Saturday, November 13, 2010

Blind Vice: Toothy Tile's Back to Dangerous Sex!

New from Ted yesterday...


Blind Vice: Toothy Tile's Back to Dangerous Sex!

It's really gotten to be one of the most vicious, Catch-22 romantic situations in Hollywood: poor Toothy Tile's love life. Last we heard, Tinseltown's most notoriously closeted actor last gave his fake-beard ways another whirl—and not in the classiest of ways, either.
Hmmm. Wonder if that chick-patrolling Toothy was up to could be a habit he picked up...
While cruising for guys in West Hollywood? In dark, public places? We think this just might be an affirmative assumption on our part!
Bubble BoyOnly because not only do old habits die hard (Toothy loves doing it anyplace except a bed, remember?), but it's clear Tooth's recently amped-up, PR chick-dating has made him hungrier than usual for his natural inclination: dudes.
Near the Sunset Strip, Tooth was recently standing not that far from a popular gay club. He was by himself, in the alley in between two darkly lit buildings. A super-cute guy a little younger than Mr. Tile walked by. The young brown-haired guy knew the drill: If he was interested, turn back around. Which he did.
Very nervously, he went up to Toothy, knowing exactly who he was. Toothy replied, "Hey."
"Hey," responded cute boy, barely audible. The wholesome-looking dude added, "How's...it going?"
"Great," said Toothy, who moved further back into the blackness of the alley, somewhere near the—gasp!—trash bins. He placed one hand on his growing crotch, which was not insignificant at this point.
Toothy's man-choice for the night reluctantly took one step toward Toothy, and then he stepped back. It wasn't so much that he had a boyfriend at home he was thinking about, but it was more so the faint smell of eau de refuse that was making him hesitate. He just couldn't go through with it.
He bolted, practically hitting himself the whole way home.
And yes, this really did happen. All 18 tales of our Toothy archives have indeed gone down. As it were.
And It Ain't: Matt Lanter, Ralph Fiennes, Joseph Fiennes

Top suspect: Jake Gyllenhaal 

Please see the Toothy Tile label below for links to previous Toothy BVs.  Here is our list of everyone who has been eliminated as Toothy.

91 comments:

Guesswho said...

I'm confused. I thought Toothy was in a long-term relationship with a baby? But then he's out having casual sex with strangers? I'm starting to think this is all B.S.

And while I can certainly buy Jake G as gay, I'm having a hard time believing he has high risk sex with total strangers in parking lots/truck stops. He just doesn't seem like that type and as a major movie star this is just downright stupid behavior.

Moshpit Missus said...

i think a lot of it might have to do with control. when you are a major celebrity, you have lots of people controlling your image- you are no longer a person, but a brand. with an image. its all about PR, baby! so all the reckless behavior most likely has a lot to do with its something HE can control.

Lila said...

I love the Bubble Boy pic!
Ted is telling Toothy to be more careful, and I hope he listens!
@Guesswho - don't take this the wrong way, but... gay men have casual sex with strangers. Not ALL of them, but a lot of them do. It's more commonplace and accepted in gay culture, and gay relationships are not always exclusive the way hetero relationships are. Add to that, we're talking about a major movie star! Stupid behavior is their specialty, or we wouldn't be reading blind vices. Like Moshpit says, this may be partially about control.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Been reading you for about a year and think you're pretty awesome. Wish I could sweet-talk you with news that I'm about to adopt a rescue pet, but we're waiting until our toddler is a little older before bringing a four-legged friend into the house. Anyway, there's something on my mind after reading a lot of the salacious details of your BV's, especially the risky exploits of some of the closeted gay dudes. Because you are a well-known gossip columnist, I'm sure there are a lot of folks who bring some pretty wild—let's even say highly embellished—tales to you because they want to be that somebody who can say, "Hey, I'm the one who told Ted that scoop about Toothy in the parking garage!" How do you know if a source is exaggerating or even lying to you just to get their story printed?
—Susanna

Dear Vice Fodder:
When you've been in the Biz as long as I have, babe, you know the good tips from the bogus ones. And as for Toothy, he's way past parking garages. He's much more in the open now!"

J said...

Lila: Not to get all PC, but I think the whole "gay guys are whores" things is a stereotype. As a gay guy, I'm admittedly more experienced in the casual dating/fling/one-night stand department, but for a number of guys that I've been with, that was out of the ordinary. Gay subculture is often looked at through the lens of these "scene queens" who are, yeah, living, breathing stereotypes, who I myself don't have much in common with. They obsess about the gym and go to clubs and their relationships sound kind of shallow from an outsider perspective. But... I think the majority of us, even though we're sometimes held up to that example or forced to compare ourselves to that weird standard, don't really fit into it.

Toothy Tile, presumably Jake Gyllenhaal, is pretty much digging the grave for his own sanity, I think. In ten years, he's gonna be kind of nuts, because he's basically attempting to walk around with split personalities. And if it is Jake Gyllenhaal (and I don't see who else it would be), the cracks are already starting to show. He used to come off kind of quirky and charming, with a good sense of humor, and since portraying a gay man on screen, he's become increasingly fake and boring, trying to build up a certain kind of career, prove something to everyone, and be something he's not. It doesn't seem likely that he'll come out though as more and more time passes and he keeps doing this type of stuff--once you've put so much effort into your "straight" image, why would you try destroy that, even if no one is buying it (Tom Cruise, John Travolta)? And if you've got all this back-alley behavior associated with your double-life, all the more reason in your mind to keep it hidden.

