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One (Re-)Netted Blind Vice - August 17, 2005
Chunky Charlie is known for baiting Hollywood's more rarefied fishies. But for a minute there, C2 decided to settle down with a purty little mermaid. Even had a few guppies as a result.
But then it all came plummeting down faster than the Titanic, I declare. C.C. couldn't keep his fins in his pants--like, at all--so, Missus Mermaid ditched his increasingly déclassé ass and took a settlement the size of the Caribbean in the process. Ouchie-wouchie!
Charles felt the requisite chastising and pain. His friends told him this was no way to exist--floundering from one fillet to the next. Try it again, they said. Settle down!
Like a fool, Charlie listened. Found himself a nice simple little thing. Pretty as a perch, too.
Only problem being, the shark deep inside Charlie is at it, yet again. And now he has a new MO, so, ladies, watch out: Whereas olden times had C.C. seducing with bravura fitting a barracuda, Mr. C.'s increasing waistline now requires a more polished, yet just as effective reeling-in--aw shucks, Nemo style. It's landing Charles some real prizes, trust me.
AND IT AIN'T: Sylvester Stallone, Eddie Murphy, Will Smith
Also eliminated: John Travolta, Michael Douglas, Jack Nicholson
Top suspect: Kevin Costner