Saturday, February 25, 2012

Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

New from Ted yesterday -

Blind Vice: Hall of Fame Party This Weekend!

They'll all be there! Well, almost all: Fake à la Ferocity, Topher Hairy-Tuchus, Charlotte "Chuck" Finger-Dingle and even one of my personal oldie-faves, Trent Spent!
What fun the Academy Awards will be, after all (since we all pretty much know who's going to take home gold, right?), sniffing out all that award-winning private Hollywood Vicing:
Let's see, here are a few things to look out for while you're so busy judging (and cheering!) what everybody's wearing.
Take note:
  • Fake à la Ferocity has not completely gotten off the synthetic heroin she gets prescribed to her by various fancy doctors round town, but she is indulging less than she used to. I guess that's progress, right? Absolutely! Her head's in the right place—and direction—and her family's way happy about this news, trust.
  • Topher Hairy-Tuchus, after much finger-pointing and bitching from his peeps, has pretty much given up online hooking up. Just not entirely. And between you and mean and a million other folks, let's just say Fake à la, above, stands a much better chance of ultimately cleaning the Vice outta her life than does our eternally horny Topher. Poor thing (or not).
  • Trent Spent sold his Vice soul to the domestic devil years ago—news that saddens us every day. After all, nobody had more naughty and mischievous sexual potential than the gorgeous, often insecure bisexual star. But then he met his match and got all cleaned up, dammit! Total waste for everybody except his Trent's lucky S-O-B S.O., ‘course.
  • Chuck Finger-Dingle is in so many ways the new Fake à la Ferocity. Bitchy and bossy for days, more talent than she really knows what to do with—and a completely equal-opportunity sexual ladder climber. Only thing is, most likely Chuck's going to keep treating her conquests like the crap she so often does and we see a major, major backfiring in the babe's life sooner than later—and we don't just mean professionally.
  • Oh, and guess what? Fey Oiled-Tush will also be on hand for the super-exciting Oscar Sunday, cannot wait. But the thing is, Fey, who's so busy reheating his career, has gotten overwhelmingly caught up in the A-list projects he's totally busy with that he's completely forgotten that we'd all prefer to be gossiping about his kinky-on-the-floor activities. So don't forget to have some fun with all that podium banter you've been so busy with lately, Fey!
All work and no same-sex play a boring movie star makes!
And They Ain't: Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Lawrence, George Clooney

Good stuff, Ted! Great mashup of classics from the past.

Newbies, please use the label below for a link to our posts on the previous BVs about each name, including a full discussion and lists of who has been eliminated for each.

Top suspects:
Fake-a-la Ferocity: Angelina Jolie
Trent Spent: Brad Pitt
Fey Oiled Tush: Tom Cruise 
Chuck Finger Dingle - ?
Topher Hairy Tuchus - ?


blurry vice said...

I love when Ted does mashups with vintage BVs!

Fake a la - Angelina

Trent Spent - Brad (possibly others, see post)

Fey Oiled Tush - Tom Cruise

Chuck - under debate

Topher - under debate also

blurry vice said...



Dear Ted:
I read your stories but have to say that you've made me a little mad in the past. You're so harsh on Angelina Jolie and she's my favorite celebrity ever. My

respect has grown for you for talking about people like Michael Vick and Chris Brown the way you have. I think Chris is the scum of the earth. The saddest

part is that he clearly hasn't changed one bit. To have you speak out against people like Chris Brown when you are not a woman makes it even more special

somehow. Thank you, Ted. P.S.: Be a little easier on Angelina! Thanks!

Dear Thanks Babe:
But I think I've been very kind to Ms. Jolie lately! She's been up to some very cool stuff, no?