.grad student by day. said...

Thanks, J. I wanted to reply to Lila's comment as well, but you captured what I wanted to say about the gay/casual sex stereotype much more eloquently than I could have!

88 said...

J:

I think, speaking as a girl with a gay bff, that Lila just said what she was trying to say the wrong way. I think what she meant is even the conservative gays, though they may be judgmental about some things (as everyone is), are a lot less judgmental when it comes to people having casual sex, more open minded I guess. I think, whether they participate or not, they don't really judge and are more lax about those sorts of things, which I find to be a very endearing.

princesssophie87 said...

It's NOT Jake. Jake does not have a baby/child. I believe it is the guy that his sister Maggie is dating..Peter Saarsgard, Except he really isnt A list...
Anyway, they have a kid and she is a Gyllenhaal, which is why there could be clues that have to do with Jake.

Lila said...

Thanks @88, and sorry to others about the way I constructed my comment, which I read again and see how it comes across as perpetuating the "gays are whores" stereotype - NOT what I intended at all.

@J I think you are really spot on about how unhealthy it is for Toothy to live the double life. The story of Toothy Tile is a tragedy. No one should have to choose between success and freedom/sanity, but that seems to be the choice dealt to the bigger Hollywood actors.

@princesssophie87 Saarsgard has been eliminated as both Toothy and Grey Goose. And whoever Toothy is, the child is completely secret.

Caz1310 said...

After following the saga of Toothy, Goose & Baby Tile for over a year...gotta say I'm not that interested anymore. Ted's never going to reveal him and unless Toothy actually does come out we'll never 100% know for sure anyway. I'd rather dissect new & interesting BVs that Ted, Lainey etc have been raising of late, especially those that pop out of nowhere and those that get a new lease of life (hello Strawberry Snort Em).

Caz1310 said...

Part 2...pressed the send button too quickly....respect that lots of others are interested in Toothy and do want to discuss him.

blurry vice said...

princesssophie - Baby Tile is not a public figure. Toothy is not someone who you KNOW has a child. Get it?

Caz - I do agree. Not much to say on the Toothy subject right now. So he's cheating on Grey Goose, or at least attempting to. It's a shame.

Kate16 said...

I'm over Ted in general. Every second post is Twilight related (seriously, who cares?). And as for his BVs he either drags up stuff like this that has been done to death or is far too secretive about who it could be. Yes I get the legal implications but given the garbage that some mags print on their covers every week (Think about how often Jen Aniston has been pregnant or adopting, how often Brange have been secretly married or he's walked out, etc etc) surely he could be more obvious if he wanted to be. I prefer Lainey's, at least she wants us to be able to guess.
As for Toothy - I feel sorry for him. Surely your own happiness is worth more than money? He must be at that stage in his career where if he did come out he'd be set for life anyway, and would have enough industry friends to keep acting even if it was only in independent films.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Instead of "Jaylor," how about "Swyllenhaal"? The latter nickname rolls off the tongue nicely, makes me chuckle and of course, leaves no doubt who the celebs are! Thanks.
—Oyce

Dear Name Game:
Ick, can we just not give them a name at all? Though, I don't mind Swyllenhaal—bizarro but I guess it does kind of roll of the tongue. Maybe. Plus, I guess "Jaylor" is officially Joe Jonas and Ashley Greene."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was getting caught up on Toothy Tile and was shocked to find out he actually did go through with a baby. So he's got a 3-year-old, roughly, at home, but he's hanging in dark alleys soliciting strangers? Seems a little risky when his little son/daughter is depending on him to be a good papa. I couldn't imagine doing that with just my cute puppy at home, let alone a toddler! Please tell me he's made alternate arrangements and someone else is raising that poor child away from T.T.'s dangerous decisions. And how does Baby T's other papa, Grey Goose, feel about T.T.'s actions?
—Doc


Dear Join the Real World:
Parents, both gay and straight (and both celeb and non), participate in all sorts of skanky sexual activity, regardless of how it may or may not effect their offspring. This is a fact of life."


"Dear Ted:
Who in their right mind would believe that Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift are the real deal and not publicized? Apple picking? Ice cream dates? Strolling through the woods? No real relationship will ever have these kinds of repeated magical dates. Maybe it's just me, but I really think that's the case. Please tell me you agree.
—R

Dear Fairy Tale Fluff:
We definitely chuckled to ourselves a little bit when we heard about some of these escapades, but who's to say these two aren't into that dreamy crap? Granted, Jakey doesn't strike me as the apple-picking type, but maybe he's just doing whatever it takes before Taylor takes her sing-song broken heart elsewhere."

"Dear Ted:
Ricky Martin said he came out publicly because of his kids, which I think is a great reason. And if you've seen him on any of the talk shows he's been on, it's obvious women don't care he's gay, 'cause he's a sweetheart-and hot! Don't you think Toothy Tile should follow in his footsteps? He probably won't, but seriously, Baby Tile isn't gonna be little forever.
—Steph

Dear Too Late:
Ages ago, I said Toothy—and the rest of those closeted actors out there—should take note from Ricky! I can almost guarantee Toothy won't be stepping out any time soon, and it has nothing to do with Baby T."

Rita, Montreal said...

Don't know why Toothy does not go the Hugh Jackman way. Much safer, healthier, and would keep him out trouble. Also, have you guys read the latest on John Travolta, that is what happens when you try to over-control your natural inclinations, it's like dieting, you cut on everything you like and all of sudden you lose control and over-splurge! Or in Toothy's way, hunt in dark alleys! One of these days, the guy is gonna get mugged or beaten by a homophobe posing as a gay guy. It happens SO often.

