confirmed today that Viggo Mortensen has been a BV - one of his and his readers' favorites! Would this qualify as a "favorite?" Maybe he COULD be Grimy Gus?

The Spie said...

Here's the Viggo's Not A BV statement from September 19th, 2009, which isn't reprinted in the master thread for the Is/Is Not List:

"Dear Ted:
Please tell me my favorite actor of all time, Viggo Mortensen, has never been a Blind Vice. He seems like such a great guy and not one to get involved in all that Hollywood stuff.
—Amy

Dear Lord of the Lads:
True that he's not interested in the Hollywood scene, but trust us: Viggo knows his way 'round raunchy fun. Just not yet in Blind Vice form, perhaps soon?"

This is a pretty unequivocal "No". That means his BV had to be between September 19th and now.

Guess what I'm gonna be doing tomorrow, folks?

Heather_P said...

@TheSpie LOL! My thoughts exactly.

If you want to save some time we already have a comprehensive list over at the E message boards. I was going to compare it to the list here (because this site is better kept) but I'll let you do the honors. :)

There isn't much there to be honest. Buck-Me Good who is thought to be Sam Worthington and Buddy Rib-Toast seemed to be the only possibles but there are things that don't seem to fit with Viggo. And I can't imagine them being an "all time favorite". I really am stumped on this one but I admit I haven't looked to deeply yet. I'd love to get this one solved so looking forward to what you find! :)

blurry vice said...

I know... this is confusing. Everyone thought he was Grimy Gus but then didn't, and now people think he is again. But... as of Sept 19 he wasn't a BV, or maybe Ted forgot he was? Being called an "all time favortie" makes me think he has been around a while (not just in the past year.) ???
Regardless... Spie let us know what you come up with. Can't wait!

The Spie said...

Regrettably, I'll be putting off the analysis a bit. Bad case of insomnia last night, and I'm falling asleep on my feet right now. But it looks like Heather's just about right about Buddy Rib-Toast and Buck Me-Good being the only available blinds between those two time periods. There's a whole passel of Parrish blinds in that time period, Moisty, etc. I'll go through in detail once I get a little sleep.

You know, I think Blurry might be right. Ted may have forgot about Gussie and Fussy, because right after that came Toothy (he even references Gussy and Fussy in an early Toothy blind), and Hurricane Tile tended to obliterate everything in its path.

Heather_P said...

I think I've said this before but... I don't even want to contemplate the can of worms it will open if Ted "forgot" that Viggo was a blind. That would call in to question every bit of research I've done on the Nevis and TTT blinds, not to mention all the other ones. I might just give up if that turned out to be the case.

I e-mailed Ted today questioning him about the obvious problem here. I requested an e-mail back even if he didn't want to print the question in the BB. He's done that before so I'm crossing my fingers for some response.

All that aside, even though Viggo seems to fit Gus perfectly, could that be blind be considered an all time favorite? Even if it was one of Ted's it certainly isn't one of the reader's favorites. Right?

The Spie said...

Heather: I don't want to open that can of worms either. Remember, you and I independently, without knowing of the other's work, did the proof on Nevis being Pattinson. I'd be willing to put faith in Ted, because even if he isn't keeping records, Taryn or someone on the AT staff has to be keeping a spreadsheet, and they're the ones choosing the questions for Bitch-Back. There's got to be some kind of fact-checking going on here.

So, assuming this as a given, let's have a look:

Viggo Mortensen was said by Ted not to be a BV on September 19th, 2009. Ted said on August 31st, 2010 that he was a BV. You know the drill by now. Viggo has to be a new BV between those two dates. As usual, I'll be eliminating the obvious female ones and the repeat BVs in order to cut the list down to size:

I'm going to include Whore-Hey Hoeman because I don't think Ted works many Saturdays (which September 19th was), and that the Bitch-Back in which Viggo was AIAed was written prior to publication date. Even so, Whore-Hey is a media figure moreso than a performer. I feel confident in saying Not Viggo.

Schlamm Butt-Wiggle: In a long-term relationship with Perka Penis-Player, and that relationship has produced tabloid headlines. Mortensen hasn't had a steady girlfriend since he divorced Exene Cervenka, and hasn't produced tabloid headlines for his relationships since. This also eliminates him from the married men blinds. Not Viggo.

Stinky Carrot-Crotch: Average-looking and better known for comedic pursuits. Definitely Not Viggo.

Dumbo Pecs: Married to Slink-a-Rella Jiggle. Not Viggo.

Rocky Trailer (gender unspecified): Wrong movie franchise. Not Viggo.

Adam Pounce-Prick: To quote Ted, "Adam P.P. dated a few other celebs once becoming a recognizable name—some honeys way out of his league, but they seem to fall for this funny fella's charm, if not his somewhat-appealing looks." Again, "funny" and "somewhat appealing" tend to point away from the target, and Viggo's highest-profile relationship was with Exene, which happened long before he became a recognizable name. Ted has hinted that this is Gerard Butler, but I don't really see that either. I'm not completely 100% firm on it, but I'm not going out on much of a limb by saying Not Viggo.

