Thursday, May 26, 2011

Blind Vice: Cheating Makes Everybody Crabby

Hi, sorry for the delay.  Monday's BV from Ted:


Blind Vice!  Cheating Makes Everybody Crabby

Ever wonder why hunky heartthrob Rick Danger-Zip split with his long-time gf Sunny Sweet-Cheeks? They seemed just perfect for each in that whole Britney and Justin sort of way, which is why it absolutely broke our hearts when they called it splits.
Well, here's the (itchy, crawly) deal:
Like so many superstars-turned-Vice stars do, Rick has it all: fame, money, and—shocker!—a good reputation. The good ol' USA couldn't get enough of his handsome puss and sometimes-charitable ways.
But Rick had something else that Sunny didn't find as appealing...
Crabs.
Yep, Rick picked up a pesky little case of crotch critters while he was out cheating on poor Sunny.
This wasn't one of those open relayshes that T-town horn dogs boast about while banging broads on the side. Sunny loved her dude and had no idea that he was hopping in and out of every bed in Hollywood.
Until his itchy groin gave him away, that is.
Shame, too, Sunny is drop-dead gorgeous and über successful in her own right. What gives with these guys not being happy with the amazing chick they have at home? Typical.
Well the formerly-tight twosome parted ways and Saint Sunny was kind enough not to tattle to the tabloids, but instead told everyone the two were totally cool and she was happy they could still be friends.
Yeah, right.
We're just tres pleased Sunny moved on to a new man who treats her right. She deserves it, after all the crap she put up with. And a kick start in her multi-talented career was an extra nice F.U. to her former beau.
But Rick found himself a new lady, too. One with big boobs and questionable talent (just how he likes 'em) and here's the kicker...he claims she's his one and only these days.
So, now the dim-witted gal is just sitting around on her tight toosh until her main man brings home another case of genital goodies. 'Cause you know Rick is still up to his cheating ways, dontcha?
You didn't think he had actually reformed did you?
And It Ain't: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, Alex Pettyfer and Diana Agron, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian

Also eliminated: Ryan Gosling, Michael Buble & Emily Blunt, Ashley Olsen, Emma Watson

Top suspects:

58 comments:

blurry vice said...

I am 4 days behind with bitch-backs so at some point tonight I will have who has been recently eliminated on here.

But for now - first thoughts were Joe Jonas and Ashley Greene. A lot of people on E under the post think Leo and Bar. Good guess since he has been spotted with Blake. We'll see.

blurry vice said...

"
Dear Ted:
Please tell me that Rick Danger-Zip is not Ryan Gosling...all the clues fit with him and Rachel McAdams, but I want to believe he's a good guy!
—SK in D.C.

Dear Deviled Crabs:
What an excellent guess for the dude who passed along his creepy-crawly STD, babe! Clues kinda do all add up. Only problem, it's not him. Think someone much

less of a movie star but in just as good of shape.

Dear Ted:
What did Sunny Sweet-Cheeks do to earn her own moniker? She seemed pretty boring to me in your Vice.
—SL

Dear Sunny Side Up:
SSC's biggest flaw is her taste in men, cause Rick wasn't the only guy that turned out to be a total loser (or gay, come to think of it). She might not be as

scandalous as her Vicey peers, but we adore her none the less!

Dear Ted:
I have guesses for Rick Danger-Zip and Sunny Sweet-Cheeks. Could it be Michael Bublé and Emily Blunt? Michael did move on to some big-boobed blonde whom no one really knows what she's famous for, and Emily seems really happy being married with John.
—M

Dear Zipped Up:
Great guess, but nope! Sunny has the sweeter voice of this formerly dynamic duo."

LMS130 said...

This might be a tough one because a lot of the obvious guesses already have BVs. I have a feeling we are looking for a guy who is from somewhere abroad, hence the "USA couldn't get enough of him" comment.

I'm thinking this could be Andrew Garfield and Shannon Woodward. They had been dating since 2008 and split recently. The reason was that they were spending too much time apart while he was filming Spiderman. Articles have been saying it was a friendly breakup, hence Ted's comment that the breakup was "totally cool". Not sure if he's moved on to a new woman though.

As for nicknames, she in a movie called "Sunny & Share Love You". And "Rick Danger Zip" sounds very superhero-y.

Michelle said...

