Thursday, September 9, 2010

New BV: What Would Seymour Plow-Me-More Do?

New from Ted today -

What Would Seymour Plow-Me-More Do?
John Travolta Triple FeatureHeard the latest goss on John Travolta? Of course you have, because gay-sex-in-the-sauna allegations don't fall on deaf ears, even if they're printed by the National Enquirer, of all places. And geez, with details like those the NE is "exclusively dishing," you'd think they're trying to earn John a top spot in our Blind Vice Hall of Fame!
So, how would our own happy-ending humper, Seymour Plow-Me-More (you remember him, don't you) handle this whole mess?
See, Travolta has been the target of many tabloid rumors throughout the years, some true and some completely fabricated, but Sey knows how to cover his tracks so no dirt on him is ever taken too seriously.
How, you ask?
By never getting (overly) in it in the first place.
Sey's name would be unlikely to get plastered over the front page of tabloid trash because he's always mucho careful to keep his same-sex shenanigans under wraps, ya know, with secret doors and all.
The Hollywood "gay sauna subculture" ain't exactly the hardest scene to uncover, but the players know how to keep their wet ‘n' wild ways under wraps.
And were the press to catch wind?
Seymore keeps journalists in his pocket and a team of legal eagles at the ready to squash any blabbing source the second they pipe up about his penchant for public sex with strange men. And were SPMM to find himself in this particular predicament, he'd have his man lover of the moment twist a story that totally got Sey's toweled toosh out of trouble.
Plus, there's that icey wifey-poo that Seymour keeps at the ready for all his playing house needs and to occasionally speak up on his behalf. Sey would definitely have had his lady drop some tidbits about how happily married they are.
She is in on the act, after all.
Hell, John's got the upper hand on Seymour, way up! None of his scandalous goss in the past has been taken seriously by the majority of his fans. Why should they change their minds, now?

Interesting... our top suspect for SPMM is John Travolta. See our posts on the previous SPMM BVs:
Nov 2007, Nov 2009 (including a list of the eliminated), Jan 2010, April 2010.


Violet451 said...

I defer to the wisdom of the sisters and The Spie..what does this one mean??

Is he outing JT or not? I can see both interpretations. I first read it as a 'notting'. Then on re-reading it, I find it funny that he says Seymour knows how to hide this stuff better than Travolta...then at the end of the article basically negates that by saying "Hell, John's got the upper hand on Seymor, way up! None of his scandalous goss in the past has been taken seriously by the majority of his fan. Why should they change their minds, now?" Pretty much the exact same thing he'd just said about Seymour!

Unknown said...

This is absolutely hilarious. Reading very closely, nowhere does Ted actually say that Seymore *isn't* John Travolta - just that "Sey knows how to cover his tracks so no dirt on him is ever taken too seriously" - then implying the same of Travolta's scandal.

I read this as a transparent outing, not a "notting".

keelyrae said...

I agree 100% with Dave.

And why isn't anyone mentioning how John Travolta dropped his extortion case the day after this story surfaced... !?! That seems like a perfect story for Ted&Co.

The Spie said...

This is definitely an outing if you parse the structure and the phraseology. It's perfectly designed to make you think that Travolta and Seymour are different people if you give it a cursory read, which most of Ted's readership will. But a second, more careful read and a little thought makes everything clear. He's almost interchangeably using "Seymour" and "John" in this blind.

This is a brilliant piece of writing, no doubt.

blurry vice said...

Yeah I do not believe this as either an outting or a notting. I think Ted knows that everyone thinks SPMM is John Travolta, whethter that is true or not. So he is being a smart-ass. Doing it on purpose to make everyone wonder if it's him or not. Now everyone will over-analyze things. Basically in the end, we still do not know. Thanks for nothing Ted!

Unknown said...

The Spie: agree, especially on the interchangable use of the names - one could almost misread "Sey" for "he" in the third paragraph.

blurry vice said...

I agree that he writes about them interchangeably. That is obvious. But I disagree that it is an outing. Ted knows that people think SPMM is JT. We do. He is playing with everyone. If one day we know for sure who SPMM is, this could be read either way. NOT an outing.

