Thursday, June 19, 2014

Lainey-Two Book Bitches

New from Lainey today:

Two Book Bitches

Two women at different stages of their career, both were recently promoting books, both behaved like assholes.
She was the young blush of her time, muse to an icon, dream girl to a generation. So it wasn’t a surprise when over 200 people showed up to a book signing. Here’s what *should* happen at a book signing: you stay and sign books. Many bestselling authors stay as long as they can, for hours, making sure they have a personal interaction with each and every reader, often posing for photos. Even Gwyneth Paltrow understands this. Sometimes it’s impossible. Like JK Rowling often has 3 or 4 thousand people showing up so what she’ll do is she’ll sign hundreds of boxes in advance and on the day of, she’ll commit to a couple of hours, sometimes more, to hang out with as many of her fans as possible.
But this woman? When this woman saw that 200 people were waiting for her, she scowled. Then exhaled, loudly.
“I have to sign for all of them?”
Well, um, as many as you can…?
“But I have dinner reservations.”
She signed for just 20 people. Then made her reservation while the others were left out, cold.
And what about Miss All Kinds Of Sweet and Sad? She fronts like an angel, like she could never possibly throw attitude ever, but we’ve all heard the stories from the set – how she rages around like she lives exclusively on the top tier and everyone else is her chorus.
At several signings in multiple cities, the behaviour was the same. Upon arrival, she barked orders to her staff and bookstore staff about what exactly she would tolerate: hustle people through the line, cut them off when they want to talk, push them through as quickly as possible, and “spare me from all of their f-cking sob stories”. In other words, these people are beneath me but you lowlifes are going to take the fall because even though they mean nothing, I still want them to love me and give me their money.
And so, with a fake smile on her face, giving the performance of her life, she’d greet her public kindly, while her people practically threw her fans up towards the signing table, several at a time, tossing them together like abused animals, crunching them close, a speed meet-and-greet on crack. How fast was it really?
At one stop she got through 250 people in half an hour. This, apparently was too slow for her so she gave sh-t to her handlers and at the next stop, what an accomplishment – 350 people in just over 20 minutes.
20 minutes! 350 people!
Can you imagine how that must have moved? How they would have been treated?
And then she was out. While fans were still coming in with their wristbands, bewildered that it was over already.
Who?

Updates as of 6/19/14:
#1 - Lainey has eliminated Diane Keaton.  Top suspect is currently Molly Ringwald.
#2 - Top suspect is currently Lea Michele.

44 comments:

duffgrl said...

I have no idea who #1 is, maybe Jessica Lange but just a wild guess.
#2 Lea Michelle?

blurry vice said...

" Those Two Book Bitches? No one has gotten the first bitch right. Of course it’s not Diane Keaton. Diane Keaton is awesome. Think younger. Much less cool, now.

Like I said, we can talk about some more on Monday at SMUT. And there’s another clue elsewhere in this post."


Lainey's clue later in the post:
"When you blush, what colour are your cheeks?"

-- PINK??

Misch said...

Funny being on the fringes of publishing I've done many book signings and I'm always amazed at who is gracious and who isn't. Let's just say this most understand you have to pay your dues one way or another..

blurry vice said...

Or maybe RED???

Taylor Swift?

duffgrl said...

For #1..likely someone younger Diane Keaton but older than Lea Michele-
#1 Kate Moss?

Whitney said...

I second Lea Michelle as #d. The set rumors and Lainey's reference to a "chorus" is pretty clear in my mind.

#1 is driving me nuts!!!!

Mia Wallace said...

#Jennie Garth?

L Rey said...

#1 is definitely CARRIE FISHER. Definitely.

“young blush of her time, muse to an icon, dream girl to a generation”

She was married to Paul Simon and her Star Wars bikini poster was EVERYWHERE.

#2 I have no idea.

Kate said...

#1 Bette Midler FTW...The Rose (blush) :)

Jess B said...

Chelsea Handler?

L Rey said...

Okay, I’ll second Lea Michele for #2. Totally fits.

blurry vice said...

Carie Fisher is only 10 years younger than Diane Keaton. Bette Midler is OLDER than Diane Keaton. NOt either of them.

Chelsea for #2 possibly. Kate Moss for #1? She would fit but her book was a while back it seems?

I like the Jennie Garth guess... she could be either #1 or #2.

blurry vice said...

Oh yes, Lea Michele definitely fits for #2.

Jess B said...

Lainey's last clue was what colour are your cheeks when you blush? Definitely Taylor Swift?

Kate said...

Ooh, wait a minute. What about Rosie Perez? New book out, muse to Spike Lee? Blushing cheeks are...rosy?

jdpx3 said...

alicia silverstone.

pink = aerosmith. muse to an icon.

Jenna P said...

This may be a little left field but I think Lainey is talking about Molly Ringwald for #1... She had a book that came out in 2012 and was an icon "of her time". The "blush" clue could refer to "Pretty in Pink". Also, Ringwald held her book signing at a place called "Blushington"

Kate said...

I like the Molly Ringwald guess. Muse to John Hughes.

125records said...