Dear Ted:
Thanks for handling Whitney Houston's passing with grace and compassion. She deserves both. On a different note, two questions for you: 1) Gwyneth Paltrow

bugs the heck out of me. Always talking about how healthy she is, how wonderful her life is, how hard she works (yawn). Is she annoying in real life, or do

you have any dirt? 2) Just saw an interview with Angelina Jolie, and she is shockingly thin. I know she has been for some time, but what gives? She's so

beautiful, but man, is she starving herself?
—Not a GP Fan

Dear Power Moms:
Why you hating on my girl, Gwynny? The babe is fab! How can you hate someone that's simply trying to advocate a healthier lifestyle? Obesity is such an

epidemic in the US (33 percent of the U.S. population is obese and 67 percent is overweight). And do you know what kind of harmful chemicals are in your

daily personal care products? Formaldehyde in nail polish, for example. Ick! Anyway, speaking of gorgeous, multitasking moms, Angelina is a mother of six, an

active UN Ambassador, and an in-demand A-list actress. Yes, we can all see the girl is too thin, but I highly doubt she's starving herself…intentionally

anyway. Maybe she's so busy that she's forgetting to eat?"

Sue T. said...

I know it's officially under debate, but I'm still 100% convinced based on Ted's previous clues that Chuck is Rooney Mara.

EnglishBarb said...

Yes. I remember reading previous Chuck blinds - a lot of guesses were steering towards Rooney M.

Unknown said...

I'm 100% convinced that Chuck is Rooney, too. This kind of seals the deal for me, because even though he's been screwing around and taking digs at Chuck's Oscar worthiness, he just confirmed that Chuck is going to be at the Oscars tonight. Rooney is obviously going to be at the Oscars tonight, and he's basically eliminated everyone else in his other bb's. By process of elimination, Chuck is Rooney.

BlahBlahBlah said...

Bradley Cooper is a presenter at the oscars. I read this somewhere last week

Jaime said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jaime said...

I am convinced chuck is Rooney as welll. I saw her interviewed by robin Roberts pre-show. I so wanted to like her bc she's a terrific actress. She was dreadful to robin- extremely rude, uncomfortable pause after answering questions. It was awkward to watch. She was so offended when robin asked her if this was her super bowl. Ugh.

On another related nite- longtime reader first post. I'm convinced that jjo is also Hayden Christiansen. He was Originally presented in a way of a film actor much bigger than a tv show Ted rarely watches. I think Ted roles with all the theories, but Hayden makes more sense. A lot more... Do the digging and you find a former flame too.

Savannah said...

So in the span of a couple of months Ted has gone from describing Chuck as a badass who "prefers her hookups STRICTLY chick" to a conniving young Fake a la Ferocity who uses sex to climb the ladder and will sleep with men or women?

Rita said...

Apparently, they all learn to play the game at one time or another. Because fame is addicting. And you don't want to lose the attention, the free stuff, the luxury, the not-waiting-in-line for anything... And the recognition.

Why do you think reality stars fight so viciously for air time? For a little moment, they get recognition and to cut through the line for VIP treatment at bars, and the next, no body cares. They too go to desperate measures to stay "relevant".

You have to take Ted with a grain of salt. Either he exaggerates, or H-Town is really that despicable and can turn you into a beast!

Bootsie said...

Topher = Owen Wilson??

Strathmore said...

I've also noticed quite the stretch with Chuck. Not too long ago she was "fresh to the scene" and dating people of "power." Now, she's treating these same people like crap? That's a pretty big turn of events since November. Perhaps the Oscar nomination really bumped up her status so much that's she's now calling the shots.

Rita said...

Ted posted my question today, and has updated us on his favorites. I think his answer clearly indicates, that Trent is Brad Pitt.

I don't know how many time Ted has answered questions about Brad Pitt and Angelina by saying "it is clear in that relationship who wears the pants".

I also think Charlotte Chuck is Rooney.

Bridget said...

There's a big flaw with Brad Pitt as Trent Spent: Trent's ex wife has a BV name of her own, Divella Snivella. Ted's said many times over the years that Jennifer Aniston doesn't have a BV. So either he's not playing by his own rules or Brad Pitt isn't Trent.

