Sunday, December 27, 2009

Vintage BV - Melba Toasted

In light of our recent news from Ted that Brittany Murphy was a Blind Vice in the past, here is an oldie we dug up that could be her.

One Poor Me Blind Vice - June 1, 2005

Melba Toasted may know how to get a primo paycheck, but the poor brat just can't seem to get a friggin' break, nonetheless. Boo-hoo.

Ever since Melba's man, Devon Heaven, decided he wanted less wasted pastures (bedroom- and life-wise), Melba has simply been a wreck. I mean, what's a jilted princess to do? Start writing a column called "Dear Jennifer"? Doubt Melba's thought of anything so tacky--or common.

'Cause we got ourselves a royal weepy one here, fer sure. See, Devon's wrong, Toasted's agents are wrong, the bartender's wrong, everybody's effing up but Melba-doll. Hey, M., think about it for a sec: Ever wonder if maybe, just maybe, you and your nose-bleed baddie ways had something (even if just a tad) to do with why the more intimate members of your existence seem to be abandoning you right now?

Well, everybody except desperate relations (and percentage peeps), 'course.

Girlfriend P.S.: Oh, and the stalking you've been caught pulling on Devon and his new honey? Ain't pretty. You're just getting too old for tacky teenybopper bullcrap.


And it ain't: Drew Barrymore, Mischa Barton, Kirsten Dunst

Ted also eliminated: Lindsay Lohan, Kate Bosworth, Courtney Love, Reese Witherspoon,

Comments please!

28 comments:

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Virgin emailer here. I am guessing the Toasted Blind Vice is Reese Witherspoon. She looks and sounds like she could be a real witch.
Nancy Ricks
Idaho Falls, Idaho

Dear Ricks Pricks:
What the hell makes you say that--is it because the gal makes loads more green than hubby Ryan Phillippe? So tired, that sexist scenario. Reese has always been a doll. To me, at least. Ain't R.W. Think more, uh...versatile.


Dear Ted:
Is Melba Toasted Lindsay Lohan or Kate Bosworth? When you write about what a mess Melba's life is, that reminds me of Lindsay; but when you mention Devon Heaven, that reminds me of Kate Bosworth's ex, Orlando?
A.G.-H.
White Plains, New York

Dear Gal Guesser:
Excellent guess on Kate, babe. But wrong. Think more established, more cheeky (in every sense), more moolah. And as for your hunch that the correct self-pitying cutie-pie is Lohan, that was by far the most popular guess last week. Wrong bitchin' beauty, however. Think more famous partnership. That is no more, mind you.

Dear Ted:
Melba Toasted is Courtney Love!
Deja
Boston

Dear Love Lost:
No, she isn't! Way, like, awful guess, baby-pookie! Think less raw, more rarefied!"

blurry vice said...

Jennifer Lopez was a top guess for this BTW.

Brittany said...

If this is her would Devon be Ashton K?

sistah2 said...

Yes who was she stalking? She and AK had broken up way before 2005.

Anonymous said...

It's not Brittany. Her BV is Jordache Junkie.

H said...

Anonymous, Jordache Junky is not Brittany, that's been reiterated many times.

I understand the logic about this one for Brittany, but I question it especially with the Devon Heaven thing. Ashton & Demi already have another BV, and Ted probably wouldn't have used two separate monikers for Ashton... unless Devon is someone else Brit dated.

Scarlett Pumpkin said...

Could she have been Gloria Good-Hag? In the Gloria Good-Hag vice, it says that the movie Gloria was in had trouble insuring her, becuase of her drug use. When news of Brittany Murphy's death broke, I remember someone saying something like they were able to get her insured and everything was a go for her next movie. Maybe because insurance was a problem for her in the past? Also, Brittany Murphy was the voice of Gloria in Happy Feet. Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

Paris.

Ashley Stuart said...

I like your way of thinking, Scarlett Pumpkin.

blurry vice said...

Thanks for the insight Scarlett. I will dig up Gloria Good-hag ASAP. I thought that one was Angelina Jolie or Scarlett JOhanssen back int he day I think. I wll look that one up.

blurry vice said...

More like someone was reading on Blind ITems Exposed...