I did a little digging and found this report from Lea's booksigning in New Jersey. Even though the writer puts a positive spin on it, I'm convinced Lea must be #2. "Lea signed over 400 books in about a hour and 10 minutes."

Dana said...

I like the Lea Michele guess for #2. The Molly Ringwald one is interesting, too. However, I feel like someone with her level of experience and fame would play the game a little better and be a bit more professional/gracious, but maybe not... After all, she moved to France to escape the fame for a while. I'm torn on this one.

L Rey said...

@blurry vice said...
Carie Fisher is only 10 years younger than Diane Keaton. Bette Midler is OLDER than Diane Keaton. NOt either of them.

Don’t understand your reasoning. So Carrie Fisher is younger than Diane. That makes her the right age. Lainey said #1 is younger than Diane, not how much.

She also said #1 and #2 are at very different stages of their careers; so #1 is older than #2 if we agree that #2 is Lea Michele. And #1 is “Much less cool, now.”

It’s absolutely Carrie Fisher. Tell me how it’s not!

L Rey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
L Rey said...

Oh okay! I take back Carrie Fisher. “When you blush, what colour are your cheeks?” That definitely points to pink and Molly Ringwald. The “muse to an icon” would probably be John Hughes.

#1 = Ringwald and #2 = Michele, then?

Mich said...

I think Ringwald too. She had a new book out in May so doing a book tour recently fits

blurry vice said...

LOVE the Molly Ringwald guess! PRETTY IN PINK! Fits every hint. Muse to John Hughes... icon to the 80's generation. Pink. Younger than Diane Keaton. Nice work everyone!

I will update that our top guesses are Molly Ringwald for #1 and Lea Michele for #2.

jen m said...

What is the book that Molly Ringwald wrote this year? I looked and all I can find are the ones she wrote in 2009 and 2012...

blurry vice said...

Well, I couldn't find one from this year either, but apparently there is one from 2013. I included a link to the amazon item on this post for now (I will take it down if we decide she is not the top suspect).

Bec said...

I'm on board with Ringwald...she was the popular "cool" girl in Breakfast Club, and one of her lines spoken to Alley Sheedy's character - shocking to my then-teenage ears - was "You are such a b1tch!".

Kristin (Wiglet) said...

I was coming here to throw in Twiggy but Molly would be more obvious. Nice one!

Brandy said...

This morning Lainey says it's not Rosie Perez. I agree with the top suspects Molly Ringwald for #1 and Lea Michelle for #2.

CaMoSa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CaMoSa said...

I'm thinking of a few people...
1. Melissa Joan Hart
2. Alicia silverstone
3.lauren Conrad?
4. Alyssa Milano?

Davy28 said...

So off topic... Did anyone attend the Smut Soiree yesterday? IF so any dish on what was served? Links?

Andrew said...

From what I've found on the internet-she confirmed that the cocaine blind is Charlize and that she's a massive bitch. She said Bradley Cooper is bi, so i'm assuming thats in reference to the recent gay/bi blind. She said Beyonce and Jay Z have an open marriage. Jake G is having issues. Idk if she explicitly said it was drugs or emotional, but apparently he's not well.

The painkiller blind is indeed Justin and Jessica. She alluded to Matt Damon being bi, which I think she's said before. And she flat out said Travolta is gay, but everyone knows that.

Andrew said...

Oh and there was some sort of Pretty in Pink reference last night, so it appears you all were right on about Molly Ringwald.

Davy28 said...

Hmm thats all? Nothing about Clooneys sudden engagement etc? \

Thanks though!

MM said...

I think she just confirmed that #2 is Lea Michele. "...she announced last week on Twitter that there will be a sequel to Brunette Ambition. That book tour is going to be fun, non?"

http://www.laineygossip.com/Lea-Michele-on-holiday-in-Cabo-June-2014/30607

MD1979 said...

Revealed that #2 is Lea Michele today: http://www.laineygossip.com/Lea-Michele-on-holiday-in-Cabo-June-2014/30607

MD1979 said...

Would love to hear from anyone that went to Lainey's smut soiree in Toronto. Apparently there was some talk about a celebrity on again / off again couple that trashed a hotel room in Mexico, and the woman did the most damage? Also something about Clooney giving each of his boys a suitcase with $500k cash at a dinner before he announced his engagement (which was confirmed as legit). Please share if you attended!

Andrew said...

The couple that trashed a room was Selena and Justin. There was nothing interesting about Clooney. She says the relationship is legit, and the money to his friends was for being good friends to him.

blurry vice said...

Thanks for the info on the smut soiree! I can't wait to go to one one day.

There was a big hint Lainey gave us the other day for Lea Michele and a sequel to her book, and possibly a fun book tour, as one reader pointed out.

Dana said...

Another new one from Lainey: http://www.laineygossip.com/His-drunken-proposition-Blind-Riddle/30680

Guess: Leonardo DiCaprio

blurry vice said...

THanks Dana, I just put it up! Yes could be Leo.

Cecilia Kim said...

#1 girl is Cameron Diaz. Promoted her "Body Book" around that time. She was the "young blush" of her time. "Even Gwyneth Paltrow understands this" - Cammie D. and G are known BFFs so the comparison is a clue.

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