Sandy Boob: Was once on a hit TV show with lots of sand and lots of boobs. Not Viggo.

Quidget Barks-a-Little and Harry Fun-Tanked: Long-term relationships for both. See Schlamm Butt-Wiggle. Not Viggo.

Nelly Fang: Plays a vampire. Not Viggo.

Parrish Maguire: I proved this to be Taylor Lautner. Not Viggo.

Chester Shorts-Off: Married to Secretia Ohio. Not Viggo.

Elijah Schwad: Married to Henrietta Hard-Ball. Not Viggo.

Marky Sweet-Puss: Married to Cruella St. Shackles. Not Viggo.

Barrington Bang-Me: Nevis Divine's boyfriend. It would take one heck of a stretch of the imagination to see Viggo as RPattz's bed buddy. Not eliminated, but I'm pretty confident in saying Not Viggo. If you'd like to make a case, though, please do so.

Moisty Mohr: Ted's essentially revealed him to be Robin Leach. Not Viggo.

Continued in next post...

The Spie said...

As I rammed straight into the character limit, let's continue...

Buck Me-Good: The ego part seems to fit pretty well, but I'm not sure Ted would describe Viggo as a "stud-muffin". Plus, this blind is implied to be an up-and-comer. Viggo's more the "arrived-and-well-established" type. I'm not going to eliminate him, but I'm putting the chances of this being Viggo at less than 10%. Again, I invite everyone to provide counter-arguments.

Chet Chick-Muncher: Nothing in the blind eliminates Viggo per se, except for one thing: Viggo's "ridiculous antics" have never been commonplace tabloid fodder as Ted states. Besides, Ted pretty much pointed the finger directly at Sting. Again, not a full elimination, but I'm putting the chances at less than 30%.

Dougie Dry-Hump: Married. Not Viggo.

Buddy Rib-Toast: Buddy's latest film is a sequel to the movie that put him on the map. At the time, Viggo was on the set of a sequel, but Eastern Promises sure isn't the film that put him on the map. I'm going to eliminate him on this basis alone. Not Viggo.

Misha Mayhem (gender unspecified): Included merely for the sake of completeness. I really don't think Viggo is a Lohan. Not Viggo.

Teddy O'Bong: A network TV star best known for movie appearances. Not Viggo.

Unnamed Lost Cast Member (gender unspecified): Obviously Not Viggo.

Chubster Hunkster: I don't think Viggo was at Comic-Con, plus the "adoring family" part doesn't fit. Not Viggo.

Drew Smolder'n'Suck and Kelly Guten-Shoes (gender for both unspecified): Co-stars on a TV show. Not Viggo.

Pepper Harthman: Sports star. Not Viggo.

Now that's a LOT of eliminations. The only candidates that remain are Buck Me-Good and Chet Chick-Muncher. If I had to choose between one of the two, it's Chet. This was a pretty popular blind if memory serves, so it fits that part.

Could someone (Rita, you've had a lot of luck lately, so maybe you could try this) mail Ted and ask straight out if Buck Me-Good is Viggo? If he answers and it's the "No" I expect, then he's Chet Chick-Muncher.

The Spie said...

One more thought: Reading the original AIA again, I'm feeling a bit more confident about Viggo being Chet Chick-Muncher. I forgot that Ted said that Viggo has a number of Vice-worthy things in his life, and he has been around for "decades". Also, having been married to Exene for as long as he was, and knowing a lot about the LA punk scene, the drug issue has become a non-issue; you couldn't avoid drugs in that milleu.

I'm upping my probability of Viggo being Chet to 50%.

Heather_P said...

The Spie, thanks so much for going through all that! Do you mind if I post this at the E boards?

I asked Ted about Viggo and Buck-Me Good. Hopefully I'll get a response.

About CCM, I don't know much about Viggo these days but how was his reputation "not exactly great" as of May this year? And what were his "ridiculous antics"? I've always seen Viggo as a very artistic, introverted, non-Hollywood type. But taking a cue from the Nevis blind, I know not all clues fit all the time.

Anyway, those are my initial thoughts.

The Spie said...

Heather: If you'd like to post this on the E boards, go for it. All I seek is attribution, if only so that you don't get any more heat than you should from some of the irrational types over there.

As per Viggo's reputation, remember that when Ted says that, it could mean one of two things: public rep or rep among people in the industry. Viggo's artistic temperament and introversion could give him a bad rep among his peers and the people he works for (remember, Joaquin Phoenix is also an artistic introvert, and look at his rep). The rumored lapses in personal hygiene that made him a candidate for Gussie could also contribute to a bad rep.

Ted could also consider his musical and poetic endeavors to be "ridiculous antics". There's definitely an image of being pretentious that goes along with that. Remember, Ted may be writing for a majority-female audience, but he's still a guy, and we do tend to think that if someone's writing poetry and he's not trying to score, he's being pretentious and, dare I say it, ridiculous.