Violet451 said...

I think I gotta go with The Spie on this one. The thing that finally tipped the scales for me was Ted saying .."and geez with details like those the NE is 'exclusively dishing', you'd think they trying to earn John a top spot in our Blind Vice Hall of Fame!" It's the quote marks that really send the message.

He just can't help himself. He's got to brag that he called this one three years ago. :)

ellyjelly said...

I read it as an in-your-face outing. But still in a way that doesn't get him sued. Travolta is Seymour.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Spie said...

Vegan: He's only trying to throw off those less experienced or less committed to his pieces, the so-called "casual readers". To those in the know, like most of us here, it's blatant and obvious what he's trying to do.

Ted doesn't get vindication from another media source very often. So, yeah, he's doing a little celebratory offering regarding that. You can't blame him.

Muri said...

Hi long time lurker, first time poster. Not sure if you've read Lainey's blog yesterday. Check out her movie Weekly live blog about 3:45 they start talking about Travolta. Such similarities to Seymour. I think this is Ted saying "I told you first"

Susan said...

It's definitely JT. I still have a crush on him in spite of it all!

Unknown said...

Ted did this exact same thing with the Toothy Tile/Jake Gyllenhall vice. Remember that one where he went on to say something like Toothy would never act with Muppets or some such thing like Jake did. I took it as him trying to throw off the overwhelming majority who believe Seymour to be JT just to get some more mileage out of the vice. C'mon there is just noone else this can be. But is Kelly Preston icy? She doesn't strike me that way...

The Spie said...

Hordac: Remember that Preston is the Sci-bot in this relationship, not Travolta. One of the most basic elements of Scientology education creates a personality that is trained to project the exact image one wants to at any time, and has the side effect of creating a very strict, controlled, icy personality as a default. In other words, she's icy.

Unknown said...

LOL Spie! I expect we'll see some other entries like these from Ted regarding Blind Vices that are pretty much solved, ie Nevis Devine.

The Spie said...

Well, hordac, he's resisted doing a blind of this style with Morgan Mayhem, although Ted's never been shy about making it absolutely clear who she is.

An item like this for another BV would have to be done under the exact same conditions as this one: a major gossip source (and you can't get as big as the Enquirer here in the US) covers or reveals the exact same material that Ted covers in his BV. So in order to do it for Nevis, there would have to be pictures of, say, RPattz frenching Sturridge published in one of the big rags here or in the UK.

If anyone still has doubts that this is the moral equivalent of a reveal, remember that Ted still has to deal with libel and slander suits. This is the closest he can legally come to revealing this BV at this point.

duffgrl said...

I think everyone agrees that this is a clever almost-outing...Ted is smart not to blatantly out a scientologist as a BV...those scientologists are dangerous!

The Spie said...

Duff: They're a lot less dangerous than they were. All of the high-profile blowings and the exposes that have happened since 2008 have really pulled their fangs. They've discovered that they can't get their way in court and in public opinion, and they've been exposed to ridicule on a massive basis.

The real danger they pose is to the people still in. If you remember one of the previous Seymour blinds, Ted said that Travolta was ready to blow, but the Scis stopped him by brandishing his pre-clear file and threatening to release the info. Ironically, the Enquirer story may just help him leave the cult, because it will show him that no matter what's in his file, it won't embarrass him to the point of destroying his career. Of course, that still leaves the problem of disconnection and the daughter he loves more than anything...

Violet451 said...

I really feel bad for JT. I mean, look at all the angst of our dear Toothy and dial the clock back 30 years to the start of his career! Then add scientology on top of that...ugh, I can't even imagine.

Honestly, there is no way JT could have ever come out. Being gay is one thing-admitting to a sham marriage is a whole other level. Such a trap, the fake relationships. Seems to me once you get into that racket there is NO way to get out without destroying yourself and taking the beard down with you. Beard would have it worse though, since they are usually the ones with less fans and public adoration in general-so would just come off as a crazy famewhore, which I guess they are..AGH, anyway, I think if I had JT's life I'd hide out in bathhouses too! Not sure why I feel so bad for Travolta yet Cruise is still a psycho in my book. Maybe it's cause I can tell he's had more of that Scientology kool-aid.

