Saturday, March 20, 2010

Blind Vice: Are Secretia and Chester Getting Sloppy?

From Ted yesterday-

Blind Vice: Are Secretia and Chester Getting Sloppy?

2005-06 Topps 1952 Style Tony Parker #93Well, we already knew the gays live to push the wild and crazy sex card, what with kinky guys like Nelly Fang and Crotch Uh-Lastic. But who knew the straights were so good at being daring, too? Always thought you folks were a bit more behind-closed-door types. Learn something new every day, huh?
Just like Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off, our newly arrived Blind Vice Swingers are learning more lovin'! Ohhh, do tell:

As we told you last, Secretia and Chester are pretending like it's 1969, or something, and attending select Hollywood parties where they throw car keys into bowls and have sex with whichever partyer's keys they pull out.
And you people say us gays are kinky!
Jeez, I like to actually choose a partner before having sex, is that so old-fashioned? Apparently so, according to Secretia and Chester, who have made quite the name for themselves, as most people who attend these catered orgies aren't nearly as famous as is the beautiful couple.
But two things are taking this very sultry sitch to a new level: One, Secretia has started stepping out on her own for private affairs. And even though the twosome has an agreement that this is OK, Secretia's really going a bit overboard (as she's done with many of her previous relationships, monogamy's never really been her thing).
Chester just fools around once in awhile, which is what he'd hoped Secretia would do, as well.
No such luck.
And secondly, Chester and Secretia have been in the rags a bit more than usual lately. Their profile's higher—as are the chances that somebody from one of these Hollywood sex parties is going to blab to the tabloids. Which is usually the case in these types of situations.
Or have they spilled already?


It Ain't: Kobe and Vanessa Bryant, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis.


* The link to previous Secretia and Chester BV from February 2010 including a full list of who has been eliminated can be found here.  And the most recent SO and CSO BV from November 2010 is here.

Top suspects: Eva Longoria, Tony Parker

42 comments:

blurry vice said...

With Ted saying that this couple has been in the tabloids lately, and might start to get recognized, that tells us that they aren't that famous to begin with.

And the couple that has been all over US Weekly lately is Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett... they were guessed for the previous Secretia and Chester BV and were never eliminated.

Our top guesses are: Eva Longoria/Tony Parker, Mariah Carey/Nick Cannon, Kendra WIlkinson/Hank BAskett.

Megan said...

I thought he did eliminate Kendra and Hank in a bitch back. I remember thinking it sounded exactly like them. Tony and Eva have not been in the tabs any more than usual lately. Kim Kardashian has but I think she was also eliminated.

literal_chaos said...

In a past Bitch-Back question, someone asked if Chester and Secretia had kids and Ted responded that they wouldn't have time with all their swinging sex. That would eliminate Kendra and Hank, right? They have a little one. Thank goodness, I'm a shameless fan of Kendra's lol

Christian said...

Is it possible that this could be Sandra B and Jesse James?

literal_chaos said...

Sandra and Jesse don't have kids together, but he has three (I think?) with ex-wives. Even though Sandra isn't their biological mother, I think Ted saying that these two aren't parents would apply as an elimination for S & J. That's just my interpretation at least

literal_chaos said...

Plus, we're pretty sure that Chester is involved in professional sports unlike Jesse who is basically a bike mechanic, from what I know (never seen the show lol)

duffgrl said...

Ted answered in not one but 2 bitch-backs that Secretia and Chester don't have kids...so that would definitely rule out Hank and Kendra.

Some hints from past bitch-backs: the couple is "B-list beautiful"...the husband is very athletic; the wife not so much. Secretia-not as beautiful as Giselle but close. He said that Jason Sehorn and Angie Harmon were a "very good guess"...when Tom Brady guessed Ted said it was "warm in certain arenas"...the couple is "locked in matrimony"...

Eva/Tony still really fits.Don't think it's Brooklyn Decker because Ted has hinted Secretia is a Hollywood player. Don't think it's Mariah and Nick Cannon because Ted said that Secretia is not curvy, not stick-thin-Mariah is def. curvy and would not be described as close in beauty to Gisele.

