Friday, March 12, 2010

Blind Vice: Parrish Maguire Parades Horny Thighs!

From Ted today -

Blind Vice: Parrish Maguire Parades Horny Thighs!

Last time we checked in on Parrish Maguire, the good-lookin' babe was getting set up on fake dates with available female celebs, and the dude didn't mind in the least!

The Taylor Lautner AlbumParrish, as we've said before, is quite unlike the most famous closeted Hollywood man of them all, Toothy Tile, who hates that he has to trot women around in order to sell tickets.
That's no problem for adorable Parrish, who'd probably sell his soul to the Hollywood devil for even a bit more fame—only problem being, not sure the designing star has a soul. Hard to tell.
Especially with P.M. pulling stuff like this:
Attending a number of private Hollywood parties, with boyfriend in tow (the one he's had since before Parrish shot to matinee celebu-fame), and hitting on other guys! No wonder that BF of Parrish's looks like a Ken doll caught in headlights. If that's the crap Maguire's pulling on his man in public, can you imagine the emotional abuse the boyfriend's having to put up with behind closed doors?
But let's get one thing clear here: There is nothing overt about what Parrish is doing with these men at various soirees; a gay Tiger Woods, he's not. Nope, what gets Parrish's flirt on is literally rubbing up against good-looking guys with his (rather nice) legs, arms and—oftentimes—just his hungry eyes. It's all really kind of Crescent Kumquat kind of stuff; remember the guy who just liked to spoon with guys in bed, rather than actually screw them? Yeah, that's the one.
Isn't it interesting P.M., who's privately never made it a secret he's gay, is now taking the next step of getting his homo on in quasi-public places?
And the Crescent analogy isn't exactly such a bad one, as—of course—now Crescent's doing much more than spooning with those guys he formerly just got sleepy-cozy with.
Does this mean Parrish is actually getting closer to coming out?
We say no.
And this is why the Tiger analogy is actually a better one. Parrish's recent party-lusty behavior is just another example of a guy who's used to getting away with stuff and thinks that'll go on forever.
Not so sure about that.
And it ain't: Nick Jonas, Robert Pattinson, Justin Bieber

The link to the first Parrish Maguire BV (from Jan 2010) can be found here including a full list of who has been eliminated.
And here is the link to the 3rd Parrish Maguire BV from June 2010.  And here is the 4th from August 2010.  And, here is the 5th from Sept 2010.

*Our current top guess: Taylor Lautner.

* Proven by timeline of Ted's dates he was and wasn't a BV: Taylor Lautner 

(Please see the labels on the right side of your screen for links to the many Crescent Kumquat BVs.)


blurry vice said...

A lot of people are commenting on the AT under the BV that this is Taylor Lautner. Could be... Ted said back in Nov '09 that he was not a blind vice. Nothing since then. Also, Taylor Swift could be Priscilla Desert from the January one... in Dec she wasn't a BV (yet).

blurry vice said...

Hmmm... except in the answers Ted gave in past bitch backs, he hinted that Ryan Reynolds was a close guess, and that Parrish was a repeater on a TV show.

Amanda said...

Here's what wikipedia says about Lautner's early career (tv roles):

Lautner began acting in 2001, appearing in the made-for-television film Shadow Fury. He subsequently had roles on the series Summerland, The Bernie Mac Show, and My Wife and Kids.[2] He also appeared in a number of other television shows and movies, including The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour.

Could still be him...

Brittany said...

I don't know. If this is Taylor then who is the boyfriend? He's never pictured with any men besides his handlers.

Unknown said...

Some of the language Ted used in this BV overlapped exactly with phrases he's used to describe Lautner in the past, and even in today's Bitch Back. This feels like a freebie to me.

duffgrl said...

Taylor Lautner. The bf is apparently a dancer/actor named Sean.

Unknown said...

i thought this was taylor lautner too when i first read it, but in one of the bitch backs ted said that parrish was definetely a repeater on a television show and i really dont think that lautners random tv appearances qualify?

Anonymous said...

Has to be Lautner because Ted totally uses the Ken doll reference in the BB today. :)

duffgrl said...

To the smug "Em Cue Em": the last Parrish maguire blind was titled "Young Gay Movie Star in Heat"...Jeremy Renner is 39. We've all heard the rumors about him and there may be another blind but I doubt it's this one. And about ALWAYS guessing the obvious-do you even read this blog?? Because if you did you would see that while we debate everyone imaginable, Ted IS obvious many times, ie: Teri Hatcher's BV.
Next time try not being so rude.

kcwin said...