Kristen said...

"One of these days, the guy is gonna get mugged or beaten by a homophobe posing as a gay guy. It happens SO often."

Hell, it happened in one of his movies, at least if we're assuming it's Jake.

The baby thing is ridiculous. That kid is gonna grow up at some point. You can't keep him/her hidden forever. Unless Toothy comes out in the next few years, that kid is what is going to end up outing him.

And I know it must be hard for someone as big of a star as he is to come out, but, assuming it's Jake, he's proven himself as a talented actor. I don't think that the possibility that female fans won't lust after him anymore is going to completely destroy his career, like it would for actors who are famous almost solely because of their looks. I think that he's in a much better position than Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Zac Efron, or Chace Crawford. Those guys basically depend on women finding them hot in order to keep working.

Rita, Montreal said...

True Kristen, but the few actors who have come out, and you would've thought that they were talented enough to draw audiences on their talent alone (David Hyde Pierce, Rupert Everett to name a few)are now only accepted on broadway. For Rupert, before coming out, he was really the it handsome leading man for gentile movies (except for that horror he made with Madonna). After he came out, in a classy way, he only movies he made went directly to video, and he was afterwards considered unbankable.

If your passion in life is acting, until you come fully into your own, you will choose your passion over almost anything. Look at John Travolta, SAD! The only time I thought he was finally going to come out, was when his son died: you could see it in his face, his actions, it was like he realized that living a lie was not worth it (his son was autistic, but Scientology made state differently, same for his homosexuality). And John has had an honest and true beard of a wife, and 3 kids. Baby Tile will grow up the same way as the Travolta kids.

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b213359_too_much_coffee_jake_taylor_romance.html

Caz1310 said...

Jake has to be believable in the public eye as not gay/bi - have you seen the advertising for Love and Other Drugs? It totally centres on his character being belieavable as a ladies man. Supported by the nude photo covers with Anne. Going for ice cream with Taylor doesn't make him sexy...makes him seem nice. Had forgotten about Rupert Everett - he has been put out to pasture.

Rita, Montreal said...

Yeah. Rupert was becoming a big deal until he publicly came out. Made a few good movies playing a gentile ladies' man. But his story alone would scare any would be actor from coming out. Ted had a great point in one of his BBs: the only ones who are still succesful after coming out, are the ones with comedy bone, not hot leading man bone. Punn intended!

Vero said...

Dear Ted:
I totally heart Sophia Bush and Austin Nichols for their do-gooder ways. They are excellent role models for my kids. Does Austin have any kids of his own? Love ya lots.
—Suz

Dear Hero Havic:
Nope—why would you think that? But kudos again to Soph and Austin. While I may think they're über-boring in the bedroom department, they both are way into helping gulf efforts. And, ya know, talking about it every chance they get.


Uh-oh. What of Baby Tile?

Rita, Montreal said...

today Lainey winked at Ted. She was swooning all over Jake pictured with Ryan Gosling at the Blue Valentine premiere, and ended her swooning with this:

Oreo cookies + Grey Goose La Poire straight up = Happiness.

Is Jakey the Oreo cookie or the Grey Goose?

Funny, non?
Here is the link:http://www.laineygossip.com/Ryan_Gosling_and_Jake_Gyllenhaal_at_the_Blue_Valentine_screening_in_Beverly_Hills_03dec10.aspx?CatID=0&CelID=0

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I have a few guesses on Blind Vices. I am thinking that Priscilla and Parrish are Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas. Also thinking that Stud Bucket and Roxy are

the Smiths...Will and Jada to be exact. Still thinking Nicholas Cage is Toothy Tile. I am way tired. Had a rough day with my 15 year old mutt baby who is not

doing so hot. Thought I would make a few guesses before I sign off for the night! Thanks for your time and attention.
—LCM

Dear Kinda Hot, Kinda Not:
Sorry about your pup, babe! Hope things get better soon. As for your guesses, one is very good, the rest are completely wrong. Like way wrong—but creative, I

guess. Margo and Charlie send wet kisses to your sweetie.

Dear Ted:
You've said that Toothy Tile doesn't plan on coming out ever, even though he once wanted to. Does that mean he's gonna go all the way and have a fake

marriage and kids? Did he change his mind because he hasn't had a hit in a few years (well, ever)? If he had a real and undeniable hit, would he give coming

out another chance? Thanks.
—Rooting for T2

Dear T2 Peek-a-Boo:
At one point I'd have said he'd never swap fakey "I dos" but it's looking more and more like that might be exactly what his game plan is. And it's got

nothing to do with hits: Tooth has had 'em."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b215281_shocker_jaylor_might_be_next_robsten.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Jake Gyllenhaal's Vice in the past or is it very much in the present?
—JN

Dear Sands of Time:
C'mon, doll. Do you really think Vice Superstars like Jakey-poo every really give up their naughty ways?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You mentioned that Toothy's sexual preference is very well-known in the business and that he is also very well-known for having famous beards. If the mags and gossip columns (including yours) know these facts, why do they continue to print stories about his current and/or past romances knowing that they are totally fake? Do you and others get paid to publish these or is it a way of keeping his legal team off your back while you continue to out him albeit through his B.V.?
—Totally in to TT, Gay or Straight