Jessica said...

Hank and Kendra were definitely eliminated in a bitch-back...Ted also said that Chester and Secretia have been in the tabloids more often than usual for their good deeds lately. I don't remember hearing anything about Eva and Tony's charity work or anything, though they are my best guess.

blurry vice said...

No, someone on a post in the other Chester/Secretia had said that they were eliminated but they never were... I went back and checked Ted's BBs and they were never written in/specifically asked about/eliminated.

He did answer the letter about whether or not they had kids... answered "they wouldn't have time to shuttle the kids off to school" so we take it the answer is no. Although Ted was not 100% clear on that... technically they could have a baby who is not in school yet, in my opinion. Take his answer however you want.

sistah2 said...

Ted's "elims" in letters are never very clear. Also, what one person would consider more or less good-looking than , for example, Gisele, is subject to wide interpretation.
I still think Mariah and Nick; I will double check but I do not think Ted ever said this person is not curvy.

duffgrl said...

Blurry- there were 2 bitch-backs that ruled out this couple had any kids...2nd one-

"Giselle's got Secretia beat in the beauty department-'tho, only by a bit. Plus, Tom Brady and wife have a kid, which Secretia and Chester totally don't have time for"...

I guess it could be Mariah but I can't see her being that closely compared to Gisele.

The couple is b-list, beautiful, he is athletic (Nick Cannon is NOT) married/no kids.

Have to think more about this!!!

sistah2 said...

Nick Cannon looks in pretty good shape to me, although i have not seen that he is specifically into sports. He is not known for sports, but again, I am not convinced that Ted has specifically said this guy is in pro sports. the question is, who seems more likely to be gay? If its btw. tony parker and Nick c, my $ is on Nick. jmo.

Sophie S. said...

I remember Ted eliminating Kendra and Hank by name. I'll have to look back to find it, but I remember because I was sure it was them.

literal_chaos said...

Thanks for finding that, Sophie! I'm relieved they were "notted" because I hated for it to really be them. I want to believe in their marriage, they're really adorable together :)

This is definitely one of the first blinds where I've felt like every single bitch-back clue has pointed towards Eva and Tony. It's definitely not two people I would have expected to lead lives like this, but the clues fit in my opinoin. So far, at least.

mo-mo said...

I know this probably doesn't fit exactly, but I keep thinking about Mo'Nique and her husband. She said on the recent Barbara Walters special that they have an open marriage.

Vero said...

mo'nique doesn't even come close to giselle in the looks department

sistah2 said...

This is totally OT, but I thought I'd bring it up. does anyone think that Sandra B and Jesse J have ever been a BV? Knowing what we know now? There's been a (questionable) report that their marriage was a 'contract' and a sham. Even if untrue, is there a BV that fits them? A guy cheating/superstar wife?

The Spie said...

Sistah: This might be a stretch, since neither identity doesn't fit either of them perfectly (but, then again, when it comes to Ted...). How about Sandra Bullock as Princess Gold-Zinger and Jesse James as Harkness Hose? The clues in the blinds fit just enough for them. Plus, we've been racking our brains looking for Princess ever since Ted said that Kate Hudson wasn't a BV. Why not Sandy?

What do you think about that possibility? If you like it, we can move the guess over to that collection.

J said...

I'm really committing to the Eva/Tony guess more and more. But is there a consensus on whether Eva's not as good-looking as Giselle (re: Giselle beats Secretia in looks)? I mean, they're both beautiful, but... if that's Ted's take on beauty, it certainly seems subjective unless he's just going on model vs. actress.

More importantly, is there any evidence that suggests it isn't Eva and Tony? A number of comments made here and at A.T. make me think it's at the very least a pretty celeb with a baseball husband. Eva and Tony for a possible win...

The Spie said...

J: Basketball husband, but close enough.

