Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Bonus Blind! Oscar Dame Muy Displeased!

New from Ted today...

Bonus Blind!  Oscar Dame Muy Displeased!
Oh, that snitty media bitch, Pete Priss-Ass! If he's not complaining about how his fancy friends aren't fawning all over him, he really just doesn't find time to have a heart—ever.
Pete recently went looking for an apartment, a change-of-life kinda thing, since the old love life isn't working out (is it any wonder with this queen?). But that's not the point of today's bonus. Instead, we're focusing on the chick who was dying to take the same apartment Pete coveted…
The Academy-Award nominated Bertha Rose, who's still quite fetching, quite talented and quite rich, thanks to her ex she had a big life with once.
Bertha musta been slumming when she and Pete found themselves looking for a pad in the same hood. But, then, anything west of Bel Air for Bertha must seem like an adventure. You know how the rich like to rebel, right? Change zip codes.
So, there Bertha and Pete are, squared off in the bedroom of the apartment they both want to occupy. Bertha's jewels were gleaming, and Pete admired them, wanting to compliment her on them, but he knew that would take his edge off (he had seen the apartment first).
Bertha called and pleaded with the owner that she simply must have the funky yet chic pad.
But Pete wanted it, too. And so he took it, getting a warped satisfaction out of how he's now sleeping where Bertha begged to. He really is a sick mother-effer. But who isn't in this town?

It Ain't: Anderson Cooper and Glenn Close, Perez Hilton and Marisa Tomei, Cesar Millan and Michelle Pfeiffer

Link to the old Pete Priss-Ass BV from March 2008 is here.  Ted revealed himself to be Pete Priss-Ass

72 comments:

blurry vice said...

Not sure why Ted gave himself the same nickname even though he revealed himself as Pete Priss Ass already. (See our discussion on the other PPA BV). He went against his own rule. Maybe because it's himself? He doens't give himself a new name? Who knows.

Tara said...

Maybe he just figures since we all know it is him, it is better than him telling a story in the first person.

I was thinking the divorcee of a mega director, like James Cameron's ex, Kathryn "Big"elow. The Big reference would refer to her name or maybe Titanic, even though they were not together at the time, it would still be a clue to her identity. Maybe Spielberg's most recent ex if Bigelow doesn't fit.

remyfire said...

Kathryn Bigelow won the oscar and she is a director. I was thinking of Amy Irving - Spielbergs ex as sheis an oscar nom, but not winner, then again dame makes me think older and british?

The Spie said...

Let's see, this sounds like a grande dame type, perhaps older. An Oscar nominee who sounds like she soaked her ex in the divorce settlement.

I hate to sound like one of those people at BlindGossip, but there may be clues in the word usage. The italicized "big" may point toward that movie, and there's an Oscar nominee candidate in there in Mercedes Ruehl, but I don't think she fits the divorce clue. "Bel-Air"...maybe a Will Smith co-star? Out of them, Stockard Channing fits the Oscar clue, but I haven't boned up on her past love life.

Caz1310 said...

Is Ted that arrogant to give himself a BV identity? Haven't been around long enough to know why he would do that. At least he seems to have a sense of humour. Was thinking Dame Judy Dench - not sure if she's living in England and think she's still married? Possibly Helen Mirren (fits the "looks" description) but again don't know where she's living.

Tara said...

Stockard Channing has been in a relationship for 20 yrs, not married, has been married 4 times but no one notable/no crazy divorce settlement, at least not one made public.

Ellen Barkin fits perfectly with her divorce from her billionaire husband, but she has no oscar noms.

The only true dames I know are Judi Dench and Helen Mirren. Judi was married once until her husband died and Helen is married for the first time now. And there is Liz Taylor of course......who fits with the jewels for sure, but she has oscars and is supposedly Margarita Screwed-Em All. But her middle name is Rosemond. Just sayin.

