Friday, August 27, 2010

Blind Vice: Wet 'n' Wild Parrish Dries Himself Off

New from Ted today -

Taylor Lautner (The Twilight Saga's "Jacob") -- Rolling Stone Magazine Cover PosterBlind Vice: Wet 'n' Wild Parrish Dries Himself Off

If any of Parrish Maguire's close (and all very beautiful) friends are wondering why their blushing-boy companion has been on the rag as of late, we can tell you: He's been duly chastised by his "people," and he ain't happy about it.
For some silly reason, Parrish's peeps were in an uproar about their client liking to get his sexy on with porn stars at private pool parties or liking to tag around his tortured BF at parties while he made goo-goo eyes at all the (other) pretty boys.
Parrish's advisors therefore advised:
"Reel it in, or else."
P-stuff, all crimson cheeks and quivering lower lip, did not question what the else referred to. He very well knew: The sizeable investment his employers had made in him would suddenly disappear faster than Lindsay Lohan's 9-to-5 gigs.
Also intimated to Mr. Maquire, who's gotten quite used to being the hot-stuff flavor of the month, was a reminder that he was hardly the first choice for the plum position he now enjoys.
Consequently, P.M. has been pulling the sour stuff on his close friends, taking out the frustration of no longer being able to get his gay on quite so openly on those unlucky enough to enjoy the gorgeous dude's myriad perks. As a result, partying it up with Parrish ain't at all what it used to be.
So, suffice it to say: Since P has had to zip his pants, his lip ain't following suit.

And It Ain't: Chris Hemsworth, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ryan Gosling

Links to 3 previous Parrish Maguire BVs:
1 - Jan 2010 including a full list of who has been eliminated
2 - March 2010
3 - June 2010

And here is the 5th, most recent PM BV from Sept 2010.

Top suspect: Taylor Lautner

* Proven by timeline of Ted's dates he was and wasn't a BV: Taylor Lautner


blurry vice said...

This pretty much fits with Tay-Tay's recent tantrum over his traler.

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What is going on with Taylor Lautner? He's turning into such a diva...really, filing charges for not having a big trailer? Has he been hanging around Nikki Reed too long?

Dear No Love for Lautner:
Funny you ask that, we've been saying the same thing! Wanna know something, though, Nikki's actually pretty cool, in the end. Not so, Taylor. It's like diva Clay Aiken all over again."

Veronica said...

the only thing that doesn't fit to me, i guess, is the lycra. although there really isn't anybody else that i can think of that fits the description as well as taylor.

Unknown said...

Well the fact that he is so pissed off would make him act out in other ways, such as whining about his missing trailer (and I bet that trailer was meant to be hosting many pretty boys too). One thing bothers me though about the Taylor Lautner guess. I can't see Summit pulling the plug on him. He's integral to the series so how can a threat like that be taken seriously? Any thoughts?

The Spie said...

The only people on that set who are safe, according to rumor, are RPattz and KStew.

It doesn't really matter about the counter-arguments. In the first Parrish thread, I proved that Lautner has to be Parrish. There's no other BV he can be.

Saleant said...

Amen to The Spie, even Ted/Bruce is becoming more open on this one.

Seriously 'myriad perks' about a guy who only talent is his chest - that's not even trying anymore.

blurry vice said...

Yep we already know this is Tay-Tay, no need to argue against it people! See the other threads.

Tara said...

Lycra= his outfit for new role he landed in superhero flick Stretch Armstrong. His involvement was announced in the winter and rumored prior (as well as rumor about him as Max Steel, but he had to choose one). Universal, not Summit, would pull his behind in a minute if he keeps up his diva BS and if his gay escapades become tabloid fodder. They don't need to deal with entitlement issues just because the dude is the new big thing due to the Twi gig. He is currently filming Abduction, which is a Bourne-esque film, something he maybe was not first choice on since he is the absolute lead and has some Hollywood heavyweights as supporting cast. They and the studio may be tiring of his ways, and may worry he won't deliver as being able to open a movie himself anyway.

And Spie did rock the detective work to prove Parrish was Taylor. It is hard to dispute once you see the timeline he has laid out in a previous PM thread.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I don't enjoy Taylor Lautner that much and even I think this "Lautner Hissy Fit" story is a bit of a stretch! You say, Lautner's people responded that he's too busy. If his "people" were the ones to respond like that then common sense tells you Lautner wasn't the one having a hissy fit. It sounds like Lautner's agent/manager/whatever was the one trying to make Lautner sound super busy and important. Cut him some slack. If the quote were from Lautner, himself, I could see what you're talking about, but it wasn't. I still love you though!