Yeah, I wanted it to be Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker, but they were pretty much eliminated by the Bitch-Backs that Ted's written since the first blind. Now with this one, I have to go for Eva and Tony. Thank you, Ted, for another blind from the Death-Mint Myrtle Collection: boring and obvious.

Kyla said...

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20353964,00.html
People caught Eva Longoria and tony Parker on "double date" with Mario Lopez and Courtney Mazza. Furthermore "The four were originally seated in the private Dragon Room, but moved because they wanted a quieter spot."

blurry vice said...

SOPHIE S. -

There was no bitch-back on Feb 11. There was one on Feb 10 and 12. I have read through the bitch-backs and that letter does not exist anywhere (that I could find.) If you can send a link to our email address so that we can verify that letter exists, we will put it here. For now, that appears to be one written by one of our readers and is not proven to be an elimination by Ted. For now, the comment will be removed. Please send an email with the link and if found, it will be reposted.

soulin8 said...

You can best bet that Ted has received mail about Eva/Tony and has been conspicuously silent about that connection. That is usually a good sign it is certain people. Especially when there is so much buzz on these type of boards.

Sophie S. said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b166668_Bitch_Back__Who_Are_Chester_and_Secretia_.html


Hank and Kendra are eliminated in Ted's last answer, at the very bottom.

Pale said...

This is what I've gathered from previous bitch-backs that I was able to track down:

- Secretia: Put together/verve/good looks/SURPRISING steeliness/not skinny nor curvy/having private affairs lately/ pretty charmer/ A LITTLE less pretty than Gisele Bundchen/ B list/ Known in Hollywood

- Chester: incredibly talented/ gorgeous face/ huge ass checks/ quietER, chiseled jaw type/

- BOTH: MARRIED WITH NO KIDS/ tabloid love sitches/ much public pronouncement wedding/ fairy tale romance/ swingers/ beautiful and famous couple/ been in the spotlight - more than usual lately

When compared to these couples, this was Ted's answer:

1. Gisele & Tom: "Not quite as beautiful", "warm in certain arenas",
2. Diane & Josh: "Younger, perkier, more B-list"
3. Kelly Ripa & Mark: “Quite warm”
4. Angie & Jason: “very good guess”
5. Scarlet & Ryan: “in the right sexiness ballpark”, “Ryan’s athleticism is dead-on”
6. Halle & Gabriel: “right in terms of totally delicious”
7. Will & Jada: “more athletic on the man’s part, not the girl’s”
8. Victoria & David: “a bit more talented”, “SLIGHTLY less gorgeous”

I am sorry but Tony Parker is NOT gorgeous and I don't think Eva is anywhere CLOSE to Gisele in terms of beauty.

It HAS to be someone else, but I can't think of anybody :(

Pale said...

OMG - It has to be CLAIRE DANES and HUGH DANCY!

Claire: She's put together, has good looks, is a B-list actress and known in HW. Also, she's had tabloid scandals when she "stole" the Crudup guy from ML Parker and then cheated on him with her current husband Hugh Dancy.

Hugh: He has a lovely face with a chiseled jaw and is talented. Also, check out this article about him having hookups with MEN: http://www.examiner.com/a-504875~Scoop__New_scandal_for_Danes_and_Crudup.html

They don't have kids and got married in France (therefore the connection to Vanessa Paradis). They met while filming Evening and had an affair (therefore the connection with Brad and Angelina). I'm still tracking down the connection to the Bryants.

Pale said...

So I have sent Ted an email and he answered my question on Bitch-Back saying that Claire Danes is NOT Secretia.

Dear Ted:
I am moving out of my condo soon and will finally be able to rescue a puppy to take care of! I was wondering, is Secretia Ohio Claire Danes?


Dear House Hunting:
Nope, but most excellent guess. Think far less boring—at least in front of the camera—than Danes.


HOWEVER, I have emailed him another question asking if Secretia is Eva Longoria and nothing so far....

Mikayla Marie said...

