Saturday, October 2, 2010

Awful Truth's new Toothy Tile Archive!

Wow... eonline has finally done it.  They have created a Toothy Tile archive.    All of the Toothy Tile Blind Vices listed together, with a list of the AIAs.

The Perp: Toothy Tile
Prince of Persia: The Sands of TimePrimary Vice: Closeted actor
Blind Bio: A-List actor, prevalent in the tabloids but not so much Hollywood clubs. Has been deep in the closet for quite sometime, but at one point was going to come out until his team of conniving lettuce-eaters convinced him it was a career kiss of death. Has been in a serious relationship with Grey Goose and the two have a kid together, Baby Tile. Will Toothy ever come out?

Cool!  However, our list which can be found here has a more complete list of who has been eliminated as Toothy Tile.  We have also been including everyone Ted has eliminated in bitch-back question/answers over the years.

Still, this new Toothy archive is a great resource for the Blind Vice lover such as us.  Hopefully there will be more like it to come from the awful team in the future.  Thanks Ted!

Top suspect = Jake Gyllenhaal


blurry vice said...

They left out one pansy pushing blind vice from july 7 2007. see our post on the old vintage toothys.

The Spie said...

Considering the sheer number of Toothy blinds, it's not surprising that they missed one. They also only included the AIAs from Bitch-Back and didn't include the ones from the individual BVs.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I love the Blind Vice Archive thing you've started. Great idea! Your recent list of "It Ain'ts" for Toothy Tile has me a little perplexed though. You listed numerous male celebrities that T.T. is not and right smack dab in the middle of that list you put Nikki Reed? Huh? Was this a simple slip-up or are you trying to say something about that girl?

Dear Gender Bender:
Hey, you all are the ones who guessed the poor babe."

blurry vice said...

Spie - yes it is an incomplete list. Don't know why they didn't include everyone who was eliminated. our list is better.. I think they had to create somewhat of an archive to compete with ours, LOL

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I was wondering if we could play a little game. I'm going to put some of my favorite Blinds in order form oldest to youngest (based on who I think they are) and you correct me if I'm wrong, OK? Dashed Dingle-Dream, Toothy Tile, Judas Jack-Off, Barrington Bang-Me, Nevis Divine, Twyla Babe-Sucker, Terry Tush-Trade. Am I good or am I good? Love ya!
—BV Groupie

Dear Just a Number:
Almost nailed it."

talia said...

did you see this one...?

your thoughts?

blurry vice said...

yep. and this

blurry vice said...

priscilla desert bearding again

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal? What? PS I can't believe you buzzed your hair off. It's cute.

Dear Caught a Swifty Drift:
We can't believe this fresh-off-the-press duo, either! While the two definitely got cozy in the Big Apple last weekend, we can't confirm that it is love at first sight. Jake is totally Tay's type, what with him being older and loving blondes. But for now, I guess we will just keep our eyes and ears peeled, especially since she may be writing up the romance sooner than later. And thanks for the buzz-cut buttering up. I like it, too!"

kirstenglover8 said...

toothy is SO not jake!

first, ted would never out anyone and he's so obviously pushing jake for toothy tile that it can't be him. if toothy really is as crazy in-the-closet as the vices say he is there's no way he'd let ted make such obvious hints. and anyways ted would never do that.

second, as i mentioned before, ted made a comment about toothy thinking about doing a gay sex scene but then 'quashing' the idea in the end. this comment was made AFTER brokeback mountain.

thirdly, lainey has flat out said twice now (that i've read - maybe more) that jake is straight. From her liveblog today:

Question from Johanna: Ok Lainey. You are a cynic like me. Don't you think something is fishy with this new "romance"? Just last week, Reese's camp leaks that she is getting engaged. TS's album dropped this week, and Jakey has a movie to promote. I smell a PR setup. Do you?

Answer from Lainey: a little but then again, no. I can’t decide. On her end, ok, I might buy it. On his end, I mean he has a love story movie coming out in which he will no doubt make women quiver everywhere... it makes no strategic sense at all to hook him up with anyone other than Anne Hathaway. And this isn’t exactly high level deductive reasoning. A publicity intern could figure that out. And Jake has great representation. They would know this. So it’s hard for me to wrap my head around that particular conspiracy. And before you all start in on this again – NO, he is NOT gay. Calling him gay just because you don’t like his taste in women is absurd.

blurry vice said...

