Friday, June 20, 2008

One PDA Pooftah Blind Vice

New Ted BV

Lead-ins
The Sizzling Boys of Summer
OMMG! (That's Oh-My-Mystery-God!, babes), we've got yet another Toothy Tile in the works, how divinely hideous, so check out our sexually outrageous Blind Vice Friday.

Heavy Betting
Oh my, who's the latest closeted Hollywood star putting Toothy Tile's daring public nooky shenanigans to shame? Any guesses on Public Thrust, darlings, our newest boy who likes to do it while everyone watches? Clues comin' up!


One PDA Pooftah Blind Vice

No, not Toothy Tile. For a change. Ever since ol’ Tooth re-recommitted to Gray Goose and they got all hideously domesticated, our double-T seems to have lost his devotion to doing it in every open space he can manage. Like WeHo parking lots and the such. I mean, so many men just have sex the same way they pee, right? Let it fly (whatever the bodily liquid) wherever ya want! Morals be damned, a man’s gotta go—or go-go—when he’s gotta, right?

Right, squeals our latest boy wonder in the annals of Hollywood homosexual clandestine coupling. Dude’s name is Public Thrust. He’s a star of considerable rising proportions, is on some huge-ass projects. Huge. P.T.’s career is certainly humming along just fine, thanks much. And isn’t it fascinating, P.T.’s peeps, who supposedly have his best interests in mind, are doing their best to steer Mr. Thrust away from any gay projects that come dancing his way (‘cause, let’s face it, the guy looks as queer as my hair), all the while Public-babe is hitting some H-town parties that don’t exactly cater to the beer-and-football type o’ guys.

More specifically? Let’s just say that while Thrust’s managers and such are doing their best to keep their star out of anything remotely Brokeback Mountain-esque, P.T.’s performing, quite impressively, I must say, at some H'wood dos where doing each other is the point of the gathering. Orgies, gay ones—in case you’re having trouble reading my totally homo cryptospeak.

You know what this means, don’t you? It’s the same with Toothy. It’s the same with married men who cheat. It’s all about getting caught, in other words. Public, just like Tooth, wants to be found out. They desire to be out. But they just can’t seem to find the guts to do it. So they let their peckers do the walking, or talking, as it were.

Congrats on your Blind Vice badge of Honor, Public! Welcome to the chubby clubby!

And it ain't: Tom Welling, John Krasinksi, David Archuleta

Post your guess in comments!

Update 7/29 - not Edward Norton, Justin Timberlake, Zac Efron, Shia LeBeouf, Chace Crawford, Ben Barnes, James McAvoy, Elijah Kelley, Ryan Seacrest, Emile Hirsch

31 comments:

blurry vice said...

I have to think more about this. But my first thought: David Cook was mentioned in the beginning of the column right after the first BV lead-in. He sort of fits.

Lily said...

P.T.’s career is certainly humming along just fine, thanks much.

Zac Efron

Colts#1Filly said...

Oooh, Zac Efron. That's a good guess! The "humming along" and "dancing his way" comments certainly fit. And the hair thing too - Zac was in Hairspray and is known for his girly hairstyle. I had initially thought maybe Mario Lopez, also humming and dancing with both A Chorus Line and hosting America's Best Dance Crew.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Zac Efron. Here's why:

- From the AIA clues, John K. and Zac were both listed as Cosmo mag's 2008 Fun Fearless Male of the Year.

- I think David Archuleta was one of the AIA clues because he and Zac are close in age (plus, one of Zac's two middle names is David)

- Zac's costar Lucas Grabeel did a guest appearance on Smallville (Tom Welling was one of the AIA clues)

- In Ted's write up, he talks about Public Thrust being part of some HUGE projects. Checked imdb, and found that he's doing a film about the very corpulent (HUGE) Orson Welles ("welcome to the chubby clubby" could also be reference to this)

I'd say Zac is our gay... umm, I mean guy!

--dragongirl

Anonymous said...

Ooh! I just got the chubby reference - it's about a comment Zac had about having a preference to "chubby" women...

"I was really proud to play Link because I've always had that appreciation", said Zac, who's currently dating his High School Musical costar Vanessa Hudgens, 19.

"Most of the girls I date, I would say are curvaceous and beautiful."

I LOVE THIS BLOG - It's so fun!!

--dragongirl

blurry vice said...

Zac Efron a great guess. Lots of correlations with hints. What about Shia LeBeuof? People are guessing him elsewhere so I am throwing him out there.

blurry vice said...

I'm sort of confused though. Ted's not really saying that Public Thrust is confirmed gay. Just that his reps are trying to steer him away from gay roles, but he is performing at gay clubs where there are orgies etc. and says "you know what that means" So yeah maybe he is, but it seems Ted isn't 100% sure though. ???

blurry vice said...