From the BB It makes me think the guy is in Sports "Think someone much less of a movie star but in just as good of shape" and the girl is a singer and actor "multi-talented" "Sunny has the sweeter voice of this formerly dynamic duo."

Michelle said...

I would think Tony Romo and Jesica Simpson, but I don't think anyone would say Jessica's New Man treats her right . . .

Rita said...

REally thought this one was about Sandra Bullock and her ex-sleaze. Especially when it states that «Rick found himself a new lady... One with big boobs and questionable talent...»

But the thing is, Sandra is probably another blind item, and what I know of, she hasn't moved on with another nicer man... Unless Ted counts her new adopted Louis as the new man in her life.

Any thoughts on my guess?

Fifth Year said...

I think this is probably an older split (maybe a year at least ago) and I really like the sports star with a female singer angle...
@ Rita - would you say Jesse James had good looks? Also, I wouldn't really class Sandra Bullock as having a sweet singing voice.

From how I read I think he was more successful than her at the time and since the split she has risen in stardom. Any guesses on that?

Michelle said...

@Rita - Blind says GF not wife.

Michelle said...

Maybe its Tony Romo and Carrie Underwood, she was just out of AI when they met and now she is a total pop diva plus she recently was in a movie and she is now married to a hockey star.

Fifth Year said...

I like Tony Romo for this too - the only thing that didn't fit was Jessica Simpson for above reasons.
Carrie Underwood though is a great guess!
Also, I just check and Romo is marrying Candice Crawford this weekend - she fits the description as well! Interesting timing from Ted...

Jessica said...

Andy Roddick and Mandy Moore...sports star, he's with Brooklyn Decker now who was god awful in that god awful Jen Aniston/Adam Sandler movie

Fifth Year said...

@Jessica Brooklyn Deckers boobs are certainly huge! Sounds like a pretty good guess to me

Michelle said...

Yes Andy and Mandy fit too, since she has done movies also so she is "multi-talented" Hmm. On the TOny front the girl he's marrying was in the Miss America pagent and is a newcaster I think too. But yes Brokklyn is known for her boobs way more. trying to think of a question to ask Ted

Haley said...

I think it's Tony Romo and Carrie Underwood. It definitely seems to fit...and she did say they supposedly stayed friends...

Roxanne said...

I thought if there was a picture along with the blind that was the most likely person for the blind?? So Lady Gaga and her ex???

Michelle said...

@Roxanne - If there is a top suspect then they put a picture - thats just an ad.

Kirby said...

Andy Roddick and Mandy Moore.

Kate said...

Leighton Meester and Sebastian Stan

Jennifer said...

Carrie Underwood also had that song 'Before He Cheats'. I think it was released soon after she and Tony Romo broke up. Wouldn't that be considered revenge to a guy who cheated AND gave her crabs?

Dr.DuckyDuck said...

"Before He Cheats" wasn't written by Underwood so it can't be about Romo. I love the Romo/Underwood guess, though I'm not sure it's better (or worse) than Moore/Roddick. I love both of those guesses. I wish I had thought of them!

Alissa said...

Miley and Nick Jonas? Under Ted's rules it seems like even if Miley has a bv she can guest star under a new name. Seems like a younger star, Disney connection,multi-talented, Ted posted the other article about how they are still good friends the same day, and comparison to Brittney and Justin in the blind matches what Ted has said about them in the BB in the past.

Or Nick and Selena? For same reasons as above, except she also was connected to Tay Tay and Ted said in the bb "SSC's biggest flaw is her taste in men, cause Rick wasn't the only guy that turned out to be a total loser (or gay, come to think of it). She might not be as scandalous as her Vicey peers". This leads me to think that Sunny doesn't have a bv moniker as another name, and the NILEY stuff printed that day was purposely to mislead to Miley and Nick. But it was a 12 hour work day so I can be way off on both guesses!

keetz4 said...

What about Ryan Phillipe and Amanda Seyfried?

Divinities said...

I'm repeatedly thinking of Taylor Swift as sunny..and she does have bad taste in men- like repeatedly. Dont remember a solid solid relationship in the past tho.

sistah2 said...

Hey why is Lady Gaga up? If thats an ad, its new to me. I thought we were putting top suspects up in that spot? confused

Kirby said...

Rick and Sunny are both discussed rather maturely (hunk/gorgeous), so I'm guessing this isn't from the new Disney kids. And a long period of time is posited here, too.