Dear Too Technical:
Because, speaking for Team Truth, we love T2 so much we're willing to throw him a bone or two when it comes to whichever gal is by his side that week. It's goss, after all, and that's what the Awful Truth is. We've got no plans to out the dude. That's his own biz."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b216223_jake_gyllenhaal_busy_working8212not.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Concerning Jalyor, the whole thing seems contrived. I personally think chemistry jumps through a picture—Brangelina anyone—and no matter how far they stand apart, their attraction will come through. Even with Gyllenspoon—remember when they started hanging out, well you could see that they liked each other and were friends? Sorry I didn't see any sexual heat, but at least, there was honest likeness. None of that with Jaylor: everything seems contrived. No chemistry, not even friendly. Why is that Ted? Are we wrong in assuming that this is a showmance? Jake should be jailed for trying to pull this one, although he is less than a decade older than Taylor, she seems to be at least decades younger. Odd. What say you Ted?
—Rita

Dear Picture Imperfect:
There is so much wrong with what you wrote, R, that all I'll say is this: Jake and Tay are definitely friendly. The twosome may not be getting as hot as that coffee they love so much—yet, at least—but there's chemistry. Probably more than there ever was with Gyllenspoon, which, of course, isn't saying much at all."


"Dear Ted:
First off I have to say I love you! Next I have a question about Toothy. Since you said recently he hasn't really brought in the big bucks at the box office, do you think for a future movie instead of hooking him up with another beard his PR will encourage him to publicly come out? He might lose some fans but I think in the end he'll actually gain more than he'll lose.
—Karoll

Dear Crystal Blue Balls:
T2 is doing just fine at the box office, check your facts, K. Some of his flicks may be panned but they still make a decent amount of dough. But Tooth's team would never ask him to come out, that would be PR all right but it would also end his career."

blurry vice said...

"
"Dear Ted:
I'm curious about how long you really think Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift will last. You've called them the next Robsten, and you've now said that they are a match made in "Vice heaven." The amount of skeptics that are complaining on the internet kinda has me divided as far as my own opinion, but what is your real, honest opinion on this hookup's longevity? Could they really be in it for the long haul, or are they just messing with our heads?
—Just Wondering

Dear Jaded Jaylor:
Let's put it this way: Their relationship will last as long as they want it to last. You know, as long as they are both mutually getting out of the dating situation what they want. Isn't that how it usually goes in Hollywood?"

"Dear Ted:
You say Jake Gyllenhaal hasn't given up on his B.V. ways. He is dating America's most virginal sweetheart. Does this mean she's not the angel she portrays herself as, or is Jakey indulging passions somewhere else?
—ML

Dear Vice for a Vice:
Tay's got some secrets she isn't exactly writing songs about, but she's still pretty much an angel, which is why Jake likes her so much, natch. We're starting to think this might actually be a match made in Vice heaven. Who knew?"


toothy

"Dear Ted:
Did Carrie Fischer beat you to outing Toothy Tile?
—J

Dear Fishing for Goss:
No."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Jake Gyllenhaal just turned 30. Do you have any birthday wishes for him?
–Patricia

Dear B-Day Boy:
The same as always. Live your life, sweetheart, not your agents'."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Nelly Fang, Parrish Maguire, Toothy Tile, Nevis Divine, and I feel like I'm missing one... Anyway, are any of these guys actually in love with their beards? If so, which one?
—Nizzle

Dear Man Meat:
That's a hunky group of guys! I'd say Nelly is in lust (and he's not just getting it with the missus) and Nevis is in love. Again, I don't think the typical "beard" definition is correct when talking about Mr. Divine."

blurry vice said...

""Dear Ted:
Has Lorin Sniffle-Puss ever worked with Toothy Tile? Is Lorin better known for work in tv or movies? Thanks!
—Glory

Dear Sniffing Around:
Nope, Toothy and Lorin have not worked together. And I would say that Lorin is talented in more ways than one. Perhaps even more than Toothy?"

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b218850_shocker_taylor_swift_jake_gyllenhaal.html

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b219169_whats_reese_got_do_with_jake_taylors.html

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b219421_poll_who_should_jake_gyllenhaal_date.html

blurry vice said...

""Dear Ted:
So now that Taylor Swift has ended her romance with Jake Gyllenhaal, what kind of song do you think she will write about their time together? A gooey love song or something with a pretty candy shell but dead on the inside?
--cjc1

Dear John or Jake:
How ‘bout neither? Taylor's as crafty as they come, don't underestimate her sometimes candy-coated appeal. She knows damn well the world's expecting a thinly veiled song about Jake. That's exactly why she'll make everybody wait for it."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I feel kind of sorry for Jake Gyllenhaal. It seems that no matter what he does from here on in it will somehow always be tied to his relationship with Reese

Witherspoon. That is one very shrewd woman...whom I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. Do you think he has learned his lesson and will start dating less

famous women, or would that defeat the whole purpose of being in a relationship to being with him?
—Amanda F., NYC

Dear Clean Break:
Jake knew what he was getting into with Reese, just not how it was going to end. I greatly think that will dictate how he goes from here. I would hope he

would follow his heart, not what people are telling him (whether that's a famous significant other or not)."

"Dear Ted:
I am beginning to think that Jake Gyllenhaal's PR team is pretty smart! If Taylor Swift does indeed write a song about him, people will be talking about that

short-lived relationship for years to come! That would tend to reduce any rumors about his sexuality. Honestly, I think that is why John Mayer got involved

with her, too. You know he couldn't wait to hear people gossiping about his song!
--kschesney

Dear Foxy:
I was with ya till the John Mayer thing. That dude befriended Swift for only one reason: He's a total slut-bag, regardless how far (or not) he got with

Taylor. And yes, Jake's team is on a par with Tom Cruise's team—the one before couch-gate, that is."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b220481_pollapalooza_dating_dishmdashin_closet.html

blurry vice said...