KaDixonLaw said...

@Bridget, Almost exactly a year ago there was some drama regarding Jennifer Aniston having been assigned a moniker. Ted confirmed that she does have one, which was an extreme contradiction. If you look at the last TS blind, you can see the discussion re: this issue.

Tyler said...

My opinions:

Fake is Angelina Jolie
Trent is Brad Pitt
Fey is Tom Cruise
Topher is Bradley Cooper
Chuck is Rooney Mara

Tyler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Hrm in Ted's BB he said Chuck "who also looked spectacular and very out of character." Didnt think Rooney looked any different, but maybe he means she was in white and all prettied up which her character Lisabeth would definitely not wear.

KaDixonLaw said...

@Unknown, I think Ted's hints re: Chuck are so frustrating! We know it has to be Rooney, but each time he answers a question there is also a little nugget of doubt. Also, am I the only one who doesn't find RM appealing? She looks so severe with that hair and makeup.

Ella Bee said...

Rooney Mara is an uppity, snooty b. She treats all reporters like crap; just like the above poster said about Robin, she also was very awkward, short and bitchy towards Ryan Seacrest. In my opinion, it seems Ted didn't know that much about her in the beginning, and as her fame exploded and she became so enthralled with the GWTDT director, her attitude transformed with it and incidents started to leak out.

Rita said...

@KaDixon, I am not attracted at all to Rooney Mara's personality. And still don't understand why people found her "stunning" at the Oscars. Just because you wear Givenchy, does not make you "stunning". You're still a little rat, in a big-girl's dress.

Yeah, I find her a tad "ratty". Mousy features, shifty looks, strikes and hides. But then again, good actresses, especially when young, cannot find their center and leave their "movie personality" behind when faced with the real world. And add to that when looking at Rooney, the saying "Money doesn't buy you class" truly applies to her.

Am I too bitchy today?

cornejos.2004 said...

IDK if I can buy Angelina as Fake. I thought so too at first BUT after reading the past blinds, one talks about her marriage, which we all know she and Pitt are not married AND in a past BV he also said she was once open and honest with the press and made herself available to the public or something along those lines. That doesn't sound anything like Angelina to me.

Strathmore said...

I too find Rooney's current look quite off putting. She use to be pleasant looking. Not prettier than her sister but still presentable. And with the charity work and distaste for her heritage, I assumed she was more sweet and down to Earth. Guess not.

Btw, Ted is full of it. I had high hopes for his insider knowledge. Still entertaining, but the above contradictions have me taking everything with a grain.

Strathmore said...

Ok, just got back from morning mail from Thursday and noticed that someone asked about Jessica Chastain as Chuck. And Ted said Chuck is more edgy than Jessica but not as Oscar worthy. Could this statement really be applied to Rooney?

Katie said...

Not sure I get what the above contradictions are, pp.

RE: Jolie. Ted has said before that he thinks Brange might already be married. In any case, this is in no way a deal breaker. Brange are common law, and they share six kiddos. Whatever.

Jolie used to be more open to the press. I think she still is pretty open, actually, compared to other stars of her caliber, but compared to how open she USED to be, not so much. She still acts as her own publicist, though.

She is our Fake.

Strathmore said...

Contradictions as far as him switching things up from blind to blind about the same people in a short time span. Some of these are without a doubt definitive and I feel content with the decided upon guesses. I'm starting to think he and Chuck have an agreement to be as shady as possible.

And does anyone know where Toothy's baby is, by gosh?

Katie said...

Baby Tile, by Ted's account, is not ever seen in public. It's a hidden baby / kid (probably 4 years old now)... helped out by family and nannies.

Rita said...

@Word, not long ago Ted has answered that question, maybe the Sisters have had time to add it on the last Toothy Tile thread.