Yes we know that Lainey insists that Jake is gay... she has for years. Nothing new.

FAct is that Ted has semi-revealed Toothy as Jake a few years ago. When he put a picture of Jake at the top with a caption and Jake did not appear in teh column... but Toothy did and ikt correlated with the caption iunder JAke. This is back a few years ago when Ted put 3 people at the top of his weekly column with captions underneath about their topic in the column.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted;
Can you confirm if Toothy has a new beard?

Dear Tile Phile:

- (nothing official, yes)

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Is it beyond the realm of possibility that Toothy might like boys and girls? As per your Blind Vices, he seems to fluctuate between the two a lot...

Dear Uh, Duh:
Any loyal B.V. enthusiast knows Toothy is a fan of both teams. We're just waiting for him to commit to one of his many, many relationship contracts."

"Dear Ted:
If the rumors about Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal are true, what is Jake thinking? I mean, his name already rhymes with heartbreak. It's perfect writing material for another of Taylor's whiny songs.

Dear Too Much Mush:
I cannot ditto your whiny Swifty thoughts enough! Either way, whatever happens to this twosome, we can expect to hear about it in her next emo-ish tell-all song. We're just interested to see whether she breaks his heart or the other way around. "

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

Jeaninne said...

Jake Gyllenhaal has no children. So, now what?

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

Jeaninne - Baby Tile is hidden from the media. Please read the blind vices for more info.

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
The next gay Blind Star to come out must be Toothy Tile: not only does almost anyone with internet access and a search engine know who drop-dead-gorgeous Toothy is, but also, even though I felt disappointment upon learning of his identity—not because of heterosexual lies, but being gay would tremendously diminish my chances in getting into his pants one of these days, yeah, I know, an old fart like me can dream—but the most important thing is, whenever I see a preview of his movies, whenever I watch him in interviews, or glimpse a picture of him in a goss mag, my panties still go poof! Proof that gay or straight, hot is hot. Out with it Toothy, all gay men and women should be allowed to live freely, and most importantly, we want to see you hook up with someone super hot and maybe younger: Nevis Divine anyone?

Dear Coming Out Party:
T2, the real Tooth, mind you, not one of the gajillion of guesses, doesn't plan on coming out of the closet like...ever. No matter how many panties he has poofing."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Since I almost nailed it last time, I wonder if you wouldn't indulge me again in playing guess that B.V. age? In order from oldest to youngest: Seymour Plow-Me-More, Judas Jack-Off, Toothy Tile, Dashed Dingle-Dream, Barrington Bang-Me, Nevis Divine, Twyla Babe-sucker, Terry Tush-Trade. Can I get a "bingo"?
—BV Groupie

Dear Age Is Just a Number:
Not quite. You're off on a couple."

Rita, Montreal said...

Yep, our Jakey is back deeply in his closet, that was me suggesting that Toothy comes out. Today Ted answered with a non-answer someone requesting once and for all that he declares Toothy is Not Jake. Loved his answer! Jake was not notted.

Wonder how people still think Jake is straght and not bearding... Guess the same way John Travolta is straight as well.

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...


Dear Ted:
Would you please finally "And It Ain't" Jake Gyllenhaal as Toothy Tile? I get so sick of these people running around being so certain he's T.T. Can you shut them up once and for all and sic them all on a new suspect?

Dear And It Ain't:
It doesn't really matter what you care or think because according to Jake, it ain't him.

Link "it aint him" highlighted -

Dear Ted:
Is there any truth that Toothy Tile and Grey Goose may be working on a movie project together.
—Rocky Mountain High

Dear Mountains of Wrong:
Nope. One half of the once PR love buzz is making cinematic waves, but the other...not so much! One can dream, though. How hot would that be? I wouldn't put it past, Toothy, actually.

Hey Ted:
I have never written in before but I had to ask you about the Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal "relationship." All the ice cream dates and apple picking honestly make me want to vomit. It seems just a little too convenient. Taylor has a new record and Jake has a movie coming out soon. It does remind me of Swift's old ice cream "dates" with Taylor Lautner. Anyway, what is your opinion: Is this relationship Hollywood fake, or are Jake and Taylor the real deal?

Dear Hold Your Vom:
Awful will be the first to say we were stumped, and a little sick to our tums, when we heard about Jaylor, especially after the short-lived stunt Swifty pulled with everyone's favorite werewolf. Still, doesn't Jakey not wanting to dish about his country honey on the red carpet last weekend make all this licking and picking totally seem real? I know, and I'm straight.