Evan Lainey who insists Jake is straight is on to jake's publicity stunts.

http://www.laineygossip.com/Jake_Gyllenhaal_takes_Jenny_Lewis_to_the_Golden_Globes_2011_17jan11.aspx?CatID=0&CelID=0

blurry vice said...

oh geez here we go again

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b221143_jake_gyllenhaal_mila_kunis_flirt_up.html

blurry vice said...

EYEROLL

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b221714_are_jake_gyllenhaal_taylor_swift_back.html

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b222186_will_mila_kunis_get_back_together_with.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I am sure nothing shocks you since you have seen or heard it all in this town of freaks, but can you tell me, in this last year has there been one Blind

Vicer with behavior so shocking or bad that it has caused a physical or emotional reaction for you? Tell me who--I want to know if mine is the same:) XOXO
—Bie

Dear Shocked:
Like, all of the above Blind Vicers, obviously. There is, however, a special hole in my heart that dies over and over again every time Toothy decided to make

a dumb-ass decision.
"

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b223753_did_jake_gyllenhaal_try_court_winters.html

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Why didn't Shafterella Shoshstein's ex-spouse (the husband before Toothy Tile) out her as a cheater, since she helped the press out him as a cheater? Was he

cheating with men too and thought it would hurt his career? If it's who I think it is, it's kind of strange because he played a lot of bi and gay characters,

and his career did quite well. Did Shafterella actually have sex with Tile, and who birthed Tile's kid?
—Brent St. Monica

Dear Wait, What?
You lost us at Toothy Tile. You've got your Blind Vices in a big, fat knot. Good luck with that!"

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth/b224788_jake_gyllenhaal_carey_mulligan_whats.html

Lisa said...

I guess I'm the only person besides Lainey who doesn't think Jake is gay. *shrugs*

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
If a star, like, say Toothy Tile, decided at some point to come out, what would happen to all the beardy counterparts they've had over the years? Would they

be ridiculed or just play dumb?
—Lisa

Dear Good Question:
It's simple. They'd say they never knew."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I recently read about Toothy Tile and was wondering how he's been lately and have he and Crotch-Uh-Lastic ever hooked-up before, or any attraction between them?
—marky

Dear Brilliant, But:
Slightly less scared, don't believe so, yes, definitely."

jogalot said...

I totally missed the BV that stated Toothy Tile has a baby. Wouldn't this be all over the gossip mags if it was Jake g.??

lisamedia said...

WTF does Ted mean? I don't even know what he is actually saying - his response doesn't even sound like English. Anyone have any ideas?

Dear Ted:
I love the Blind Vices, and I have some pretty good guesses, but there is one that I can't quite figure out. There is a very popular guess out there for Toothy Tile, and I kind of believe it, except I'm not sure how Baby Tile comes into the picture. Is it really possible for a celeb to keep their child a secret? He can't be a very active father. Does the kid live with the birth mother or maybe with some relative of his? I'm totally confused.
—jade_blossom26

Dear Doubt Before You Think:
Exactly why I don't get the popular guess. Does no one realize there is a baby involved and that Toothy is not doing a good job letting us all in on how the babe's doing these days? Either way, we're told someone is raising that little nugget in the proper non-vicey environment.

Yoda Man said...

So... he's saying that the popular guess is wrong. So that means Jake isn't Toothy Tile? As well as saying that Toothy Tile and Shafterella Shoshstein's BV's aren't linked. But I thought Shafterella Shoshstein was Reese Witherspoon.

Ashley said...

If Toothy Tile isn't Jake Gyllenhaal then Ted is finished and guessing his BV's are pretty pointless, no offense.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love the Blind Vices, and I have some pretty good guesses, but there is one that I can't quite figure out. There is a very popular guess out there for

Toothy Tile, and I kind of believe it, except I'm not sure how Baby Tile comes into the picture. Is it really possible for a celeb to keep their child a

secret? He can't be a very active father. Does the kid live with the birth mother or maybe with some relative of his? I'm totally confused.
—jade_blossom26

Dear Doubt Before You Think:
Exactly why I don't get the popular guess. Does no one realize there is a baby involved and that Toothy is not doing a good job letting us all in on how the

babe's doing these days? Either way, we're told someone is raising that little nugget in the proper non-vicey environment."


"Dear Ted:
Where has Toothy Tile been lately?
—M

Dear Times Are Good:
Ascending. And since Toothy recently decided to break the beard habit (if only for a sec), we have high hopes."

blurry vice said...

Well, this is once again an example of TEd either contradicting himself, or messing with his readers just for kicks.

Ted basiclaly revealed toothy to be jake a few years ago. This was before our blog was up and I don't have a date or a link (link would probably not be there anyway).

It was back when there would be three photos at the top of the column, each celeb photo had a quote underneath relating to their appearance in teh column that day, for example "in trouble with the law?" something like that. Well, JAke's photo appeared with a caption underneath. Taht day in teh column, Jake did not appear. There was a Toothy TIle BV a tthe end of the column that day. And JAke's caption directly correlated with the Toothy BV. DONE. That was about 4 years ago.

Zero said...

