Saturday, September 25, 2010

Weekly Vintage BV: Robert Slobert & Wonder Woman Wilma

Here's our latest weekly vintage Blind Vice, from Eonline's The Awful Truth by Ted Casablanca.  We're going way back to December 23, 2004 for this one.

Oh, all right, so I've saved the dirtiest bird for last. It seems appropriate, too, what with turkeys getting roasted, baked, basted and deep-fried out the wazoo right about now. Wish the same would happen with Robert Slobert.
You see, Mr. S. works with one of his close relatives. Sort of a sous-chef-Svengali-crying shoulder kind of job--you know the close-knit Hollywood family drill, I'm sure. Just look at how well it worked for Whitney Houston.
But so far, so good. Wonder Woman Wilma, the relation in question, is simply phenomenal at what she does, and there's no question whatsoever that Robert has helped engineer that meteoric rise to success. None.
However, I suspect probs will eventually surface, due to certain habits Bob has in regard to Wonder W. Particularly when Wonder's dressing. Make that undressing. W3 doesn't know it, but Bobby has a way of always making sure he has a bird's-eye view of the youngster's curves.
Sorry, but doesn't that sicko stuff eventually come out? Because these geezers always eventually seem to look once too often, once too long, right? It's getting close to that desultory sitch, or so I'm told.

Top suspects were: Jessica Simpson and dad Joe Simpson (although Jessica is a top suspect for MANY old blind vices.  We're not sure which one she fits with the best!)  Any other guesses?

21 comments:

Clancy said...

How about Britney and her dad?

J said...

Totally sounds like Joe -- talking about Jessica's DD;s. Could be Beyonce. Her father engineered her and Destiny's Child. Or Lindsay Lohan.

blurry vice said...

Britney and Lindsay are other bvs, cant be them. beyonce was said to never have been a bv in jan 2010.

Rita, Montreal said...

Blurry - True for Britney and Lindsay, but to confirm it though: both girls were managed by their mothers, very closely, not by their mostly absentee fathers.

blurry vice said...

also it doesn't say dad... male relative. could be a brother, uncle etc. (creepy james haven type? although I dont think its angelina.)

hordac said...

Blurry agree that this is probably not a dad/daughter combo as Ted points to the Whitney Houston/Dionne Warwick rlationship which is neice/aunt.

blurry vice said...

Yeah... plus at the time this was written, we didn't know each celeb had their own bv name. Jessica Simpson can only be one and we think she is Impenna Never Trated. She is also a top guess for a few others.

We need to think of someone else for this... plus the man sounds like he is more of a "geezer".

The Spie said...

"Hollywood drill" sounds like an entertainer family, true, but I'd like to think outside the box. How about a pair from the LA area not in the entertainment biz? This sounds a lot like Richard and Serena Williams.

The Spie said...

Oh, yeah, let me justify it a little, since this isn't BlindGossip and we don't do the "throw out names with no rhyme or reason" thing here:

"Wonder Woman" implies an athletic type. Of course, it also could imply someone involved in a superhero movie, of which there were any number to choose from around the end of 2004. But an athlete makes sense. That's reinforced by "Wilma". It's not only alliterative, it's also indicative of Wilma Rudolph, an LA-area athlete...

...and African-American. The combination of the situation with athletic/LA/African-American points right at the Williamses.

The opinion of Richard Williams among tennis fans is that he's a Svengali and a skeeve of the highest order. He fits this one nicely, along with the numerous opportunities he'd have to catch Serena changing. His presence would not be criticized due to his handling of his daughters' careers.

So why Serena and not Venus? Serena is thought to be Daddy's Girl, while Venus is more like her mom Oracene. Plus, Serena was on more of a career role at the time than Venus. The month after this BV, she'd win the Australian Open for the second time.

The Williamses have always had celeb status that transcends sports, not to mention side ventures like fashion design, and would be known to Ted's target audience. I think it's a good fit.

roseyf said...

Great guesses so far.