Ted stated that Baby Tile lives with daddy Tile, not Grey Goose. That Toothy is very close to his baby Tile, and spends tons of amount of time with him (boy, reading my comment it clearly shows my delusional adoration for Toothy!), and that it is quite easy in Hollywood to keep one's kid out of the spotlight.

Unknown said...

Agree with Word! that comment totally made me wonder what is going on. Ted's starting to annoy me :).

Strathmore said...

Thanks for the update y'all. Guess I need to do some more reading! ;)

Unknown said...

So Ted answered my question about Rooney, but it still confuses me because he said he sees Rooney getting a lot more noms for OScars so how does that make her less Oscar worthy than Jessica Chastain. Although he did say she looked out of character because she was pretty and not edgy, so that fits . . .

Shancor said...

Also, Lainey posted a blind item today -- Not a doting mother, not a kind employer -- and I think it's Heidi Klum. She's super busy, seems a bit carefree (while also has the de rigueur supermodel bitchiness) and has been recently separated.

Rita said...

I think it's JLO for the new Lainey blind. Thought of Nicole Kidman first, but because of "separation", worked better on JLo.

KaDixonLaw said...

@Unknown, Congrats on your question! I had a feeling that was you and I was left just as confused. Once again, it was two steps forward, three steps back.

@Rita, I was so excited about the new Lainey blind that I rushed right over to see if anyone else had any first impressions. As I was reading it, I went through the same thought process: Kidman followed by JLO.

@Shancor, On 2/19/10, CDAN posted a blind about celebrity employers who were wonderful to work for. It was thought to be Heidi Klum and Seal. If you click on the link for Heidi under labels, you will see that blind item. That said, I don't see this being her.

Unknown said...

I think there are two Unknowns, so congrats to the other unknown for getting Ted to answer your question. (I'm not sure why I come up as Unknown, but whatever.)

I still think Ted was basing his Oscar-worthy Chastain/Mara answer on their chances for getting an Oscar this year. I think the Oscar hype for The Help ladies, generally, was greater than the Oscar hype for Rooney. Still fits Rooney to me.

Also, for whatever reason, I just can't picture Brad Pitt as being bi. That doesn't mean he's not supposed to be Trent Spent. But there's something fishy about that BV to me.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Before the Oscars, you posted a sort of a follow-up on our fave BV stars. So how about grading their Oscar performances for us long-time followers: Did Fake

a la Ferocity look ferocious or high-flying sex kitten? Did Fey Oiled-Tush behave behind the scenes, or did he feel as misplaced as last year's Louboutins?

And my favorite that you don't talk much about: Trent Spent. How is old Trent doing these days with his significant other? Is he tiring of her shenanigans

and ready to jump ship? Hope he doesn't play yet again the victim though, I am tired of his hurting sad eyes when things don't go his way. Much love to you

and your four-legged fam!

Dear Oscar BV Update:
Here's the lowdown for ya R: Fake looked divine but was lacking a certain something in her Oscar appearance. Fey Oiled-Tush was surprisingly well-behaved

behind the scenes as he let others steal the spotlight (like Fake). As for Trent? He may be tired of his gal's shenanigans, but after last night, it's

obvious who wears the pants in this duo. In other words, don't expect Trent to dip out anytime soon. But the real Vice star of the night? Most definitely

Chuck Finger-Dingle, who also looked spectacular and very out of character. Satisfied?"

-- loved this Rita!

Rita said...

Thanks Blurry! I do ask useful questions from time to time... Not just moaaan over Momoa's buttocks;)

Savannah said...