You know, I'm trying to talk myself into Viggo as Chet, and I think I'm succeeding. I need more Devil's Advocate material.

Brittany said...

Spie: Playing Devil's Advocate on Buddy Rib-Toast. Eastern Promises could be said to put him on the map as it was his first movie that he received all around praise for his acting alone. Getting him the attention from the Academy for acting. I know he became a name for LOTR, but in that movie he was part of an ensemble as were all the nominations. Just playing Devil's Advocate here.

Also the naked thing...have you seen Eastern Promises? Well he's not shy about that.

Brittany said...

I know it can be argued against, but when Ted writes "the flick that really put BRT on the map" it sounds like maybe he could be inferring that he was a name before, this movie just made him a bigger name.

I've made my small contribution and now I'm done because this whole Viggo BV situation is confusing.

Heather_P said...

TheSpie, I would definitely give you credit!

Maybe your experience is different than mine but I hope you don't mean the BV message board. Most of the people that post over there are calm, informative, and friendly. Though we do have the occasional Twi-hard infiltration. It's an epidemic!

If you mean the comment section after Ted's B*tch-Backs, then I think "irrational" is far too kind a word to describe them. We have a whole thread just about the crazy things they say. It's hilarious.

I hope Ted answers some Viggo questions so we can narrow this down.

The Spie said...

Brittany: Here's my counter-argument: Ted states that the movie that Buddy was doing a sequel to was a, and I quote Ted, "monster hit". I wouldn't call Eastern Promises a monster hit. As for getting all-around praise for his acting alone, you could easily make the case that A History Of Violence did that for him two years earlier, if not going back all the way to his film debut in Witness. Do you think that was a good enough counter?

Heather: Yeah, I meant the Bitch-Back comments. If I wanted that much concentrated brain-cell killing, I'd either do massive amounts of heroin or spend more time on BlindGossip. The BV message board isn't too bad, but I have a pretty low tolerance for Teh Stoopid, and sometimes it does go past my tipping point there.

blurry vice said...

GREAT WORK SPIE!!!

I like the Chet Chick Muncher guess. The other two (buck me good and buddy rib toast) are still contenders but I do think CCM fits. We really didn't have anyone for CCM until Sting was said to have been a BV, so I fit Sting with that one.

blurry vice said...

BTW after reading buck me good, I do NOT think Viggo fits... he is NOT one of the hottest studs right now. I still really think Sam Worthington is Buck Me Good.
Viggo is either Chet Chick Muncher or Buddy Rib Toast.

Brittany said...

Does anyone know who Viggo Mortensen is dating? According to the BV, CCM and BMG both are in relationships.

I'm really starting to feel maybe Ted just forgot when asked if Viggo was a BV a year ago. Truth be told, he doesn't sound like any of these BV's from the last year.

Heather_P said...

Brittany, as much as I don't want to believe it, I think I agree.

The good news is if he "forgot" Viggo's blind it could have been from his LOTR days and that was almost a decade ago! I don't think it calls into question more recent blinds like Nevis, TTT, Parrish... because those are at the front of his mind, no doubt. But the "all time favorites" thing still trips me up.

I'm still hoping he answers one of my questions, though, because that would clear it up.

The Spie said...

Viggo's supposedly been dating Ariadna Gil for a number of years now, so I'd call that a relationship.

Heather: If Ted did forget, then I have no problem with him as Gussie, which would be an LOTR-era BV. Now, let me try to deal with the "all-time favorites" concern. There are two explanations I can think of. The simplest one is that it's Ted playing the hype artist again. You know how he loves to do that. The second is that it's not one of the readership's all-time favorites, but one of Ted's all-time favorites. Aggressive heterosexual who's been, in the words of the Dead Boys, caught with the meat in his mouth? Something tells me that this type of blind really appeals to Ted.

This is exactly what I like to do with my proofs: lay it out and have people come up with concerns. Obviously, we're not going to solve all of them, but we can solve the major concerns and some of the minor ones, writing off the rest to journalistic license.

Heather_P said...

TheSpie, I like where you're going but my only problem is that he specifically says (in parentheses) "and readers'" ALL TIME favorites. Even if Gus was a favorite in 2004, which I wasn't around to know, could he still be considered a reader favorite now?

My only conclusion, if Viggo's vice did come before 9/19/09, is that it is from at least 6 years ago and is one of the all time bigs. Something maybe no one has ever thought of him for. Unfortunately my expertise ends when the possibles are so wide open. I like when I have a staring and ending date. If it's anything from 2002 till 2009 (for example), I'm just not familiar enough with the vices to even give a guess.

But I think we should just bombard Ted with questions about Viggo. He's bound to give us something good at some point.

The Spie said...

