Friday, January 29, 2010

Blind Vice: Be Careful What Makes You Famous

New from Ted today -

Blind Vice: Be Careful What Makes You Famous

Gosh, last time we checked in on Seymour Plow-Me-More, he had not a care in the world—other than how to nab his latest gay conquest.
Gotta admit, I've always liked that about Seymour—he's like a little kid. He just wants his boy-toys, lots of cookies, his home life with the fake wife and his career...in that order. He's never really pretended otherwise, unlike so many other grasping, closeted gay stars in this town.
Until now.
Recently, Seymour had an unfortunate incident in his life go down, and it rocked him to his very still-handsome core. So much so, that Mr. Plow-Me-More has taken drastic measures:
Seymour found himself more than a bit put out by this nasty occurrence in his life; he decided it was time to break free from the organization that was most instrumental in his creative zenith and career.
S.P. realized, post-hard knocks, that life's just too damn short to put up with folks who are trying to micromind your every move, which is what Seymour decided the organization was doing, and most offensively, too.
But get this: The outfit that helped create Mr. P as one of Hollywood's biggest stars wasn't havin' it. No way were they at all agreeable to the notion of releasing Plow-Me-More from their Big-Brother-type biz ways, and that's the reason they brought out "the files."
And Seymour knew exactly what this meant.
Message received loud and clear: If Seymour proceeded with his plan to bolt, his former minders would see to it that every media organization within its reach would be enjoying the contents the Seymour Plow-Me-More dossier of debauched gay behavior (is there any other kind, in stupid America's mind?). Now, keep in mind, these questionably gathered documents on Seymour are as impressively detailed as they are extensive. Pretty damn daunting, all put together.
Which is exactly why Seymour has changed his mind—for now.
I dare say he'll revert back to his original desire, which is to ditch the goons who keep watch over him and break free. But when?
Before Toothy Tile comes out, I guarantee you that.
And it ain't: Brendan Fraser, David Beckham, Barack Obama

Here are the links to previous SPMM blind vices - Nov 2007 and Nov 2009 including a full list of who has been eliminated. And here is the one from April 2010.  And the one from  Sept 2010.

Our top suspect: John Travolta.

25 comments:

blurry vice said...

John Travolta still our top guess.
It's a shame... I guess he tried to leave the church of scientology and they are blackmailing him.

Liz Lenin said...

it seems like a good guess - but is he really "still handsome"

Angela said...

This totally screams John Travolta and the Scientolgy cult. They are quite evil to defecters.

M said...

This is so insanely obviously Travolta. Seymours BV's are similar to Lainey's Travolta blinds too. Creepy scientology and so sad to blackmail him like that

bethj547 said...

So very sad, really, but I do remember reading right after Jett Travolta's death that John Travolta was finally going to leave Scientology. Guess that's not going to happen, yet.

angie said...

Alright so this is obviously John Travolta, but didn't we think that last week's Fey Oiled-tush was him also. Could that be Tom Cruise then, but then who is Glistening Gunther? I think the sisters need to bring all those blind vices back so we can carefully go through them and identify them. Im almost 100 percent sure this one is about John T though.

wanabRPsmom said...

shame on Sceintology! They are afraid of losing one of their big meal ticket..JT.
Hope one day John will just walk away not caring about their threats. He is pretty much outed by the tabloids already.

Shellee said...

It is extremely sad that John Travolta can be blackmailed by that evil cult. It says in the Nov. blind that the whole industry knows and approves, so why won't he just come out?

duffgrl said...

Yes, definitely John Travolta. I think his son's death started to put things in perspective for him...scientology doesn't recognize autism; the Travoltas always denied their son was autistic until JT admitted it recently which made me think that he was rethinking the cult.-
Scientolgy is craaaaaazzzy

Karen said...

I agree that this screams JT, but the And It Ain'ts are making me scratch my head. From 2007, they are The Rock, Chris Rock, and David Spade. From 2009, they're Nicolas Cage, Kevin Costner, and Will Smith. This time it's Brendan Fraser, David Beckham, Barack Obama. There has been at least one African-American in each group. Lots of "rock" references (The Rock, Chris Rock, Nic Cage was in the movie "The Rock").