At this point I think it is safe to say that Rooney Mara is Chuck. What other young actresses who were at the Oscars fit all the clues who haven't already been Not-'ed? Emma Stone, but Ted said she doesn't have a Vice. Emma Roberts was the only other actress who fit all of the clues and she wasn't at the Oscars so that means she can't be Chuck. Chuck is Rooney! I'd be curious to know why Ted describes Chuck so differently now. My bet is he either recently found out a lot of information about her or he realized he made Chuck sound too much like Rooney so he threw in some made up bullshit like he did with Toothy Tile (I still don't buy the Baby Tile thing. How and why a major celebrity would keep a baby that lives with him secret from the public is beyond me. Unless of course Baby Tile is actually a dog or cat.

Katie said...

@Savannah, Baby Tile is not a dog. Nor is it a cat. It is a human, and by now about 4 years old, probably.

I don't judge that he hides the kid from the paps - the kid will be more well-adjusted and normal because of it, I'd guess. I don't approve of Toothy lying about having a kid, though. It's like he's playing "don't ask, don't tell" except he has actually said (not direct quote) 'I don't have children of my own.' He did not have to say that, he was not asked.

Other actors / celebrities have secret kids. Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's rumored that JayZ has one. Jude Law's latest kid would have been a secret had the baby momma not gone to the press. I'm sure there are many other examples.

Sorry wrong thread. Just responding.

Strathmore said...

@Rita, I think you're the first Momoa fan I've ever shared space with online ;) I'm aware of his work, but I didn't know he had a following haha!

@Savannah, it seems like this hidden kid thing might be a widespread conspiracy out there. I was surprised Matt Bomar had a whole brood of his own. I mean, you'd expect a husband, but three kids?!

Its probably not really that the kid is even hidden, just like the boyfriends of all these dudes. They're just hidden from us. I would love to see who Jackie Bouffant's latest love is!

Rita said...

@Word, To be truthful, I am only a fan of his backside.

I think his backside should be the only opening for Game of Thrones. His backside should be the map of the world for Game of Thrones. His backside should be the world beyond the wall, where on his lower-back dimples Winter is Coming, and head down between his thighs, where spring is springing.

Yes, I am obsessed.

Strathmore said...

Um goodness Rita, haha! I suppose I'll have to check it out then. And I had better be impressed after all of that workup you just included there. Thank you for the enthused recommendation! Too Funny ;)

Unknown said...

So I just thought I'd leave this tidbit here - apparently Charlie McDowell, Rooney's "boyfriend" also dated Hayden Panettiere. If you're at all familiar with the blind item reveals going on at CDAN and even Ted's blind vice about the girl, her type seems more to be more, domestic abusers and VD-riddled coke fiends. He also maybe dated Hayley Duff, who's got her own issues. So is this guy just unlucky in love? Or has he been making his rounds as a low-key beard for starlets with "problematic" sex lives?

Anonymous said...

Chuck Finger Dingle: Rooney Mara

Topher Hairy Tuchus: Bradley Cooper

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I wonder if everyone else was as surprised as I was to hear that Cruella St. Shackles is the best mom of the three (with Shaftarella Shoshstein and Fake à la
Ferocity). What a great question that was! I wonder, of the three, do any of them have any female friends, or have their antics chased everyone away (except
their significant other men, of course). Could you rank them by reputation as a person, best to worst?

Dear BFF 4 Ever:
Shafty has the most gal pals, of course—who else to do her evil bidding?—though Ms. St. Shackles and Fakey have a few too. As for your second question: I'd
say Shaftarella, Fake, Cruella (in the order you asked for)."

Rita said...

I think today Ted pretty sneakily confirmed that Charlotte IS Rooney Mara:
Dear Ted:
All the Catching Fire fan-casting seems to be about Finnick (who I believe Garrett Hedlund should play). But what about the very important Johanna Mason? Who should play her? Also was Chuck Finger-Dingle at the Met Gala?

Dear Fancy Dress:
Yes. And how ‘bout Rooney Mara for Johanna?

Not so subtle about it, was he? With the Jeremy Renner snafu, it's like he is outing everyone!

Would like to know which one is Charlie Sheen!

Savannah said...