I am not saying that there is no one else out there that may fit better, but you do have to be an oscar nominee before you win. Maybe Ted didn't want it to be too obvious.

Tara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tara said...

And yes, Caz, it is ridiculous that he is not only giving himself a BV name, but going against his own rules, as Blurry mentioned. I knew he was going to throw us a bonus since he did double Taylor BVs for the last two fridays, but he is basically just admitting he did something dicky to an Oscar Nominee. Way to go, Ted!

Also, it doesn't specify whether this is an actress, so we cannot eliminate directors and the like.

The Spie said...

Women directors with Oscar nominations are a pretty short list, though. Jane Campion is married to a producer, but they're still together. Bigelow's the best candidate for a director, but she doesn't seem to fit the blind very well. This sounds like a spoiled actress type.

Helen Mirren and Sharon Stone have been prime candidates for past blinds, and Mirren definitely doesn't fit this. But Stone? Sure sounds like a possibility. And, well, to put this delicately, "rose" is a rather old-fashioned euphemism for...Basic Instinct, okay?

HzyStar293 said...

Maybe Lauren Bacall? She was married to Humphrey Bogart, and they filmed "The Big Sleep" together.

Tara said...

Spie, I brought up the director thing because remyfire eliminated her because of her being a director and because she'd won an Oscar, not just was nommed. And I was more interested in her because she was married to Cameron at one time.

Eeeeew on the rose metaphor. I didn't know Stone had done anything worthy of a Oscar nom.

Fungus FitzJuggler III said...

Not the naughty Nun?

Julie A?

The Spie said...

Fungus: Julie's a winner, not a nominee, plus whatever she got from Blake Edwards probably doesn't come close to her own earnings. She's been A-List for forty-five years now.

Tara: Stone was nominated for Casino. How soon we forget.

Michelle said...

First time commenter. I love the site!!

I really like the Sharon Stone guess for this. I've seen a lot of guesses for Amy Irving and the Spielberg divorce makes sense but she doesn't seem to fit the description to me.

Also, I guess I'm in the minority in thinking Ted continuing to use Pete Priss-Ass as an alias is kinda funny. And a good way for him to let us know it is not something a source told him but rather a first person account. Granted, it's not that juicy-just a fun tidbit. The part that makes it fun is that we know it's something that happened directly to Ted. JMO.

keely said...

I think it's Amy Irving for sure, but isn't she practically a has-been? Is he saying that she's still only relevant because of her ex?

duffgrl said...

First of all, I agree with Michelle that it's fun to read inside scoop from Ted as PPA...sort of feels like a fun personal gossipy story which it is.

As for Bertha..not sure why everyone is guessing Sharon Stone. It sounds like Bertha is famous in her own right but had a much-richer ex who she received either a settlement or inheritance from...Sharon Stone did not recive any $ from her ex. I like the Lauren Bacall guess. And Amy Irving? She is married w/ kids, I don't see her wanting her own apt dripping in jewels.

blurry vice said...

I was thinking since he used the word "dame" that it's someone who has been named a dame by the Queen. Helen Mirren... Judy Dench. Not sure who else fits and don't have the time to figure that out. But that was my thought.

Muri said...

Ted confirming his move. "Gotta say, Charlie, Margo and I are all so happy we moved to a new place, we decided to take a break from having a Morning Piss and be happy for a change! "

Could the woman be Kathleen Turner? Oscar nominated for Peggy sue got married.
Jewels reference - romancing the stone
Bertha rose - war of the roses
Not sure of her ex

Muri said...

Kathleen Turner Ex is Jay Weiss described as new York Real Estate Mogul, so I guess that fits as rich ex

Tara said...

I like both Lauren Bacall and Kathleen Turner, good guesses.

I usually don't give the AIAs much weight in his BVs, because he loves to torture us in every way possible, but maybe one of the ladies was nominated the same year as BR. Kathleen Turner and Amy Irving both match up with years Glenn Close was nominated. In the year Marisa Tomei won, Miranda Richardson was one of her opponents. I also came across Susan Sarandon and got real excited because of her recent split from Tim, but then I saw she has an oscar. BB clue from Ted, please!