I like Serena, but in 2004 she was going through a big career slump and had pretty much fallen out of the news by Dec - would Ted consider her gossip-worthy?

I doubt this is Jessica, but what about Ashlee? 2004 was her big year, with that MTV show, her first album, and hosting the 2004/2005 Dick Clark New Years Eve thing. And of course, her big SNL lip snyc debacle. I don't think any of Jessica's suspected blinds give Papa Joe a nickname, so could this be him and Ashlee?

The Spie said...

roseyf: Have you ever heard the phrase, "Kick 'em while they're down"? Yeah, Ted would consider them gossip-worthy, because by this point, Serena had transcended sports-only status. The career slump also prompted a massive number of "What's Wrong With Serena" articles, which kept her name in the news. I'd say she still had the requisite public presence to warrant a BV.

Two things point this away from Ashlee. First, I think Ted would have made a reference to a famous sibling or relative in this blind. Yes, it would have made it more obvious, but, really, how much more obvious can it be considering Papa Joe's rep? Second, when Jessica had her BV introduced, she would have been referred to as Wilma's sister; witness Pork-Me Pop-Off and Misha Mayhem. Yeah, it's a little bit weak, but I really, really want to eliminate a Simpson from a BV for a change rather than add another BV to their possibilities.

talia said...

i would never use the word "phenomenal" at what she does for one of the simpson-girls. and i don'T think ted would either...
serena sounds great to me!

LMS130 said...

I immediately thought of Beyonce and Michael Knowles. Didn't he just father a child while still married? Definitely has a creepy vibe going on.

The Spie said...

LMS: Like Blurry said above, we know it's not Beyonce because Ted said she wasn't a BV back in January. And it wasn't Basement Baby because she wasn't well-known-enough in 2004 to justify a BV.

roseyf said...

You're right, I don't think ANYONE would describe Ashlee as phenomenal. (Although Jessica, maybe. She was the tenny bopper with the actual talent back during the Britney vs Christina wars.)

I do think this seems to be Serena, for the reasons The Spie mentioned, but just trying to think of other options so we can cross them off.

Ted's said before that no one from Harry Potter is a BV, right? So that would rule out Emma Watson. Natalie Portman would have been too old, in my opinion, to fit this for 2004 (25). The only two female American Idol winners (meteoric rise) at this point were Kelly Clarkson and Fantasia, neither of which seems to fit. Any other "youngster" who was phenomenal at what she did?

roseyf said...

Also, as far as indicating relations via last names, I don't think that's always the case. I believe there was an old Ted vice with the name of "Musty Mayhem" or something similar (I have major trouble searching his archives, but am pretty sure about this) and I don't THINK it was related to Lindsay. So that last name thing might be more of a new Ted-ism and not applicable to older BVs.

Rita, Montreal said...

I know someone has guessed Beyonce before. I was looking for clues about Slurpa (above) in 2005, and come upon this blind:
http://www.agcwebpages.com/BLINDITEMS/OLDER/2005/MAYJUNE.html

Please scroll down to:
47. 3 A.M. GIRLS 06/08.

disgusting!

crila16 said...

I'm thinking Beyonce and her dad. The "simply phenomincal as what she does." and the "meteroic rise to success." is someone who is more A list. Jessica Simpson is not A list and definitely isn't good at what she does.

The Spie said...

crila: Ted said in January that Beyonce wasn't a BV. Since this one dates back to 2004...well, you know.

J said...

I know what Ted said but this has Beyonce written all over it. Meteoric rise, svengali and "Curves" all point to Beyonce. Whitney's mom is also a singer and was instrumental in her career. Mathew K. is known to be a slimeball of the highest order. Lastly, Beyonce was slated to play "Wonder Woman" in a remake. IDK.

Nicole said...

Thora Birch's dad is a total creep. Remember that story about her dad being there when she filmed a sex scene? She also just got fired from Dracula on Broadway because her dad threatened an actor for putting his hand on her back during a scene.

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