Rita I had the same thought! As if it wasn't obvious enough. He's given a lot of specific clues for the Chuck vice. I wonder how many starlets other than Rooney were at BOTH the Oscars and the Met Gala this year.

I thinks Chuck (Rooney) is either becoming the female Toothy Tile or Ted is misleading everyone like he did with JJO and DDD. But by now I don't think any one else besides ROoney fits the clues for Chuck.

Rita said...

Savannah, it's Hollywood, you have to be a bit bi to make it. Sleeping with men when you are a lesbian, in Hollywood standards, is no big deal.

I also believe Rooney is sleeping with more discerning taste, as to what would be helpful to her career.

And I think we see things more clearly because of The Sisters: if we didn't have this site to collect proof, and have a more complete view of a blind, I doubt we'll be making such blunt and convinced guesses.

Thank you Sisters!

Unknown said...

Rooney pings my gaydar, so it wouldn't be shocking to me if she likes the ladies. What's shocking to me is just how blatant Ted's being about it. He's not this transparent with too many of the other gay or lesbian celeb blinds, nor does he tend to be as persistent in discussing them. I wonder what makes Rooney/Chuck so special in his eyes?

Unknown said...

Ted just outed Charlie McDowell as Rooney's beard with another bitch back answer that comes within inches out of outing Rooney -

Dear Ted:
Normally I love your casting recommendations, but Taylor Kitsch for Finnick in Catching Fire? I don't see it happening, mainly because I don't see him being cast for the part. Same for Rooney Mara as Johanna. So who else do you think should play Finnick and Johanna? Also what's new with the elusive Chuck Finger-Dingle? Does she have a beard? I'm determined to Veronica Mars this vice!

Dear Fueling the Fire:
I wouldn't count him out just yet, H. Sources have revealed that Lionsgate is actually looking at Mr. Kitsch for the role (it's not just Team Truth's pick anymore). As for Johanna, Rooney was just a suggestion. But, speaking of Ms. Mars, I still prefer Kristen Bell for the part. On to the Vice biz, Chuck does have a beard. Not of the A-List variety though.

Savannah said...

WOW, Ted has made it so incredibly obvious that Chuck is Rooney. Since Ted said Mila Kunis isn't Kiki but does have a moniker that's one of his favorites I was starting to wonder if Chuck was Mila, but she doesn't have a boyfriend (or "beard") right now as far as I know.

I wonder why TEd has made this blind so transparent. Maybe because he believes Rooney's going to be a huge star so he's making her a female Toothy? Or maybe Rooney's people are using the blinds to ease Rooney out of the closet?

Unknown said...

Mila Kunis is out because Ted's touted Chuck's American pedigree in a few of his bb answers. Mila Kunis was born in the Ukraine.

I sincerely doubt Rooney wants to be outed in any way. Her career is just starting and she seems very ambitious. Her career would be dead in the water if someone really and truly outed her, or if anything happened to led credibility to the rumors.

Savannah said...

@Unknown, I also doubt that Rooney wants to be outed, I was just trying to come up with possible logical explanations for why Ted is being so obvious about her being Chuck.

Unknown said...

Man, I have no idea what a plausible answer for Ted's transparency for this blind is. He's starting to remind me of a head cheerleader in high school who just has to spread rumors about how that gal who used to be a wall-flower is now a total slut because she's dating the most popular guy in school. There's flashes of both envy and good old-fashioned cattiness to his compulsive transparency about Rooney/Chuck situation. If the blind is true, Rooney's not only some flavor of gay, but also managing to climb the Hollywood ladder while sleeping with whomever she damn-well pleases. I can't imagine that wouldn't raise some eyebrows amongst the Hollywood tongue-waggers. She does seem to be well on the road to being another Toothy Tile.

Unknown said...

i thought t.c. was confirmed without a doubt to be (IF ANYONE THAT IS) glistening gunther and NOT fey oil tush? i'm confused!