Dear Flack:
PR are mouthpieces for a reason! If Tay wanted to do Ryan Seacrest, he would. What Lautner wants, Lautner gets. Except for a trailer apparently."

Sarah said...

I just don't buy this as Lautner. I totally believe the kid is gay, but the rest doesn't fit. I don't think he HAS close friends. And I think he's too much of an automaton to go against his "team". In 5 years? I think this could be him. Right now? I can't see it.

Sarah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Spie said...

Sarah: It's Lautner. I proved it in a previous Parrish thread.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In regards to all the Taylor Lautner "diva-tude," is it really all coming from the 18 year old or partly from his manager/father-dearest? Is Taylor trying to come into his own or is he being pushed by an overbearing parent?

Dear Daddie Dearest:
Like I've said before, it's not all Taylor's pop. But wouldn't you be surprised to know that little Taylor has been trying to come into his own for a long time now and it's always other folks who keep telling him no. After a while, the pressure's gotta get to ya, right?"

Sarah said...

I'm sure Ted wants us to think it's Lautner, I just think he's full of it on this one. Like I said, I can buy that Lautner's gay. I can't buy that he's having sex with porn stars or that he's in danger of losing his job. This kid is wound TIGHT. If he's hooking up with guys, I think he'd be insanely private and careful about it. And he's so strait-laced that he's never even been caught out drinking or smoking. So, showing up at porn parties? I really doubt it.

Meri said...

Sarah, having briefly worked behind the scenes in the "pop" world down in Orlando years back when all the boy bands were in full force, you'd be stunned at what goes on behind the scenes, that is widely known and yet never discussed. So many "good boys" people were anything but. When it comes to someone the screaming teenies are in love with, everything is hushed up, but I assure you, it happens so often it's kind of amazing to me that there's no "evidence" out in the rags. The private parties are something to see, that's for sure.

The Spie said...

Sarah: Logic and the scientific method trump "feelings". Like Tara said, look at my work in the first Parrish thread, which uses a minimum of assumptions, then tell me that Lautner isn't Parrish. The only way I can accept your conclusion is if you come up with a strong case for him being Barrington Bang-Me. My suggestion is that you don't, because you'll be delving into serious tinhat territory, since Nevis is RPattz.

Sarah said...

Again, I'm not denying YOUR research. I'm sure this is meant to be Lautner. I'm saying that I think Ted has pulled this one out of his a$s. Especially in that the gay rumors I HAVE heard about Lautner have him in a fairly committed relationship with a dancer named Sean.

Brittany said...

I think I understand what you're trying to say Sarah.

So much of Ted's blinds sound exaggerated/made up, but there are certain clues (really the only solid ones), like the ones The Spie brings up about logic and the process of elimination, that are the only reasons some blinds can fit someone.

And I must agree although this IS his BV, so much of it is so unbelievable. The whole porn star parties in particular.

Anonymous said...

This is definitely lautner. The kid is so very gay, in interviews and everywhere else. I don't think I've ever seen Ted hint so strongly that it is someone for sure. Even with Toothy (who everyone knows is JG) he still tries to play it coy.

As far as the "porn star" parties, it was WIDELY reported that Lautner was spotted at a party thrown by Bryan Singer, who throws notoriously gay parties. Just google "Taylor Lautner Bryan Singer".

Tara said...

Ok, so maybe this dancer named Sean is Taylor's plus one at the parties (the one Ted mentioned he was so rude to when dragging him along). Bryan Singer is definitely the party host, Taylor was spotted there. I am sure in his years of throwing gay parties, there have been several well known gay porn stars as guests. Now, the thing about these parties, if you ever want to be invited back and not blacklisted, therefore continuing to frolic with the gays in an unjudgemental environment, drink free alcohol and possibly hook up with a closeted celeb, you won't run your mouth. It's too big of a risk if they found out. There is the $$ factor, but you are effing with T-town's most powerful gays, and if you want to stay connected, you wouldn't dare. This would likely be why no one has blabbed officially yet.

Now, drumroll please.......

Taylor seen driving Bryan's lamborghini?! Say Whaaaaaa?!!