It would be great if you did a post specifically about this latest. I'd really love to hear your take.

lisamedia said...

Yeah, @blurry I remember that about outing Jake as Toothy -- I think that possibly this was just Ted's really bad, fractured writing that is making it seem completely the opposite. Perhaps a word or two is missing? The sentences don't even make sense - at all.

talia said...

he never gave a straight answer in these last bb. so he didn't say that it's not the popular guess and he didn't say that shafterella and toothy weren't together...
the real question is: why did he decide to post them now? is there a new blind coming soon? or is he just trying to get the discussion going again... or something else?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How's our fave Blind Vice, Toothy Tile, doing lately? A little birdie told me he's looking to get out of acting to become a director. Any truth?
—Jeanne

Dear Toothy Behind the Camera:
Wouldn't surprise me if he was seriously considering directing. Tooth loves attention, and directing will provide him with more outlets to search for that

special someone. Of course, he'll try to be secretive about it. Maybe he thinks behind-the-scenes work will call for more privacy after hours with hot movie

stars? Get it, Tooth!"

Leila said...

"special someone"? I don't get that... I thought him and Grey Goose were still together... did I miss that somewhere?

talia said...

i thought he meant the "special someone" ironically. that he can find a new female love interest to show the world...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile a college drop-out by any chance?
—jannalbin

Dear Education Smeducation:
Why not just ask his name?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm a recent Blind Vice addict, and my favorite one I've come across is Toothy Tile. So without giving his name up and risking not being printed in your

column (even though I'm 90 percent sure I know who it is), I have a question that may make his identity more obvious to those who still don't have a clue.

With that said, has Toothy Tile ever had a fauxmance with Priscilla Desert?
—jennyp223

Dear Toothy's Bitch:
Mr. Tile and Priscilla are very fond of each other, I will say that much."

Jackie said...

Hello, long time reader, first time commenter. Pretty obsessed with this site!! :) Just wanted to throw it out there, I'm the girl who served Jake and Taylor Swift ice cream on their "date". It definitely wasnt a romantic visit. They came in, Taylor went to the restroom, Jake ordered both of their ice creams, he paid, she came back out of the restroom, and they snapped a picture in the parking lot with a few girls and drove off in his car. It wasn't a big deal and definitely not a sexy ice cream date. Jake was very soft spoken and sweet. They never touched or even talked. They are both gorgeous in person.. I don't want to believe Jake would be so scandalous!

blurry vice said...

"
Dear Ted:
I don't understand people who write to you who seem to dislike you so much. Why don't they just stop reading you? It's like those freakish conservatives who

hate Glee. Just turn the flipping channel! But I digress. So what do you think of Toothy Tile's new hair do? Hot or not?
—Nic



Dear New Do:
Hot, always hot. And thanks for the support and love!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile Leonardo DiCaprio? Your response to the question about Leo & Bar mentioned he'd rather play with the boys "in the end." Was that a hint?
—strayerch240

Dear Wrong, Real Wrong:
Nope, Leo plays a little differently than our good friend Tooth!

Dear Ted:
I have asked this before, and am hoping that if I keep asking, you might answer me (pretty please?) which of the Blind Vices that you have told us has the

best chance of being revealed someday in the public media?
—Lcm

Dear Against Hope:
I am an idiot to say this, but, I truly do believe it will be Toothy Tile.

Dear Ted:
Your Vicers and real people guessers for the herpes passer are both four. Is this is a slick way of allowing us to play matching the celebrity with his Vice

name? If so, I guess Leo for Seymour, Tom for Toothy, Elton for Bossy and Jeremy for Fey.
—treeschrew777

Dear You've Lost Me:
I thought you were going to say so is it Alex Pettyfer from I Am Number Four. Which actually would have been a pretty good, crafty guess! Not him, however.

Nor is it Leo, Tom, Elton and Jeremy. Interesting note: But, all four guys have other Vices. Good luck!"

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth
/b242090_who_took_jake_gyllenhaal
_tighty-whitey.html

blurry vice said...

"
Dear Ted:
You said a while back that there's an imminent scandal that could significantly damage Fey-Oiled Tush's career? Care to give any more details?
—F

Dear Fey's Wising Up:
Probably will be Toothy Tile scandalizing us first, I dare say."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Just wondering about your thoughts on the Vicers. Who is (1) your favorite B.V., (2) your least favorite B.V. and (3) the B.V. that shocked you the most.
—Elli

Dear Sophie's Choice:
That's like pickin' which of my pups I like best, E! But I'll give it a shot: Toothy is my fave, duh. I am always happy to dig up dirt on that delicious

dude. My least favorite (these days) is probably Judas Jack-Off, just 'cause he's so damn boring lately and yet everyone is bitchin' about him. As for

shocking, well, the sad story of Sally Pearlsmyth was...unexpected."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/the_awful_truth
/b248352_boys_gone_wild_bear_
grylls_helps_jake.html

blurry vice said...

repeat elim



"Dear Ted,
George Clooney is single again; this middle-aged housefrau and rescue cat may still have a chance. While I wallow in my pipe dreams (sorry for the smoking reef!), help me out on the Vice side. I think you've confirmed Georgey isn't Toothy Tile, right? But does he have another Blind Vice moniker to his (dis)credit?
—Grey and Asher the Cat

