Friday, February 1, 2008

One Pigskin-Poked Blind Vice

Today's Blind Vice from the Awful Truth...

First Lead-in
Grab some pom-poms and check out our campus-cruising Blind Vice to guess which mature auteur is keeping real warm inside a few freshman dorms.

Second Lead-in
R.A. Foray... Blind Vice op-quiz, hot shots: How’d you spend your college spring breaks? Baskin’ and bakin’ with your sorority sisses in sunny South Beach? Cavorting with your fellow coeds away from campus, right, brah? Well, fab filmmaker Über-Cool Unzipped likes to spend his vacay time off-set, stepping back into uninhibited university lodging. That’s one way for his barely legal lotharios to score a sweet internship!

Blind Vice

Über-Cool Unzipped is a feted filmmaker, romancer and Hollywood figure whose film finesse, more often than not, figures out how to please the critics and crowds alike—not to mention the college set. Way to score every demographic, dude! Now, don’t you know, just to keep it cute ‘n’ collegiatelike, Über likes to spend the successful movie weekends of his trademark flicks (not to mention other, less celebratory windows of horny opportunity) not by sipping a champagne flute with the Hollywood elite, but by throwing back a plethora of red plastic cups at a mostly frosh beer bash or three.

This is how our guy unwinds when off set. Although, for the tautly toned and well-bosomed record, Ü.C. always seems to surround himself with a like-minded staff. Appropriately, Mr. Ü knows his way around one California campus in particular—he’s been patrolling the hallways there for quite some time. Jeez, who needs H-town patting you on the back when you can pat the backs of two 18-year-old students in a ménage à trois? And myriad other such barely legal, delicious, salacious delights!

In fact, Unzipped’s so supersuave (and still rather semistudly) no one seems to mind his taste in ingenue gentlemen.

* And it aint: Mel Gibson, Zach Braff, Sean Penn

Guesses in comments...


blurry vice said...

First thoughts: The Farrelly brothers? Quentin Tarentino? The "pigskin poked" part makes me think of the football scene in Wedding Crashers. They guy that directed that movie is David Dobkin... but he doesn't have that many movies under his belt so I don't think it's him. I think the pom-poms are also a hint. A movie with cheerleaders?

Another idea, the director of Old School is Todd Phillips. He has made a bunch of movies that college kids would be fans of, Starsky and Hutch, Frat House and Screwed. He has also done "All the Kings Men" and a few other adult-centered movies. So he fits!

My guess - Todd Phillips.

duffgrl said...

I'm pretty sure this is Bryan Singer,the director- he directed "Superman Returns", "X-Men" and "the Usual Suspects"- also: "Valkyrie" which hasn't come out yet (starring Tom Cruise the Freak)
he is openly gay,went to USC, and is rumored to go back to hang out there and pick up young dudes.
At first I thought it was Brett Ratner til I realized the guy is gay.

sistah2 said...

I've got to think its someone more mainstream famous than what you guys guessed. it seems the guy's pretty well known from what Ted's saying.
I read all the mags, and I've never seen those guys mentioned at all. who Ted's world maybe they are big time.

duffgrl said...

Also -I think that the "Uber" prefix alludes to his present directing role-Valkyrie,set in Germany. Another rumor: Brandon Routh allegedly scored his Superman role by paying Mr. Singer some favors...

duffgrl said...

Bryan Singer's pretty famous,he's a director and producer, big,big movies. It doesn't say anywhere in the BI that this is an actor.

blurry vice said...

Today Ted has eliminated Joe Francis. "Think a lot—tons—more respectable than this schmoe."
Also Quentin Tarantino - "Tarantino’s college trysts are complete pulp fiction in this Blind Vice. But you're on the right (less fugly) track..."
Also George Clooney - "Nope. George has enough sense to stay well within his own age range. He’s also still got enough class not to stake out freshman dorms for his future flames. Our correct guy’s great looking for his age, but he's not gorgeous enough to grace the covers of all the fan mags."
And KEvin Spacey - "Kevin Spacey likes to think his love life’s an enigma to everyone...but we know for certain Über-Cool ain’t this American pose—or rose or whatever—although they have worked together on a past project." (That is a big hint!)

Anonymous said...

Today Ted says that Bryan Singer has been a BV - I'm betting that it is this one!

Anonymous said...

this could be bill murray: there've been rumours about him showing up at frat parties and hanging with young musician types since his marriage collapsed.

Unknown said...

spike jonze?