Sunday, October 10, 2010

Vintage BV - Chunky Charlie

Here's the weekly vintage BV for y'all.  Going back to 2005.
Again, excuse our site problems.  Our webmaster is working on getting it all back to normal ASAP.

One (Re-)Netted Blind Vice - August 17, 2005

Chunky Charlie is known for baiting Hollywood's more rarefied fishies. But for a minute there, C2 decided to settle down with a purty little mermaid. Even had a few guppies as a result. 
Waterworld (2-Disc Extended Edition)But then it all came plummeting down faster than the Titanic, I declare. C.C. couldn't keep his fins in his pants--like, at all--so, Missus Mermaid ditched his increasingly déclassé ass and took a settlement the size of the Caribbean in the process. Ouchie-wouchie! 
Charles felt the requisite chastising and pain. His friends told him this was no way to exist--floundering from one fillet to the next. Try it again, they said. Settle down! 
Like a fool, Charlie listened. Found himself a nice simple little thing. Pretty as a perch, too. 
Only problem being, the shark deep inside Charlie is at it, yet again. And now he has a new MO, so, ladies, watch out: Whereas olden times had C.C. seducing with bravura fitting a barracuda, Mr. C.'s increasing waistline now requires a more polished, yet just as effective reeling-in--aw shucks, Nemo style. It's landing Charles some real prizes, trust me. 

AND IT AIN'T: Sylvester Stallone, Eddie Murphy, Will Smith

Also eliminated: John Travolta, Michael Douglas, Jack Nicholson

Top suspect: Kevin Costner 


blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I hope you're not pulling my leg about the Awful Truth going to a daily column at the end of September? Oh, and my guess for Chunky Charlie for One (Re-) Netted Blind Vice is John Travolta.
Yolanda Culler
New York City

Dear September Night Fever:
No joke, babe. Come the final days of next month, this bitchy missive gets goin' with a real SOB-style daily grill. Can't wait. Sorta like John, above, can't wait to get his hands on that next bag o' Lays. Ain't J.T., by the by. Think more awarded, but almost as equally as love-handled."

"Dear Ted:
Is Chunky Charlie from One (Re-) Netted Blind Vice Michael Douglas?
K. Lyn Baker
Littleton, Colorado

Dear C2-Clue Hunter:
No. Not even a good guess, sweetie-hon. Think way, like, more bad taste in the den. And no hoity-toity trappings over the missus' bidet."

"Is One (Re-) Netted Blind Vice Jack Nicholson? And if not, am I at least in the right ballpark? Or basketball game!
Saida M. Latigue

Dear Sports Sleuth:
You were far closer with your first athletic arena. Nope, ain't Jack. Similar hair color, though (what's left of it on both baddie boys)."

Unknown said...

kevin costner?!

Unknown said...

to back up the KC guess...his divorce with cindy silva was one of the biggest celebrity divorce settlements:

blurry vice said...

yes that is why he was the top suspect back in 2005 too, and still is.

Meri said...

Also, Ted's comment about the whole "ballpark" guess points right to Field of Dreams.

Unknown said...

Harrison Ford?

The Spie said...

If all the nautical references have nothing to do with Waterworld, I'd be shocked. Costner all the way here.

Caz1310 said...

Golly I had forgotten how popular Costner once was. Isn't it funny how far some fall. Wasn't it rumoured that he had a dalliance with Princess Diana, or was that Bryan Adams. That reads wrong - either Costner or Adams with Di, not each other!

The Spie said...

Caz: I think it's more interesting with Costner and Adams. And if I can't get rid of that image, it's going to make listening to "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" very, VERY embarrassing.

Unknown said...

Yeah it was Diana and Bryan Adams, hence the song "Diana". LOL you guys.