Saleant said...

I'm with Spie. This one is a defensibly (in a court) vague discussion about the similarities / differences between Seymour and Travolta. But linguistically you could substitute either name all the way through and it would be very good English. Ted is a master.

Unknown said...

Michelle, I know what you mean. Once you go down the beard route I also think it would be impossible to come out. To do so holds up a big sign proclaiming you are a big fat liar. Only way to save the beard is to pretend they had no knowledge of hubbys inclinations. Cruise not only had one beard but several which would really make him look like one hell of a deceitful guy. The lengths he's gone to to remain in the closet means he has no intention of ever coming out.

blurry vice said...

Yep he did the same thing with Toothy/Jake. Had everyone all "What does this MEAN?!" Just like he wants them to. Exact same discussion under that post.

Kapellmeister said...

I also do believe SPM is JT. Regarding his wife, Kelly Preston, do you remember that Ted once said, in one of his BB, answering a reader who was asking him if SPM's beard had anything to hide, herself :

"She's married to Seymour friggin Plow-Me-More, of course she's got some secrets! Like kinda girlie ones." ?

I've always wondered if the wife's "girlie secrets" were not a hint at her own sexuality,as in : "she has secrets that involve girls". Would totally be Ted's style.

Kapellmeister said...

Sorry, "SPMM", not "SPM".

Gemini850 said...

I don't know if its Travolta he said icy wife. Kelly Preston don't seem icy. She stays in the background. So....

sistah2 said...

1. Kelly Preston is supposedly a total bitch & icy would be a kind way of describing her (see Artie Langs book)
2. This is def. a shrewd bit of writing by Ted. Normally his style annoys me, but with this one its perfect. Yes he is outing JT as SPMM and we all know it. Cant wait to peek at the NE this week, and Teds either happy or annoyed with the NE article, cant tell.

Caz1310 said...

Methinks Ted has copped a bit of flak of late for rubbish BV's and he's trying to prove he's still relevant. This is not a new story by any means and he's riding on the so-called Enquirer's "exclusive" and linking it to JT. If this isn't JT then Ted is more crafty than we give him credit for. Scientology freaks me out....I hope JT and family can leave it and just get on with their lives. They've had enough to deal with of late. I really like him and think he's an awesome actor and seems like a nice person too.

The Spie said...

Caz: That's the whole problem. JT might want to get out, but Preston doesn't. If one person in the relationship decides to leave and the other doesn't...well, if you don't know about it (and I alluded to this above), look up "Scientology Disconnection" using your favorite search engine. The stories are heartbreaking.

Also, remember that Travolta has been in for over thirty-five years. It's going to be very difficult psychologically for him to get out in any case, whether or not they're using his pre-clear file to blackmail him.

There's also something strange about Travolta: unlike with other celebrity Scis, we don't know how far he is up the Bridge. The only ex-Sci who might know is Tory Christman, who audited Travolta, and her knowledge is more than a decade old. We know he's at least OT3 because of the DC-8 motif that he used to decorate Jett's bedroom, but that's it.

Violet451 said...

Spie: Where are you getting all this Scientology intel?? I find it very interesting/terrifying. :)

Tara said...

You do know a crazy amount of info about it, Spie. It is totally scary. If I remember correctly, SPMM is the one who had already been threatened by the church that they have damning evidence about him that they will release if he ever leaves? It really is a cult, huh?

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I don't understand how a married beard, like the wife of Seymour Plow-Me-More, for example, can be content with her love life. How does this work. Does she know he's gay? Is she a lesbian? Or does she just not want true love for herself?

Dear Wifey-poo:
Of course, she knows he's gay. Who cares about true love when she can be rich and famous, instead. It's what she always wanted more than anything else, don't forget."

The Spie said...