Heather: I think we have to write off the "all-time" part as being a combination of Ted's hype machine and a little bit of misdirection on his part. He's admitted he loves to do minor acts of misdirection in some of his comments in order to keep the guessing going, and all of us here recently saw that with the Twi-tard Invasion in the Nevis threads. I think you've accidentally fallen into the trap that he's consciously setting. A phrase like "all-time" can be used as dismissal fodder for the less diligent among us, or as the starting gun for overanalysis.

Occam's Razor applies to any logical exercise, including all of Ted's blinds: the simplest answer is usually the correct one. Ted usually doesn't slip up on the Yes/No statements of whether someone has been a BV, or at least we've never known him to do so, consciously or otherwise. We've done process of elimination to cut down the candidates. We've used our knowledge of celebrities to argue points in favor or against the candidates that remain. We can't find anything that eliminates Viggo from being Chet Chick-Muncher, and he's a strong fit. The simplest answer is that Viggo is Chet, and Occam's Razor says that it's probably the correct one.

Just one more piece of evidence: Viggo's relationship with Gil has been of the on-off-on variety since 2006, so that still eliminates him as Schlamm Butt-Wiggle. Plus, Gil isn't famous enough to get a BV name. Schlamm's SO has one, while Chet's (and Buck's) doesn't.

Brittany said...

I think any belief that Viggo can be Buck Me Good is wrong. I keep reading over that BV and there's no way he can fit most of those clues (have to agree with Blurry that Sam fits it better). Same with Buddy Rib Toast. Ted keeps alluding in BBs that BRT is younger (at least than Gerard Butler) and Viggo is almost 42. Although he does make it a little confusing with that one Harrison Ford comment. I think out of the ones left he sounds most like Chet Chick Muncher.

Heather_P said...

Viggo's 51 (October 20, 1958).

This might mean nothing but I always like to point out whatever I see...

Grimy Gus = GG

viGGo

And in a recent B-tch Back:

"Dear Viggo Go Go:"... again with the double G

Brittany said...

Woops, good catch. I didn't notice that typo, don't know why I wrote 42. Still he's eliminated as BRT since he's too old.

The Spie said...

Heather: Ted is only obvious when he wants to be obvious. I don't think he wanted to be obvious with Grimy Gus, because he was obvious with Harland. The identity of Harland was combined with two obvious clues to point the finger at Viggo for Gussie. This is classic Ted misdirection. Remember, he gets off on us making the wrong guess. Look at the whole Moisty situation earlier this year. He was loving seeing people making all these weird guesses.

I'm now pretty firm that Gussie is Elijah Wood.

The Spie said...

Oh, one more thing that suddenly hit me: If Viggo was Gussie, don't you think that Ted would have made some kind of remark on the age difference between Viggo and Orli? With nearly a twenty-year age difference between the two, that's something Ted normally grabs on to for at least an aside.

I don't know why I brought that up. It just seems significant, because I think that the question has now become, "Do we believe Ted's 2009 statement about Viggo not being a BV?"

Heather_P said...

Yeah, I know what you mean about Ted and the "obvious". Sometimes it's the truth and sometimes it's just to lead people where he wants them to go.

I love the idea of Elijah as GG. Do we know what film set Orlando visited him on around Oct '04? And do we have the hotel pics of him and Kate to prove it? I think that's necessary to identifying GG.

The Spie said...

Heather: Wasn't Wood shooting Sin City in October 2004? Pretty high-profile film, lots of pub to be gained from a visit...sounds like the best candidate. No one would really question Bloom paying a visit there.

And, it's been a while since I've seen it, but can't Wood's character in Sin City be described as being a little...well, grimy? Okay, everyone in that film can be described that way, but, still...

The Spie said...

And here I go again, posting twice in a row because I wanted to remark on something that might seem pertinent...and this one's going to be long. Sorry, folks.

I wonder how much knowledge Ted had about fandoms in 2004. It seems from his remarks that he suddenly discovered the world of fandoms thanks to J2 and Robsten, but that could be another misdirection ploy.

Here's why I ask: In Lord of the Rings fandom during this period, there was a rather strange shift regarding the slash shippers. They stopped shipping the characters and starting shipping the actors; this is known in fandom circles as RPS, Real-Person Slash. Instead of believing there was a sexual relationship between Aragorn and Legolas, these fans, the so-called Viggorli Tinhats, began believing there was something going on between Mortensen and Bloom. There was an even larger and more vociferous group who believed there was something going on between Elijah Wood and Dominic Monaghan (the Domlijahs). Sounds crazy, but there were a lot of people who believed this.

This was actually a perverse sort of breakthrough for fans. Now, it was acceptable to create romances between actors rather than characters. All of the tinhat movements, from the Danemmas to the J2 crowd to Robsten, trace their roots back to LOTR fandom.

So what point am I trying to make? Think about what Ted's done with J2 and Robsten. Do you think he was trying the same thing back in 2004 with Viggorli by making Fussy and Gussie so "obvious"? His problem in this case was that he picked the wrong couple. If he'd chosen Wood and Monaghan, he might have succeeded. But the Viggorli group was too small to reach critical mass.