Rita, Montreal said...

Think it about it guys, which Oscar nominated AND winner dame had pissed Ted mucho off, so much that he would basically brag about stealing a condo from her?

Nicole Kidman.

The Spie said...

Rita: Then who's Cruella St. Shackles?

Rita, Montreal said...

Yeah... forgot about that one. But don't see it as being Bacall though, he has protected her not long ago when young Hilary Duff attacked her about her aging ungracefully. Ms. Rose has to be someone with a somewhat bad rep or beef with Ted.

Rita, Montreal said...

More like Jessica Tandy from Driving Miss Daisy?

Rita, Montreal said...

Sorry mistook Jessica Tandy for someone else. The poor dame has passed away a good while ago.

Rita, Montreal said...

The only other dame with oscar nods would be Judy Dench.

The Spie said...

If Judi Dench was in this situation, she'd rip Ted's head off and spit down his throat, not cause a scene. She is one tough dame, both lower- and upper-case.

I just threw out Sharon Stone because she'd be the type to behave the way Bertha is in the blind. I like Kathleen Turner a lot more than Stone. She's the type as well, and there are clues there that fit.

Rita, Montreal said...

You consider Kathleen Turner to be still fetching? Is she very rich thanks to a an ex husband?

Hmmm, have to look-up her love life. As for fetching... well she played Chandler Bing's cross-dressing father, she was fetching in a very manly way.

Better offing Sharon Stone Spie, she had to pay to get divorced from her newspaper man.

Have to look up Judy Dench. I say even if she chewed Ted's head off, the dude still went behind her back and managed to get the apartment.

But how about another dame, The Queen herself, Helen Mirren? But she won an Oscar...

Could it be Michael Douglas' long suffering ex-wife?

Or did Ted dare to go toe-to-toe with the formidable Elizabeth Taylor (ADMIRING HER JEWELS)?

Ross Family Five said...

Oh, I realllly like the Elizabeth Taylor guess. Her full name is Dame Elizabeth Rosemond Taylor. Also, her main home is in Bel Air. As far as who left her a ton of money, the only three husbands I know of that would or could have left her money were Conrad Hilton, Eddie Fisher and Richard Burton. And, of course there is the reference to her jewels, which she's notoriously known for...so much so she wrote a book about them. I wonder if the AIAs are sort of clues too...Perez HILTON...CESAR Millan (she famously played Cleopatra to Burton's Cesar?) and of course, this one is a stretch, but Anderson Cooper..."allegedly" gay, silver fox media guy...kinda like Ted, minus the "allegedly" . Anyone else have thoughts?

Tara said...

If you scroll towards the top, I already went through Dench and Mirren, and mentioned Elizabeth Taylor, who many believe to be Margarita Screwed Em All, but fits this quite well. Dench's husband died quite some time ago, over a decade I believe, which does not match the insinuation that BR made out well in a divorce/split. Mirren is married for the first time to her longtime love, and they are still together.

Tara said...

I was wondering if Cesar had to do with someone of latin descent? And because he uses "muy" in the title.

RossFamilyFive, I do like how you read into the clues, I only thought he used Hilton because PH is like him, a gossip queen.

So can anyone else fit for Margarita Screwed Em All? That is tough. Who else would FOT (Tommy Boy) want to be seen with for press and media attention, and be so cruel as to accept an expensive diamond necklace and then shut him down?

The Spie said...

Tara: There's no one else for Margarita that fits better than La Liz. The only other person with the pub value and status that I can think of is Olivia De Havilland, but she doesn't fit the "gay magnet" clue, among others. And she definitely doesn't fit this blind either (she's a Winner, not a Nominee).

And speaking of that, Bertha's not Liz for the same reason, two-time winner in her case.