Dear Clueless Clooney:
C'mon, Grey! How long has G.C. been in the Industry? Of course he's got a few sexy skeletons hidden deep inside his closet—and it's to his credit. We love George's Vice; it's très juicy. But you are correct, Toothy he is not. It's an older Vice though, happy digging!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
It's been pretty dry out there, so I thought we should play a game. So far this summer, which of our Blind Vices has been the most scandalous? Most

surprising? Most annoying? Sexiest?
—Yogacentric

Dear Summer Entertainment:
Hmmm, after much deliberation, here's my Vicer vote:
Most Scandalous: Sally Pearlsmyth
Most Surprising: Toothy Tile
Most Annoying: Shafterella Shoshstein
Sexiest: Crotch Uh-Lastic"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Two questions for you: Has Toothy Tile ever done television? I mean in the form of a documentary/special/reality show? And just for kicks: Do you know if any

of the actors or actresses on the Harry Potter set have explored or are exploring the concept of fluid sexuality?
—Frithjof

Dear TV for Toothy:
Not much, but Tooth's done a few select TV appearances. As for H.P., with all those hot young curious thangs, there was def some experimentation going on.

Witch or warlock, sex is sex my dear.

Dear Ted:
I heard that Natalie Portman and Jake Gyllenhaal dated, is that true? I don't think that's true.
—S

Dear Publicity Stunt:
Yep they dated, officially that is. Nat's not really Jake's type."

blurry vice said...

"
Dear Ted:
Would it be accurate to say that Toothy Tile spends a lot of time in the San Fran valley?
—S

Dear Tile's Abode:
Toothy is familiar with many a gay mecca, SF, included."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So if the Hollywood circle knows about your Vicers, why don't they spill the beans? If I knew who Toothy Tile was, and I was a B -lister, I would want to

mess up his career to get his parts! An anonymous tip to the Enquirer equals extra cash and a ruined career...
—Margotvaldes

Dear Stop Making Sense:
Guys have been doing exactly as you suggest to John Travolta for years. Has it made a difference? Not really. The public believes what it wants to. A nobody

accuser against Toothy would prove the same results."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile's family aware of his private life? How far into his social circle are people aware of his real preferences and his child's existence? And

what's his romantic fake status currently?
—PLP

Dear Tile Phile:
Trust, Tooth isn't too secretive about his par-tick preferences when you get to know him. It's more the general public he's keeping his biz away from.

Dear Ted:
I know this is going to come out of left field and probably sound dumb—feel free to mock my idiocy—but is Tooty Tile perhaps Will Smith?
—Dana

Dear Rumor Monger:
You know what they say, D, there are no stupid Vice guesses, only stupid Vice stars, and this is hardly the worst guess for Mr. Tile. Will is in the Blind
Vice Hall of Fame, but he's not Toothy."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/news/the_awful_truth
/who_does_jake_gyllenhaal_think
_hes/262133

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Where is Jake Gyllenhaal? When he is promoting a movie, the paps are all over him with his lunch dates and his hand-in-hand strolls with various cuties. When

he is not promoting, he disappears off the face of the Earth. What gives?
—Orangepants

Dear Jake-aholic:
Not altogether true, babe. Jakey just supported his old Brokeback Mountain costar Michelle Williams for her New York premiere of My Week With Marilyn. But

I'm sure he's about to get his butt to a secluded tropical pool somewhere soon. What I would give to be his cabana boy. Actually, Jake's pretty serious about

his private time. He likes to get away so he can totally be himself. The Jake you see in public is so not the real him.

Dear Ted:
It's nice to see Jake Gyllenhaal take a break once in a while. He's as hard working as anyone. I'm not Jake-aholic like most women, but I like to read about

what he is up to. He's a good-looking guy who is getting better with age.
—DaniKiitzer

Dear Like a Bottle of Wine:
It's not just the women who are Jake-aholics, babe. Not by a long shot. But I totally agree."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile hunky Bradley Cooper?
—D

Dear Not a Bad Guess...
But no, although Toothy is equally as hot.

Dear Ted:
If I had to choose, I'd say my favorite Vicers are Veronica Bee-Stings and Shafterella Shoshstein. Both are crafty broads who are only out for themselves.

But if you had to choose an all-time favorite Vicer, who would it be and why?
—Samantha

Dear How Vicetastic!:
Too funny, doll, because Veronica and good-ol' be-yotch Shafty could not hate each other more! But I've said it before and I'll say it again: Toothy will

always hold a special place in my heart. On a lesser note, crackers Chiquita and chilly Cruella are always good for a laugh and a smirk, respectively.

Dear Ted:
After the brave coming out of Zachary Quinto, I suggested to my friend who I thought might be Toothy Tile. She would not believe it even for a second. Do you

think that acceptance could be a bigger problem for Toothy than it was for Zachary? I mean, would his loyal fans be that shocked into disbelief?
—Clarissa

Dear Tile File:
Yes and no. Some would be fine with it; some would be thrilled. But yes, the majority of people would be shocked. And yes, his career would be...not exactly

what it once was. But it could be greater and more authentic in my opinion."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Toothy Tile's baby still a secret or do more people know about it? Does the world know about it? Will Toothy announce that he has a baby or keep it secret

until the child is 18?
—withold name please

Dear Dirty Little Secret:
Why so mysterious, retracted reader? Whatever—T.T. isn't telling anyone about his bundle of joy anytime soon, trust me. And who says he will after the kiddo

is 18 either? I surely didn't."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Are Jake Gyllenhaal and Olivia Wilde hooking up? Seems like she's moving from one A-list leading man to the next. But I'm not buying this one.
—M

Dear Missed the Boat:
They certainly make sense together, but I'm not sold on it either. In fact, I can promise you, M, that there's nothing beyond niceties between these two. And

give Olivia a break, she just got a divorce, she's allowed to spread her wings a bit. "

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm a newbie to the A.T. and greatly enjoyed reading about Toothy Tile's antics. It seems he's been quite secretive lately, is this due to daddy duty?
—Z

Dear Parental Control:
Welcome, babe. As for Mr. Tile, his papa patrol may have something to do with his flying under the radar lately, but there's more to the picture than just

that. He's always been able to manage Vicing and changin' diapers in the past.