In summary, could the "obvious" clues toward Viggo as Gussie be an attempt at audience whoring? And when it didn't work, he moved on from Fussy and Gussie to Toothy and Pixie Mixie? And having given up years ago, he decided on closure in 2009 by admitting that Viggo had never been a BV?

It's just something to think about, because there's the underlying question of why the Fussy and Gussie blind exists in the first place. It's pretty tame, you've got to admit.

J said...

I don't want to undercut the Sisters posting bitch-backs, but Ted's latest BB says that Viggo's blind was way before Buck-Me-Good, and Chet Chick-Muncher was only a month or so before, right? Where does that leave us?

Tara said...

Thank goodness I am not the only one loving Wood for GG. I can gather that Sin City was filmed entirely with a green screen backdrop, on a studio lot. No mention of where, but from some of the trivia on IMDB, it mentions another movie filming nearby at the same time, and that movie, A Scanner Darkly, was filmed in Austin Texas. So, Southwest--Texas or New Mexico, perhaps? From a quick google, I come up empty.

Elijah also filmed a movie called Green Street Hooligans (a football movie) around the same time, and it was filmed primarily in the UK. No one would think anything of Orly visiting his hometown at this time, so no big news would be reported, especially with the film not being a mainstream hit. And, a film which delves into the violent world of underground football hooliganism would definitely be "butch it up", no?

The Spie said...

J: It leaves us in the same place we were before, with the last possible candidate other than Chet eliminated, with a bit of Ted hyperbole included. In TedWorld, a month can certainly be "way before".

I think someone needs to directly question Ted on whether or not he was wrong in 2009 when he said that Viggo wasn't a BV. That'll answer all of our questions.

Heather_P said...

Chet came out on 5/5, a month after Buck Me on 4/9. All the vices we've been considering came after Buck Me.

I asked Ted directly (in a nice way) if there was a mix-up with the Sept 19th thing. No answer. I also asked about Viggo being a favorite and if his vice was during his LOTR days or much more recently, that way he could correct it without being so obvious. No answer there either.

I hate to say it but I think today's answer is as close as we're going to get to an admission that someone screwed up. I remember Ted being on vacation in Sept of last year so it might not have been him. I can see a newer staff member making a mistake about a blind that could have been 6 years ago.

The Spie said...

Heather: I was thinking about the whole vacation issue when you mentioned it over at the E boards (and was disappointed that people there wrote off my work, insisting regardless than Viggo was Gussie). Let's have a look at the timeline.

Ted was definitely on vacation the last week of August when Jackie Bouffant was introduced. That blind makes it clear that Taryn or someone else was writing the BV. The Maxwell Meat-Mingle BV from September 1st was also written by the staff. I'm questioning whether or not Ted wrote the first Topher Hairy-Tuchas blind on September 4th; it doesn't sound like Ted. But he was definitely back for the BV Superstar Gallery and the second Topher blind on September 11th. Therefore, he would have done the September 19th Bitch-Back that AIAed Viggo.

I don't think we can write this one off on the staff. Ted either screwed up himself, or Viggo is Chet Chick-Muncher. I hate to say it, but either is possible. Viggo does fit Chet surprisingly well.

MysticLady said...

To the person who said that Viggo is dating Spanish actress Adriadna Gil- That is not true. A magazine asked him about that earlier this year and he denied it saying they are only friends. I think that rumor was started by Viggo fans who were probably tired of the gay rumors.

MysticLady said...

Also Viggo can't be Chet Chick Muncher. If you look at AIA's they are all men who have had very public cheating scandals and Viggo has never had one. Charlie Sheen is the top suspect.

The Spie said...

Mystic: Ted has said many times that the AIAs are not necessarily a clue toward the identity of the BV. Anyone who studies Ted knows this.

Charlie Sheen has never been the top suspect for Chet. We mooted over Sheen and determined that he doesn't fit the BV.

The Spie said...

Oh, yeah, forgot to mention this one as well: the reason we rejected Sheen as Chet is that Ted said he was a BV in March, two months prior to the Chet blind. So it ain't him.

MysticLady said...

@The Spie- Okay but the blind still states the the celebrity has had public scandals and Viggo has not had any.

Someone should email Ted to see about Viggo being Chet. But I doubt he is.

The Spie said...

Mystic: If Viggo isn't Chet, then which BV is he out of that list that I put up? We have to take Ted at face value when he said in September 2009 that Viggo wasn't a BV. Now that Viggo's eliminated as Buck, the only BV he can be is Chet. Three words: Quod. Erat. Demonstratum.

MysticLady said...

@The Spie- Didn't Ted say that Viggo's B.V came out long before Buck Me and that one only came out a month before Chet?

Besides, I know that Viggo has not been with a woman in over a decade. A friend of mine knows close relatives of his.

The Spie said...

