Friday, November 19, 2010

Blind Vice Archive: Chester Shorts-Off & Secretia Ohio

Another chapter of Ted and the Awful team's archives.  Our favorite celeb swingers, Tony and Eva!  Just in time for the news of their divorce.

This couple has provided us with a few of our favorite Blind Vice's. Who doesn't love some kinky fun?
As their relationship is quite unconventional, Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off are dangerously close to figuring out the perfect sinful Hollywood partnership. Everyone in this skanky town cheats, so why not do it together? But open relationships only work for so long…
The Perps: Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off
Primary Vice: Swingers
Blind Bio: This couple has been known to hit up certain swinger parties in the Hollywood Hills together. Sex on the side for both Secretia and Ohio is totally okay since they're apart a lot, but emotional cheating is never allowed. And, sure enough, trouble started brewing when Ms. Ohio started fooling around more than Chester preferred…so he emotionally checked out.

Top suspects: Eva Longoria and Tony Parker

Here are our posts on the 3 Chester and Secretia BVs: February 2010 including a full list of who has been eliminated; March 2010; and the most recent from today, November 2010.


blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It sounds like Shafterella Shoshstein and Secretia Ohio both use PR to satisfy their bitchy desires! So, do they have any differences? Who has more of a diva

—Hannah :)

Dear Bitch, Please:
Secretia, by a long shot!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Unlike the rest of the world, I think that Eva Longoria is 100 pounds of sheer manipulation! It seems obvs to me that Eva is manipulating the details of this

divorce to her favor. I do think Tony Parker did what she said he did; I just think this all didn't happen last week and I don't think either one of them are

really "devastated." Tony is not happy at her spin on this, hence his own filing in Texas. Since we know this couple is a B.V. (and you've hinted it's a

pretty spicy one), isn't Eva risking a lot by trashing Tony publicly like this, especially after they probably both agreed not to? Do you think Tony will

cough up stuff we know Eva doesn't want out there or will he use it to shut her up? This is going to get interesting! So hoping a B.V. couple outs

—Beauty IS a Beast

Dear Not Pullin' One Over on You:
Eva is hurt, no doubt about that. While they had an unconventional marriage, in Longoria's mind, he broke her No. 1 rule, and let's just say it's not as

simple as cheating. I feel like Tony may take the high road here, but I'd love nothing more if they do as you said and out themselves!"

"Dear Ted:
Would Eva Longoria be eligible for a new Blind Vice moniker were she to Vice again? And how are you doing on your smoke war? Hope you're kicking ass!

Dear Longing for Vices:
Nope...Well, not unless I revealed the dirty laundry she's already got in our Vice vault (which I just might!). But don't expect that to happen anytime

soon—she's already got her lawyers on call for the divorce grand-standing. But trust, she will Vice again."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You need to clarify your info on Chester Shorts-Off. First, you tell us he and Secretia swing and that he loves getting it on with guys—you were unequivocal about that and mentioned nothing about him cheating with other women. Then, in the second B.V. you don't mention his sexual preference at all. Now, in the third B.V. you make it sound like he's been swinging with women this whole time! Which is it, or is he bisexual and you just didn't realize it at first? I think it's quite clear who this couple is, but your changing info and the stories being reported in the news aren't adding up. Were you wrong, or are they just spinning it a certain way to protect Chester's real secret? It's OK to admit you're wrong sometimes.

Dear Fiesty:
Both Chester and Secretia like same-sex nooky; he just happens to prefer it more than she does. They're both sluts, why all the fuss about specifics, babe?"

"Dear Ted:
Are Chester and Secretia Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher?

Dear So Close:
Most fabulous guess, darling, but they're not this B.V. couple. Think less...earnest."

Unknown said...

Ted just added Tony Parker to his gallery, pretty much solving this blind! :)

blurry vice said...

New BV SS gallery -

"Please welcome, Jennifer Lopez, Tony Parker and Elizabeth Banks.

Since Eva Longoria was inducted last round, we thought it was only fair to put her soon-to-be ex-hubby in there also. Sometimes it takes two to vice.

As for Liz Banks, her Vice ain't nothing new in Hollywood (and certainly wouldn't make you think that differently of her), but she seems to be a fan favorite. As for Lopez, that one might be slightly more stunning. A lot more stunning, actually."

Read more:

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Happy Holidays Ted! I just have one lil question. I am new to BV but is Chester Shorts-Off really Michael C. Hall?

Dear Wrong:
Negative. Jennifer isn't involved in Michael's Vicey doings. She's not an idiot."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So I live in San Antonio, Texas, and Eva Longoria and Tony Parker used to frequent my work. When they broke up, it made me so sad. I know it's old news, but

is she doing OK? Also I'm happy Desperate Housewives is finally ending. Love the show, but it needed to end so Eva can move on and pursue her career. Does

she have any big moves in the future?

Dear Loco for Longoria:
Don't fret, M, Eva salsaed away from that split with hardly a care in the world. And she's had no trouble rebounding from her former hubby. As for the

career, hopefully she's got more in her than the lame Over Her Dead Body (remember that piece of cinema crapola?), but of all the housewives, I expect her

career to take off first."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Settle a bet: Have Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off split up?

Dear Swing and a Miss:
They're definitely not getting as hot and heavy as they once were. Like at all...It's très icy. Brrr!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Poor Eva Longoria! Another breakup to add to the list. I know Eva is a Blind Vice Superstar so I was curious if her Vice is why she can't maintain a relationship?

Dear Hmmm:
No. It certainly makes marriage tougher, but it isn't a deal breaker by any means."