Dear Ted:
I have to ask about the stars in Hollywood who are in the closet. Are most of them keeping their sexuality private from everyone, including their family and

friends as well or are family members aware?
—G

Dear In the Know:
Everyone is different, but most of our big time Vicers at least (like Toothy Tile, for one) are out to those closest to them. A lot of ‘em only stay in the

closet for H'wood Biz—ya know, because they're worried if their careers would end if they said they're actually into dudes."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
If Nevis Divine ever met Seymour Plow-Me More, Parrish Maguire or Toothy Tile, how likely would he be to jump in bed with each of them on a scale of one to

five (one being "Ewwww Hell no!" and five being "Mmmm yummy yummy!")?
—I

Dear It's a Guessing Game:
Seymour? Zero. Parrish? Zero. Toothy? Now that would be a hot hookup. Or to quote you: Mmmmlicious!

Dear Ted:
Is Hugh Jackman really the great guy that he seems to be? The all-around great husband and great father. Does he have any skeletons or Vices? Also has Toothy

Tile ever been photographed with his beard?
—Italia

Dear Naughty and Nice:
Just because the X-Men star may also be a Vice star—which he is—doesn't mean he's not the nice dude he appears to be. Trust me, I adore Mr. Jackman and I've

known about his Vice since like...forever. As for Toothy, T.T. has been snapped with beards, of course. That's the point!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So which of your closeted Vice's beards is most likely to reach levels of fame in her own right? And do you think she might move on to an actual relationship

if that happens?
—Mike

Dear Fake It Till You Make It:
It's not just no-name chickies that play the beard game. Look at Shafterella Shoshstein, she was an A-list lady who was slumming it in tabloid oblivion until

she linked up with a very good-looking and very in-the-closet gay guy. And to answer your next Q, good old Shafty left her loyal fakey BF in the lurch when

she found an eligible, straight dude.

Dear Ted:
Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon are both presenting at the Golden Globes this year? Can we expect a run in between the two exes?
—MooKinda

Dear Ex Wars:
A run-in? Definitely possible. But an awkward Brangelina-Jennifer Aniston-esque encounter? Don't count on it. Reese is happily married and beyond over her

relaysh with Jake. Besides, the two were far less serious than everyone presumed.

Dear Ted:
Is it true that Minka Kelly hooked up with Jake Gyllenhaal while she was on a brief split from Derek Jeter?
—MooKinda

Dear We Were on a Break:
I assume you're alluding to the Us Weekly story about Minka rejecting Jake's advances—not hooking up with him—but to tell you the truth, the whole thing

stinks to me. That said, I guess I wouldn't be surprised if J.G. reached out to Minka—she's kinda his type."

blurry vice said...

http://www.eonline.com/news/the_awful_truth
/caught_jake_gyllenhaal_gets_lunchtime/291380

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
OK, so I have a question about BVs in Hollywood's "Golden Age." Just like that Marine [Scotty Bowers] is doing with his recent X-rated tell-all about Cary

Grant and Katharine Hepburn, do you think that someday when the Toothy Tiles and Judas Jack-Offs are dead and gone that their BVs will be revealed?
—LCM

Dear Golden Oldies:
Sure, someone may eventually name names when it comes to H'wood's closeted elite, but I'm still holding out hope that Toothy will come out himself before he

kicks the bucket. As for Judas? Wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if someone let slip his secret long, long before he died.

Dear Ted:
In the past week, Gwyneth Paltrow enjoyed a night on the town with Reese Witherspoon as well as dinner with Taylor Swift. Given that both Reese and Taylor

have famously dated Jake Gyllenhaal—one of your Blind Vice Superstars—and rumor has it Gwyneth played matchmaker in at least one of those pairings. So I have

to ask...is G.P. in the know about Jake's Vice?
—Regan

Dear GOOP for Two:
It's not like Jake's Vice makes him undateable…actually, quite the opposite for someone like Reese. That said, I'd probably trust Gwyney more with tips on

making the tastiest free-range organic chicken pot pie or on some Waspy cleanse than with her dating tips. But then again, maybe it's time she find Jakey-poo

a new love? What do you think?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think there are 4 types of closet actors in Hollywood: The one who will come out when he feels like it, the one who comes out when his career is

over/established, the one who will take it to his grave and the one who will get outed by others. Could you add 4 B.V. names to those categories for me?
—Bastiaan

Dear Fab Fouresome:
Respectively: Toothy Tile (hopefully...he's wanted to in the past but was always talked out of it). Crotch Uh-Lastic. Topher Hairy-Tuchus. And Parrish

Maguire. Has your Vicey thirst been quenched, B?

Dear Ted:
I am sure that you have answered this before (like a thousand times), but my seven month old puppy and I want to know...has Toothy Tile been in a movie where

he has played a gay character, perhaps one that was in the closet? Just Curious!
—L

Dear For The 1001 Time:
Yes. To everything. Now send me a pic of that adorable little pup, L!"

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