Can't see Taylor being that forward in his flirting. But then again, a teenager can get mighty horny. The Ken doll reference is to Parrish's bf.

Unknown said...

besides taylor lautner i was thinking maybe joe jonas?

J said...

Parrish seems to think way more highly of himself than Taylor Lautner seems to. Lautner comes off almost desperate to me--Lainey might have him pegged when she calls him Tom Cruise Jr.

I like the Joe Jonas guess. But then, he seems too dorky/square to be Parrish. I'm stumped, and if it is Lautner, that would surprise me based on Ted's description of Parrish.

Brittany said...

I know this is debatable but wasn't Taylor Lautner kind of indirectly eliminated during the last one.

Remember someone brought up a Tweet Ted made about an upcoming Twilight BV but then Ted said that PM wasn't the one he had in mind.

If you read what was said by Ted I know it can be argued that his wording was just tricky but when I read it, to me it sounds like he intended to eliminate anyone involved with Twilight.

Of course most would argue against that but does anyone here agree?

Unknown said...

i agree with you definetely, the actual BV matches TL perfectly but teds comments in the bitch-backs contradict it.

blurry vice said...

Em Cue Em - we do not tolerate came calling. Your post was deleted. You can guess whoever you want. Do not attack other people for their guesses to a blind item. That is not tolerated here.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
I rescued two stray kittens around October last year: two black cats, Salem and Sabrina! So you think you could hook me up with some info? Have we ever seen Toothy's baby? And what happened to Crescent Kumquat? And is Nevis Devine on regular television? So may questions so just answer what you can. I'll send pics of the kitties to prove it. I love you, you handsome stud!

Dear Question Overload:
C.K. has been flying under the radar lately. He's been more focused on nailing his acting roles than nailing D.L. dudes. As for Nevis—I'm sure you've seen him on your TV before. Often."

Amaurys Arias said...

lutner was on tv, he play the son on NBC My own worst enemy

Anonymous said...

With the whole Ken doll comment, maybe Taylor is PM's bf

Anonymous said...

also, Im the curious who wrote the letter. I was thinking Crescent was Chace. And trying to see if Nevis was on HBO or regular television

drama2mama said...

I know this is a Ted C item, but Lainey does call Taylor Lautner "Tom Cruise, Jr"...Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire? It's a stretch, but...ya'know...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My partner and I have three rescue dogs and have supported a local organization! Please, please answer my questions! I love your column and follow it every day! Here's what I'm wondering. As it concerns stars and their sexuality, I see three categories: (1) Celebrities who are out and proud, i.e. Neil Patrick Harris, Lance Bass, etc.; (2) Celebrities who are out, but don't publicly proclaim it to the press, and can be discovered by any amateur Googler; and (3) Celebrities who are deep in the closet and often participate in the "bearding program." Are most of the Blind Vices in category 3? For instance, if Toothy Tile (and most of the gay or bisexual Blind Vicers) came out, would you go back and tell us that said actor was Toothy Tile all along? Also, specifically about Parrish Maguire, Jackie Bouffant, and Crescent Kumquat—what age bracket do they fall into, 20s, 30s, 40s? Thank you so muc,h Ted, and I hope you answer my questions!

Dear Categories:
Right-o, most of the B.V.s are from the deep-in-the-closet variety. As for the B.V.s you named—they definitely cover a couple of the age groups you named, and then some."

Brittany said...

I was unsure if this was TL before but now I'm sure it isn't.

Ted said in a BB today that Taylor Swift has never been a BV before so that means she couldn't be Priscilla from the last Parrish blind. It also no longer seems to fit TL anymore also.

I'm going back to my original guess and saying this is Zac Efron's BV.

The Spie said...

Brittany: What Ted said, with appropriate italics, was that Taylor Swift didn't star in her own BV. Priscilla Desert was clearly the supporting player in the first Parrish BV, not the star. So this doesn't eliminate either Taylor from this BV.

Ted said he'll have a BV on TSwift "soon". If Priscilla shows up again with her own BV, then we'll know about Pris and Parrish being the Taylors.

Brittany said...