People are forgetting something: Bertha is looking for a place to live, not for, say, investment property. I see three possible reasons for this: downsizing from a mansion (not necessarily due to money problems; maybe it's just too big for her), based on the East Coast (so perhaps someone better-known for stage work), or foreign-based. The latter two reduce the candidates nicely, but the first is a problem.

I think we need more clues, because we're proposing lots of non-suitable candidates. And as for Kathleen Turner, remember that what Ted finds fetching, we may not necessarily concur.

Rita, Montreal said...

To Spie and Tara, I always thought Margarita was one of the Gabor sisters. If I remember correctly, Ted had described the mansion as over the top, tacky, and that Margarita does not go out often. Although that last part could lead to Dame Taylor, she was never reputed of being tacky, and besides her chauffeur, personal assistant and very close family, she hasn't seen anyone in years (Biography Channel - we LOVE Ms. Taylor).

As for the purpose of buying said condo, someone from Bel Air might simply want to give that piece of property to say a close someone, who has been of faithful service, or a grandchild (she has a few of very mature age).

And by the way, Ms. Taylor had kept her British accent.

Ross Family Five said...

I just emailed Ted and asked if Bertha Rose has won or only been nominated, because I thought of that last night, too. I also got the vibe that Margarita Screwed em All was foreign born, based on the first name...but was that more of a hint towards a penchant for drinking? Hopefully we'll get some more hints in the BBs.

Rita, Montreal said...

Ross - Screwed them all would definitely be for, not only the 5 to 9 marriages per sister, but really the screwing them all. Some of the Gabor sisters had shared the same husband! Although they are from Budapest, they got famous for their more Latin exotic roles as 'hot-house flowers' in Moulin Rouge, Gigi and Lily...

Tara said...

I also thought Gabor as backup, but I agree that she does not have the gay magnetism that Taylor has.

Ross, I hope he answers that because it would include a couple more hopefuls.

Brittany said...

I'm agreeing with anyone who has said Kathleen Turner. It would make sense that she is probably "slumming" it now. Just look at her film credits now compared to say the '80s. I could see why Ted would have a 'warped satisfaction' about beating to get the house, he probably had a bad experience with her sometime in the past. She does have a rep for being a total bitch. And 'sick mother-effer' could be a reference to her past battles with illness.

Caz1310 said...

Hee hee Spie I just snorted laughing reading your comment about Dench ripping Ted's head off... have you seen that movie she did with Cate Blanchett a few years back (Notes on a Scandal)? She gave me the heebie jeebies!! This one's doing my head in.

Tara said...

Ted could think Turner is fab BECAUSE of her stint as Chandler's tranny dad on Friends--that doesn't have to work against her. Even if he is not into that, he could just think she is fierce. Not many actresses think of a role as a tranny, comedy or not, is desirable. But it came at a time when she was not relevant, and it made her more so. By now, who knows what her situation is?!

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Given that the Bonus Blind Vice didn't allude to anything truly scandalous, could you please reveal who Bertha Rose is? Is it Ellen Barkin or Jane Fonda? Mucho love to you, Pete, and congrats on the real-estate coup.
—Iowa City Jen

Dear Big Bertha:
Half the friggin' BV is already revealed and you want me to just fess up to the other half right away. C'mon, Jen! Where's the fun in that? (And what makes you think it's me?)"

- um because he told us.

Caz1310 said...

I'm leaning towards Fonda. Don't see this as Shazza Stone at all.

Brittany said...

Fonda is an Academy Award winner so that rules her out right there. Good guess though I love her and she totally fits some of this.

I'm hoping somewhere along in the future Ted does reveal this one. It would be nice to see some results on a BV and see how far or close everyone is.

Rita, Montreal said...

We should try and get Ted to answer if the Dame is actually and OSCAR award winner, this would reduce our list considerably. Most of the dames in our guesses are winners, whether Oscar or Golden Globe.