Michelle and Tara: I was part of Chanology when it started in 2008. In order to protest effectively, we had to learn as much about the cult as we possibly could. The ex-Scientologists and Old Guard protesters really helped us to learn a lot about it, quickly. This included learning a lot of the Scientology jargon, so we could speak to Scis on their own terms. We ended up learning so much that a lot of Scis that we spoke to complimented us on our knowledge of their doctrine.

The Scis initially tried to charge us with ignorance of what they really were about. They had to change their tune after we started quoting Hubbard to them. And since part of their belief system is that Hubbard's word has to be taken literally, they couldn't backtrack or provide an "interpretation". Knowing what Scientology was about and what its doctrine said totally threw them off.

Unknown said...

Secret doors..wasn't there an article about Ben Affleck & he had a secret room in a house he used to own. And he has a wifey poo at home..

Caz1310 said...

Oh, didn't realise Kelly was more pro- Xenu than JT. Spie your depth of knowledge is boundless. If JT left the cult and/or came out (if this indeed him and he chose to) he'd find the majority on his side. Nicole - hadn't heard that about Ben n Jen...tell us more!

The Spie said...

Caz: Technically, Preston's more anti-Xenu than JT. In Scientology mythology, Xenu is a combination of Satan and Pandora, so he's the big bad guy. If you don't count psychiatrists, that is.

Tara said...

I agree that he would find that the public would be on his side, Caz. But would Kelly and the "church" keep him from Ella and the unborn child, Spie? That is probably the only thing holding him back.

The Spie said...

Tara: Yes. Remember when I said to look up "Scientology Disconnection" on your favorite search engine and read the heartbreaking stories? This is what we're talking about.

Disconnection is Scientology's policy to deal with "heretics" or anyone who leaves the cult. Essentially, if you leave, people of your acquaintance who stay in are told to stay far, far away from you, and have absolutely no contact, even by phone. In fact, they could get into trouble for even the slightest contact. We're talking hours and hours of mandatory, paid auditing to get rid of the "entheta" (their term for the icky bad stuff) your presence causes them, not to mention the suspicions about you that are put in your files. Scientology witch-hunts are hair-trigger and epic in scale.

Like I said, Preston is the big Sci-bot here, not JT. She will stay in if they break up. She will be required to disconnect from JT, and will go to court for sole custody of Ella and the unborn child. She will get it, because she will claim it's for religious reasons and bring up the cult's Disconnection doctrine. Judges are loath to start fiddling around in religious matters, and, tragically, CoS is a recognized religious institution in the US. Even if, somehow, JT gets some sort of custody, Preston can always leave the country and stay put in a Sci-bot safe house somewhere. Midget Miscavige has a nice little castle in South Africa, for instance.

Ella, whom JT loves more than anything, is what's holding him back from leaving the cult or coming out. Even if JT is unafraid of them leaking his pre-clear file or his audit results, there's still Disconnection, and he knows it.

AshleyG said...

Hi everyone, I found this site a couple months ago but this is my first time posting. First id just like to thank blurry vice (and other 3 sisters as well) for doing all this work and keeping everything so well organized!. So far im not the best at figurring out who the bv suspects are, my celeb knowledge is pretty limited, but I love the guessing and the processes of elimination used...Im a big fan of The Spie as well, your knowledge is impressive and I enjoy how you use logic to narrow down the suspects. Sorry for this to be such a lengthy first post! Now to finally get to my small point...i like John Travolta as the top suspect for this, and I was just wondering if anyone else thought that the bv from 9/10/10 about Mooney Van Dangle further confirms SPMM as JT...theres a mention of SPMM in the MVD bv and then JT is one of the aia's, I was just thinking Ted did that on purpose. Thanks for 'listening!'

Tara said...

I think so as well, Ashley! Ted is dying to reveal him, and between that and the SPMM/John Travolta comparison, it might be as close as we will get to a confirmation!

Tara said...

And welcome, by the way:)

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Do you think any celebrity Scientologist will ever leave the church and write a tell-all book?
—An Enquiring Mind That Wants to Know

Dear No Talking In Church:
Chances are no. But that "church" produces some strange birds, who often fly to unpredictable places."

