Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Vintage BV - Slippery Polly

Too much fun digging up the old ones...

One Rock Hudson Blind Vice - January 2005

A nanosecond after she splits with her better half, Slippery Polly's got a sapphic sweetie--Pussy Pat

First, the query I'm asked the most (and, no, I'm afraid I can't answer "eight inches," just like Robin Williams did backstage at the Globes when I told him there was a question I was dying to ask him--which was why Brad 'n' Jen broke up, not what Robin had in mind!) is true: The answer to each week's Blind Vice lies within each column.

Secondly, some things never change. Like parading around a wife or girlfriend, just because that's what the public wants to see, when, in reality, you're a same-sex kinda creature, just like ol' Rock was.

Well, so is Slippery Polly, gotta tell ya. Howevuh, So Obvious Polly will soon be her name if she doesn't start watching it, I mean, really. See, S.P. recently left her partner. And quicker than you could say, "I like the lesbian life!" Ms. Slip hooked up with Pussy Pat, somebody not a few folks know is more interested in Polly's press-release capabilities than any moans or sweet-nothings Poll-babe might be releasing at beddie time. As friggin' if!

Now, not only is Polly getting messier and messier with her manic drive for anybody butch who wears a bra (Pussy not included), but P2 is now starting to wander as well, and--my guess--we're gonna be seeing yet another fake hookup or marriage generated by Polly none too soon. Oh, what a tangled Website we weave when first we practice to deceive, huh?


And it ain't: Portia DeRossi, Whitney Houston, Nicole Kidman


Also eliminated: Anne Heche, Jennifer Aniston, Natalie Portman

11 comments:

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Had the pleasure of reading your One Rock Hudson Blind Vice riddle, and as to the identity of Slippery Polly, I have to submit Fresno, California, native Anne Heche as the candidate. I'm new at this great fun of guessing which star is now acting out (there are so many "eruptions"), however I will continue to follow your outlandish column!

Dear Oregonian Overdoer:
Thanks, doll-babe, but all the butt-kissing in the world won't getcha the right answer. (Nice try, though.) Think less infamous, less famous--and certainly less quirky.

Dear Ted:
My guess on Slippery Polly is Jennifer Aniston. Am I right or wrong?

Dear Doc Dalliance:
You are two things regarding the actress who likes to have her hubby and eat her (female) costars, too: Close and wrong. Think a bit purtier, a bit more perturbed.

Dear Ted:
Just a wild guess, but is Slippery Polly by any chance Natalie Portman? I know I read somewhere that she broke up with her boyfriend.

Dear Dime-Store Dick:
What the hell does breaking up with a boyfriend have to do with lesbianism? If that were any indication, Sandy Bullock and Julia Roberts both would have proposed to Ellen DeGeneres decades ago. Think older, less rich, more desperate."

blurry vice said...

Some top guesses for this were

Rebecca Romjin
Marcia Cross

Gemini850 said...

Marcia Cross.

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking Carmen Electra. Both Rodman and Navarro are gender benders. She's older than Natalie Portman and less rich. Less famous than Anne Heche. Prettier than Jen Aniston.

Tasha said...

Hmmm, I am reminded of when Carmen Electra had that fling with Joan Jett shortly after her marriage ended. Doesn't get much more butch than Joan Jett, lol.

Anonymous said...

I had an acquaintance about 3 years ago(Jane) whose sister is a good friend of marcia cross. Jane's sister said that marcia was a lesbian and it was no secret. So, I think it works well for this story. I can't imagine how/why these people lead such closeted lies/lives.

Anonymous said...

courtney cox?

duffgrl said...

I like the carmen Electra guess

mymyb said...

My first guess was J.Aniston, but could it be Megan Fox?

BROOKE said...

IDK he said close yet wrong for J Aniston, so that makes me believe that this person has something in common with her. Even the name Slippery Polly reminds me of J Aniston's movie Along Came Polly... What does Carmen have in common with Jenn? Therefor, I don't think it's Carmen...Courtney Cox was a good guess, but isn't she still with her husband? This is a tricky one...

Gemini850 said...

What about Gwyneth Paltrow, He said it was close with Jen. Before Jen and Brad got married, he was with Gwyneth for years and was even engaged for 3 years. Also at the end of the blind, it saw what a tangle web we weave, well Gwen was in the movie shakespeare in love which made everyone knows her name, she even won an oscar for best actress because of that shakespeare movie.

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