Must admit though, Jane is as good as Liz Taylor for me. Both have very rich exes. Both are reputed to be formidable, and have a good selection of baubles. But does Fonda still live in LA? I thought she moved to NY...

Brittany said...

Ted already said in the blind that Bertha is an Oscar 'nominee.' So anyone with one is automatically eliminated, like Liz, Jane and Sharon.

Caz1310 said...

Google Jane Fonda and you'll see May 2010 articles about her leaving Atlanta for LA. Ted is being more tricky with his clues of late - describing someone as a nominee wouldn't necessarily prevent them from being described as a winner. His past style of BV's would maybe have been more black n white about things like this.

talia said...

every winner must have been a nominee..
;P

Rita, Montreal said...

Talia is right. Sometimes Ted's wordplay leads to wrong conclusions.

Also, I do have the sense that Ted reads this site, why would he link one of his answers if he doesn't go through it. He had created a new trend - quite some time ago might I add - and must find himself browsing to see who is picking on it.

In a way, what the sisters have done, is a recognition of Ted's creativity. 70% of the site is for Ted's blinds.

With his possible snooping around, maybe we should keep in mind that his answers may be in direct relation with the posts.

He does seem answer a lot of our questions, often with an open-ended question, for example, are we supposed to assume that he is Peter Priss-Ass, or have we forgotten that he has outed himself?

Tara said...

Talia, I also said that very thing in a post towards the top, and it very well could be true. Ross Family Five sent an email for Ted to clarify earlier this week, hopefully he bites:)

Caz1310 said...

Agree. Regular bloggers here would have noticed a slight change in tone to Ted's answeres to Bitch Back etc questions posed by fans of late. Maybe he's finally realised that being responsive to fans and opening up dialog and even somewhat answering their questions goes a long way. He'll certainly push the boundaries as to what he can actually say with regards to identifying BV's, due to legal reasons.

The Spie said...

Caz: Could be a combination of things. If rumor is correct, the relationship between he and E! might be on its last legs, so he might be in the F You Zone. If you're going to get the chop anyway, it can be pretty liberating.

Also, Ted might have been going through an extended bad patch going back to his divorce, and maybe the move to the new pad might have signaled the end of that period. No matter how professional you are, and Ted has always been professional going back to the Premiere days, sometimes when you're going through emotional turmoil, there just can't help being an effect on your writing.

Regardless, there has been a change in him, and it's improved his column. As for this, if it's, in Enty's terms, Winner/Nominee, I do like Fonda as a suggestion. If it's Nominee only, I still like Kathleen Turner as a possibility.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I think I know who Bertha Rose is, but I need a few more clues. As to not be considered greedy, let's start with just one for now. Has she ever won an Academy Award, or has she only been nominated? Love the work you do for the furry friends. I have a very allergic daughter, so none of the furry ones in our house, sadly.
—CinnamonGirl

Dear Rose of Any Other Color:
Isn't it an honor just to be nominated?"

Christopher Hendrix said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Christopher Hendrix said...

he's so damn sneaky. That doesn't answer anything!

Ross Family Five said...

Well, I am really excited about my first time being in the BBs (Cinnamongirl), but not quite as pleased with Ted's answer! *Sigh*

Tara said...

Argh! He gave us nothing! Congrats on losing your BB V-Card!

Rita, Montreal said...

congrats Ross for the BB! I don't know why, but when Ted answered you question with "Rose of Any Color", I immediately thought of the the Purple Rose of Cairo movie Starring Mia and Stephanie Farrow...

Formidable Mia, with her strong political views and good deeds, but off on the baubles... maybe it alludes to something else completely.

Caz1310 said...

Jane Fonda's real name is Lady Jane Seymour Fonda. Can you believe it? Yes, she is named for Lady Jane Seymour who her mother is apparently distantly related to. OMG I've got the rose connection. Jane Seymour was one of Henry VIII wives, a Tudor king. Their family dynasty had the Tudor Rose as their emblem.