Unknown said...

i'm new!

to ted's response that, "It's what she always wanted more than anything else, don't forget."

it kind of reminded me of this intv with kelly preston where she said she knew she would marry JT after seeing a Grease poster...relevant?


blurry vice said...

Spie - wow, I am just reading all of this now. So interesting about your scientology research. What is Chanalogy? Protesting scientology? Do you still take part in it?

AshleyG - thank you and welcome to the site. :)

The Spie said...

Chanology started in early 2008 when the Scis tried to censor certain leaked internal Scientology videos that featured what can only be described as a crazed Tom Cruise ranting on about aspects of Scientology. This upset a lot of people in the chan culture, who decided to target Scientology. It started out with typical chan stuff like DDOS attacks and such, then moved quickly to real-life protests. Since I was against Scientology for various reasons, I joined in. I gave up protesting due to real-life difficulties in making protests, but I still follow things to some extent.

The protests have mostly given way to education about what Scientology does, and in a way, I'm continuing that here with you guys. Whenever we have a Sci blind, you know I'll fill in some of the gaps that could explain the details.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Let's say Seymour Plow-Me-More's adventures went public in a major tell-all. Would he finally be able to walk away from "whoever" has been holding them over his head? Or would they come to his defense to try to keep him loyally in the fold?

Dear Have 'em in a Headlock:
If, and that's a big if, Seymour's stuff ever went public expect SPMM to be on his own."

blurry vice said...

""Dear Ted:
What happened to all the scoop about John Travolta's sitch? Only a few weeks back, it seemed like there was a tidal wave of innuendo flying around—he was all over the front page of the National Enquirer, all the blogs were racing to dish, and you were telling us about how Seymour Plow-Me-More would have reacted in the same situation. Yet now it's all suddenly gone quiet. Can this be explained scientifically?

Dear Easiest One Yet:
It's called Scientology."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Since I almost nailed it last time, I wonder if you wouldn't indulge me again in playing guess that B.V. age? In order from oldest to youngest: Seymour Plow-Me-More, Judas Jack-Off, Toothy Tile, Dashed Dingle-Dream, Barrington Bang-Me, Nevis Divine, Twyla Babe-sucker, Terry Tush-Trade. Can I get a "bingo"?
—BV Groupie

Dear Age Is Just a Number:
Not quite. You're off on a couple."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Wanna help a volunteer fanatic overcome the Monday blues? Really? Thanks! Rank the following according to how emotionally close (like BFFs) the following closeted stars are to their respective current beards, from besties to enemies in it for the PR: Toothy Tile, Seymour Plow-Me-More, Harland Fuss and Jackie Bouffant. Sending some hungover kisses your way!

Dear Rhetorical:
Jackie the closest, by far. Seymour a distant second, and Toothy and Harland? Don't even ask!"

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Who do you think will file for divorce first: Seymour Plow-e-ore or Fey Oiled-ush?

Dear Doubtful:
I don't see either divorcing anytime soon, M. An arrangement is an arrangement, after all. But, if you forced me to choose, I'd say Fey. Part of me is holding out hope that his woman still has half a brain left."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is Seymour Plow-Me-More's wife keeping him on a short leash because she's paranoid that he'll do something that she's been trying to prevent?

Dear Blew It:
Uh, his wife's not who has him on a leash."

(It's scientology.)

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So if the Hollywood circle knows about your Vicers, why don't they spill the beans? If I knew who Toothy Tile was, and I was a B -lister, I would want to

mess up his career to get his parts! An anonymous tip to the Enquirer equals extra cash and a ruined career...

Dear Stop Making Sense:
Guys have been doing exactly as you suggest to John Travolta for years. Has it made a difference? Not really. The public believes what it wants to. A nobody

accuser against Toothy would prove the same results."

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
You wrote that January Jones' baby daddy was far more obvious than Ashton Kutcher, so can you tell me, might the real baby daddy have been on film with

Jackie Bouffant and Seymour Plow-Me-More? I mean Jackie and Seymour do know each other from at least one project, right?

