Friday, November 19, 2010

Blind Vice: Swinging Sex Play Gets Super-Sticky for Celeb Couple

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Swinging Sex Play Gets Super-Sticky for Celeb Couple

As we told you a while ago, Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off were developing a couple of cracks in their very liberal (and licentious) love agreement. And we're not just talking random butt crack, babes.
EVA LONGORIA PARKER 24X36 COLOR POSTER PRINTNope, Secretia was becoming a bit careless in her private hookups, even though the two had agreed to have an open relationship—which often included swinging orgy sex. How psychedelic '60s, love it! However, Chester was not at all pleased with his gal's borderline-public liaisons with other men, so he decided to...
Start being indiscrete himself!
And handsome Chester (who, if you ask us, isn't quite the hunk-muffin so many folks say he is, but whatever) did his sex-hungry honey one better: He started getting emotionally attached to his sex partners. Going out, having lunch and dinner, you know, hanging.
OMG, the nerve Chester had to not just have sex with these women! And anything that went beyond the bedroom, Secretia had warned, would always be considered the ultimate no-no numero uno.
People are such idiots, really. Do they think multiple orgasms with multiple partners isn't going to eventually lead to some kind of psychological—if not affectionate—connection between the players? Dumb, dumb, dumb.
But Chester was pretty dumb himself when he thought Secretia would just lie back and take his one-upmanship. Hardly this bitch's style.
So Ms. Ohio is currently deciding her options. Does she dump Chester and demand a bigass piece of his financial pie in the process—and risk exposing her own sexual goings-on in the process? Or does she stay with Chester and make the best of it?
But plan C, which involves only Chester being hung out to dry—for an agreed-upon monetary arrangement between the two cheaters, of course—would probably be far more likely.
It Ain't: Kevin and Christine Costner, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, Michelle and Barack Obama.


Top suspects: still Eva Longoria and Tony Parker. 

See our other SO and CSO posts: March 2010 and February 2010 including a full list of who has been eliminated.

11 comments:

hordac said...

Oh Ted could not be more blatant on this one! He wants everyone to know who these people are. The so-called "choices" Secretia has to make were put in there just so there would be like a smidge of doubt. Ted is being transparent because he obviously thinks Eva is a big time bitch and wants people to know things are not quite as she is spilling to the press. Seriously there has got to be no argument left of anyone else being SO and CSO.

Moi said...

I am loving that Ted is just making these super easy. Now, can he please say that Fake A La Ferocity just took up directing in Eastern Europe as a hobby and Julep Jiggle is newly engaged? Would make my WEEK!! LOL

PS LOVE LOVE LOVE this website!!

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b211622_eva_tony_marriage_made_in_vice_heaven.html


moi - thank you!

Tara said...

Hordac I agree! Ted really must not like Eva or is just tired of her playing the woman scorned when we all know there is sooooo much more to the story. Damn, Ted, I thought you'd at least wait a week for this one!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What's your take on the Eva Longoria and Tony Parker situation? Seems like the supposed divorce came out of left field. Or not? My rescue kitty Douglas and rescue puppy Sadie are dying to know the dirty deets!
—kaisaweaver

Dear No Longer in Park:
While we'll admit we weren't convinced from the get-go that these two would crash and burn, we did sorta see it coming. My take is he got bored and she got comfortable, and she still wasn't desperate enough to stick around when she heard all those nasty rumors. Then again, that's just me. Who knows who was doing whom or what! At least, we all know she won't have to pretend to be interested in basketball any longer!"

"Dear Ted:
What is happening with Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts Off?
—statcat

Dear They're Back:
You must be psychic or something. Check out today's Vice, doll."

88 said...

Love Ted for this blind. It's practically a reveal!

Rita, Montreal said...

Still don't understand how Eva would choose to publicly accuse Tony of cheating, when in their circle, they are very well known swingers! Am I missing something? Did Eva in reality find someone new? Tony could just come out and say they were open and ruin her rep in return. She is taking too much chances with her career, his would not suffer greatly as long as he is good at his game.

Caz1310 said...

Rita I'm with you on being confused. It's the same with Courtney & David - is being a swinger really that publicly not acceptable in Holywood? Surely Tony's being paid $$$ to be the scapegoat or am I naive on this? Would L'Oreal think Eva is "not worth it" if she was exposed as a swinger?

blurry vice said...

Just an FYI, Andy and Brooklyn were also top suspects, so for those that thought this was them -

"Dear Ted:
We have all heard the secret double lives of various athletes over the years—from football to soccer to basketball. What I'm wondering is why the heck don't we ever hear about those goody-two-shoes tennis players? I know they must have some skeletons in their closets waiting to come out. That dude Andy Roddick seems way too damn perfect, and we never hear anything from him at all. You would make me so happy if you gave me an early Thanksgiving gift dishing dirt on these spotless tennis stars.
—James

Dear Advantage You:
Clearly you've never heard of former hairpiece-wearer and ex-crystal meth user Andre Agassi or you wouldn't be asking if those tennis folks are as squeaky clean as they seem. Of course they're not! And while Andy isn't linked up with the always adorable (and oh-so-innocent) Mandy Moore anymore, he and wifey Brooklyn Decker are pretty happy, skeletons and all."


- These were the runners-up for this BV. No direct answer but sounds like they are not Chester and Secretia.

Rita, Montreal said...

Don't think so either Blurry for Andy and Brooklyn.

Caz: Eva is asking for spousal support!!! I honestly don't get it: they both cheat openly, if she needed to defend her rep, she would be paying him as you said the big $$$, so why is she asking for spousal support.

Plus, as TMZ reported, they have a prenup, but open filing for divorce in Texas, Tony states that separation of assets will have to be agreed upon... This is not clear at all.

The Spie said...

I was on the Andy/Brooklyn train during the first Chester/Secretia blind period, but it just became more and more obvious that it was Eva and Tony, and I'm not one to hold on to a guess when it becomes untenable. That being said, Ted's tennis player remark certainly gives some credence to my guess of Serena Williams for Wonder Woman Wilma.

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