Packin' the Heat
Salacious sibling rivalry hits our weekly Blind Vice with newbie Pork-Me Pop-Off poised to overtake (via sex, natch) his sister's headlines.
What's a poor, relatively unnoticed rich-ass T-town bro to do when his sensational sis grabs all the attention? Well, Pork-Me Pop-Off chooses a tried but true approach: sleeping with shocking bed partners (not to us, mind you)!
One Headline-Hereditary Blind Vice
Pork-Me Pop-Off, a veritable newbie to the barracuda-infested world of boldface names and gossip slinging, is poised to overtake his more famous sibling, Slurpa, an expert at infamy and clandestine canoodling. Only Pork-Me doesn’t really realize the dubious media powers he holds, how naïve...how very sweet!AIA's: Its not Jake Gyllenhaal, Bryan Spears, Ray J
See, Pork-Me, has had his troubles, too, just like Slurpa. He loves to be bad and lives to be loved, having never really been truly adored. And of course, it’s P.M.’s bad-boy ways that have begun to scratch and gnaw at Ms. Pop-Off’s notoriety, which she holds dearer than anyone or anything. This is not a joke in the least.
But Slurpa has just laughed laughed laughed at her sibling’s arguably pathetic attempts at upstaging her in the real-life episodes of Offspring Gone Wild, T-town’s regular chronicling of who’s acting up the best (and the most expensively). I’ll tell ya this much, though: She ain't gonna be chuckling much longer, as her current, rather tentative hold on the grizzly goss zeitgeist is about to change drastically, once it's revealed Pork-Me’s gal dumped him because she’s sick of him using her to hide something.
Like the fact that he’s gay.
* We know that Slurpa Pop-Off is Paris Hilton, so I am calling this one as Barron Hilton. He had a DUI in February. Anyone know who his "gal pal" is?
*** Top Suspect: Barron Hilton