Saturday, October 2, 2010

Blind Vice: Toothy Tile Gets Fishy Again

Sorry for the delay.  Toothy is back in yesterday's new BV from Ted...

Blind Vice: Toothy Tile Gets Fishy Again

Uh, oh. Looks like our handsome, beloved, sexually confused Blind Vice stud Toothy Tile is back to taking bad advice from his short-sighted, money-grubbing handlers. 'Cause T2's again trying to make it appear as if he's actually into bedding women. So gross.
Remember the last time T.T. tried this heterosexual nonsense, bedding women? Poor Toothy had to rely on not Viagra, but the white, powdery stuff, instead.
Hmm. Wonder if Lindsay Lohan's little helper is what Tooth is relying on this time around:
Desperate Tooth, who hasn't exactly had an easy time of it at the box-office (or on the home front, for that matter), has taken to lurking around out-of-town strips clubs, leaving these sleazy joints with chicks. Wonder what he does when the babes finally get him home? Do they tell Toothy their favorite films from his mostly impressive film repertoire, just to excite him, once they discover he's not exactly rarin' to rip their panties off?
Also, it's strange that this time around, Mr. Tile's opting to pull his ersatz straight-guy stuff outside of Hollywood. He knows perfectly well what he's been up to will eventually trickle back to T-Town. But it's almost as if Toothy's deciding as long as he's pullin' this fake babe-nailing crap outta town, it doesn't really count.
Or maybe it's that Toothy's put-upon partner (the male one) won't find out? Hey, gotta tip for ya, Tooth—it's doubtful Grey even cares anymore. He's over it.
Besides, Grey's learned from the best: he's on his own Toothy-like pretend romance that's beginning to make your past ones look like kid stuff.
And It Ain't: Justin Bieber, Jason Ritter, Alec Baldwin

See the label below for our other Toothy Tile posts.  We believe he is Jake Gyllenhaal.  And Grey Goose is Austin Nichols.


Katie said...

There's one thing about this that I'm not convinced of - who is Grey Goose? And has Grey Goose been the BF since the first blind?

How is everyone sure that Baby Tile's other Dad is not the chef friend, Chris Fischer? Or at least, that the early Toothy blinds had Jake paired with Chris, and maybe Austin came later? In the first Toothy blind, Ted describes the restaurant table as marble (and that's a hint), and in a later one refers to the table having been on a balcony. There is a photo of Jake and Chris at a marble table on a balcony from tha time frame - just google their names together to see it.

Anonymous said...

Grey Goose is supposed to be Austin Nichols. If you look at a bottle of Wild Turkey bourbon, it's made by Austin Nichols. STILL I just can't bring myself to believe that he and Jake G have a baby.

Does anyone other than Ted C promote the rumor that Jake is gay?

Katie said...

Google "Jake Gyllenhaal" and "gay" and you will see that Ted is hardly the only gossip guru on the bandwagon. It's quite widespread, and well-established. After Toothy's arrest for public sex in one of the earlier blinds, there were several reports that Jake had been arrested for the same thing.

All of Ted's clues for Jake's BF point to Austin Nichols, but until recently, it was not a forgone conclusion that GG was an actor himself. Earlier on in the Toothy saga, when Baby Tile was first introduced, GG was painted more as a fringe figure in Hollywood - little known enough that he could raise the baby at his home. Like a semi-known hollywood chef, for instance (Chris Fischer). Ted has since said that GG is not a chef by profession, essentially eliminating Chris.

blurry vice said...

Lila - no Grey Goose was said to be in the business since the beginning I believe. And has been said to be getting more work recently. Follows along with Austins carreer. Before One Tree Hill he wasnt really famous.

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm very curious about the status of some of my fave Blind Vicers and would greatly appreciate it if you would try to answer my rambling question. Here goes: Based on the following definitions of love and what you know about the relationships of our fave boy/boy couples, where would you place Toothy/Goose, JJO/DDD and ND/BBM as soul love (strong, dedicated and could last forever), crazy love (obsessive, addictive, on-again, off-again but always there) and toxic love (possessive, needy, dysfunctional chaos). Would these definitions even apply to any of them?

Dear Don't You Know That You're Toxic?
Toothy and Goose are the closest to soul mates among this group—at least, I'd like to think so, despite how much each of the guys tries to mess it up (we're looking at you and your strippers this time, Toothy). The other two are yet to stand the test of time, but I'd give Nev and Barr a better chance of lasting than Judas and the BF."

Savannah said...

I've also wondered if Grey Goose is someone other than Austin... Ted started referring to Grey Goose's beard around the time Austin Nichols started dating Sophia Bush...

I read an interesting theory on another website: It suggested that Jake was planning to come out a few years ago and that his PR team had Ted write the first few Toothy Tile blinds so that it would get the rumor mill started about Jake and it wouldn't be as shocking when he came out. But then apparently Jake's people convinced him not to come out and told Ted to lay off, so Ted made up the Grey Goose and Baby Tile stuff to make it seem silly and made up. So basically: it's possible that Jake is gay and the rest of the Blind Vice details are made up... Jake has been visiting his new beard Isabel Lucas in Canada where she is filming a movie, so I think that's why Ted posted this BV and why he says Jake has been "outta town."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm so happy to hear Anne Hathaway is not a B.V.! I love her. I'm so surprised she and Jake G. have never dated. I think she would be perfect for him.

Dear Hathenhaal:
All the chemistry between this twosome is left on the big screen. Jakey-poo definitely isn't Anne's type of guy—not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you. Not exactly Vice versa though; Anne has that edgy, good-girl vice J.G. digs in a chick."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've been a loyal reader for years, have tuned numerous friends onto your genius, and have two wonderful rescue dogs that also adore you. You've got to tell me, because I'm dying to know: What is Shafterella up to these days? You've updated us on Toothy, so how about a little news on his former beard.