Dear Ted:
I love all animals, not just dogs and cats. Recently sent a small check to the local animal shelter, even though I'm currently unemployed. Quick question: Are Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban?
—XO

Dear 2 for 1:
Such a fab guess, you have no idea! But Nicole and Keith are busy with their own Vices. Think tad less A-list.

Pale said...

He answered my question, so here it is...

Dear Ted:
Since you have recently said Secretia Ohio is not Claire Danes, could she be Mariah Carey?
—Trixie

Dear Oh Hi Ohio:
Nope, Secretia and her beau are far more believable as a couple—which is why they keep their secret so well.

However, when I asked him about Eva Longoria, he did not answer me. I will try again.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You've been pretty quiet regarding Secretia and Chester. Could you give us an update on what they've been up to, work-wise?
—Nini

Dear Play First, Work Second:
A whole lot of nothing—professionally speaking—for the both of ‘em...at least nothing anyone cares about."

Pale said...

The last two questions are mine as well :)

I am leaning towards Eva Longoria, as many people are....but I still disagree that she and Tony are super HOT. Seriously, Ted said she was SLIGHTLY less pretty than Gisele Bundchen and Eva is OK at best while Gisele is gorgeous.

Anyway, I asked the "professional" question in order to confirm if it was Eva. Her career IS quite blah and nobody really cares about it, so it would explain the whole "nothing" part.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Out of all the Blind Vices who has you the most surprised they haven't been caught yet? Do any ever get sloppy and let their guards down?
—Helen

Dear Of Vice and Men:
Most of ‘em, actually. Sure Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off might be the sloppiest, but you'd be surprised at how many of these Blind Vice stars could get outted at any minute...but who still keep up their vices, of course. Oh, and Stud-Bucket LeBeouf. Discreet isn't in that babe's vocabulary. It's just going to take one slipup for a helluva lot of them to shape up."

Fake said...

I got the feeling it may be Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Brad Hall.

Pale said...

Fake,

I posted some of the "comparisons" Ted made between Secretia/Chester and other celebrities.

He said Secretia and Chester were "younger" and "perkier" than Diane Lane/Josh Brolin. I don't think Julia would be considered to be "younger/perkier" than Diane.

I don't want it to be Eva because I really don't think she's that gorgeous (let alone Tony!!!), but I am leaning towards it. Ted even posted Eva's picture in his Blind Vice Gallery.

Dawn said...

Just saw on TMZ that Eva and Tony are to divorce. Interesting to see what comments Ted makes. Hopefully someone more adept than me will pose him a question in the BB section!

hordac said...

Dawn, I was wondering about this too! So, does this mean that Tony laid down the law? Ie tone it down or else? Hmmmm....you just gotta laugh. Even if they aren't the couple in this blind, they had the hugest splashiest wedding save for Katie Perry in recent years, and off to divorce court they go...I think this may be her third marriage? does anyone know? Isn't she only in her early thirties?

roseyf said...

Aren't all the mags reporting Tony was sleeping with a teammate's wife? I thought in the first BV that Chester slept with guys, not girls. So is the BV wrong or the rumors about the wife?

lala said...

It's Andy and Brooklyn because Andy digs the men.

Dawn said...

So which one is Eva and Tony then? Roxy Couture still sounds so like Posh and Becks...

Jessica said...

Okay, Eva's best friend is Mario Lopez, who works on Access Hollywood/Hollywood Insider/one of those shows. I don't think it's far-fetched to assume that she's controlling what kind of information gets out to the press, i.e. covering her own indiscretions.

I still like these two for Secretia and Chester.

hordac said...

Teds last few items about the EL/TP divorce practically scream that they are SO/CSO. You can tell he so wants to out them but can't, particularly since Eva is claiming she is the victim of his cheating. Ted claimed that Secretia was the one who was going over the line in their open arrangement. What a total beyotch. Best defense is offense as they say.

The Spie said...

And now Ted's done the Ding Ding Ding routine with giving them an archive and a new BV. He should have just done a Reveal. The original BV wasn't that scandalous.

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