Thursday, February 14, 2008

One Wasted Waist Blind Vice

TERI HATCHER 16X20 COLOR PHOTOFrom the Awful Truth Feb 14:

First Lead-in:
Snits Stink
Oh, merde, in today's frightening appearance Blind Vice, which middle-aged hon is makin' 'em weep in H-town (it ain't me).

Second Lead-in:
Eat My Morass
Uh-oh, have Death-Mint Myrtle's hideous dieting ways gotten her into a prime-time sitch that's causing her hit show's worker bees an alarming amount of cover-up time? Certainly seems so, check it out in this week's Blind Vice, calorie counters!
 
One Wasted Waist Blind Vice

Death-Mint Myrtle is the successful star of small and big screen. But it’s her addicting show, At Home with Hate, that—even though some jealous bitches say is past its prime, à la DMM—it’s really put Deathy back on the glossier maps. Hate is still a ratings force to be reckoned with on prime time, no BS. Now, Death-Mint might be enjoying the spotlight, but she’s still got a slew of secrets up her size-zero sleeves that are slowly slipping out. This actress’ apparently hideous eating habits are getting to be such a prob, not only for her feeble frame but for her fellow coworkers on the hit show.
See, the crew is quite inconvenienced whenever DMM has a scene, since it takes an extralong time to stage the camera angles just so—so that Ms. Myrtle’s obvious dubious health isn’t so noticeable to the naive TV viewer at home. “We have to make it look like she actually has a chest, sometimes,” bitched one totally in the know Hate worker-bee, and he wasn’t talkin’ boobs, honey-pies.
Howev, Myrtle might be battling an unfortunate mastication sitch, along with some unfair double standards. Despite her skinny skeleton, our girl’s handling the aging process quite well—offscreen. But in TV land, normal lifelines don’t fly. Wrinkles and creases in Myrtle’s forehead, due to her wilting frame, are blurred out in postprod of the show, since makeup sure can’t cover every little unwanted bit. The question to ponder is why the show’s producers are even trying so hard, when DMM is always being upstaged by her cuter costars.
Oh, of course, guess they like the tension on camera. What a doofus question. Forget we asked.

AND IT AIN'T: Joely Fisher, Mariska Hargitay, Tina Fey


Oh... right away I am thinking of the Desperate Housewives ladies. Discussion in comments!


UPDATE 3/18: Ted has revealed this to be TERI HATCHER. Just as we guessed originally, but we thought it was too predictable!



34 comments:

Blind Item Exposer said...

I am thinking Desperate Housewives. Not Eva Longoria, because she is not middle-aged yet. Teri Hatcher, Felicity Huffman, Nicolette Sheridan, Marcia Cross? I think Teri or Nicolette.

sistah2 said...

yea, seems obvious its Des. Housewives - almost TOO obvious. that said, it fits - but the gal is big in TV and Movies. that leaves Teri H out, also Nicolette. Eva is too young, marcia is not in movies, so its Felicity - yea? also - what does "mastication" mean?

duffgrl said...

I'm thinking either Teri(she has been in a bunch of movies-I think she was even a Bond girl), Felicity, or even Ellen Pompeo from GA.

Anonymous said...

Felicity Huffman, "always upstaged"

duffgrl said...

Mastication+eating(eating d/o)
Saw photos of Felicity w/ her hubby from Sundance. mostly she is bundled but in one you can see her chest and it's not scary. The others were at the SAG awards (w/out FH) and didn't look too skinny either-although photos of teri from the fall are bony-skinny. Jury's still out for me.

Anonymous said...

i was thinking courtney cox - but shes not in movies either.

what about kim catrall?

duffgrl said...

Not KC (or anyone from Sex and The City).He says it's someone on a hit show that some say is past its prime. So, it's still on the air-new episodes filming etc.-unlike SATC.

Blind Item Exposer said...

All great points. Remember, Courtney Cox IS an actress from movies too. She was in Ace Ventura Pet Detective. It could be her. But I think the "at home with hate" tv title hints to me that it is a Desperate Housewives actress. Felicity Huffman or Teri Hatcher.

duffgrl said...

Looking at very recent pics(2008) of all of the DH women, I don't think it could be any of them. But I saw a picture of Joely Richardson from Nip/Tuck from October 07(at some Cartier event) and she was scary skeletal!I really think it's her. Wore a mint green dress to her mom's "Atonement" premiere and fits w/ 2 of the AIAs

Blind Item Exposer said...

Yep! JOELY RICHARDSON from Nip/Tuck. She fits! Link to article provided by duffgrl
http://celebritybodygossip.com/2007/10/19/skeletal-joely-richardson-at-the-cartier-dinner-party-in-london/
Good research!!!

Blind Item Exposer said...

Hey I was talking to my brother-in-law who watches nip/tuck (and reads our site) and he said that joely richardson's character is dying. And that in the scenes for next week she dies or something. So there you go, that is why Ted put "Death" in her name.

kellysirkus said...

I too immediately thought of Joely from N/T. Plus, "And it Ain't" includes Joely Fisher

Anonymous said...

It's Felicity Huffman. Joely Fisher was on Desperate Housewives for a short time several seasons ago, Tina Fey wrote Mean Girls starring Lindsay Lohan and then Felicity did Georgia Rule with Lilo. Mariska Hargitay had a small role on ER, William H. Macy Felicity's husband was also on ER.

jade said...

how about Medium with Patricia Arquette? She's been in the movies before and the show could be past it's prime...

blurry vice said...