Mystic: We were discussing the "long before" issue above. Please note Ted's September 2009 statement about Viggo NOT being a BV. We have to take this at face value. In that time period, the only BV he now fits and hasn't been AIAed for is Chet Chick-Muncher.

The use of anecdotal knowledge to prove a point is a logical fallacy. I do not utilize logical fallacies in my analyses.

blurry vice said...

"
Dear Ted:
Let's talk about Buck Me-Good. Though I can't picture Viggo Mortensen with the "do you know who I am" attitude, could he be our mile-high club hopeful?
—H

Dear Cockpit Confession:
Nope, Viggo's B.V. was long before Buck started causing chaos in the sky. For BMG, think hunkier even than V—and much more believable at rocking the total diva dude ‘tude."



"Dear Ted:
Question, if one of your B.V. stars did something huge—say for example, a gay B.V. star married his beard—would you immediately write about that under their guises or wait a little while? Or would you just not write about it at all because it would give too much away?
—JTP

Dear Tie the Knot:
If I wrote about it immediately, don't you think it'd be a bit obvious? But if a bearding turns into a not-so-holy matrimony then of course I'm going to dish the deets. Just look at Hardland Fuss."

Heather_P said...

TheSpie, here's my take on the current Viggo situation.

If you are going to take the Sept. 19th statement at "face value" then you have to do the same with the recent answer that Viggo's BV came before Buck-Me Good. There is no hyperbole that can be read into "X came long before Y". So, unless we have a blind that fits Viggo shortly after Sept 19th (which we don't) I think we need to capitulate that one of Ted's statements is wrong. And applying Occam's Razor, I would have to say it's more believable to me that the mistake was made on Sept. 19th, rather than recently.

Viggo is back on the radar now because of the return of the Harland vice (even if Viggo isn't Gus) so I tend to believe Ted's recent statements about him. I have no problem believing Ted could have had a brain fart last September. But, honestly, even though you've shown Ted was back in town well before the Sept 19th BB, I can imagine a scenario where someone submitted a question earlier, an answer was given by a staff member, and it slipped through the cracks. I've submitted BB questions before that weren't answered for a week.

And to reiterate, I don't think this casts suspicion on the Nevis blind simply because all Ted's focus is on Twilight now and it's unlikely that a similar mistake would be made.

The Spie said...

Heather: Here's the other interpretation that you can take of Ted's statement: the events behind Viggo's Blind Vice took place long before the events of the Buck Me-Good blind. Re-reading the Chet Chick-Muncher blind, it sure sounds like the filming of the gay sex tap doesn't sound like a recent thing. Thus, given this interpretation, Viggo could still be Chet.

This definitely is plausible. We all know how well Ted tends to structure his responses in order to not give a direct answer.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Since you said Viggo Mortensen's B.V. is something he does behind closed doors, does that mean you are notting him as Buddy Rib-Toast (who gets drunk and runs around naked on set) and Buck Me-Good (who gets drunk and slobbers over females on a plane)?
—Likes Danish

Dear Out in Public:
Right-o, but Viggo's Vice also came earlier than our latest bad-boy crew. He has been around for a while, after all."

???

The Spie said...

That's it. We've now officially run out of alternatives. Viggo is either Chet Chick-Muncher or Ted made a mistake. There's no other explanations or outs here.

Like I said in my last response, it could be that the Chet Chick-Muncher incident took place a while back and is now only coming to light. That's the only good explanation for Ted's responses.

Time to ask directly whether or not Viggo is Chet?

MysticLady said...

@ The Spie- Okay I have to ask: How exactly is Chet Viggo?

I already asked Ted if Viggo is Chet. He has yet to answer but he doesn't always answer right away.

Heather_P said...

You also have to remember that Ted won't always eliminate a person even if it isn't their blind. I know Ted reads the E boards and he probably has someone read BIE as well. If he knows we are thinking notting Viggo for Chet means we'll assume he's Gus, he may not eliminate him. He generally tries to keep at least one other option open.

A perfect example is Kellan Lutz for TTT. Kellan didn't have a BV as of Sept '09 and TTT's been referred to as a female numerous times but recently Ted refused to "not" Kellan for TTT. He does it when the list of suspects is really narrowed down and he needs to try and keep a red herring alive.

All that to say, whether or not Ted answers the Chet question means nothing. He has already told us discreetly, two different times, that he (or someone) messed up on Sept. 19th. I think we have to acquiesce that Viggo's vice is from long ago.

The Spie said...

Mystic: Please read above for my elimination of suspects for Viggo's BV. All other possible candidates have now been AIAed; only Chet Chick-Muncher remains. Of course, this was predicated on the accuracy of the statement of Viggo not being a BV on September 19th, 2009.

Until Ted comes out and directly states that he made a mistake, in my mind, Viggo is Chet. I put more weight into an absolute statement than an assumption of error.

MysticLady said...

@The Spie- Ok let me rephrease my question: What has Viggo done to prove he is Chet? Like public scandals or bad reputations? All you are basing Viggo for being Chet is that it falls between the dates you have mention.