Dear Ted:
You have stated in the past that Toothy Tile knows who he is, reads your column and is quite flattered by his moniker. Now that got me wondering: Knowing all this, do you still personally interview him on the red carpet or for sit-downs? Are you able to keep a straight face, look him in the eye and not call him Toothy? Or are you banned from actually talking to him? We all know Hollywood is all about pretense, but come on, in his everyday life, people must refer to him as Toothy to his face, and every time, he must be thinking of paying you back, no?

Dear Too Much Tooth:
Paying me back? Darling, Tooth is most grateful for any and all publicity I afford him—of this I am certain. You must remember, this is a guy who's totally into kinky, extraordinary sex, which few of his fans know about. And when Mr. Tile gets to see the items we write up about him, he totally gets the biggest vicarious thrill imaginable."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
My question is about the star of B.V.s everywhere, Toothy Tile. Back in May, you confirmed that Toothy and Grey Goose were still an item, but have since hinted that things have cooled off considerably. Are they still seeing each other sometimes, or has there been an actual breakup?

Dear Toothalicious:
Does any couple that's in love ever really break up? Nope."

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
Wanna help a volunteer fanatic overcome the Monday blues? Really? Thanks! Rank the following according to how emotionally close (like BFFs) the following closeted stars are to their respective current beards, from besties to enemies in it for the PR: Toothy Tile, Seymour Plow-Me-More, Harland Fuss and Jackie Bouffant. Sending some hungover kisses your way!

Dear Rhetorical:
Jackie the closest, by far. Seymour a distant second, and Toothy and Harland? Don't even ask!"

Lila said...

Swiftenhaal (Gyllenswift?) is more proof to me than ever that Jake is gay. Odd match, perfect timing, mutual publicity. Lainey is wrong about that one. Jake needs this. Swifty is huge, her fanbase (youngish women / girls)is a huge potential fanbase for him, and he isn't currently signed for his next movie. They've been in the news almost every day since their apple picking date, haven't they?

Lainey is guessing on Jake's sexuality. She has no proof to go on except that she's seen him act hetero around women. And, we all know that Jake, and Toothy, could very well be bi. Her reasoning about Jake not being Toothy over the years makes no sense, either. (Ted would never be so obvious? MANY if not most of his blinds are obvious. Her own blinds are completely obvious.) I think Lainey just really wants to set herself apart on this one for her own ego. She always has.

Endora said...

Just wanted to share something i just posted on E! because I would really like your opinion on this one. This was posted after the latest BB where Ted talks about Toothy, I mean, Jake:

"Every time Ted talks about Jake G. and says "they are not eachother's type... and there's nothing wrong with that" I can't help but remember the Seinfeld Episode when every time someone said something gay-related they would add "not that there's anything wrong with that". I wonder if he does it un purpose, I remember how he said the same a couple of BB's ago."


Endora said...

Zooey Deschanel FTW

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I've been thinking about beards lately. Does any B.V. have a new one—or ditched one?

Dear Of Course:
Beards come and go, hon pie. Those actors who have to keep their playboy personas up have new gals every week!"

blurry vice said...

"Dear Ted:
I'm wondering which Blind Vice you would most like to be exposed? Is it someone who is nasty on a daily basis, someone who is tomcatting around or someone outing themselves?

Dear Interesting One:
That's a toughie. I think someone like Toothy, Nevis or Crotch-Uh-Lastic would do wonders for the LGBT community, but deciding to come out as gay or bi is a personal decision. I wouldn't want them to do it if they weren't ready. So I guess I'd want someone's vice exposed who's just a plain ol' bad person. Maybe Cruella St. Shackles?"

blurry vice said...

blurry vice said...

Dear Ted;
I'd love for you to give your insider opinion on 2010. Which breakup were you most surprised by in 2010? Which hookup was a shocker? Were any cheaters that were exposed in 2010 a surprise to you or did you have the goods on pretty much all of them? Who were you the proudest or most disappointed of in 2010? Which B.V. did your readers come the closest to solving? Love, love, love your column. It helps me escape real life for a few minutes a day.

Dear In Order U Asked:
Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal, Taylor Swift and John Mayer, David Boreanaz, James Franco and Oprah, Me-Me Dallas. You're very welcome!"

blurry vice said...