Saturday, May 21, 2011

Blind Vice! Super-Duper Cooper Peeved About Poop Scoop!

Newest BV from Ted...

Blind Vice! Super-Duper Cooper Peeved About Poop Scoop

We've filled you in on lots of the gross-out goss that goes on behind Vice stars' closed doors, and now one of the stinkiest celebs has finally caught a whiff of his own dirty laundry.
We're sure you can guess who, too...
Super-Duper Cooper, the superstar who likes his nookie with a side of No. 2!
Half Of My HeartAnd when SDC caught wind that we were blabbing about his penchant for poo, he wasn't too pleased:
'Cause the dude's going out of his way to make sure hotel insiders don't snitch to us again!
See, Coop was set to make his return to Sin City—and his smelly sexcapades, we're sure—but didn't want to leave a tell-all trail this time.
So like any good celeb worth their A-list status, he had his people take care of it.
We're advised that Coop's assistant called up every million-dollar, high-rise hotel the star has stayed in, including the hotel our partic chatty friend works at, and had a conversation that goes a little something like this:
"Hello! Hope you've been well! How are the kids? Blah blah blah, by the way, have you heard any rumors about Super-Duper Cooper lately?"
Our mischievous source, of course says, "No, why?" And that's when Coop's pal gets sassy, saying:
"Oh, there's just an old gossip columnists who's out to get Coop. They don't understand him because Coop is irreverent."
And when our in-the-know worker said that didn't keep up with the goss, Coop's fellow booked a room on the spot.
Hm, wonder if he'll be sure to clean up after himself this time.
Listen up, Coop, as long as you keep being so careless with your feces fun, I'll be sure to blab it. We can both be irreverent in that way, huh? But thanks for reading the blolumn!
(And for the record, you've kissed women my age and sure seemed to get off on it, dude.)
And It Ain't: Alexander SkarsgÄrd, Charlie Sheen, Kevin Jonas

Please refer to the label below for a link to our discussion on the previous SDC BVs, including a full list of who has been eliminated.

Top suspect: John Mayer


blurry vice said...

Well there's the Charlie Sheen elim for those non-John Mayer beleivers!

sistah2 said...

LOL gimme a break John Mayer. you love the attention and would die if Ted stopped mentioning you

blurry vice said...

Thanks to reader Martina for bringing this to our attention. Yahoo called John Mayer "Cooper". Coincidence? LOL

Anonymous said...

I know Ted has always been kind of a sloppy writer but the editing of his column lately has been so bad. He drops words out of sentences like crazy. Like this one "And when our in-the-know worker said that didn't keep up with the goss, Coop's fellow booked a room on the spot." There's obviously a pronoun missing before the word "didn't". I'm sorry to go off about this but it has really been bugging me. These people are supposedly professional writers.

medusa said...

Not to sure about the relevance of the yahoo "Cooper" slip. The original mention on Perez Hilton's site refers to her ex Bradley Cooper, so could just be lazy editing/proofreading.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
I am curious to know if Super-Duper Cooper's famous girlfriends are into the same stinky fetish he is, or does he save that for the adoring groupies who just

want to get down and dirty with a celebrity? If he is who I think he is, I just do not get the appeal....fetish or not.

Dear Poop Patrol:
Honey, he's a typical guy: just grabs whoever's dumb enough to put up with his crap."

Caz1310 said...

I just can't take Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston or Mayer himself seriously anymore.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I literally woke up at night thinking about who the hell John Mayer's Vice partner is? I like Jennifer Aniston, so I don't want it to be her. My money is on

Jessica Simpson. Do all his exes know he's a Vice star?

Dear Vice Made for Two:
Who the hell said he needed a partner for his par-tick brand of Vice? But you're right, you crafty cutie, he does. Jen wasn't into his Vicey ways, which is

part of the reason they split. Can't say the same for mama-to-be Jess.

Dear Ted:
When you say that Jennifer Aniston wasn't into John Mayer's "Vicey ways," I have to wonder if that's why he took a dig at her in the press by calling Jessica
Simpson "sexual napalm." Do you think he was getting back at Jen for what she wouldn't do with him?

Dear The Ex Files:
You're definitely on the right track. Jen's a classy chick, and Justin Theroux seems way better suited for America's Sweetheart than John's bad-boy
tendencies, don't ya think?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
How about some of the more "vintage" BVs: What is Butter Pussy up to these days? Can you tell me anything about her beard (assuming she has one)? What has

Super-Duper Cooper been up to lately? Things have been so quiet with him! Thanks!

Dear Buttered Up Poop Scoop:
Things have quiet for the both of them, actually, which is more surprising for Coop than it is for Butter (who's always preferred to keep her biz out of the

tabloids). But if I know SDC (and I tend to think I do), he's still up to his nasty Vice ways...He's just gotten better at covering his smelly tracks."

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
I was wondering if Super-Duper Cooper and Portia Vajazzle have ever canoodled?

Dear Canoodling Vicers?:
No, the two don't run in the same Hollywood circle. Besides, though the dudes that Portia canoodles with are usually pretty big d-bags (at least in my humble

opinion), she usually gets something out of it. And I can't see Porsh gaining much from hitting the town with stinky SDC."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Can you please update us on our crap-tastic Super-Duper Cooper? You told us last that men have turned him down and that a certain hotel does not keep his

secrets safely tied in a plastic bag. But what about his career, is there anything on the horizon lately? Hope the pretty boy finds a new willing mate soon,

worthy of his Vicey ways of course. Much love to the four-legged fam!

Dear Take a Whiff:
SDC was out of commission, as it were, in both the lovemaking and Vice-making departments for a while. He had much bigger priorities to handle that took him

away from those musky hotel rooms he loves to frequent. But that's all in the past now and he's ready to hit the scene again. Wonder who his next victim

hookup will be?"

Rita said...

BTW, let the record show that I wrote this question to Ted at the same time as the new cover art for John Mayer's "Born and Raised" new album came out...
Confirming yet again with his answer that it is John.