Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Lainey - Bad with People

YAY!  A new Lainey riddle today ... :)

How to Raise the Perfect Dog: Through Puppyhood and BeyondBad with People

Maybe we’re not his species. But he broke hearts recently on a promotional tour and shat on all the little people in his way. Of course he turned it on for cameras, of course he was super nice to those with a higher profile, but assistants, crew, hair and makeup, drivers, all were beneath him, which is why he required his door opened every time, all the time, would make a stink if he had to help himself, and refused to make eye contact with the lowly helpers who were ordered to provide his refreshments.

At all stops he would sweep into the makeup room, total JLo/Mimi/Country Bitch/major ass diva styles, not bother with an introduction, put his feet up on the artist table, throw his head back, CLOSE HIS EYES, and EXPECT to be treated. No please, no thank you, not even any simple request, to the point where, on several occasions, no one knew what to do, until it had to be explained to them that this particular move signals that he’s ready to have his makeup either applied or taken off, depending on where we are in the day.
Ohhhhhh...
I’m sorry, I didn’t know.
Well of course that’s what it means.
Only a well mannered, well raised human being would expect someone who’s never met you before to automatically know what the f-ck it is that you’re asking for when you’re too special to have to ask for it in the first place. Asshole.
What a major disappointment. As for his victims? They are the sweetest, loveliest, gentlest people I’ve ever worked with. They’ve also worked with some of the biggest names in entertainment.  And all of them said that this motherf-cker, with his little specialty show, could rival and surpass the top superstars in the world in attitude and f-ckery.
Bitch, you just lost a lot of fans.

Our top suspect: Cesar Millan.

Update Sept 23 - Lainey has eliminated Conan O'Brien, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Joel McHale.

23 comments:

blurry vice said...

R Pattz or Taylor L?

blurry vice said...

oh wait he is a host of a show - this was in her intro -

"As for Ryan Reynolds – thanks for your emails getting on my ass to post it. The article is coming, I just have to finish writing. Soon though, promise, I haven’t forgotten. Also look out for the one about the beloved host of a popular, but not that popular, show who managed to make everyone hate him – it’s unanimous! – after what was supposed to be a play nice promotional tour. This one broke my heart a little."

Brandy said...

Pretty obviously Cesar Milan. In fact, it's already making the round of dog boards where Cesar is pretty unpopular already.

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

Sam Worthington.


The opening line about "species" is an Avatar reference, and he was just at TIFF (that Lainey covered) for his new movie The Debt.

rosieposie_smiley said...

"Maybe we're not his species"...Definitely points to Cesar Milan.

The Spie said...

If not Milan, which I have to admit sounds like a great candidate, maybe the "not his species" remark might point to a cooking show. If so, it's not Gordon Ramsay, who'd make it a point of pride to behave this way. How about Jamie Oliver? He's got a US-based show running right now, I believe, and might be on the ho stroll for that.

Dubya76 said...

Lainey is a huge dog lover - so the Dog Whisperer would make sense

Little Miss Smoke and Mirrors said...

You guys have convinced me it's Milan.

fester said...

I think Cesar was in Canada recently promoting his upcoming tour, so the timing works. And Lainey has referred to him affectionately in the past, so her writing "this one breaks my heart a little" makes sense too.

blurry vice said...

OK he fits! Thank you people, I don't have a dog so I wouldn't have guessed him. I actually had to google him...

"Cesar Millan is the host of the popular show the Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic channel. "

OK it's him! That's a shame though.

duffgrl said...

I agree on the Milan guess...even the title of the blind "bad with people" hints it is him. What an ass.

blurry vice said...

yea I guess he's great with dogs but "bad with people".

blurry vice said...

plus the hint "bitch" ... I was a little late with that one I guess.

Rita, Montreal said...

In the last paragraph, it says "with his little specialty show", must be something not that common as a cooking show, which are abounding lately!

Seems like Cesar Millan too.

Tara said...

I agree about the bitch comment, plus "only a well mannered, well raised human being". Looks like he is trying to pull a major alpha dog move here.

Brittany said...

Barda Free found a bunch of eliminations on her blog. So far its not Jon Stewart, Conan, Craig Ferguson, Ryan Reynolds, or any late night talk show host.

hordac said...

Oh, I'm so upset by this one! We rescued a dog two years ago and Cesar's show was really a life line for us as she had a lot of behavioural issues. Just goes to show you how appearances can be so deceiving!

Sunny said...

Millan for sure. I'm not sure why he has a following, I hate his training methods. For a REAL dog trainer and a great person, please turn to Victoria Stilwell from Animal Planet's It's Me or the Dog.

DOMINANCE TRAINING DOES NOT WORK!

Millan's an ass.

blurry vice said...

Today from Lainey:

"PS. This is not Conan O’Brien or Colbert or Jon Stewart or anyone on late night. You’re barking up the wrong tree."

Rita, Montreal said...

Just saw it too: Cannot be any clearer than this with the 'barking' up the wrong tree. Definitely Millan.

sloeginlizz said...

I totally think it's Millan. Lainey randomly threw a pic of him in with a Katherine Heigel post Thursday and said "Oh look! The Dog Whisperer was there." I totally got sarcasm from that, not her usual excitement over him.

blurry vice said...

http://www.laineygossip.com/Review_of_Cesar_Millan_show_in_Victoria_28oct10.aspx?CatID=0&CelID=0

Clancy said...

There are dog training and other animal-related references peppering this entire post - 'unanimous' is another. I just saw an ep of this show for the first time last night and remembered this blind so I came back to check out the inside goss on this guy. Shame he's such a turd.

ad