@sistah2 - just an ad, but it is interesting, no? Didn't she and her bf Luc just break up?

@Divinities - hopefully not Taylor! Love her, and I don't want to come to the realization that she is dirty...

karatemomma said...

Demi Levato and Joe Jonas.

Caz1310 said...

I wouldn't describe GaGa as sweet cheeks - Ted said recently she's never been a BV. I'm thinking Roddick & Mandy Moore with Brooklyn as the new partner too.

Jackie said...

I like the Carrie Underwood and Tony Romo guess.
Carrie has a sweet voice, people were so sad when they broke up because they were a perfect southern match, Tony has a body as nice as an actor, Tony's new wife has large boobs, and nobody would think he was cheating on her since they just got married, Carrie may not have written 'Before He Cheats' but that doesn't mean she didn't help or have the idea for it, and she has had problems with men in her past. All the clues add up to these two!

Clancy said...

I like the Moore/Roddick guess; Mandy popped into my head straightaway when he wrote 'sweeter singing voice'. (Ugh, she's too saccharine all round). She's with Ryan Adams now and they've been together a while.

LMS, Ted's mention of 'dynamic duo' would fit with your guess.

Mikayla Marie said...

Ted tells us that Sunny has dated someone who turned out to be gay- that's a pretty big hint. So Mandy Moore has dated (other than Ryan and Andy): Zach Braff, Greg Laswell,DJ AM, Brian McFayden, Wilmer Valderrama, and, according to some sites, Shane West. Carrie has dated (aside from Tony and her hubby): Drake Clark, and Chace Crawford. I don't know much about Mandy's men but Chace swings my vote towards Carrie and Tony.

Gabby said...

I agree with everything for Tony/Carrie except for the simple fact that I wouldn't say that Carrie was not that well-known before/while they were dating and got bigger after they broke up. I'm pretty sure she was winning tons of music awards pretty soon after she won American Idol, which was a long time ago at this point. I'd actually say her celeb status has gone down, as her name is no longer the 1st name people think of in her style of country music.

pomme said...

Marron 5's singer?

Kirby said...

Do believe Carrie is neither sweet-cheeky nor uncontroversial: so many sources have said she can be bitchy.

Even though my money's still on Mandy, anybody consider Delta Goodrem?

LMS130 said...

@Kirby: I really like the Delta Goodrem guess! Definitely worth looking into, especially since she's dating Nick Jonas now and we all know how much Ted likes all things Nick/Miley. I did some research just now and it looks like her former beau, Brian McFadden has already moved on with a model named Vogue (ha!). Here's a few other clues that I found through wikipedia:

- McFadden was in a boy band and has dated a bunch of pop singers before Delta (ie. the Justin and Britney comment)
- Delta is listed as a singer-songwriter, pianist and actor, so shes multi-talented. She's also getting a nice popularity boost from this.
- In Feb, McFadden released a song that ended up getting negative publicity because it seemed to glorify date rape. He ended up donating all the proceeds to charity. Could this be the "sometimes charitable" ways? I never understood why Ted specified SOMETIMES charitable. Maybe because it only happened once?
- they are both international, hence the "USA loves him" comments.

Anyway, not sure if I think its these two but it was fun to do the research. Delta was featured in his column at least twice so far, so she's definitely on his radar.

Jamee said...

I have no idea who this is, but I'd be shocked if anybody wrote anything about Carrie Underwood without, at least stealthily, mentioning that she is a huge snotty b-tch. I mean, it's not a secret. Carrie, especiallly with the media, is no saint.

Mandy is a great guess, though. If that's the case, then the question to Ted should discuss timing. Both couples (Andy and Brooklyn/Mandy and Ryan) got married about two years ago, in spring-ish '09.

pikespeak said...

Carrie is awful, Jamee. lol

Michelle said...

would ted call Mandy Moore - Uber gorgeous?

Caz1310 said...

LMS130 I was totally on the Delta/ Jonas train when I read your blog (good sleuthing and connections) until I re-read the BV and saw the Ttown comment. Brian is a massive x 10 moron and has received an avalance of appalling media coverage calling him out on his behaviour. I'm pretty sure he's been based in Aus the whole time due to his XFactor/Aus Got Talent? commitments and wouldn't have had the op to make his way around Ttown. If he has been in the US lately I think you're on the money. Ted does love Jonas.

Caz1310 said...