Dear Given The Shaft:
I'm still totally pissed at Shafty for how she treated Toothy, so screw her and the new dude that she has. Of course she thinks she's totally in love with him, though, if that's what you're curious about."

WOW! For the first time Ted admits that Shafty was Toothy's beard. HUGE.

Read more:

Jessica said...

In Lainey's latest liveblog, she flat out says "Jake Gyllenhaal is not gay." If Toothy is JG (and I don't see how he can be anyone else) wouldn't Lainey have heard at least some of the same stories as Ted? This one confuses me...

Katie said...

@Jessica - Lainey also says James Franco isn't gay. Ha!

I think Lainey is on Jake's PR's payroll. I'm serious. She made good $ off the ads for Love and Other Drugs. She's actively promoting the Swillenhaal fauxmance as real.

And remember this. Lainey lives in Vancouver, and is an independent blogger (no separation of editorial and advertising.) Ted is a veteran gossip on salary, who is gay, and lives in West Hollywood. He's got the real scoop. Lainey gets the PR email "exclusives," including what ice cream flavors Jaylor ordered.

Follow the money.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
So are Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols still BFFs, or has that bird flown the coop? I miss seeing the pictures of their combined hotness!
—Dreaming In Dallas

Dear Me Too:
I miss their sweaty BFF shirtless runs, also! Yes, they're still very good friends, but I think somebody's publicist just said tone down the Matthew McConaughey crap, that's all."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Assuming I have correctly guessed the identity of Toothy Tile's better half, Mr. Grey Goose, would it be safe to state at this point that Grey had moved on

to safer waters and a shyer new man? Still miss though the days of ol' Toothy getting spotted hanging with Grey Goose. They were so cute together! Romantics

at heart want to know your spin on this one.

Dear Goose-B-Gone:
Hardly. Goose may be playing the beard game—and pretty well, too!—but don't be fooled. This loopy love story is far from over. And I wouldn't have it any

other way—these two are my faves!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm down in Argentina, freezing my bum (polar wave is striking the country) and I get all the comfort from your column. Did Toothy Tile and his baby daddy

work together in a movie? And does Blake Lively have a Vice of her own, or is she a secondary player in someone else's? My frozen brain thanks you for the


Dear South by Southwest:
I won't cry for you, Argentina, but I will hope things warm up for you, doll. As for your Vice questions: yes and yes. C'mon, you don't really think Blakey

would have earned herself a Blind Vice Superstars spot by just being a supporting player in somebody else's Vice, do you?"

--- FYI, Jake and Austin starred together in Day After Tomorrow (2004). Which, I am wondering if that's how they met. Awww.

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
Toothy Tile and Grey Goose...on-again or off-again? Much love!

Dear Short and Sweet:
You know these two. One day they're hot ‘n' heavy, the next they're…anything but."

Katie said...

VERY cute pictures of Toothy and Grey Goose at sushi this past week. Glad to see they are "on again" and that Jake isn't bearding anymore.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
What the heck is up with Toothy Tile and Grey Goose? Should we expect surprisingly good changes in their lives?

Dear Off The Map:
Both the fellas are lying low lately. Like really, really, really low. So I wouldn't exactly say that you'll be surprised by either of these guys anytime soon. So boring, no?"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted
I am about to make a very bold prediction: I say finally we will see Toothy Tile and his beau the Grey Goose out and about together more and very soon. Am I wrong?

Dear Dining In:
Hate to say it, Tommy, especially on this most romantic of days, but you're wrong. Toothy is as conscious as ever about keeping his relayshes on the DL, which means no PDA-on-the-sly with Grey. But unlike last V-Day it's G.G. that's all caught up in the beard biz this year.

Dear Ted:
I recently saw a picture of Matt Bomer with son Kit. I wonder is Baby Tile about the same age as Kit? Do you think we'll ever see a picture like this of Toothy and his son? Lots of love!

Dear Daddy Dearest:
Heavens no! Toothy makes damn sure of it, too.

Dear Ted:
How nice to see Jake Gyllenhaal and his BFF Austin Nichols at the Berlin Film Festival. It is rare to see such good friends in H.W. these days. I bet these two will be the best man in each other's wedding someday, whenever that may be?

Dear From Germany With Love:
Well, duh. Gylley and Austin have been besties since forever and A.N. has been there for Jake during his more burdensome breakups (like, say, from Reese Witherspoon), so he'll definitely be at J.G.'s side when he finds "The One." But open your eyes, Jers, there are tons of bromances in T-town. Hell-o, George and Brad?!

Dear Ted:
So what does Jake Gyllenhaal think of Sophia Bush and Austin Nichols breaking up?

Dear From Breakup to Bros:
Considering Jake and Austin are always eager to bromance it up, J.G.'s probably not too disappointed that Austin and Sophia have called it quits—but that's
only surface stuff. Deep down, Jake's not exactly happy—it's a tough sitch for everybody."

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted:
I see that Austin Nichols and Sophia Bush have called it quits. Does that mean Austin can start back up with one of our favorite Vicey stars?

Dear From Exes to Vicers:
Not sure exactly who you're talkin' about, but methinks we'll see the duo out and about more. Here's hoping!

Dear Ted:
My little Mo-Dog and I want to know: Has the general public ever seen Toothy Tile and Grey Goose's child? Have we been led to believe that he/she is someone

else's child? Also, does the child live with T.T. or G.G.? Thanks and big love to your little critters!

Dear Baby Blues:
No and no. And with Toothy, of course.