"Dear Ted:
I've been doing some rummaging around in the old Blind Vice cupboard and was just wondering...do Devon Heaven and Smokey Shooter have anything in common? Love you.
—Sarah G

Dear Slinky Sleuth:
They definitely have a lot of stinky stuff in common."

Anonymous said...

what does the "stinky stuff in common" even mean? I don't get it.

Anonymous said...

possibly a reference to perfume or cologne lines? lotsa celebs have their own perfumes.

Anonymous said...

stinky stuff is weed...they like pot

Anonymous said...

i say it is gwyneth paltrow and chris martin

Anonymous said...

I kind of like Jessica Simpson for Melba Toasted and Nick Lachey for Devon Heaven. I know that they did not announce their divorce until December 2005, but it was rumored that they separated way before then. The "Dear Jennifer" comment makes me think of Aniston, so I think Melba and Devon were married/engaged and not just dating. In addition, Jessica rapidly lost a lot of weight in late 2004 for her role as Daisy Duke so "nose bleed baddie" might fit as well if she used coke to help take the weight off so fast. Also, during the filming of Dukes she supposedly was involved with Johnny Knoxville and it was June 2005 that the story of her having a drunken night of sex with Bam Margera (which he later confirmed) began circulating. Lastly, the "desperate relations (and percentage peeps)" makes me think of the likes of Papa Joe, Ashlee (not very famous in 2005), CaCee Cobb and Ken Paves.

I know my guess is a stretch because of the divorce timeline but all the clues seem to fit them. If they were leading separate lives and dating/sleeping with other people in the year leading up to their divorce then this might be them.

Even if this is not Jessica and Nick, I still think we are looking at a relatively young female celeb who was popular enough in 2005 to collect a primo paycheck, married/engaged to a heavenly guy from which they split in late 2004/2005, and had a parent/relative as a manager and friends in paid positions of her entourage circa 2005.

Anonymous said...

cameron and justin

Gemini850 said...

I like the Cameron and Justin guess because the blind says "jilted princess" She played a Princess in Shrek. Also Cameron gets big checks she is in the top ten highest paid actress. Also Drew Barrymore is one of the ain'ts, who is her best friend.

blurry vice said...

anon jan 5-

I think "stinky stuff" = marijuana, which is the topic of smokey shooter's bv.

Anonymous said...

Well, weren't there recently photos of Cameron and Drew smoking weed together on vacation somewhere? Hmmm. --Emmabear

Enigmania said...

Wow, may be a newbie but I think I might have it...

Enigmania said...

Let's work backwards....

Everyone has forgotten that there was a blind a while back about how much Ashton and Brittany could not stand being on the red carpet and how they lost it each time they were asked about their fauxmance during promotion of 'Just Married' .... Remember BlindGossip.com has admitted that their blind about the actress with the serious ED who struggled to keep her weight down (think it was called one oreo or something), a state induced by an ex labelling her too fat for Hollywood (apparently Ashton!!!)

Everything fits for Brittany to be Melba - except Ashton being Devon Heaven - I shall come to that in a second...

Her percentage peeps and her mum were the only ones who stood by her at the end... Industry insiders actually claim that it was Monjack who was the problem on set, not her, of late BUT back when this blind was written, I am guessing she was in the process of losing her friends to due to slimming drug abuse... 2005 was around the time that it was heavily denied that she was Jordache Junky, although after Ted was made to set things straight, her agent and publicist parted company with her.... See above!!! She sure wasn't Jordache Junky, but one substance-abusing star's experience generally fits all when it comes to the effect on their workload...

Think about it, all of the clues from notted list all fit... She is more versatile than Reese (voiceovers, vocals), more established and wealthy and cheeky than Kate Bosworth and the relationship which is more famous than Kate's with Orlando? The missing piece!!! Brittany and Eminem!!!!

Remember how Eminem made a big song and dance about living a healthy lifestyle... Guess Brittany was not reading from the same page and didn't want to clean up.... One of the few industry people to be first with their condolences was a lady who worked with her on King of the Hill - she said something about BM being an angel but getting mixed up with the wrong kind of people :-( He stopped for a while, she did not...

So her thing with Eminem was zonks ago,,, But when you really like someone, do you ever give up? Eminem kept going back to his love - Kim - and it's not impossible that BM would carry around a heart for him all this time and possibly resort to hanging around/stalking to get him back? She seems like a girl who wore her heart on her sleeve which is why most loved her aside from her obvious talent!