PS Delta is stunning and is a "golden girl" in Aus. She can't do no wrong over here. Seeing her with a Jonas boy is a huge middle finger salute to Brian.

Clancy said...

To add to that, I can't imagine the US not being able to get enough of Brian. I can't get enough of not seeing him personall. Has he even made a blip on the radar talentwise in the States? There's nothing endearing about him otherwise to make me think he could be any type of esteemed person over there, or anywhere else for that matter.

Clancy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cyn said...

How about Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour?

Rita said...

Can't be Simon, for Terri is still best buds with him, and even hangs out with his new fiancee (wife?) who does not have large boobs.

Am very sure though that Simon has already a vice.

Michelle said...

I've sent Ted 2 emails trying to get him to answer the question around Rick's profession as it sounds to me like he's in sports - but grr he won't answer me. Also tried to ask about sunny if she was a singer/actress, again nothing....

Rita said...

Michelle: I got mine published today, suggesting new moniker for Leo and Blake: DiLively!
Oddly, I've sent it maybe 3 hours before he published afternoon Bitch Backs.
Try sending your questions again tomorrow around lunch time, who knows, Ted might be the one answering directly! good luck.

Sarah said...

I think it's notorious womanizer Leo DeCaprio with former longterm girlfriend model Bar Rafaeli, and questionably talented with bolt-on boobs Blake Lively.

BlahBlahBlah said...

i immediately thought Ryan Phillipe - Abbey Cornish - Amanda Seyfried but she doesnt have a huge rack and Ryan and Abbey dont have a saintly image considering abbey broke up the marriage

BlahBlahBlah said...

i immediately thought Ryan Phillipe - Abbey Cornish - Amanda Seyfried but she doesnt have a huge rack and Ryan and Abbey dont have a saintly image considering abbey broke up the marriage

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Are the rumors true about Justin Timberlake and Ashley Olsen hooking up? And what's the story behind the breakup between Ashley and Justin Bartha? One minute

they are shopping for a house, the next they are dunzo. Did something happen to cause them to suddenly split? Maybe an unwelcome crabby surprise? *wink wink*
—Moo & LMS

Dear Two to Tango:
Justin sure is cashing in on his post-Jessica Biel singledom, so don't take anything too seriously. Or exclusively, as it may be. More on that later, though.

As for your not-so-subtle guess, nice try, but Ash isn't Miss Sweet-Cheeks. Sunny was never a child star."

Kirby said...

@Michelle - Well, she ain't sexy, but Mandy's actually underrated in terms of beauty and overall gorgeousness. ;)

@LMS130 - I know, right? It so fits! And our premises are just the tip of the iceberg, I'm sure. :P

@Jamee - After reading the goss on Carrie, I officially regret ever voting for her in American Idol. They say even Taylor Hicks and David Archuleta are like that. Tsk tsk, disappointing.

Karen said...

justin timberlake & biel.

biel's known for his humongous bootay (sunny sweet cheeks, like butt cheeks?)

"his handsome puss" - JT was puss n boots @ shrek.

"T-town horn dogs..." - reservoir dogs?

Dr.DuckyDuck said...

JT was not Puss 'n' Boots, that was Antonio Banderas. Also JT and Jessica Biel have already been confirmed as bvs before this vice came out.

I'm also no longer on the Carrie Underwood/Tony Romo train, as I think that what has been mentioned previously (that Ted would hint at the irony of the names "Sunny" and "Sweet" if she's actually bitchy) is true.

As far as blinds go, this one is kind of tame.

Liz said...

Mandy Moore/Andy Roddick

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
For some reason I have a feeling Sunny Sweet Cheeks is from another country and not USA-born. Could she be the adorable Emma Watson?
—Lisa

Dear Wacky Wizard:
Emma may be getting into a bit more trouble nowadays than when she was a sweet tot in the first Harry Potter flick, but she's not Sunny. Sunny is older and a bit wiser—and she's not in need of dates like E.W."

Kirby said...

@blurry: after that clue - SO Mandy Moore for me. She's the only one I can picture has wisdom, albeit a bit, compared to other guesses in my mind.

KaDixonLaw said...

Late to the game on this one, but I'm on the Carrie/Tony train for the sole reason that the "good ol' USA," line might be a nod toward "America's Team," aka the Dallas Cowboys.

infairvarona said...

Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron maybe?

daz said...

i say carey and shia

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