Saturday, September 25, 2010

Another Vintage BV: Donkey Dickey & Sheila Slap-You-Silly

Couldn't resist also digging up this oldie but goodie ...

One Predictable Blind Vice - May 12, 2005

Dudes'll do anything to get their romantic conquest(s) o' the moment into the sack. Trust me, despite all the frosted hair, I am one. I know of what I horn dog speak.

So there, at his movie-star home, kissing and writhing in his movie-star bedroom, is Donkey Dickey. With Donkey is not his movie-star wife but his fill-in conjugal partner, a pretty girl picked up at one of those trendy watering holes.

Now, I don't know if it's because Donkey's date was well lubricated from her liquids and such, but she bought the oldest line in the book: that Donk and the missus were on the outs; they were both living their separate lives now.

Excuse me while I barf.

Gotta admit, there's a catch to this one. Donkey's spouse, who's name is Sheila Slap-You-Silly, is--according to Donk--stepping out on their marriage with, not a man (as has been rumored more than a bit), but...another woman. Girlies gone gonzo, talk about sexlicious!

And, according to D.D., these two bosomy-minded babes are already living together in same-sex sin. Don't think our current prez (whom the Donkeys have supported in the past) would exactly approve. How perfect.

Love that part almost as much as the fact that the mansion formerly shared by Donkey and S.-Y.-S. is littered with photos of Sheila everywhere. How Sally Field in Soapdish.

But get real: What kind of slut would do it in another woman's bed, with her gazing down the whole cheating time. (Not even this one would do that.) Gross.

And it ain't: Reese Witherspoon/Ryan Phillipe, Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt, Jada Pinkett/Will Smith

Also eliminated: Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey, Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell, Steven Spielberg, Kate Capshaw

Top suspects were: Freddie Prinze Jr./Sarah Michelle Gellar  (However, SMG is also a top suspect for another BV.)


blurry vice said...


"Last week's One Predictable Blind Vice has to be about Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. They were President Bush supporters in both elections.

Dear GOP Gumshoe:
True, but it ain't Nick 'n' Jess, who were by far the overwhelming guessing choice for the couple that stays together in home only (while he's off doing babes, and she's doing the same). Think less wattage, my crumb-snoop.

My guess for One Predictable Blind Vice: Kurt Russell is Donkey Dickey, and Goldie Hawn is Sheila Slap-You-Silly. I think I heard they are Republicans, and there's been lots of gossip about them lately.

Dear Donkey-Minded:
For what? Not being like-minded in a bleeding-heart liberal enclave? Regardless, the switch-hitting hotties from last week are not Kurt and Goldie. At least, not as far as I know. Think considerably younger and far more limited, talent-wise.

One Predictable Blind Vice has to be Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw.

Dear Det. Dummy:
The current Missus Spielberg has it made like no other broad in Hollywood (save Oprah, perhaps); think she's gonna mess with that? Would have to be some pretty outstanding girl-goodies, Ms. C. Besides, Steve 'n' Kate are not the nooky-mixers. Way overawarded, way old, way off."

Clancy said...

Josh Brolin and Diane Lane popped into my head initially - it's the political thing that's worrying me. Even though Josh was averse to accepting a role playing George W in 'W' he eventually signed on and was applauded for his performance. So I'm thinking laterally on the 'supported' notion.
Interestingly, his dad, James, is outspoken politically, although it's for the other side. But he's certainly frosty-haired and I can imagine Babs Streisand putting pics of herself everywhere around the house. She has more 'wattage' than I'm suspecting SSYS has though.

(On an unrelated side note, did you hear the news that men have come out saying they've been intimate with John Travolta? And, just as was predicted - by Ted I think - his wife is all shock, horror about it. The perfect scene is set for him to finally come out).

Einstein DeGeneres said...

check out this link:

talia said...

according to that list, the only couple that makes sense is freddie and sarah...

Brittany said...

What about Heather Locklear on that list? She and Ritchie were on together when then was written.

blurry vice said...

I still think SMG fits as Botox Bang Slasher.

Let's think of someone else, yeah Heather Locklear maybe.

The Spie said...

But would anyone consider Heather Locklear a movie star? I've got a problem with SMG being considered one, much less Locklear. Yeah, SMG has the movie credits, but "movie star" wouldn't be considered a first description, especially at the time the BV was written.

talia said...

botox bang slasher sounds a lot like sarah, but while reading it (and the aia) i thought of someone older. unfortunately i'm not familiar enough with american tv that i can come up with another guess that fast... maybe tonight i'll do some searching...

talia said...

i moved the bbs discussion to its own blind...

Jessi said...

I thought Ted always implied that SMG's blind wasn't that exciting. THIS blind would not be considered boring at all. The BBS while suggesting she was kissing someone else is pretty tame compared with this. Also with this BV I read it as DD being more the "star" than SSYS and I thought Ted always implied that SMG had her own BV.

boobookittyluv said...

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

Kate16 said...

I think this one is SMG and FPJ, and Boxtox Bang Slasher is Jennifer Garner?

Adrienne said...

Kutcher and Moore

Adrienne said...

scarlett and ryan? cox/arquette/aniston? moore/kutchner??

J said...

This blind is almost identical to the story the cocktail waitress told about Kutcher minus the lesbian activity. Slap-You-Silly reeks of Demi who is known for being a dominant personality. JMO.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I just read that The Ringer is one of your top picks for Vicey-goodness behind the scenes this coming season because of Sarah Michelle Gellar. I have to say

I'm shocked! I've loved SMG since the first episode of Buffy aired and I guess I've always bought into the wholesome family persona she's been putting out

there with Freddie. Are you really telling me that SMG sometimes goes by a different name in your Vice Hall of Fame?

Dear Vice Slayer:
That's right, doll. Sarah's got a Vice, alright, but that doesn't mean you should toss your Buffy DVDs in the can. I know all about her moniker mania and I

still heart her. It's an older Vice, if that helps you sleep better at night."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
This Sarah Michelle Gellar Vice has been driving me crazy since the Buffy days. In the past few years all we can get from you is that it's "old." Well, now

that she's back on TV in Ringer, maybe you'll give us a better hint? Is it perhaps about her skinny frame, cutie husband, or a certain former costar not

known for fidelity?

Dear Vamp Slayer:
Darlin', sometimes the oldies are the best! Sure is the case with SMG, who certainly knows how to keep a red-blooded marriage outta the coffin."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Would Sarah Michelle Gellar's Vice put her marriage in danger, or is it what keeps her and Freddie Prince Jr. together?

Dear Buffy the Vampire Vice:
The latter. "

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
You have always been clear that being Vicey and being a bad person is not the same thing. I must know.. is that the case with Sarah Michelle Gellar?
—Ringer Around the Rosey

Dear Smart Stuff:
Yep. Love SMG, as I'm sure you do, too. And I don't think you'd like her any less if you knew her moniker."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Will Sarah Michelle Gellar's pregnancy get in the way of her particular Vice?
—Baby Buffy

Dear Freddie Prinze Double Junior:
Methinks yes."