The Spie said...

Mystic: No, what I've done is eliminate the BVs that Viggo cannot be. It's a perfectly valid approach to problem-solving. As a gentleman named Holmes once said, once you have eliminated the impossible, what remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

This is the way that logic works, and it's worked that way since the Greeks. I don't have to prove through positive confirmation that he is Chet. I have proven through negative confirmation what he is not, and what's left out of the possibilities is Chet. There is nothing in the Chet blind that eliminates Viggo.

Would you like me to start dishing out the symbolic logic and set theory equations?

MysticLady said...

The Spie- I'm starting to think you just want Viggo to be Chet because Chet is straight. You want Viggo to be into men.

Also Ted has said that Viggo's BV came out long before Buck Me and Buddy Rib-Toast. Chet happens to fall between them so it is logical that Viggo can not be Chet. Ted may have made a mistake last September. You have not answer my questions about how Viggo is like Chet.

The Spie said...

No, Ted has not said that Viggo's BV came out long before Buck and Buddy. What he said is that his BV happened long before Buck and Buddy. Re-read the statements again. That's a very important distinction.

And you don't get it, do you, Mystic? I don't have to explain why Viggo is like Chet. Similarities are irrelevant. Only contradictions are important, and there are no contradictions to Viggo being Chet. When process of elimination leaves you with only one possible answer, it's the answer if there are no contradictions. Without that principle, logic and mathematics don't work.

The problem here is that the answer is based on Ted not having made a mistake in September 2009. I cannot assume that he did. All I have is two definite statements from him to work from. The conclusion is only as valid as the data the conclusion is based on.

The Spie said...

And, oh, yeah, I don't care one bit about Viggo. I really don't care one bit about celebrities. I'm in this for the fun of solving blind items. The only thing connected with celebrities that I have an emotional opinion on is Scientology.

So, there's no alternate agenda here to look for in regard to me. Why don't you try to disprove my thesis, by using something other than anecdotal knowledge?

MysticLady said...

The Spie- But doesn't Ted mostly write about things that happen pretty recent. At least withing a month of it happening. So if Viggo's Vice happened long before Buddy and Buck then he wrote it when it happen.

Oh whatever. Lets agree to disagree.

The Spie said...

Mystic: What would be news in the Chet blind is the threatened release of the sex tape, not necessarily the activities that took place on the tape. The threatened release of the tape was almost certainly a recent event.

The "Vice" in this instance is the act on the tape, not the threatened release of the tape. That could have easily taken place long before the activities of Buddy and Buck.

And I won't agree to disagree, because, quite frankly, I'm using the Scientific Method to solve this item, while you're relying on fourth-person anecdotes.

Tara said...

We could use a little of your scientific methodology over in the Mooney Van Dangle thread, Spie. Come on over please:)

The Spie said...

Tara: I've been following the Mooney thread, and I'm afraid that I've come to the conclusion that it's Fishburne, so I've got nothing to contribute. Remember how Ted times his blinds to coincide with bits of news. There's always a slight delay involved, between two and six weeks, which fits perfectly with the Mooney blind. It also fits perfectly with the return of Harland as well.

Tara said...

It got a little heated over there for a minute; you just have a way with logic to settle a debate, it could've helped diffuse the argument:) I agree with LF as MVD, though some aren't buying it. There are so few celebs in the tabloids within the past 6 months with blood relatives who have a sexual scandal(Fishburne and Warren Beatty are the only two I can find), it is hard to entertain any others.

Caz1310 said...

Gee what a Viggo-rous debate this has turned out to be :)

Michelle said...

Looks like pretty much everything that can be said about the Viggo debate has been said, I 'll throw in my two cents anyway.

I agree that the only blind in the time frame we're working with that fits (the "no mistake" time frame, that is) is CCM.

There are two things that make me not so sure about it and leaving the possibility of Ted making a mistake open. As others have said, I've never heard much in the way of public scandal about Viggo. It's this combined with Ted's comment about Viggo's BV being a "favorite". Is the Harland Fuss blind considered a favorite..? I was deeply into the AT around Toothy's big hayday and dropped out for a few years-just getting back into the swing of things, so I don't remember if people really were into the Harland BV, but if so, could Ted have been referring to that? GG does not have a solo blind, does he?

In any case, I think we are left with a little doubt unless Ted gives us some info. I tend to think he is VERY careful, but mistakes could happen. I like Elijah for GG too, and "grimy" could be perhaps referring to bare hobbit feet? :) (Gotta admit most of the time I ignore the names altogether, and only use the AIA's for elimination purposes!)I think Ted just uses them to confound us!

The Spie said...

Michelle: There's one thing that I can point to that may imply "favorite" status for Gussie and Fussy. In an early Toothy blind, when Ted wanted to use an example of another closet-case blind, he chose Gussie and Fussy.