Doesn't matter what he meant. I hate the Twilight nonsense but I never really thought this was TL. If someone were to ask Ted if TL was ever a BV and Ted said yes then maybe I would start believing it was him. But at the moment no matter how well he fits the clues within the actual BV, every BB answer from Ted seems to contradict any TL guesses.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What do you think of Taylor Lautner and Emma Roberts hooking up? I think they're just adorable together. I think these two could give Robsten a run for their money. Don't you think?

Dear Young and Restless:
Don't think that these two have anything more in common than being in Valentine's Day together, babe. Emma's been spotted out on the town with another man—guess T.Laut has yet to seal the deal!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Now that Taylor Lautner seems to have found himself a nice girlfriend in Emma Roberts, can we now finally dismiss the silly rumors that he is gay? I've had enough of the fans calling him gay just because he isn't as serious as Robert Pattinson. For the record, I think Taylor is 10 times the guy Rob is. No offense to Robert, but at least Taylor doesn't smoke or get drunk like him. Nor does he curse like a sailor like Kristen Stewart. He's got real class. He's the most underrated actor of the Twilight series, and it would be nice if people would show him more love and respect.

Dear Rumored:
Doubt Taylor cares about any of the speculation—he's gotta be happy that he's getting any press now that Robsten are such superstars."

Jessica said...

Dear Ted:
Earlier this week, you emphasized that Taylor Swift hasn't "starred" in a Blind Vice. Has she played a supporting role in one? I'm not allowed to have animals here, so I don't have any rescue pets to pimp, but I've been reading you for years. Surely that still counts for something?

Dear Best Q. O’ the Day:
And how. I think this is one reason why TS has gone danger-sniffing 'round the boys, as of late. Babe's tired of watching, not enjoying.

This pretty confirms TS as Priscilla Desert and TL as Parrish, right?

blurry vice said...

drama2mama - Yes that is true and I realized the coincidence recently... but Lainey just recently started calling him that in the past few weeks. Teh day she started it I thought back to this BV. This BV was definitely FIRST.

blurry vice said...

Jessica - yes, please see the other Parrish Maguire post which features Priscilla Desert for that discussion.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's Parrish Maguire been up lately, haven't heard much about him?

Dear Horndog:
Parrish has been busy, busy, busy—but more so with his career than other horny hunks lately. Think he actually prefers getting noticed to getting off, quelle surprise."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I feel bad for Taylor Lautner and this is coming from a hardcore Rob Pattinson fan. He's always the third wheel, and Team Jacob can't even compare to Team Edward. Everyone's always dissing him about his acting, but, I honestly don't think it's that bad, he just doesn't have the right chemistry with Kristen. Also please tell me this squeaky clean image he has is a lie. Someone's gotta have some dirt on this kid.

Dear Dry Your Tears:
Don't feel too bad for Tay Tay, he loves the attention. He's happy enough playing third wheel on the biggest press tour of the summer if it means getting girls to swoon over his abs and pouting on the cover of plenty of magazines. And, trust, Kell—he is definitely no saint."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What do you mean by "Taylor Lautner's no saint." Do you have dirt on him, and if so, can you inform us of what it may be.

Dear Vicetastic:
Oh, do I have dirt. I'm getting naughty thoughts in the office just thinking about it."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Why do you dislike Taylor Lautner so much? I understand that you need to "pick a side" of this whole Team Edward-Team Jacob war, but please be honest with yourself (and your readers) and stop alluding to Taylor's poor acting in the movies. As for Taylor being too "perfect" for the media, please! Who wants to be known as a hot mess like La Lohan or Brit-Brit? Good for Taylor for keeping his nose clean at a young age and even better, keeping any teenage scandals out of the press! Leave Taylor alone for a second. It's not his fault Summit wants to pimp him and his body out for ticket sales.

Dear Lauding Lautner:
I really don't think I've picked on Tay-Tay that much. And trust, love, he might be keeping squeaky clean in the press, but that doesn't mean there isn't dirt off the record."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Me and my friends are constantly debating on Taylor Lautner...I think he's too goody goody, while they think that he's not as angelic as he looks. That's something which you do seem to confirm in this column...please give some info about his naughty antics!

Dear Bookmark It!:
Dear, I've confirmed it plenty of times. Like here. And here. And here. And here."

Here's the 4 links:

Jennifer said...

Ted definitively eliminated Zac Efron via Twitter (@theawfultruth). Said it was a great guess though.

Sounds like Taylor.