Hmm...

AB said...

I think it's John. There was a blind item a few days ago about an actress wanting to leave the evil cult because she didn't feel she got the support she needed from them in a difficult time and everyone thought it was Kelly Preston so they are both looking to get out, that makes sense.

sistah2 said...

This is the most obvious BV to come along in a while. Yes its JT. Ted seems to think he'll eventually come out though - before Toothy.

ellelle26 said...

I agree JT. Likes cookies, still handsome - sealed the deal for me. I wish he would just come out, it wouldn't be that crazy. Could the cult really ruin his life at this point? I doubt it. Maybe smudge his reputation a bit. If he has any character, he'll do it. I would love to see the backlash Scientology might experience once he left their fold...others might follow?

Mark said...

Fey Oiled-tush = Cruise
Seymour Plowmore = Travolta

x said...

John Travolta

sarahsays said...

OH man.... I though this was JT too. buty I just realized that it's Alec Baldwin. Hence the "Rock" references. , he's in 30 Rock. He has been nominated, but has never won. and Ted references that he's still handsome, older and "still impressive equipment, must say, even though what’s holding it all together hardly is" refernce Alec being overweight. He is one of Hollywood's biggest stars. The "unfortunate event" must be the leak of the horrible voicemail message to his daughter. I wouldly call Jett's death as "unfortunate", that is more "devestating". Reference to David Spade: Both Alec & David have "Saturday Night Live: The Best of" both relesased in 2005. http://www.hometheaterinfo.com/best_of_saturday_night_live.htm

angie said...

to sarahsays..good guess but I don't think Alec is married.

blurry vice said...

So if you think it's Alec Baldwin, then what is the cult/group that he tried to leave?

BTW, to angie - we do have the old Glistening Gunther BV on here - check our list to the right. Tom Cruise is a top guess for a few. We're not nailing him down as on BV until it is confirmed... there are too many he could be! Glistening Gunther still the top guess for Tom though. I think Fey Oiled Tush is someone else...

M said...

The Rock is interesting cuz he was a wrestler or whatever right? So that could be the organization that Ted is talking about, but it's the recent tragic event that confirms Travolta for me. And the spa from the other BV... this recent one seems so obvious, I think Ted wants us to know this is Travolta

The Spie said...

Something that we've all been underestimating here is how Ted times his BVs. Jensen Ackles gets engaged, and that week, there's a new Judas Jack-Off blind, just to cite one example. This blind doesn't contain any time-critical information. Do you think Ted would have published it last week if everyone hadn't started guessing Travolta as Fey Oiled-Tush the week before? Either this really is Travolta, or Ted's playing mind games with his audience on a level that I've never seen a columnist do.

sistah2 said...

I dont doubt for a minute that at least 75% of Ted's BV's are a mind game. He's got us hook line and sinker! This baby Tile thing makes me want to jump on a plane and confront him in person! Thats where I draw the line- not to get off topic here but that story has got to be a joke on us.

Hilary said...

Also, the mention of documents calls to mind the auditing that Scientology does on its members...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You've mentioned that Seymour Plow-Me-More's wife is fully aware of her husband's penchant for boys and is OK with their arrangement. I'm wondering if Mrs. Plow-Me-More is a serial beard—that is before marrying Seymour, was she a beard to other gay Hollywood actors?
—Sally

Dear Mrs. Fakey:
No, and she wasn't getting anywhere, either. Enter the Missus' deal with the devil."

Kelly Preston

mo-mo said...

Just a mention from Ted today (March 2):

"Dear Ted:
I am beginning to think most Hollywood players are bisexual rather than just being same-sex oriented. Seymour Plow-Me-More has me puzzled because he did procreate but continues his dalliances with men. How do you classify sexuality? I guess Linds would be classified as bi rather than lesbian? Is being bisexual the same as being gay in your terminology?
—KikiConfused

Dear Definitions:
It's a slippery slope indeed. I guess the fact Seymour diddles men on the side more than his own wife (which is like, never, I assure you) I say gay not bisexual."

Sophie S. said...

I know someone who worked with John Travolta who said that not only is he gay, but he's the gayest man she ever met.

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