Friday, November 18, 2011

Blind Vice: Gay Star's Clueless Beard Walks In On a Shocker!

New BV from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Gay Star's Clueless Beard Walks In On a Shocker!

People have a right to live their lives, let's be clear about that. And that's why we do not out gay stars at AT, never have, never will.
But when matinee idols like Toothy Tile and Fey Oil-Tush choose to involve other, non-gay folks in their clandestine lives, it changes the rules.
For instance, Crescent Kumquat's latest beard was beginning to wonder why the heck the handsome star never laid a finger on her in private. Well, she just found out the reason the hard way:

When the gorgeous, tall stunner Crescent had been parading around to parties just happened to hop over to her man's place to surprise him (and she found that he was not only home, but, the place was pretty open). Only it was she who got the shock when she walked in on Crescent having sex with a dude!
And not just a little petting or oral action, either, babes, Crescent was right in the middle of getting done to him what the gorgeous, real-blonde chica had wished he would do to her!
Now, we gotta say we're starting to wonder just how much dope Crescent's doing these days, because not even outlandish sex Vice Super-stars like Toothy and Crotch Uh-Lastic take this many chances—you know, like leaving the house wide open while getting it on with a guy inside.
But then who'd have thunk the gf would come over for a surprise? Well, all the more reason to actually give these beards a little lovin' once in awhile, boys. Ya know, so they're not so damn horny!
But the discarded chica does get the last laugh, we must note. Won't be getting that nasty social disease Mr. Kumquat's known to have, whew!
Wonder if that latest blondie CC's been out with will be as lucky?
AND IT AIN'T: Tom Sturridge, Charlie Sheen, Robert Pattinson

Please refer to the label below for a link to our posts on the many previous Crescent Kumquat BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect - still Chace Crawford


blurry vice said...

Chace Crawford is Crescent. Who is the beard? And the new blonde?

I'm a little surprised with Crescent in this one. Hmmm...

keelyrae said...

What is up with the "CC" reference at the end? Is that a reveal or just a mistake?!

Rita said...

It's actually quite the big hint!

Apparently the new beard is Lauren Conrad. As for the leggy blond, it could be anyone. Maybe someone of no importance... Have to look-up pictures.

Cee said...

big hint big out...why else would he say we never out BUT...

BalmCakes Bakery said...

Im sure i read Chase was linked with Bar Rafaeli a couple of months back - I think she'd class as tall, leggy, stunner and blonde chica!

Rita said...

@Sara It could be. I also read somewhere that it was Emma Roberts, before she turned to Chord Overstreet (?? not sure of last name, kid from Glee).

If it's Emma, then she would talk. She has her aunts payback attitude in her, and would definitely spill the beans.

Also, Chace filmed a movie with Jane Fonda and Elizabeth Olsen (which would fit the leggy blonde) called Peace, Love & Understanding, a dramady garnering rave reviews (it has Jane Fonda in it, duh), where if I remember correctly Chace and Elizabeth play dysfunctional brother and sister. Maybe it was a movie set hook-up.

That being said, how HIGH must you be to forget to close the front door to your home! And how hot must you be for your hook-up to forget to close your home front door and just get at it in the living room!

KaDixonLaw said...

I read a guess for Elizabeth Minett (lingerie model) as the leggy blonde, and I found this article about them:

She absolutely fits the bill, but that was from June, 2010, so I suppose it depends on how far back this incident occurred. As much as I hate to say it, I definitely think that Lauren Conrad is the new blonde.

Cathy said...

In today's afternoon mail, he referred to Chase as C.C. - not that he hasn't before, but it just confirms it even more.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What has Chace Crawford been up to lately? When Gossip Girl started I thought he'd be one of the breakout stars, but he's never really stepped outside of

Leighton Meester and Blake Lively's shadows. Even Penn Badgley is landing better movies than he is. So what's the deal? Please tell me his B.V. is much more

interesting and active than his career/personal life seems to be.

Dear XOXO:
Ditto, doll. Chace had such big screen potential, what with his feathery locks, dashing smile and fairly decent acting chops, but it all kinda fizzled out

before it even started. Oh well, on to what you really care about: C.C. has made a bigger splash in the Vice vault of late than on his IMDb resume. And it's

certainly not boring.

pikespeak said...

Ted isn't even trying to hide the name of this blind.

blurry vice said...

I agree, it is very obvious. Semi-reveal vs big hint.

Anonymous said...

Elizabeth Minnett is the new beard

a lot of BIs are linking Chace and Matthew 'I'm not gay, but..." Morrison

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In your opinion which of these Vice stars is more likely to end up with a same-sex partner in the long run: Nevis Divine, Terry Tush-Trade or Crescent

Kumquat? And which of them cares less whether or not the public knows about their bisexuality?

Dear Sorry to Disappoint:
Though we would love to see one of our B.V. stars get homolicious for the long haul, it's probably not going to happen with any of these three—with the

possible exception of Terry (but never publicly). Sure, they all play for both teams, but that's supposed to be a secret, remember? And, sweetheart, none of

them could care less.

Dear Ted:
Please tell me Crescent Kumquat and Jackie Bouffant have hooked up. If they could reproduce together, can you imagine their babies?! Anyway, you know how

Jackie Bouffant cheated on his beard with strippers (classy!)? Does his beard have her own Vice moniker?

Dear Class Act:
I wish! But hey, I'm not ruling anything out. Jackie's beard may not have a Vice, but her rep isn't exactly squeaky-clean."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
On Gossip Girl, besides Blake Lively (your fave), who else do you see gaining some more work after the show is kaput? And who do you see losing any future

work because of some naughty Vices? Or gaining some work because of same Vices?
—GG Fan

Dear XXXo:
Pretty much all the big stars (like Leighton Meester, Chase Crawford, and Penn Badgley) have had some big-screen success and have some more projects lined

up, but aside from Blakey-poo? I think Leighton has the best chances. As for Vices, Blake's does her wonders while Chase's may hold him back. Not for the

obvious reasons though.

Dear Ted:
Thanks for answering my previous Gossip Girl question and I also think that Leighton Meester has the best chances to make it big. But I noticed you didn't

mention Ed Westwick? Does he not have potential? Or are his Vices to blame for any derailment? And as for Chace Crawford—I would love to know his Vice! Since

it's not that obvious…a clue?
—G.G. Fan....Again

Dear Boys About Town:
Ed hasn't really stirred up much attention outside G.G. fans. Sure, he scored a part in the Romeo and Juliet revamp starring Hailee Steinfeld, but I just

don't see him becoming the next It dude, and it has nothing to do with his Vices. As for Chase? Well, his onscreen alter ego has never had to keep this

naughty secret, I'll say that much."