But you're right. At this point, it's either a mistake or Chet Chick-Muncher.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I don't what it is, but something tells me Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom aren't going to last long? What's your opinion?
–XOXO

Dear Hugs and Disses:
I get a woof of your sneaky premonition. But, hey the lingerie model was spotted smooching her hubby just earlier this month on set of his new film in Germany. That's a little more than a trek for your everyday publicity stunt—or maybe not if you think about how far Bosworth has jetted for Skarsgard. But, remember, the Vicky Secret Angel's got a blooming bun in the oven, so it seems these three musketeers are in it for as long as they can haul it, but that's not saying a lot, is it? Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are still together, aren't they?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Someone beat me to it ,but I also do not see, baby or not, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr lasting. There is no heat whatsoever coming from her. In several shots I've seen of them she doesn't seem into him as much as he is into her. He lights up when he's with her. It seems very one sided. Miranda only married him because of the baby. I can see him or her raising the poor innocent child alone. I don't like her and if she ever breaks Orlando's heart I will punch her supermodel lights out!
—W

Dear Orly-Obsessed:
Do I smell a hint of jealousy? Who knows slash who cares if they do work out? For now they are publicizing it up and making sure we all see them together, happy or not. Her, or his, true colors will come out eventually, and when it does, maybe you'll get your chance? While the Blooms sort it out, resist letting any fists fly; you wouldn't want Victoria coming after you for ruining her secret. Oh, and please don't feel bad for that baking bun. Whatever happens with the parentals, that baby's bound to be a babe."


"Dear Ted:
If Orlando Bloom is a Vice, surely you must also have some dirt on Miranda Kerr, seeing as all her sweetness and light has to be an act. Also why do you think Orlando doesn't seem happy about the baby?
—Dawn

Dear Who Kerrs?
Unless wanting to get a bit more famous is a crime, then Miranda is pretty Viced-out, as far as I'm concerned. Don't understand why you say Bloom is being a daddy downer though—did you want a People magazine spread about how excited he is?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Wanna help a volunteer fanatic overcome the Monday blues? Really? Thanks! Rank the following according to how emotionally close (like BFFs) the following closeted stars are to their respective current beards, from besties to enemies in it for the PR: Toothy Tile, Seymour Plow-Me-More, Harland Fuss and Jackie Bouffant. Sending some hungover kisses your way!
—Hannah

Dear Rhetorical:
Jackie the closest, by far. Seymour a distant second, and Toothy and Harland? Don't even ask!"

Alejandra said...

Wow! Just read all of the comments! Spie, thanks you for all of your hard work! I just emailed Ted about Elijah and Viggo. Here's hoping for a response!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I saw a really sweet picture today of Orlando Bloom and his new son. I wonder if he's ever been a Blind Vice. If so, is it a currently active Blind Vice?

Murph and I are staying indoors today. It's in the single digits outside and extremely cold, ice and snow hurts the pads of his paws. We hope you're nice and

warm where you are.
—scottiecruz

Dear Shivering Snow Bunnies:
Definitely saw the pic too, and Bloom looks like a blushing daddy. We love it. He might not have always had some squeaky-clean paws (like you and your

adorable pup), as Orlando is a Vice superstar from years back, but he seems to be shaping, as of late. Damn!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Any interesting news on Harland Fuss lately? Has he found a way to go back on his "devil-dealing scenario" (does he even want to?), or has his beard

permanently won the battle?
—thepenguinofdeath

Dear Much More to Fuss For...
He has bigger and more permanent things to deal with lately, especially when it comes to that beard of his. Pretty sure she'll be staying around for a while.

It's only proper of this not-so-wild-anymore hunk to stick around longer than usual."

- totally orlando

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What do you think adorable Orlando Bloom enjoys most about fatherhood, taking care of his sweet son Flynn or the new size of Miranda Kerr's boobs? Love ya.
—co0ftroy

Dear Love Ya Back:
No brainer: daddyhood.

Dear Ted:
What's up with the Kerr-Bloom family? I get the impression Orlando cares much more about baby Flynn than Mir does, right or wrong? And I still feel no love

between them—but then, why are they still together? For PR reasons? That's long gone, I guess, there's not much buzz around them. For the baby? Yeah maybe,

but he'll grow up and maybe he wouldn't be much traumatized if his parents weren't together. Then why? I just don't get it.
—Nikki

Dear Quit Contemplating:
They look like a happy fam for now. Orly landed one beautiful bombshell, and, of course, as a new daddy he is going be all about his new baby boy. They both

love the tyke, no question about that, and let them live there lives sans PR speculation. Well, at least, until we have some real details!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's the deal with Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr? I saw him gushing about her and their baby on Chelsea Lately, and it got me thinking. Is their marriage

for real?
—Lyn

Dear Till Vice Do Us Part:
Orli's got a packed schedule these days, what with his wifey, his baby and a Vice to boot. But that doesn't mean the supermodel and her movie star hubby

aren't keeping it real with each other. They most certainly are."

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