Eminem - Devon Heaven.... Say it enough times, why don't ya??

Why would anyone get the monker Devon Heaven, whether it is Eminem, or any other star??? Remember Eminem's song with Dido which has a video featuring a guy committing suicide because Eminem did not sign an autograph for his biggest fan? Well, that was alluding to the incident where a boy in the UK killed himself and left a suicide note
signing out with lyrics from an Eminem rap! Guess where this boy lived in the UK? Devon... Heaven seems pretty straight forward after that...

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/eminem-influenced-suicide-victim-17-704087.html

Wonder if Ted will confirm now? He reiterated after her death that she was definitely not Jordache, but that she had definitely featured as one, a sad one at that... I am more convinced that Melba is her than Gloria Good Hag! I personally believe that the JJ is indeed BM, but that the original name he gave her, MB, needed an update as things became progressively worse for her... Ivana Belch/Princess Powder Puff anyone?

I have never been a celebrity gossip fan but I have been obsessed with the details of her life and how she met her demise since she started to rest in peace.... Brittany was born on the same day as me and was one of the few actresses who had that little something extra special as a person and professional hence the special interest and extra bit of research...

Enigmania said...

And Finally, (sorry, typically Scorpio, have to take things to extremes lol), why is BM Melba Toasted (MT)??

I can tell you what Melba Toast looks like, but I can't tell you how it is made:

Melba toast is usually made by lightly toasting bread in the normal way of making toast. Once the outside of the bread is slightly firm, it is removed from the toaster and then each slice is cut laterally with a bread knife to make two slices that are half the original thickness of the bread. These two thin slices are then toasted again to make Melba Toast.

(Wikipedia)

I would say that at the time of her death and even years before that, Brittany Murphy was most certainly a shadow of her former Clueless self and more precisely, she struggled to keep her weight  down despite being genetically predisposed to being a curvy Italian beauty (check out her mama on Larry King!!) She was half the person she used to be by the time her body gave up! If you bear in mind the surgeries and procedures she had before her recent attempt to make a comeback, there is no doubt that addiction to prescription painkillers played its part. I am not buying the Monjack 'period pain/diabetes' story re quantities of legal drugs found in the home... The more him and mama deny ED or drug issues, the sadder the story gets - nothing will come of her death or Heath Ledger's :-(

Enigmania said...

Sorry, my bad, apparently this is Jenni Anniston!!! I so thought I was in there, still think I am, especially when you look at the AIAs:

Drew Barrymore, Mischa Barton, Kirsten Dunst

ALL CHILD ACTORS WITH FORMER SUBSTANCE ABUSE/EDNOS ACCUSATIONS HANGING OVER THEIIR HEADS...

Rachel from Friends does not quite fit...

scutpuppy.mp said...

I'm leaning towards Brittany Murphy for this one as well. Enigmania makes a good case for Devon Heaven actually being Eminem instead of Kutcher, and in addition to the commonalities noted amongst the original AIAs, all three (Barrymore, Barton, and Dunst) had dated musicians by the time the BV was posted in 2005. Barrymore was dating Fabrizio Moretti, Barton was dating Cisco Adler, and Dunst was rumored to have dated Adam Levine. So BM/Eminem fits. I did wonder about Ted's hints about Melba Toasted being "more established, more cheeky (in every sense), more moolah" than Kate Bosworth and "more rarefied" than Courtney Love as posted above. I don't know BM's financial situation at the time, but based on blurry's reminder that Jennifer Lopez was a top contender at the time, I refreshed my memory about her dating history. By summer of 2005, she been been married to Marc Anthony for a year, so in terms of music industry exes, could she have been pining away for Sean Combs? The "wasted pastures" and other references to her peeps abandoning her don't seem to fit her, though, so I think that BM/Eminem is a better fit.

cassandra said...

peaches geldof?

000m said...

All the evidence above backs up Brittany Murphy (+Eminem) pretty convincingly.

I'd like to also add the following: "more cheeky (in every sense)" could refer to BM's problems with her weight, as well as her doing many comic roles. And bit more far-fetched: she voiced King of the Hill for a long time (re: "princess", "roayl")...

Gemini850 said...

This sounds like Jennifer Aniston.

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