Dear I'll Play:
Yes, Jackie and Seymour do know each other. But January's baby daddy hasn't really appeared on film much. You're barking up the wrong daddy tree."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Reading all about Nevis Devine and his wayward off/on Barrington Bang-Me got me to must meet many of your BVs in person at various events.

Many of your BVs know you know what's up with them. You are an attractive man. you know any BVs from personal experience such as Nevis, Seymour, Fey

or even Jackie Bouffant? Some of your BVs must have hit on you at one time or another....not asking you to name names or even can answer in general

but I'm betting the answer is yes!

Dear Teddy-Bang:
You are correct. But, only with one and a half."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My question concerns Seymour Plow-Me-More and Fey Oiled-Tush and others who have relied on beards for years. If they were to come out now, what impact do you

predict it would have on their careers? For that matter, do they remain bearded because of their careers, or because they are getting pressure from others

whose own "reputation" could be damaged by a reveal?
—Just Wondering

Dear Little of This, Little of That:
Their careers would take a big hit. No matter how established Seymour and Fey are (and they've got some serious A-List cred in my book), things would

definitely change for them. Which they so do not want and which is the reason they're staying in the closet. It has less to do with the chicks they've wound

in to their web of lies.

Dear Ted:
If Nevis Divine ever met Seymour Plow-Me More, Parrish Maguire or Toothy Tile, how likely would he be to jump in bed with each of them on a scale of one to

five (one being "Ewwww Hell no!" and five being "Mmmm yummy yummy!")?

Dear It's a Guessing Game:
Seymour? Zero. Parrish? Zero. Toothy? Now that would be a hot hookup. Or to quote you: Mmmmlicious!

Dear Ted:
Did you see Kelly Preston on Good Morning America? Oh my lord was she out of it! Does she have a B.V.?

Dear Acting Out:
Girl's not a B.V. star, per se, but certainly plays a supporting role. And with hubby Jon Travolta being the better Blind half of that couple, I understand

why she'd be a little loopy from time to time."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
In the past couple of years there have been so many celebs caught on video that have gone viral (salvia, anyone?). On that note, how long until one of your

closeted Blind Vicers is caught and outed? And who would you think it would be? It's hard to believe that someone like Seymour Plow-Me-More can stay behind

the beard for too much longer, even if he does make everyone sign an agreement to keep quiet.

Dear Sex, Lies and Cell-Phone Pics:
I actually am surprised that a few Vicers haven't been caught, especially the likes of Sey who enjoys getting it on in public places where any old witness

could very easily snap a photo that would spread across the Internet like a bad case of crabs. But if I had to make a guess? I'd say Crotch Uh-Lastic."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
So how are things going both personally and professionally for Seymour Plow-Me-More? You haven't mentioned him lately, and it is spring, which is the time for love (or lust in his case).

Dear Seying Straight:
Professionally? Eh. Personally? Eek. Though, it's nothing new for Seymour—it's all stuff he's done over and over again in the past.

Dear Ted:
My rescue Sam and I have have have to know: Do these allegations against John Travolta surprise you or was it only a matter of time?

Dear Are You Kidding?
Matter of time? These men who are claiming they were "assaulted" by John are hardly Travolta's first battle with accusers and the tabloid press. John's an
expert at laughing at his detractors while his lawyers spit at them. It's an interesting arrangement, seems to be working, but, for how much longer will it
last? Who knows.

Dear Ted:
With all of these alleged accusations that are coming out against John Travolta, it makes me have to ask if these types of behaviors are related to his Blind


Dear Wouldn't You Love To Know:
Darling, not touching that one with a ten-foot Chinese restaurant receipt.

Dear Ted:
Without asking all the obvious questions, is Travolta on a downward spiral? Karma's a bitch, Johnny...

Dear Don't Be Too Quick:
You know how many times Tom Cruise has been accused of things in his life? He's not doing too badly. Also, remember, these Travolta accusers are being anonymous and weird, not good for their case."

blurry vice said...