Sunday, October 31, 2010

Vintage BV: Petunia Pickle-Pop & Eve Envy

Happy Halloween!  Here is an extra little something for you trick-or-treaters!  A vintage BV from 5 years ago.  :)

Two Female-Trouble Blind Vices - October 20, 2005

Sex is pretty fun, right? We look forward to it. George Michael was so right when he described it as "best when it's one-on-one" (I think). But Petunia Pickle Pop seems to like it when it's one-on-one with an audience of five. It was a late, cool night in the City of Slippery Runways. P3 was positively exhausted from partying her nonexistent butt off (like that's a clue in this nourishment-starved town). Or it coulda been the booze she'd been guzzlin'. Regardless, P.P.P. managed to squish her tush into a packed limo. Her posh pals followed--hey, when don't they? You might say P. doesn't have an independent bone in her oft displayed bod. But anyway, it's what she did next that's so shocking (to me, anyway). Ms. Pickle Pop unzipped this random dude--who was just tagging along--and proceeded to slurp him up and down and up and...yeah, it was about that romantic. If I were P3, an almost mechanical sex toy of a gal, I'd market it. Like, maybe she could produce blow-up dolls bearin' her likeness. You laugh, but with this shameless lick-lass, it's hardly outta the robotic question. 

Then there's our friend Eve Envy, who's far less famous than P3 but kinda robotish in her own way. And E2 has somethin' I wouldn't wish on my fugliest foe: an extremely famous diva sister. I can't even imagine the pressure. Add to that her job--word around the office is that Eve's massively lackin' in the talent department. These could be the demons that drove E.E. to snort some blow in the middle of her super-high-profile workplace. Well, okay she wasn't exactly Kate Mossing--she hid in a stall. But when she came bustin' out with her trusty nose candy holder in hand, rubbin' her schnozz, the cover was, shall we say, blown. Good thing E2 and P3 travel in such different circles. Collectively, they could probably suck the souls outta this freakin' town. 

AIA: Lucy Liu/Kimberly Stewart, Mischa Barton/Nicky Hilton, Mary-Kate Olsen/Ashley Olsen.

Here is our link to the other Petunia Pickle-Pop BV from Nov 14 2005. 
Eliminated for PPP: Lucy Liu, Mischa Barton, Mary Kate Olsen, Rose McGowan, Tara Reid, Jessica Simpson, Kimberly Stewart, Ashlee Simpson, Hilary Duff, Drew Barrymore, Faye Dunaway, Carrie Fisher, Bijou Phillips
Top suspect for PPP: (was Paris Hilton but now we know she is Slurpa Pop-Off.)

Eliminated as Eve Envy: Kimberly Stewart, Nicky Hilton, Ashley Olsen, Ashlee Simpson, Haylie Duff
To suspect for Eve Envy: Linda Lopez


Unknown said...

completely random but I want to say eva mendes for PPP and solange knowles for EE..

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm no celebrity expert, but is Eve Envy in Two Female-Trouble Blind Vices about Ashlee Simpson?
Dear Det. Overseas:
Close, doll, but you're a little too famous for the second sis. Think infinitely more in the shadows.

Dear Ted:
The Female-Trouble Blind Vice's Petunia Pickle Pop has to be the very classy Rose McGowan from Charmed.
Dear Way Off:
Oh, girlfriend, you may be almost in the right boob-tube ballpark, but you are so far away from the par-tick brand of sass starlet. Think...grittier 'n' grander.

Dear Ted:
Love the new daily--makes going to work each morn so much more bearable. Is Petunia Pickle Pop Jessica Simpson?
Dear Boo-Blood:
If your letter wasn't so damn nice, I'd make real fun of ya, baby-poo--that guess is as wrong as some of Jess' old perms. Think far more in touch with her inner slut. (But just as cheeky!)

Dear Ted:
Please tell me Petunia Pickle Pop and Eve Envy are Tara Reid and Haylie Duff, respectively.
Lorraine E.
Dear Pickle Ajar:
No! 'Cause they're not. Breathlessly close on the first, though, sweetums. Hideously off on the second--wrong pro biz. "

hw said...

I immediately thought of Solange Knowles for Eve Envy too! Not so sure of P3 though. Gonna have to think about that one.....

Unknown said...

P3 is Kate Moss

hw said...

In the bb for p3 guessing rose mcgowan, it said "right boob-tube ballpark" which hints toward someone on tv. Which I think would elim kate moss.....

Brittany said...

What about Jenny McCartney for P3? This ones kind of tough.

Unknown said...

heres a link to shows that were on tv in 2005:

not the best link, but it shows the primetime tv schedule...

mayeb PPP is elisha cuthbert from 24, but i thought her BV was virginal vexed...

Did anyone read the other PPP bv from nov 2005? Was it just me or did they make a reference to her being a recording artist/singer also??
In that case maybe its Eve, she had a show in 2005, seems kind of too obvious though with the coinciding BV being Eve Envy though...

PrincessTiff said...

If it weren't for how far back P3 goes, I was thinking Anna-Lynne McChord. She strikes me as skanktastic, doesn't have a butt, and is not a fan of wearing a lot of clothes. And she's on TV.

Brittany said...

LMAO, spelled the name wrong on my last comment and just noticed.

Jenny "McCarthy" is my guess for P3. Does a different type of TV (hosting, rea stuff) than Rose McGowan and has definitely come off as a bit slutty in the past.

Anonymous said...

Solange for EE? Though it could be Linda Lopez, since I think Beyonce was still with DC in 2005, although, Solange was coming out a lot with them back then.

Anonymous said...

Nicky Hilton for Petunia Pickle-Pop? Kind of similar name to Slurpa Pop off - apparently her sister - so there's the "family name connection". Skinny, and kind of robotic. And if Tara Reid is supposed to be "breathlessly close", they definitely run in the same circles.

Ross Family Five said...

If I am not mistaken, Ted seems to keep siblings' last names the same, if they are the same in "real life." I believe he did with with Slurpa and Pork Me Pop-Off (Paris and Barron Hilton) and of course, with Morgan and Misha Mayhem (believed to the Lindsay Lohan and, accd to a BB by Ted the other day, Misha could be her brother, not Ali.) I still don't have a good guess for PPP, though.

Caz1310 said...

000M & RF5 good pick up! Think you may be onto something there. Sisters I'm not understanding the Monster Mash photo in connection to this blind..?

Tara said...

The only thing about Solange is that the BV says specifically "office" and "high profile workplace", which leads me to believe it is a more professional career as opposed to the same as what Beyonce does (except far inferior). Lynda has worked for several radio and television stations, including as an ET correspondent and for WCBS. That kinda points this more towards her.

J said...

PPP sounds like the trainwreck that is Tila Tequila