PS - Thank you dragongirl and ColtsFilly for loving us! We love you too!

sistah2 said...

blurry - i dont think Ted meant "performing" like he was hired to sing - def. think he was performing in other ways... re-read it and Ted is definitely saying he IS gay. just sayin'.
Zac is a great guess - David cook too, Shia L. ? never crossed my mind - but why not? never saw him with a gal...pretty soon they'll be setting up the photo ops for him.

Anonymous said...

Chace Crawford?

The “OMMG!” made me think of those “OMFG!” gossip girls ads.

It’s wonderful to hear that Toothy and Goose are still going strong and committed to each other in spite of the bearding.

duffgrl said...

I thought of Chace too..but the singing and dancing hints make me think it is someone like Zac.
Ted's definitely sayind that PT is gay. As queer as Toothy.

mo-mo said...

Zac Ephron is a good guess. Could see it maybe being Chace too. I love the line "let's face it, the guy looks as queer as my hair". Shia doesn't really fit that, but he is in a lot of huge projects right now.

I also liked the mention of Toothy and Gray Goose - saying they are still together. Interesting...

Colts#1Filly said...

Weird! I just saw an article on DListed - the heading states "Zac Efron is a Chubby Chaser". Interesting choice of words! Am I allowed to put a link in here? Here it is: http://dlisted.com/node/26722.

blurry vice said...

Not Edward Norton - "Think less trophy-worthy roles for P.T."

blurry vice said...

Not Justin Timberlake - "Justy's not scared of any gay-type roles—he was in a boy band, remember."

blurry vice said...

Not Zac Efron - "Right age range, wrong teen-throb."

Not Shia LeBeouf - "Shia LaBabe's smoking is about as scandalous as this guy gets (for now)—but S.B. is sorta the same type as Pub Thrust."

Colts#1Filly said...

Ok, I did a quick search on current teen heartthrobs. Found a good article that breaks down the current "biggies" & their projects. They listed:
Zac Efron, Jesse McCartney, BowWow, Chris Brown, Daniel Radcliffe, Corbin Blue, Aaron Carter, Cole/Dylan Sprouse, and The Jonas Brothers.
Read here for a breakdown on each:
http://webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/celebrity/becksmith.jsp?p=bsf_teenidols
I'm leaning towards Daniel Radcliffe. Thoughts?

Anonymous said...

Don't think it's Daniel Radcliffe. He's not really Hollywood and he's getting ready to open in Equus in New York. And his pecadillos have been more of the sex worker type.

I love the Mario Lopez idea, but he's too old.

Colts#1Filly said...

What about Channing Tatum? I'm not real familiar with him but my friend insisted to me that she thinks this is him. I did some research & he does seem to fit some of the clues....he was in a movie called Step Up & Step Up 2 (the dancing comments), he's scheduled to star in 2 upcoming HUGE movies: GI Joe and Public Enemies (interesting that this BI's name is Public Thrust). And Shia LeBouf is considered a close friend of his (Ted mentioned PT is the same type as Shia). Anyone else know anything about him that might fit?

Anonymous said...

Good guess. I like it, too.

Channing and Tom Welling were models (and did construction work) before they became actors.

Channing is currently working on Dear John (the John Krasinski AIA clue?).

Channing and David Archuleta live in Miami.

He has a LOT of big projects coming up. Check his Wikipedia entry.

And I love you guys, too. But this is worse than crack. I'm not getting ANY work done!

--bossbunny

blurry vice said...

Not James McAvoy - "Think less It dude of the mo."

blurry vice said...

Not any of the HSM or HAirspray hotties, per Ted.

Anonymous said...

The "sorta the same type" as Shia LeBoeuf part made me immediately think of Emile Hirsch.

It fits with Ted's naming thing--his silly names tend to have the same number of syllables as the name of the person they're covering up. And Emile is in some high profile projects lately.

blurry vice said...

Hairier than Emile Hirsch per Ted.

Boss Bunny said...

No, no. LESS hairy than Emile.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ya'll. Saw you spammed on E!

I think this BI is actaully the hardest Ted has done in a long time.

Ted says that its someone in BIG Projects. That leaves out most of young hollywood. The most logical choice is Shia but its not him. He has been shooting back to back fims and if the truth be known he seems very socially enept. He would rather stay home and do bong hits rather than go to an orgy.

The real hard part are his clues in It Aints. Usually there are logical connections and they can sometimes fit multiple stars. This one I cant get.

This one has been bugging me for weeks.

My guess is Michael Seara

Boss Bunny said...

I'm glad someone else is still thinking about this one, too. I had to take another look at it after today's Awful Truth posting re Freddie Prinze, Jr. WHY did Ted bring him up? Not for Public Thrust because Crotch Uh-lastic is a better fit (Sarah Michelle is working in NY a lot lately). But I checked on Michael Cera and he's a pretty good guess, the best yet, I think.

Anonymous said...

i agree that michael cera is a good guess

guttersnype said...

David Cook.
He resembles Tom Welling and John Krasinski.
And the David Archuleta reference.
Seems too easy, this one...

cassandra said...

i think this is josh duhamel

cassandra said...

also hayden christianson fits for this

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