Tara said...

Caz, that makes my brain hurt! ;)

The Spie said...

Not that hard, Tara. Just remember with Henry VIII and his wives: "Divorced, beheaded, and died. Divorced, beheaded, survived." Jane Seymour was "died".

remyfire said...

RE Mia Farrow...she was recently giving evidence in the Naomi Campbell blood diamond trial...this could be where the jewels reference comes into it...

Rita, Montreal said...

Wow remyfire, you are very right. I don't know if that would be too far-fetched for the jewels, but apart from Elizabeth Taylor and Judy Dench, Mia Farrow is the only Dame I would describe as formidable. great catch.

Let's see if tomorrow brings us more clues.

Rita, Montreal said...

Was in the bbs today, don't know if that gives more info, but here it goes:Dear Ted:
Has Pete Priss-Ass talked to Bertha Rose after winning the bid on the condo? Is Bertha Rose the kind to forgive and forget, or would she hold a grudge against Pete? Must be a cool cookie to go against a formidable Hollywood dame. Is my ass kissing too obvious Monsieur Casablanca? Just wanted to get more hints on dame Rose. Pretty dog-loving please!
—Rita

Dear Real-a-Hate:
Let's put it this way: Pete will have no problem being utterly gracious to Bertha the next time they see each other, unlike Bertha.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Has Pete Priss-Ass talked to Bertha Rose after winning the bid on the condo? Is Bertha Rose the kind to forgive and forget, or would she hold a grudge against Pete? Must be a cool cookie to go against a formidable Hollywood dame. Is my ass kissing too obvious Monsieur Casablanca? Just wanted to get more hints on dame Rose. Pretty dog-loving please!
—Rita

Dear Real-a-Hate:
Let's put it this way: Pete will have no problem being utterly gracious to Bertha the next time they see each other, unlike Bertha."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How is Pete Priss-Ass liking that apartment? Is it as fabulous as you said? Wish we had pictures!
—doli

Dear New Abode:
Pete's happy as his pissy little heart lets him be, let's put it that way."

Ross Family Five said...

In the BBs today, Ted listed Annette Bening as a BV. I didn't see her name listed on the Sisters' List, either as a never-been or a definitely-is. Is it possible she's Bertha Rose? I can't make the connection to the former husband's money, though...her husband before WB was in the film industry, too, but they were not together long.

Kelly Ann said...

What about Kathleen Turner? She was in the movie War of the Roses and she has an oscar nom! (I clearly had to google that). I think she would be a good fit.

Kelly Ann said...

Whoops I got too excited and posted before I read all of the comments. I'm very proud of myself that others are in agreement! ha ha

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My question involves the dapper Pete Priss-Ass. Has he ever attended the same "exclusive" parties as Crescent Kumquat, Jackie Bouffant and Parrish Maguire? Also, would you please dish on how many degrees of separation Mr. Priss-Ass might have with any of the above gents?
—Statcat

Dear Gay Club:
Pete runs in a very different crowd than Crescent and those snitty closet cases. But as with anyone in Hollywood, the degree of separation is about one."

vice_squad said...

Dyan Cannon? Once married to Cary Grant ...

blurry vice said...

pete priss ass?


"Dear Ted:
Your article about Jessica Biel is sophomoric and idiotic drivel. Stop wasting my time with your inane bitching.
—G

Dear OK:
Since you asked, I'll no longer drive over to your condo (that needs some serious redecorating, I always meant to mention that), and force you by hand to log

onto your computer and read all my silly drivel."

But Bertha Rose does not fit Jessica Biel AT ALL. In fact, she is Chutney Jones. When was Ted in JBiel's apt? Whatev.

Michele said...

Ted revealed on his Facebook page today: He stole the apartment from Francis Fisher.

Michele said...

make that Frances Fisher . . .

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