NO WAY is this Patricia Arquette. I watch Medium and she is in no way thin. She is a healthy weight, and in fact has been criticized for being so, and she has stuck up for herself that she is who she is.

Good points about FeliCity Huffman - the AIA's do fit for her. Except she really doesn't look THAT thin these days. She appears to be a healthy weight. Besides the Tina Fey AIA, we believe the other AIAs and many other clues point to Joely Richardson.

blurry vice said...

I just want to say something about Ted's "and it aints". I was looking at the Felicity Huffman post above, and I think those AIA clues are a little far fetched. I don't think Ted goes THAT far with those. The Joely Richardson ones that we know of make sense and aren't too complicated. We aren't sure about Tina Fey, but Ted never said that EVERY AIA has to be a clue. He can throw out whoever he wants to. Yes - Many of them are clues, but they don't necessarily have to be. I try not to overanalyze who he puts in the AIA's. What Ted actually writes is what gives us more info.

duffgrl said...

Tonight Ted ruled out Joely R., Ellen Pompeo, Felicity Huffman, Calista F.,Anne Heche and Courtney Cox.
I'm pretty surprised-thought it was Joely. He gave some hints: she's probably brunette, not on cable tv, and older than Calista.

blurry vice said...

ARGH! We thought we had it... Joely and Felicity were our top guesses. What about Sally Field? She is in Brothers and Sisters with Calista. Is SF looking thin these days?

blurry vice said...

Hmmm... I just looked at pictures of Sally Field and she doesn't look unhealthy. Otherwise she would fit I think.

blurry vice said...

I just read what Ted said about excluding Calista "Cal’s in the clear, but you’re close. Tad older, diff hair color."
He says the Calista guess is CLOSE. I am going with Sally Field!

Anonymous said...

Sally Field is not a tad older than Calista Flockhart - she's 18 years older. I'm going with Julianne Moore!

http://perezhilton.com/category/julianne-moore/

blurry vice said...

He never clarifies how many years older. A "tad" can mean any amount, you can't eliminate someone based on what you think a "tad" is.
Also, Julianne Moore has not filmed any episodes yet. This BI is about someone who has been appearing in episodes for a while.

powerpuffitzi said...

And now I read that Julianne is not going to do DH... so much for my thinking outside the box :D

While Sally Field is a great guess, an addicting show that has passed its prime makes me think more of DH, ER, Grey's, House, even Lost, not so much B&S (I take out Criminal Minds, the CSIs, the L&Os, NCIS big ratings non-serialised stuff). And Sally Field is 61, wrinkled, gorgeous and with nothing to hide for the camera - though I might be the fooled viewer!

Lisa Adelstein from House is younger than Calista - too bad: At Home with Hate = House would have been too good!

Dana Delany - it really put Deathy back in the glossier maps?

blurry vice said...

Dana Delaney ... what show is she on now? I hadn't thought of her.

powerpuffitzi said...

She's on Desperate Housewives.

blurry vice said...

Oh, OK, thanks. Back to Desperate Houswives ladies again. I thought we decided they were too obvious though?

Anyway - Kelly Ripa was eliminated today - "They're both thin babes, but as far as we know, Kel's no meals-shy gal. Try getting inspired by a more scripted offering."

blurry vice said...

Ted also eliminated Reba McEntire - "Reb’s holdin’ tight to her womanly hips, trust. "

powerpuffitzi said...

I agree with you, DH is the too obvious show choice, but with daytime tv out and being "still a ratings force", there are simply not so many shows we could be talking about in connection with this BI.

If you look here or in other boards, while DH might be a bit too obvious, Dana Delany is the least obvious choice out of the show. People mention every other DH actress but for DD, who fits in age (she's 51 and looks fab) and a number of other references, possibly including "upstaged by her cuter co-stars", though I wouldn't really know.

Sally Field remains a strong contender in spite of my doubts. My favourite guess was Lisa Edelstein from House (literally everything fits, extreme thinness included, also the double standards reference, and she's been in Ally McBeal!) - but - she's younger than Calista Flockhart - bummer.

blurry vice said...

WOW! In Ted's elimination reply to Ellen Pompeo today, he says: "Nope, Ms. N, think far more skeletal than Grey’s Pompeo. And as we said yesterday, next week we’re revealing what exactly Death-Mint’s real identity happens to be."
So we will know who this one is SOON!

powerpuffitzi said...

The thing is, blurry, that on the yesterday of as we said yesterday, Ted said that he would be revealing it THIS week, so don't rule out just yet that Ted might be fooling with us...

People at the E! Boards are guessing Lauren Holly - me likes - regardless whether I consider NCIS addicting or not! She could fit: makes movies, TV, older than Calista F., not blonde, blah blah. And of course if we search hard we can always find an, obscure or otherwise, connection among the AIA's and her : ) But I just hope Ted reveals it...

blurry vice said...

Oh I missed that the other day. Crazy work schedule and internet was off for a day. Anyhow, I believe him, I think he just typed that out on Friday to be in Monday's column, and was confused maybe.

blurry vice said...

Revealed as Teri Hatcher. Boring and perdictable!

powerpuffitzi said...

Why oh why did he say DMM was older than CF??
I guess Legal advises him to do it once in a while?
And that's possibly the reason why no-one ever fits all the clues in a BI. In this case, it's possibly Ted's way of REALLY annoying TH ; )

blurry vice said...

I know, Teri Hatcher is actually a month younger than Calista Flockhart. We should write to him to call him out on this. I guess now we know that Ted lies sometimes.

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