One Predictable Blind Vice - May 12, 2005
Dudes'll do anything to get their romantic conquest(s) o' the moment into the sack. Trust me, despite all the frosted hair, I am one. I know of what I horn dog speak.
So there, at his movie-star home, kissing and writhing in his movie-star bedroom, is Donkey Dickey. With Donkey is not his movie-star wife but his fill-in conjugal partner, a pretty girl picked up at one of those trendy watering holes.
Now, I don't know if it's because Donkey's date was well lubricated from her liquids and such, but she bought the oldest line in the book: that Donk and the missus were on the outs; they were both living their separate lives now.
Excuse me while I barf.
Gotta admit, there's a catch to this one. Donkey's spouse, who's name is Sheila Slap-You-Silly, is--according to Donk--stepping out on their marriage with, not a man (as has been rumored more than a bit), but...another woman. Girlies gone gonzo, talk about sexlicious!
And, according to D.D., these two bosomy-minded babes are already living together in same-sex sin. Don't think our current prez (whom the Donkeys have supported in the past) would exactly approve. How perfect.
Love that part almost as much as the fact that the mansion formerly shared by Donkey and S.-Y.-S. is littered with photos of Sheila everywhere. How Sally Field in Soapdish.
But get real: What kind of slut would do it in another woman's bed, with her gazing down the whole cheating time. (Not even this one would do that.) Gross.
And it ain't: Reese Witherspoon/Ryan Phillipe, Jennifer Aniston/Brad Pitt, Jada Pinkett/Will Smith
Also eliminated: Jessica Simpson/Nick Lachey, Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell, Steven Spielberg, Kate Capshaw
Top suspects were: Freddie Prinze Jr./Sarah Michelle Gellar (However, SMG is also a top suspect for another BV.)